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So frustrated and stressed....


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
December 18th, 2008, 07:58 PM
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I don't even know where to start. DF got laid off today. We thought he was getting a promotion and we were going to be moving, but they called him into a meeting at 5pm tonight and told him that the layoff is effective Dec. 31. Well, since he's off the rest of this year after tomorrow, it's basically effective immediately. He's getting a really good severance package and we have money saved up. I have a decent job, although I don't make anything even close to what he does. I can't even imagine that he will find another job making what he does, or even half for that matter. We're stuck with a second house right now because his job moved us here in the first place.

We just decided last night that in two months or so when we move that I would just stop working, and be a SAHM once the baby comes. We knew that would be the plan, but with the move I would have been quitting much earlier. Now none of that is going to happen. Unless DF gets a job even making half of what he makes now I'm going to have to keep working once the baby comes. I really really wanted to be a SAHM and I'm so upset that this is happening. I know there are people much worse off than we are, but at the moment it just seems like everything is crashing down.

We're going to have to pay for COBRA because his severance only gives us three months of insurance. But the COBRA is insanely expensive, so I'm going to have to get my own plan at work and that's only going to cover delivering at our hospital system because we are a self-insured organization. Which means we have to pay out of pocket if I want to deliver at the birth center. How do I justify that when DF may still be out of work then, or even making a lot less money. I just feel like suddenly nothing is working out.

Ok, vent over....sorry girls, I just needed to get it all out. I'm trying to be supportive for DF, he's really upset. He's worked for them for many years and has accomplished so much. I don't want to seem selfish like it's all about me.
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  #2  
December 18th, 2008, 08:26 PM
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I'm so sorry! We went through this with my last 2 pregnancies. I swear this time when I got a BFP my first thought was that DH was going to lose his job! With both my last babies, I had to work until they were born. With the last one, I was back at work when she was four weeks old. Fortunately, DH was able to find something after that and has been successful ever since.

I just want to encourage you to take each hurdle one at a time. Try not to worry now about where you'll deliver. You can always make that choice as you get closer to your EDD. There is a lot of time between now an August. A lot can change between now and then. The timing really sucks and I know nothing I say could make you feel a whole lot better about it. Things will come together. Who know, maybe there is an even better opportunity out there! T&P's
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  #3  
December 18th, 2008, 10:37 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry!!!!! you must be in such shock.

I hope he can find a new (good) job, so everything you want will be possible.

About the BC- you have to decide how much of a priority it is to you. Not a easy choice for sure.

And many hugs, and prayers!!
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  #4  
December 19th, 2008, 04:33 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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(((Hugs)))))

Our birth center has some sort of sliding scale and a discount plan if you are a cash paying patient, so it cannot hurt to ask!!! I hope your DH can find another job. Hopefully once the New Year has come and gone things will start looking up in the economy.
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  #5  
December 19th, 2008, 05:04 AM
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Oh Jennifer, I'm so sorry! I so hope that everything works out for you and your DF. I can't imagine how stressed you must be right now. I'm sending you lots and lots of T&P. Please keep your head up. Things could always change sooner than you think. *HUGS*
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  #6  
December 19th, 2008, 06:33 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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oh wow, from promotion to laid off. What a sting. I understand why you are overwhelmed and upset. What does he do for work? Does he have a degree etc?

HUGS, you are so sweet, you deserve to be relaxed right now.
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  #7  
December 19th, 2008, 09:30 AM
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Wow, I'm so sorry this all fell on you. I can imagine how upset you are. Just try to take it one day at a time. Things will work out one way or another. You may no longer be on a path you thought you were on, but that doesn't mean this new path won't bring you just as much happiness or isn't the way you're meant to travel. Thankfully you are in early pregnancy so you have a bit of time for decisions to be made and for things to unfold for you. Good luck Hon!
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  #8  
December 19th, 2008, 12:33 PM
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I am so sorry to hear this news! It's great that you have a savings, he's getting a severance package, and you are able to work and make money - try to focus on those positive things. Like someone else mentioned, there is a lot of time b/w now and your EDD and so many things can change. And who knows, it may all be for the better, although it doesn't seem that way now! Just take it one day at a time and know that everything will work out the way its supposed to. HUGS!
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  #9  
December 19th, 2008, 01:30 PM
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I am so sorry things look bad now... but things will improve. It can't be bad for long. I hope your hubby finds a great job quikcly and everything still works out for you th way you want it to.

aslo careful of the insuarnace pays for hospital and the BC thing. If your coverage pays say 80% of your hospital stay, which is the average for what they will pay. It still might be cheaper to pay full at the BC compared to the hospital. Just look into it
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  #10  
December 19th, 2008, 02:02 PM
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I'm sorry, I hope he is able to find another job soon!
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  #11  
December 19th, 2008, 02:08 PM
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I just wanted to send you some hugs! I cant imagine how stressed you are. I hope things turn around for you real soon. Like a PP said take one hurdle at a time. Go give your DF some hugs too.






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  #12  
December 19th, 2008, 04:29 PM
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I'm so sorry. I hope everything is able to work itself out so you can enjoy your pregnancy. We have to pay out of pocket for the birth center and since I had to transfer to the hospital we now have to pay for the hospital and the doctor too. The most important thing is that my son is healthy and safe. I was so stressed out and exhausted by the time I went into labor- it didn't make for a good experience. Don't let this destroy your joy. Like my MIL always says you can't squeeze blood from a turnip. Things have a way of working out in the end- hang in there!
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  #13  
December 20th, 2008, 10:37 AM
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Thank you so much girls. It means a lot to have such awesome support from you guys. I can't even express it in words. Despite the fact that DF got laid off, he took me to a wonderful resort last night on the other side of the city. We had an amazing dinner, watched the fireworks at Disney from the balcony of our hotel room, and were able to relax and spend some much needed time together without cell phones or computers. I just graduated from school with my master's degree so it was partially a celebration of that and the pregnancy. It felt good to get our minds off things.

As far as DF finding a job, someone in another department at his company called him yesterday and asked him if he would be interested in relocating. It's much closer to both of our families, with the exception of his dad & step-mom and my mom. I know that my mom would move, and it would probably be a good move for her at her age and with as much as she has to work to make what she does here. Additionally, because it's so much cheaper up there, we could have a bigger house and there would be no question about me being able to be a SAHM and homeschool our children. As much as I love Florida, I just think that the move would put us in a much better place to raise a family. It's quite a change, and I may need to buy a lot of new clothes, but it may work out in the end.

If that doesn't work out and DF doesn't find a job I think I'm going to go the route of a hospital delivery. My insurance pays 100% as long as I deliver at one of the hospitals in my health system. A few girls at work have had children recently and had very positive experiences. My BFF had a NCB recently (not here) and had to be induced, was restricted to bed, etc. and she still did it. She said not to let the possibility of delivering at the hospital ruin my plan and that she would come out and support me through it.

DF's dad, stepmom and grandma have also offered to pay for our wedding. We're getting married in October and we knew it wasn't going to be cheap at all, and with the news of him getting laid off, there was no way we could afford to pay for it ourselves. When they found out they offered to pay, and we are so grateful to them for that.

Okay, enough rambling. Thank you girls so much. I love having such a great support system just a click away.
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  #14  
December 20th, 2008, 08:36 PM
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That is good news! I hope the relocation works out. It sounds like you have a lot of loving people in your life. I'm sure you guys will be fine!
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  #15  
December 21st, 2008, 03:11 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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it does sound like a move is a good idea.... is it too up north? I hope everything works out!
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  #16  
December 21st, 2008, 05:48 PM
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It seems like a great idea, I've been looking at houses and it seems like we can get so much more for our money. And it's North Carolina so it's not like I'll have to deal with tons of snow and freezing temperatures. I also think we'll enjoy Florida more when we come here on vacations. We've lived in Florida for awhile, and we totally take everything for granted.
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  #17  
December 21st, 2008, 06:26 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think I'ld cry if I had to move! (but I was born in florida nad have only ever lived here). But north carolina is beautiful and not too cold- pluss you still have beaches not too far.
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  #18  
December 22nd, 2008, 02:41 PM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm a Florida native too, but things have changed so much where I live that I can't wait to move. *shrug* lol..

What an awful time of year for that to happen! And while you are pregnant, too! But it sounds like he has a pretty good opportunity, and things have a way of working out. I wish you guys the best!
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