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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
October 8th, 2006, 12:16 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I think if I culd go back to the beginning & tell myself something I wish I knew starting out.....

After the first loss - I would tell myself - you may think right now you are doing okay, you may ratinalize it & try to stuff the pain & for about a week that works quite well...but eventually you will hve to face how much this hurts & don't be suprised & allow yourself to hurt.

After the second loss - I would tell myself - you won't always feel this way. There will be a day when you laugh again & a time when you even are fairly happy. I know you can't jump ahead to there yet - but it's coming - I promise - just hang in there.

And I would tell any woman - you feel a lot of things - not always even able to predict ahead of time what will trigger or how you will respond. Know that it's all normal & you are NOT alone - no matter how lonely it feels. I have thought back to a time before prenatal care & dentistry, etc - when our grat grammas had this happen & couldn't even utter the word pregnancy as it was considered improper. No suport groups, not even a book to tell you what is normal for your body or your heart & they made it through - I tried to pull from their strength. We are stronger than we ever believed - even as we lie on the floor wet in our own tears & together we can get through this. Expect this to hurt like he!!, expect that even after time, it will hurt, expect that if you don't face the hurt now, you will face it eventually - because no matter what, it's in there - waiting for a chance to be heard. Just let yourself grieve - let yourself be sad, mad, hurt, angry, etc - it really is okay.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #2  
October 8th, 2006, 07:19 PM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,740
So true, Beck, so true. I think if I could have known the crazy rollercoaster I would have gone on for the quest for babies, I would have told myself that I'm much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. There is no way that I ever would have thought I could survive losing 3 babies, let alone going through labor knowing that I would not get to take my baby home.
Before Sophie, I would have told myself that it actually wouldn't be as scary as I thought it was going to be. That there would be so much joy wrapped up in the pain, very bittersweet.

And to everyone else I would tell them to smile when they get the chance. After we lost Sophie DH and I would find times, even in the hospital while I was in labor, smiling and joking. I was tempted to feel bad about this, but I knew that it was just God giving me a break, to help me through the really rough times. Letting ourselves still laugh sometimes gave us a joy for our daughter, instead of just pain.
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  #3  
October 9th, 2006, 06:08 PM
srs srs is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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If I could go all the way back to when we were first thinking about ttc, I would tell myself that it would take a lot longer and be a lot tougher than I could ever imagine.
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  #4  
October 11th, 2006, 11:11 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I would tell myself that no matter how hard things get, to trust God with my whole heart.
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Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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  #5  
October 11th, 2006, 12:58 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
1. I would tell myself that I don't need to go through this alone and to use your support system. There's no extra points for trying to be a martyr and trying to do it alone.

2. Put my faith and trust in God and hang on for all it's worth because it's not in my control.

3. It's the worse pain you'll have ever felt but pain reminds you that you're living.

4. Forget trying to plan everything!!!

5. You'll find an inner strength that you never knew you were cabapable of having.
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  #6  
October 11th, 2006, 04:02 PM
*Firefly*'s Avatar Girlfriend and Blogger
Join Date: May 2006
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I would tell myself... You will get through this alive

You will hurt and you need to let yourself hurt

Cry. Cry as much as you want/need to.

And I would tel any other woman n my position:
Where there is love there is light and hope. Don't give up. Expect the unexpected and jsut go with it. Your not wierd or going crazy feeling like you do, your feeling perfectly normal things. And never let ANYONE tell you that you arn't a mother. You are. Even f your baby is in heaven. Oh and one last thing... Never let anyone say "well at least..." any sentences that start like that are wrong. And don't worry... you won't ever forget your angel.
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Cause I know my weakness, know my voice,
Now I believe in grace and choice,
And I know perhaps my heart is farce,
But I’ll be born without a mask
~ Babel, Mumford & Sons



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