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  #1  
December 11th, 2008, 05:28 PM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I've already mentioned this a few times, but I'll give a little background info again. With my DD I gave birth in a BC, saw all midwives, had a perfect pregnancy, and even more perfect natural delivery. My husband is in the military and we just moved this summer. The area that we're in has no BC's around. The local hospital has a place called "The Birth Place" and it's supposed to be like a BC but it's at the hospital, but separated from L&D. This is where I will be giving birth this time. There are also very few midwives in my area, and even fewer who accept my insurance. So the practice I'm going to is about 6 dr's and one midwife. My husband will be deployed for this birth so I have also hired a doula, especially since it's not guaranteed that the midwife will even be available when I go into labor. UGH!

Ok, so I had a regular check up today w/ the midwife. I saw her for my first 3-4 visits, then saw one of the dr's the last 2 visits, and then back to the midwife today (they like you to switch it up so you become familiar w/ everyone). I felt like since I saw the midwife a lot in the beginning, that we really made a connection. I talked to her a lot about my last delivery being natural and at a BC and she was so happy to have a patient so committed to NCB. She even asked me a ton of questions about the BC I went to b/c it was a free-standing BC and she said that is somewhere she's always wanted to work at. Fast forward to today and it was like she didn't even remember me! I know they see a ton of women but honestly, I don't think she remembered me at all. She asked me things we had already discussed at length... if I wanted a NCB, if I was delivering at The Birth Place, etc. This is all basic info, how could she just forget? I felt so let down and lost in the shuffle when I left. Nothing is comparing to my 1st pregnancy and it sucks!! I know it's not a BC and a team of midwives, but still. I feel so discouraged. How am I supposed to achieve the birth I know I am capable of when I don't even feel like anything is set up in my favor? I'll be at The Birth Place... but I don't care what anyone says, it's not a true BC... it's in a hospital... my odds are I'll be stuck w/ a dr... if I get the midwife I feel like she is not the same kind of midwife that I was used to w/ DD... my husband won't be there to support me. The list goes on and on. I am still bound and determined, but also discouraged. I think I will be contacting my doula for extra support, but I also wanted to vent to you ladies.

Also at my appt, I got yelled at b/c I've already gained 25 pounds and at this rate I'll gain 50 lbs during this pregnancy. Whatever! I've said all along this pregnancy is so different than Irelyn's b/c w/ her I hadn't gained anything at this point. When I told her I gained 35 pounds w/ Irelyn, she acted like even that was too much. WTH? If I do gain 50 pounds, it's not the end of the world. I'm a very healthy person, low BP, no bad tests, etc. so why do they focus so much on a number?! It's annoying! It's not like I'm trying to gain a ton of weight, ya know?

Today was just not a good day... : (
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  #2  
December 11th, 2008, 05:46 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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2 of my friends gained 50 lbs with their pregnancies and were fine and lost it right away. At the rate i am going, i am going to gain 50lbs too i hope not, but whatever. That is why god created weight watchers
Having a doula will be your secret weapon and the best choice you could ever make. She will be your key to achieving the birth you want. I am sorry you had such a crappy appointment today. I see a lot of patients but have a very good memory and always review everyone's charts prior to their visit. It makes me sad when other healthcare providers do not do the same. I had a patient who is a gynocologist and she went to the dr twice in one week and he had no recollection of her the second appt that week and no memory of their appt 2 days before She was horrified!
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  #3  
December 11th, 2008, 05:49 PM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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LOL about Weight Watchers! Like I said, I gained 35 pounds w/ my DD. I lost almost all of that by 1 mo PP just from BF'ing. I started WW 4 months after I had her and lost another 10 pounds. I am definitely not worried about the weight.

I just feel like all I can do is compare things to the way they were w/ Irelyn and I feel like I'm already being let down. : (
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  #4  
December 11th, 2008, 06:18 PM
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I'm so sorry that you didn't have a great appointment today. I can't imagine how frustrating it is to have the lack of options that you're looking for. I know that despite everything working against you, that you can have the NCB that you so want to achieve. I don't have any personal experiences, but a friend of mine was forced to deliver in a hospital with an OB that she wasn't familiar with AND was induced with Pitocin. She had everything working against her and for a brief moment she was sure she would never get her NCB, but she quickly realized that even though all that was changing, she was still determined to have the birth she wanted and she did!

I know you can do it too. You have the support of all of us here.
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  #5  
December 11th, 2008, 07:30 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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oh wow, what a blow to have her not remember you! It's understandable that you are frustrated and discouraged. I felt so similar when I was at my original OB practice, which is why I switched. I was lucky to have that luxury.

When I had Cadie, I really concentrated on my doula 100%. Our nurse was slow and new and just a ditz. The midwife only came for the pushing. Hopefully you can form a geat relationship with your doula and that will make the world of difference for you.
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  #6  
December 11th, 2008, 08:11 PM
Eowyn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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everyones weight gain is different. I worked out every day-had a very careful diet and gained 50 lbs during my first pregnancy.
I had a perfectly healthy, low risk pregnancy and lost the weight easily afterwords. im 29 weeks now in my 2nd pregnancy and have gained 35 lbs. every womans body is different. As long as your body is healthy and your baby is healthy it shouldnt matter if you dont land in the 'text book weight range'.
a woman isnt a text book.
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  #7  
December 11th, 2008, 08:38 PM
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I only gained 34 with my DD, but I have gained atleast 40 with this one. And you know what, I don't freaking care. LOL. My dr didn;t even want me to gain 30 lbs.. Which to me is stupid. I weighed 115 pounds when I got pregnant...

ANyway I am really sorry you don't have the support you want. But atleast be grateful the chance to have the birth you wanted the first time. There are no midwives with in hours of here..
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  #8  
December 12th, 2008, 05:56 AM
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I think they get stuck in that mindset that if you gain a bunch of weight then you could have a big baby, GD, high BP, etc. Its not true at all but they can only think in one direction it seems like. Im sorry you had a bad day. I know you can get the birth you want though. You are obviously very dedicated and I think thats what matter. Hugs momma.
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  #9  
December 12th, 2008, 06:09 AM
Linz L-I's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree that it does sound like your best option for having the delivery you want is to develop a great relationship with your doula.

I'm sorry you had such a terrible appointment.
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  #10  
December 12th, 2008, 08:30 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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At least yur doula will be there for you! That will probably make all the difference. I'm so sorry your m/w was so lame, I would have been really hurt too.

Is there the posibility of you having a homebirth? It sounds like if you're open to it that may be the best thing for you.
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  #11  
December 12th, 2008, 09:15 AM
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Sorry she didn't remember you that does suck. You CAN and WILL still have the birth you want, this time your probably going to be tested more but you sound like a strong women (you HAVE to be if your married to military man! ). It will be THAT much more rewarding when you do this BECAUSE of the obstacles you over came to get it. Just focus on WHY your doing it the way you are and nothing else....let you doula deal with that...you just focus on your body and what its been created to do!
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  #12  
December 12th, 2008, 09:29 AM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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^ Angela, your words were so touching and inspiring, thank you so much!

CherylK - I know I could do a homebirth but DH isn't the most comfortable w/ it, and although he won't physically be here, I still want to respect his wishes.

Thanks for all the support, ladies. I really don't care about the weight issue, it's just stupid to me. It was more the midwife that bothered me. But you girls are right, I CAN and WILL do this!!
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  #13  
December 12th, 2008, 10:14 AM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry you're not feeling the support you deserve. Although things may seem stacked against you, really you've already done this successfully so that levels the playing field tremendously. And with the support of your doula, I have every confidence in your success again. Trust yourself, trust your body, and trust the real birth team that you have chosen. Those other practioners are just there. Maybe try to labor at home as long as possible with your doula so that lessen's the potential stress those practitioner's can cause you.

I agree with Angela, you are obviously a very strong woman. I can't imagine doing this without my husband. But I also know with a great doula and the support of all the women here on this board, I could find the strength just you are doing. Keep it up. You are doing great!
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  #14  
December 12th, 2008, 10:18 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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^ Angela, your words were so touching and inspiring, thank you so much!

CherylK - I know I could do a homebirth but DH isn't the most comfortable w/ it, and although he won't physically be here, I still want to respect his wishes.

Thanks for all the support, ladies. I really don't care about the weight issue, it's just stupid to me. It was more the midwife that bothered me. But you girls are right, I CAN and WILL do this!![/b]
That is good that you want to respect his wishes- I totally understand But maybe talk to him more about how much you miss the one on one attention of a midwife, and how you're feeling hurt over how your CNM forgot you, about the weight gain (which is SO not a problem!), and such. Maybe he'll come around. Statistically homebirth is equal to BC birth in safety.

If you do stay with the hospitasl- know that you really can still have a great birth!!
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