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So, this is what I've been thinking about lately since I'm now 36 weeks and this baby will be coming soon. I'm worried about giving in to drugs when I hit "walls". As long as I'm home and relaxing with my DH and doula, it'll obviously be fine b/c an epidural and drugs aren't available. But what about those moments (in the hospital) when I feel like I'm simply done, and I say "I can't do this anymore". My DH and doula know that I want them to talk me down, but what if even that doesn't work? I guess I'm looking for what real life things you did or said to yourself when you truly felt like you couldn't handle the discomfort any longer.
There are two specific times I'm worried about. The first is getting to the hospital and potentially being told I'm only like 2cm, when I've been at home with pressure waves for what I think is a really long time. The second is transformation.
The first worries me the most, b/c with that I know there is still a long way to go. With hitting that wall at transformation, at least I know I'll be pushing soon. I'm using hypnobabies, so if anyone has advice related to that, it's more than welcome.
I only wanted drugs during transition. That time goes by so fast though. So if they can just keep you at bay and remind you of what you really want during that short time you can make it no problem. I competely lost it when I hit transition but I knew in my head that I didnt want drugs so even though I was screaming for them I think I would have kicked someone in the face if they had tried to give them to me. If you really have your mind set and a good support team there ignoring your pleas for drugs then you will do just fine! Heck I was yelling all kinds of things. You kind of just yell the only thing you can think of so it doesnt necessarily mean you want it.
I hope that makes sense....
Just wanted to add that using the code word really helped because then I could yell give me drugs all I wanted and nobody was going to give them to me until I yelled the code word. The midwife said it was a good idea because women yell 3 things and one of them is give me drugs. So she said that they would know for real if I really wanted them.
BTW she said the other two were "Im dying" (which I yelled too ) and "just give me a c section" (I didnt yell that one though).
Momma to Brynn 10/2/2002 (midwife at hospital)
Emme 5/26/2008 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
I actually never felt like I hit a wall mentally, but I got to the birth center when I was almost 6 cm, so I'm sure that I would've been very discouraged if I was less than that. I did keep reminding myself that in less than 24 hours I wouldn't be pregnant any more, in less than 24 hours I'd be home w/ my baby. 24 hours is a long time but made my time laboring feel short in the big scheme of things so I knew I could get through it, kwim? It also seems a little extreme and silly, but I reminded myself when the pain was really bad that as bad as it got, it wouldn't literally kill me... and if I wasn't going to die then I could get through it.
I did hit a wall physically after I was in the tub for a couple of hours. My pushes just weren't effective any more. I got out and went to the bed and delivered my daughter 30 mins later. So if things don't seem to progress, don't blame yourself, just change position/scenery.
I also never wanted drugs until transition. You'll work hard in labor but I think you'll be surprised at how much you can handle. My experience is that labor will take you right to that edge. Having a support team that really understands what you want is key. I love the idea of a code word. With #2, I got to the hospital and leaned over and told my husband that I was going to need drugs. He was telling me no (we did Bradley classes) so I litereally exited the car walked upstairs as fast as I could, went to the nurses station and said "I'm in labor and I need drugs". My midwife peaked around the corner brought me into a room and checked my cervix. I was 9cm!! That's transition. We played the game of me continuing to ask for drugs and her telling me that I could have them after my next contraction. I knew she didn't mean it but it worked. 20 minutes later, Nathalie was in my arms drug free! Truthfully, during transition I find that I'm in a totally different world. Aware of what's going on but so internally focused. It's one of the craziest experiences. But I believe it is that, something that should be experienced.
This time, I've told my birth assistant I don't want drugs (really no choice b/c the birth center doesn't have them) but that rather than tell me no, I prefer her to say "in a minute". I don't like to be told no and I know it would just piss me off during labor. The other thing I know is that changing positions frequently helps a lot. Relaxation is key. Know yourself and what works to relax you is so important. It has to come naturally. You'll be fine! I think wondering about what's coming is far more scary than going through it. It's such an incredible experience and nothing I've ever done in life is more worth it than birth!
My plan for a code word is this: We are taping a sign up in the room that says "My body knows this". (It's my motto.) I have to walk to the sign, and write below it with pen, "Give me drugs/epidural". That's our code word for when my DH knows I'm serious.
I was so happy and relaxed at home that I knew I was progressing. I was 8cm when I left our apartment. As soon as I got to the hospital I hit that wall. I was very uncomfortable, felt like everyone else was telling me what to do, when to walk, when to sit, when to get on the ball, when to get in the bath. I don't deal well with that. This time I'm staying home.
That "I can't do this" transition is SO short lived that your DH and doula will absolutely be able to calm you threw it.
crying or laughing have been so effective in my experiences.... they both seem to make labor really speed up, helping you get past those horrible bits where you're ready to cave in, or helping oyur baby come so soon (if transition) that you don't even have time!
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!
I flew through everything- except the pushing. I did have about 45 minutes where I was sure I couldn't do it, and said so about a thousand times. I figured I had a long time to go- I was actually transitioning. I never said outloud that I wanted drugs, but I was going through a whole lot of dialogue with myself in my head. But I also kept saying to myself all sorts of things, like I would never forgive myself if I got them. it worked for me.
and by the pushing stage, it was too late, so I never gave it another thought, even though it was really long and hard. I sobbed like a baby loudly between contractions, no actual tears, but a lot of dramatics. It was just what I needed to do at the time.
I like the idea of writing it down...a lot! Good thinking.
You may not even think of drugs. I was in horrible pain for 2 hours because my cervix was closing (I was getting nervous and making my body backtrack) and not once did drugs even enter my mind - it just never occurred to me.