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Anything you can or can't do because of your losses?


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
October 19th, 2006, 09:36 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
For instance, I know some of you can't go to baby showers because it hurts too much, while others can support friends or family members who are pg. Things like that.

---------------------

I struggled a bit at first with seeing babies and/or pg women, but that went away pretty quickly for me. I can handle that.

I can't stay quiet anymore when someone offers one of the lame/hurtful statements we've all grown to hate after a loss. The "it was for the best" kinds of things.

I can sympathize with others going through a loss so much better than before my losses. Before my losses, I probably said some of the crappy stuff that I now hate to hear. Now I can offer much more compassion and comfort to others in similar situations.
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  #2  
October 19th, 2006, 11:25 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: pennsylvania
Posts: 982
i think i am ok with newborns and expecting mothers, don't get me wrong, i am a little envious. i have a hard time looking at baby clothes or going to stores where i wanted to buy baby clothes once we found out the gender. i think that is because we were so close to finding out the sex and i just couldn't wait.
the one other thing that i am worried about, i haven't had to experience it yet, but i know i will soon...a mother from my kids school was in the hospital when i was. my husband ran into her. i don't know how i will react to her or her baby. tonight is my daughters first brownie meeting of the year and our daughters were in this together last year, so i don't know if i will see her.
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  #3  
October 19th, 2006, 01:02 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
Hmmm...let's see.

* I haven't been able to attend a baby shower for about 4 years now.
* I can't hold a baby or be near a baby because of the emotions that it brings up in me.
* If I'm in a room with mom's and they start in on their discussions or complaining about their kids I need to leave the room.
* I don't allow "those" comments pass by without informing (i.e. it wasn't God's timing, at least you can get pg, enjoy your couple time time, etc)
* I'm more assertive now
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  #4  
October 20th, 2006, 03:10 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
* I haven't been able to attend a baby shower since my first loss.
* I can't hold a small baby or be near small babies, it's just too hard.
* If I'm in a room with mom's and they start in on their discussions about labor delivery (as has OFTEN happened to me when I tlak of hte mc...not sure why???????)
* I don't allow "those" comments pass by without informing (i.e. it wasn't God's timing, at least you can get pg, enjoy your couple time time, etc)
* I'm more assertive now
* I can't shop for baby clothes not even now.

(I borrowed some of Nicoles post - as it was ALL stuff I related to. )
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
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Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
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  #5  
October 20th, 2006, 06:27 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
Borrow with pride!
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For the special little one in your life!
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  #6  
October 20th, 2006, 08:39 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,488
I think that I'm really lucky that most of my losses have come after the birth of my son. It also helps that he is still so young, barely 2 years old.

I can't say that baby showers are challenging, nor do I have trouble around babies.

I do, however, sometimes have issues with expecting women. Not all, mind you. Sometimes women don't realize how fortunate they are to be pregnant. It is those women, who tend to get under my skin.
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  #7  
October 23rd, 2006, 01:26 PM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,740
Everything you ladies have just said hit it right on the nail for me.
*I absolutely, positively, can not go to baby showers. I went to (and actually threw) one after my first m/c, but ever since Sophie I just can't.
*I have a really hard time being around pregnant women.
*I have a really hard time being HAPPY for other pregnant women.
*I cry when I hear of someone else who had a baby and name her Sophie.
*I am terrified of having another loss.
*I'm terrified of never being able to have children. BUT...
*I'm a thousand times more strong than I EVER would have given myself credit for.
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Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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