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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
October 15th, 2006, 10:00 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: pennsylvania
Posts: 982
well she broke down and told me that she is pregnant, she found out the beginning of last week just a few days before i lost my little one. i did feel bad for her, she was crying b/c she didn't want to tell me. a very tiny part of me is a little sad about the situation and to have been pregnant together would have been the best. her baby is not my baby and i tried to tell her not to feel uncomfortable talking to me about it. i want my baby not other people's babies and i can't get upset seeing pregnant women and newborns, they are every where. i am sad about all the things that i can't experience from my loss, from looking at baby clothes to never hearing her say i love you mommy and not knowing what color hair she would have had or what her personality would have been. these are not experiences that i can have with other children, only my own. she is only around 6 weeks so i hope i am pregnant again before her baby is born. she had gotten pregnant the first month of trying and it took me almost a year and a half this last time, so it is probably unlikely but i still have my fingers crossed.
i just had to get that out for the little part of me that is sad about this. i have to be happy for her, she has always been there for me and i have to return that.




edited to add- i wanted to thank all of you for making this an easy place to come to when you just need to vent a little something. i do think it is very helpful.
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  #2  
October 15th, 2006, 11:00 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Tracy - you are a much better woman than I am. I still cannot handle a whole lot to do with other women's pg. I just can't. She did approach you in a way that appears to be very sensitive. That probably helps. I have never had that - what I have gotten is some bubbly announcement that I guess I am supposed to say "Yay" about.
There is a diffference too between wanting her to be happy & being happy for her. My cousin got pg around hte same time I did the 2nd time & then I mc'd again & she did not. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to go to her shower, etc. but I couldn't. It just wan't in me. I wrote her a letter to explain to her that it wasn't about her - or any bad feelings - it was about me needing more time to heal. I couldn't truly be happy for her. I want her to be happy - but when I was so immersed in grieving - I couldn't really be happy for anyone - especially in regards to a baby. It was beyond my scope at that point, and to some degree - it still hasn't returned. I can't even be happy for me now. I don't tell you all this to discourage you from being happy for her if that's how you truly feel - I just want you to know it is okay for it to be painful, it is okay for it to be too much & it is okay to feel okay about it today & have it be awful in a month or two - we never knwo how to predict this pain or when it hits the hardest. I am sorry that you have to deal with this. It would be much easier with some better timing. I hope you feel free to always come here & vent about everything. (((hugs)))
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If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
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  #3  
October 15th, 2006, 10:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Tracy, I had a similar situation with my last m/c. My BF and I were pg at the same time and due within a week of each other. We work together and see each other every day and at 8 weeks pg we went to Hawaii together for vacation. When we returned, I found out my baby had no h/b. I took a week off work and she didnt call me the whole time. I found out that she was so heartbroken about my loss that she didn't want to make it worse for me. It broke my heart that she felt that way, I needed her and she needed me. I think it's the same for you and your cousin, she needs you and you need her. I made myself a part of her pg and watched her baby girl develope and I was there when she was born and now she is a part of my life. She is not my child and in no way replaces the ones I lost but she loves me unconditionally and I would do anything for her. My little boy was born just 3 months after she was and the babies now play together and lay together in the same bed. I hope for the same thing for you.
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  #4  
October 16th, 2006, 12:04 AM
Kiwi*Mummie*of*4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 3,818
You are a wonderful person. When I lost my last angel baby a few weeks later my sister came to see me and told me she was pregnant. I was heartbroken yet excited. I was so happy for her that she was pregnant because they had been trying for a while and I was heartbroken because I missed my angel baby and I missed being pregnant. I knew that I would be ok because her baby wasnt my baby and that helped me alot. Take care.
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