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  #1  
December 5th, 2008, 09:33 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: TEXAS
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I have to get this off my chest. I actually went through numbers in my phone so I could find someone to talk to about this but you ladies will understand better than anyone I know IRL.

Ok I have this friend who "tried" to have a vaginal delivery with her first. She said that her pelvis was too small and after pushing for 2 hours they told her she had to have an emergency c section. She had an epidural and she was on her back yadda yadda yadda. Ok fast forward 6 years later to now. She is pregnant again and she had opted for an elective section. Ok fine BUT this is what bothers me:

1. She said that her little 7 pound baby wouldnt fit so this one wont either. I told her to ask her OB and her OB said she is "high risk" because of her "small pelvis". FYI this OB has did no tests and was not the same OB that delivered the first. So how the heck does she know??

2. She said she doesnt really care because she would rather have a c section because she likes to have things "planned". I told her if she likes things "planned" then she shouldnt be having children.

3. She is scheduling the c section for when she is 38 weeks! WTH? I asked her why the OB was taking the baby so early and she said because her OB is pregnant and due a week after her so she wanted to make sure that she was the one who did her c section.

I think there is a point where you are doing things for yourself rather than for your baby. Ok if you want an epidural fine. But when you are scheduling to take your baby before it is ready because YOU want things planned that is just selfish IMO. She keeps calling me to update me on the "size" of the baby because they do an ultrasound EVERY single visit because she is "high risk". Since when did a "small pelvis" become high risk???!!!!

I talk to her EVERY day and it is sooo hard for me to keep my mouth shut. She knows how I feel about this stuff so why does she keep telling me about "I just want it planned". Then she always says "Ya know?". Ummmm NO I DONT KNOW!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Momma to Brynn 10/2/2002 (midwife at hospital)
Emme 5/26/2008 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
and Surprise Baby #4 due 11/13/2011
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  #2  
December 5th, 2008, 09:45 AM
snlemon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know how you feel....I think the thing that irritates me the most is not when someone does the research and comes to a serious decision about the direction they want their birth to go but when they are just flippant with the decisions and act like these things are sooo insignificant. I still get irritated when I think about my one friend who just had a baby and 1. she didn't care a whit about whether or not an epi was safe, or knowing if one was safe or not...she just wanted it. 2. she said she wasn't even going to bother to consider breastfeeding. and the third thing that irritated me was she kept limiting her calories throughout her pregnancy so she wouldn't gain weight! Grrrrrr. I feel like, did you actually want this baby or did you just want a new toy? If your husband had gotten you a new computer or something would that have sufficed?

Although, I did have a sister in law whose babies all get stuck in her pelvis becuase it actually is to small...and her babies were all 9pounders. As far as I know, though, she did manage to get the first one out but the second one really got stuck and had some problems and they were worried he would have developmental problems from it...the third baby she elected for a c section. In that situation I totally understand...but like I said, it's irritating when it seems flippant.
On the other hand I know a family member whose doctor wouldn't even let her try, they just did a c section with her first who was only 7ish pounds! I was shocked...I mean based on that logic everyone should have c sections becuase a baby's head is obviously not going to fit through my vagina!

Wheeww...okay...back to work now
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  #3  
December 5th, 2008, 09:46 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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Yeah that would be really hard not to say anything. I'm sorry Sarah! Hopefully the baby is ready at 38 weeks for her and doesn't need oxygen or anything. That's really sad that her doc would label her high risk without knowing first hand. Boo on her!
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  #4  
December 5th, 2008, 09:55 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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some people like to be things like "high risk". Ugh.
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  #5  
December 5th, 2008, 10:00 AM
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Thanks ladies. Im wondering the same thing too. Maybe she should have just got a puppy....

She even went and bought a big screen TV and a new vehicle which is fine but guess what.... Now she is calling me telling me she doesnt know where the baby is going to sleep because they cant afford a crib!!! BTW they planned and were trying for this baby. So it isnt like it was a surpirse. Then she is asking me if she can use all of the stuff that we SAVED for and bought for Emme.

I just want to say maybe if you wouldnt have blown all your money you would have money for your children. Dont go out and buy yourself a bunch of luxuries and then say you have no clothes for your children.

The whole thing just pisses me off. Ohhhhhh and now she wants me to babysit the baby after it comes because they cant afford daycare!!! Why were these things not taken into consideration before you PLANNED a baby???!!!
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Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
and Surprise Baby #4 due 11/13/2011
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  #6  
December 5th, 2008, 10:00 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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honestly- you really just can't say anything about it. Having a planned cesarean is a valid choice, just as having a natural birth is a valid choice. She probably doesn't understand yours, and you certainly don't get hers.

I definatly don't agree with her choice, but it is VERY hard for a mom who had a plan for a Vaginal birth to deal with having a cesarean. And it is even harder to try to have a VBAC. There is a lot of emotional baggage that VBAC moms have to deal with, and unfortunatly not everyone can handle that. Sometimes the easiest thing for a mom to do is to embrace her section, and want to plan another next time, b/c at least then she'll be in control.

to you for being a good friend to her, even though it is so difficult to support choices you can't understand.
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  #7  
December 5th, 2008, 10:09 AM
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Its not even that she is planning a cesearan though. Its that she is having the baby taken early. Like I said I was fine with her planning another cesearan it just the reasons she says she wants to do it and that she is allowing them to take her baby early because her OB is pregnant. The OB isnt planning on having her baby two weeks early so why is she doing it to her patients to accomodate her schedule?
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Emme 5/26/2008 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
and Surprise Baby #4 due 11/13/2011
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  #8  
December 5th, 2008, 10:20 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I didn't read your last post before I posted.... she really sounds like she needs to think things trough better!!!

anyhow- that is probably her doctors decision- not hers.... it does stink though. But 38 weeks is term, and very standard for a scheduled section...
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  #9  
December 5th, 2008, 10:27 AM
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I know. Im just glad I can come here and get it all out. It is so hard to bite my tongue and actually sound excited and sympatize with her on not having any money blah blah blah.
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Emme 5/26/2008 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
and Surprise Baby #4 due 11/13/2011
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  #10  
December 5th, 2008, 10:40 AM
oriel13's Avatar Tishauna
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6,250
Quote:
some people like to be things like "high risk". Ugh.[/b]
I totally agree. I know someone whose baby came, underweight, at 36 weeks after the mother smoked during the whole pregnancy (which she insists had nothing to do with it). And now she's TTC again and keeps telling me I have no idea how stressful it is to be considered high risk and have to have all the extra appointments that she will have because of her "pre-term labor history".

I hope your friends lightens up soon, I would not be happy listening to her updates either, especially since it sounds like she's thinking more about herself than her child. When did this kind of rationale become normal and okay?
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  #11  
December 5th, 2008, 10:43 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I know. Im just glad I can come here and get it all out. It is so hard to bite my tongue and actually sound excited and sympatize with her on not having any money blah blah blah.[/b]
Ya- sometimes people just make me wanna scream!!!
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  #12  
December 5th, 2008, 11:23 AM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sarah, I agree with Cheryl that there just isn't really anything you can say. This is her choice and although you have every reason to disagree with it (you know all of us surely do too), as Cheryl said it is her valid choice. I freak out at taking a baby at 38 weeks but in all likelyhood the baby will be fine. Is she selfish? Yes! And if she truly is I'm sure you see that in other circumstances that don't have anything to do with her children. I'm seeing certain people not for just the choices they make but if those choices really show the type of person they are at the core. Then that helps me to see if it's a friendship I need in my life.

But despite not really being able to change her perspective, you surely can always come here and vent. We love to be catty about this stuff!
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  #13  
December 5th, 2008, 01:21 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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I had a patient who talked her dr into doing a c-section because she was afraid of delivering the baby. She has ZERO medical reason to have it done. I was very upset with her. She had severe, chronic back pain, and i am sure severing all her abdominal muscles did not help her condition. ugh. People can be very short sighted. I have learned to just keep my mouth shut.
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  #14  
December 5th, 2008, 01:30 PM
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maybe she is just trying to hide her true feelings by validating what is going on. I ahve a friend who had an emergency c-section. Hers truly was emergency, as her OB didn't even do surgeries (just doesn't like to). She was in labor for quite awhile at 36 weeks. After hours of labor her pelvic bones started to fuse shut. She started to undilate and baby had to come out. She also had placenta previa and blodd pressure was going nuts. Not really pre-eclampsia as it would go up then drop dangerously low. It was odd.
Anyways she is 21 weeks pg with her second now and really did hope to have a vaginal birth with this one. She still wanted an epi, but she wanted vaginal. Her doc who is VERY pro VBAC told her no. That with the way her placenta was the last time they are afraid of rupture. She is sceduled for c-section at 38 weeks. They don't want her to have ANY contractions. So if she has even one, she is to go straight to L&D. BUT the good news (even she is happy about) they do ultrasounds at EVERY appointment as she also had extreme low fluid. That they moved her dd back some (so technically they say she was pg BEFORE she really was, it keeps the baby in there a bit longer!
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  #15  
December 5th, 2008, 02:21 PM
scatney's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so glad I found this board! Things like this totally aggravate me! In my DDC there are a few people who are doing the same thing. I keep my mouth shut to keep the peace but it totally irks me!! I'm at the end of my pregnancy and I know how hard it is to wait. If I knew baby would be OK I would love to have him today! BUT, I want my baby to have the best start possible so I continue to clean everything insight, growl at my husband and complain about my discomfort. I know if I went to an OB practice, I could get induced since this baby is predicted to be 10 pounds . Believe me it's tempting some days!

Short of telling her your opinion, there isn't much to do. I did have a friend who had a c-section in October and the baby ended up in NICU for 2 weeks because the fluid was never properly expelled from his lungs. No at home, he's on a breathing monitor to make sure he keeps breathing. All because a vaginal birth wasn't desired. UGH!!
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  #16  
December 5th, 2008, 02:41 PM
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Location: TEXAS
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Thanks ladies! I knew you would "get me". I dont want to say anything to her. That is why I came here. It just kept building up and building up and I needed to get it out without telling her how I really felt. Its not MY choice. Her kids her choice. My kids my choice. BUT I dont wanna hear about it either....
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Momma to Brynn 10/2/2002 (midwife at hospital)
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Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
and Surprise Baby #4 due 11/13/2011
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  #17  
December 5th, 2008, 08:11 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I thought about it more.. and I think maybe you should just tell her that you respect her opinion, and you support her. But that you also don't agree with her opinions, asnd you think it would be better for you friendship not to talk about them for now.

I'm a very honest person about those types of things.

but- we won't mind if you hold it in and vent here either
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Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

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  #18  
December 6th, 2008, 08:48 PM
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Quote:
I thought about it more.. and I think maybe you should just tell her that you respect her opinion, and you support her. But that you also don't agree with her opinions, asnd you think it would be better for you friendship not to talk about them for now.

I'm a very honest person about those types of things.

but- we won't mind if you hold it in and vent here either [/b]
Thats what I want to say but Im scared she will take it personally. She is a little sensitive this pregnancy. Normally she is the type of person you can say anything too but right now... not so much.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply!!
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Momma to Brynn 10/2/2002 (midwife at hospital)
Emme 5/26/2008 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
and Surprise Baby #4 due 11/13/2011
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