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Here he is... my little trouble maker. I think he looks like Daddy but he definitely has my nose. Breastfeeding is going great, I am so thankful for that. My recovery is going to be a bit tough. The episiotomy is just as painful as I imagined it would be. It is so hard not to look back at his birth and try to figure out what went wrong or what I could have done differently. I'm trying not to be emotional about it, but it is very hard. I want so badly to stick around the board but I kind of feel like I don't belong anymore. Maybe it's all just the hormones.
Try not to let the way the birth happen take too much from you. My last baby, #3, I ended up with an epidural. My MW was more of a "Medwife" once I went into labor. I was not allowed out of bed and after 4 hours of labor and being asked "are you ready for your epidural", "how bad is your pain?" about a billion times, I finally caved. The worst part was that it turned out I was just about to have her! She was born less than 1/2 an hour after my epi! The experience really brought me down. This time, I'm working through that birth by remembering everything I did right. There are things we changed this time, like hiring a doula, but I keep reminding myself I did the best I could under the circumstances and in the end, I have a beautiful healthy daughter.
He's precious! I'm sorry you are feeling let down. I hope that you do stick around and that you can mourn the birth you might not have gotten but rejoice in the beautiful boy that is all that matters anyway. Congratulations again!
He is absolutely perfect and you better not leave us! You did a great job and it doesn't matter that you didn't get the exact birth that you wanted. You and your baby boy are here and safe and in the end that's what matters. I know it's hard right now but we are all so proud of you. Please stick around. You BELONG here!