Log In Sign Up

Up in the air about having a doula


Forum: Natural Childbirth

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Natural Childbirth LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 12th, 2008, 06:51 AM
snlemon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 6,657
Okay I know that sounds kind of silly but it seems like birth is such an intimate thing, when I think of that role being filled I think of someone like my mom or my best friend not a random person I met. I asked my mom to come for the birth and be there...but my mom still has young children and I don't know if she'll be able to, in fact I kind of doubt she'll be able to...but I kind of cringe at the thought of having a stranger fill that role. I looked up some doulas in my area and they seem really nice and all....but I don't know...

What do you guys think? I know most everyone is pro doula on here...and I like the idea of one...but I just don't know. I do know that it will increase my chances of having a NCB and that I'll prb need all the help I can get considering I'm in for a hospital birth and most likely an on call OB (since my midwife's son is graduating the three days over my due date. lol.).

Someone help me.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
December 12th, 2008, 07:46 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: south eastern Mass
Posts: 13,088
of course it's your choice. In my case, my doula saved me from total insanity. We got to know her well, we took our childbirth ed classes with her in her home. She wasn't a stranger at all to us by the birth. And she knew exactly what to do when my back spasms were too much to handle. Our nurse was awful. I concentrated 100% on my doula. The midwife only showed up for the pushing. And it ended up being the one of the 4 I never met before.

So to me, our doula was the one caretaker that wasn't a stranger. My husband was great, but he has never been through labor before, he isn't trained in supporting someone in birth. It's a whole different thing.

just my opinion!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
December 12th, 2008, 08:25 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,159
Your doula won't be a stranger when you give birth though- you'll have opportunities before (plenty) to get to know and trust her. You'll have meet with her multiple times, and had lots of opportunity for phone and email support.

Maybe you could just talk to a few on the phone- you may decide you really do want to meet with one, and then you can meet, then you can have a few days to solidify in your mind if you want to have her attend your birth.

Also- you can make sure you have a doula who won't mind giving you privacy if you decide you want it. I would talk about it with her when you meet, and you may decide you want to have there there. You can decide later- you don't need to feel pressured. I would make sure the doula has at least 2 meeting with you (after the consult), and that you have unlim. phone and email support. You may also benefit from a doula who teached childbirth ed. Some will even do private classes, which gives you a great chance to really get to know her better.

I'm personally would not give birth without a doula- especially if I were in the hospital. It's just too hard to have the birth you want there- without the right support.
__________________
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

Reply With Quote
  #4  
December 12th, 2008, 10:54 AM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,522
I think sometimes if the person is too close to you like your mom, they might not be as objective like you would want in a doula. They would hate to see you in pain and might not continue to be encouraging for NCB. On the other hand, if you really would rather have someone close to you act as your doula/birth support, perhaps a close friend who would stick to your NCB desires and preferably has them herself.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
December 12th, 2008, 11:23 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 17,089
Send a message via Yahoo to mgm78
I am unsure about having a doula. Part of me thinks DH will not be able to be a good support at the birth, although he says he will be. I am going to wait and see how our birthing classes in the spring goes and then ask him again. At the birth center there will be a midwife and a nurse, so it will not be just me. It's definitely something on my mind.
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #6  
December 12th, 2008, 12:11 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,159
another thing to thinkabout (from those with midwives) is that she may not be there all the time for a multitude of reasons, and durring late labor and pushing she is all about the more medical side of things- checking baby, etc.

IMO as a doula at a home or BC birth I'm the most valuable in early labor, durring pregnancy and then durring pushing/after birth. And I've never felt redundant, even with a midwife and 2 birth assistants. I am always doing vastly different things then they are.
__________________
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

Reply With Quote
  #7  
December 12th, 2008, 01:00 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 17,089
Send a message via Yahoo to mgm78
Cheryl- i will talk to my midwife on the 22nd about a doula and go from there. I think I will need a post partum doula as i do not have any help here, though a girlfriend will stay with me for a few days (DH is never a good help, i can hope for him to come around when baby is born, but i am not going to hold my breath!). Are there doulas who assist at birth and then provide services post partum?
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #8  
December 12th, 2008, 01:07 PM
AshleyMarie's Avatar Proud Mommy of Two
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Bothell, Washington
Posts: 4,483
Send a message via MSN to AshleyMarie
I agree with Shauna. If you don't feel comfortable, do you have a friend and family member who has the same NCB points of view that you do? We can't afford a doula, but I am going to have my best friend there and she and I have almost exactly the same views when it comes to NCB, so I know that besides having a midwife there who knows my birth plan, that she will make sure that I get the birth that I want.
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #9  
December 12th, 2008, 01:53 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,159
Quote:
Cheryl- i will talk to my midwife on the 22nd about a doula and go from there. I think I will need a post partum doula as i do not have any help here, though a girlfriend will stay with me for a few days (DH is never a good help, i can hope for him to come around when baby is born, but i am not going to hold my breath!). Are there doulas who assist at birth and then provide services post partum?[/b]
yep- loads. I do both birth and PP doula work.

I think it's especially nice to have the same person for both, that way you have a real continuity of care, and a lot of trust built up.

Many birth doulas may also offer PP work if you request it, but may not advertise it.
__________________
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

Reply With Quote
  #10  
December 12th, 2008, 05:03 PM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 28,213
Send a message via AIM to LadyLuck
Quote:
I think sometimes if the person is too close to you like your mom, they might not be as objective like you would want in a doula. They would hate to see you in pain and might not continue to be encouraging for NCB. On the other hand, if you really would rather have someone close to you act as your doula/birth support, perhaps a close friend who would stick to your NCB desires and preferably has them herself.[/b]
I totally agree w/ this and that's why, although I want my mom to be there for support, she will not be my ONLY support (DH will be deployed when I give birth). I don't want to have to lean on my mom for EVERYTHING. And I also don't think she would be capable of that b/c in her eyes, I'm still her little girl and I know if I asked for an epi, she'd support it just so my pain would go away, kwim? Some husbands might be the same way. I think you can never go wrong w/ a doula and all the support they offer. And you can always meet a few and see who you feel the most comfortable w/, you're not obligated to hire the first one you meet.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #11  
December 12th, 2008, 06:24 PM
The Purple Butterfly's Avatar Stacey
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 10,080
I was tossed about the idea too Sarah. I think I have decided to have one. I plan to call her after the holidays. I think it's worth it esp since this is your first!
__________________
Stacey, wife to Allan & Mom to:
Anastasia (14) C/S, 8lbs 7oz, 20.5"
Noah (11) C/S, 8lbs 12oz, 19"
Oliver (5) VBA2C, 7lbs 3oz, 19.5"
Grayson (10/16/13)2VBA2C, 9lbs 12oz, 22"
born sleeping at 39w pg; Protein C def, FVL, PAI-1 , & MTHFR
Lavender Kate (5/20/14) 2.5oz, 6" Lost at 16w

EDD May 12th with identical twins!!!


Reply With Quote
  #12  
December 12th, 2008, 06:41 PM
scatney's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Great Falls, Va.
Posts: 2,583
Send a message via Yahoo to scatney
I felt the same way at my last birth. I ended up not hiring one. All I can say is that I wish I had. My MW was super busy and I just didn't have the one on one support I needed. This time we went into it knowing we would have someone. I haven't delivered yet but I can tell you that just knowing she'll be there just to help me, really puts my mind at ease.
__________________
Cole Harrison is two!!
January 16, 2009



Mom to Scott, Nathalie, Sydney, and Cole


Reply With Quote
  #13  
December 13th, 2008, 08:51 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: south eastern Mass
Posts: 13,088
yes, as soon as I met my Doula for the first time, there was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt so much more confidant too.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:20 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0