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ugh....such a waste of breath...


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
January 12th, 2009, 04:59 AM
sillyp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I went to visit my friend who is about 6 weeks behind me with her pregnancy yesterday. We had Christmas gifts to exchange still and I was just going to get out of the house alone and hang out with her at her house for a little while.
So we were talking about normal pregnant stuff and laughing about things and this is her first so she always has lots of questions. She has a split uterus so her chances of C-section and premature delivery are rather high, but she always asks about how my deliveries with my first 2 children were and my plans for this one. So she was asking again how things went the first 2 times and then we were talking about me planning a water birth for this delivery and she started asking me all these questions and I found myself kinda annoyed. I guess it wasn't really the questions that bothered me but the way she worded and asked them....

"Well, you're not going to let Tracy (DH) in the tub with you, are you?"
I said I wasn't sure yet and DH says he will do whatever I want him to whether it be to be right in there with me or stay out, etc.

"I mean, I know people do it all the time, but aren't you affraid that the baby could drown?"
I kind of laughed at this one and explained everything to her because she obviously doesn't know much about it.

"Well don't you worry that you're going to pee or poop in the water while the baby is coming out and then you'll be sitting in it and the baby will too?"
OMG! At this point I'm so irritated I'm wondering how to answer so, again, I laugh and tell her no.

I wanted to start spitting back questions about her not worrying about having a c-section, a premature baby, risks and everything else involved and why didn't she look into seeing an OB who specializes or has more experience treating someone with her condition rather than just staying with the one she's seen since she was a teenager and taking everything they told her as if it was set in stone!

I don't know if it's my hormones or my tolerance is just getting to be less and less as this pregnancy goes on and I have to listen to more ignorant comments about my birth plans! I would never be one to sit around and tell someone who plans to have an epidural or any other pain medications during labor anything negative; I have simply shared my experience of my first son with those interventions to give them my perspective but I don't push the facts that I know or my experience of NCB with my 2nd born.
I just find myself so annoyed and I don't like feeling that way towards a friend especially. Then again, this is the same friend I was having to explain simple diet and nutrition facts to in the beginning of her pregnancy because she was all concerned about a glass of milk and a can of sprite having the same amount of calories and how she hates milk so that wasn't fair. UGH! What is really better - common sense ????

SOrry, vent over, I'm just so sick of people looking down on my decisions when I KNOW I'm doing something better for myself and my baby!
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  #2  
January 12th, 2009, 05:10 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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(((hugs)))

It can be so difficult.

I don't understand why women don't do more to figure things out, especially if they are asking a ton of questions like that. I mean wouldn't you want to see the specialist, even jsut for one visit?

I have a septum in my uterus, which is why my babies tend to stay breech, and I was able to have NCB. I totally would NEVER schedule a c-section without a trial of labor unless there was a true emergency, and then of course that wouldn't be scheduled.
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  #3  
January 12th, 2009, 05:13 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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Ugh, sorry you had to deal with that frustration! Mostly, friends and acquaintances of mine who have discussed this with me, are usually rude, usually they LAUGH! And then say "good luck with that"

Then I tell them i am in a birth center and there is no chance in hell of an epidural and then they act horrified.
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  #4  
January 12th, 2009, 05:16 AM
sillyp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Ugh, sorry you had to deal with that frustration! Mostly, friends and acquaintances of mine who have discussed this with me, are usually rude, usually they LAUGH! And then say "good luck with that"

Then I tell them i am in a birth center and there is no chance in hell of an epidural and then they act horrified. [/b]

Oh yeah, she's said several times that I'm absolutely crazy for willing going through it with no pain relief whatsoever. A few people have said that over the last few months actually. I tell people that my NCB with my daughter really was SOOOOOOO much easier on me than the induction/intervention filled labor and delivery with my son. Of course they look at you like a nut.
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  #5  
January 12th, 2009, 05:44 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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That's ok, cause we look at them like they are nutz
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  #6  
January 12th, 2009, 05:59 AM
niknok's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm fortunate that noone has really questioned my birth yet, but rather just been proud and/or impressed. It's going to be really hard the first time I have to deal with someone like your friend. I think we are all often stuck between defending our choices, and educating the ignorant. I don't want to get all pissy, in hopes of helping just one other woman "see the light".
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  #7  
January 12th, 2009, 07:04 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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It is so hard not to snap at people like that, even when they are your friends. I'm sorry you have to deal with that but I assure you, it's not just your hormones.
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  #8  
January 12th, 2009, 10:27 AM
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That can be frustrating. It's hard to use those opportunities to educate without getting annoyed. But at least she was asking questions, even if she did word them in an irritating way. It's weird that people still don't beleive you when you've already had 2 birth experiences. Oh well!
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  #9  
January 12th, 2009, 10:30 AM
shannaj's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Its funny you're posting this, because I was just going to start a venting thread about the same topic. I hear your frustrations. I am also getting so tired of explaining to people that I am not crazy, and that a drug free birth really is better for me and my baby. Because I have a midwife, I am forced to give birth at a hospital that is 45 minutes away from my house. So whenever someone asks me where I am delivering, my answer to them always follows with them asking me why I would deliver so far from home. Then when I get into the fact that I have a midwife and not an OB, its like they instantly see me as being insane. Or the mothers that have had children before just laugh at me and say "good luck with that", or "you have no idea what you're doing". It drives me insane. I bet I have done way more research than they ever have, and am preparing myself for birth more than they ever have. Its just so frustrating.

I feel your pain! I'm sorry your friend isn't being a little more open minded. I guess thats why I love coming on this board so much...FINALLY PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND!!! HUGS
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  #10  
January 12th, 2009, 11:45 AM
sillyp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Its funny you're posting this, because I was just going to start a venting thread about the same topic. I hear your frustrations. I am also getting so tired of explaining to people that I am not crazy, and that a drug free birth really is better for me and my baby. Because I have a midwife, I am forced to give birth at a hospital that is 45 minutes away from my house. So whenever someone asks me where I am delivering, my answer to them always follows with them asking me why I would deliver so far from home. Then when I get into the fact that I have a midwife and not an OB, its like they instantly see me as being insane. Or the mothers that have had children before just laugh at me and say "good luck with that", or "you have no idea what you're doing". It drives me insane. I bet I have done way more research than they ever have, and am preparing myself for birth more than they ever have. Its just so frustrating.

I feel your pain! I'm sorry your friend isn't being a little more open minded. I guess thats why I love coming on this board so much...FINALLY PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND!!! HUGS[/b]

Oh yeah, there is a lady at my daughter's Pre-School that is pregnant who was talking to me the other day and she was shocked when I told her I use a midwife. She said "You don't even see a doctor?" I explained that I have never had any complications and no need to see a specialist, etc. She still just acted so weird that I wasn't using a doctor. Oh well!

And yeah, like Shauna said earlier, I do feel it to be so weird that people still give me so much grief when this is my 3rd child!
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  #11  
January 12th, 2009, 09:56 PM
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Around here, people either do home birth or full intervention hospital birth. I have friends now who are in the hospital crowd that just don't get why I'm still waiting and still planning on no meds. Then I have the home birth friends that get it, but are getting on my nerves with the comment "babies come when they are ready".

I admire you for being patient enough to just laugh and try to educate her!! It can be so hard! Childbirth is such a personal thing. I feel really strongly about NCB and get so irritated by the people who don't care about what happens to them or their babies during birth. But what the heck is their problem letting us have our own birth experience?! If I don't have meds, it gives the anesthesiologist more time to go do their epis!!
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  #12  
January 12th, 2009, 11:50 PM
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  #13  
January 13th, 2009, 07:19 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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how funny that in general people are more afraid of peeing/pooping in water they are sitting in than MAJOR surgery. I mean that's just hysterical!

I peed like 4 million times when I was pushing. It's going to happen, who cares. And as for pooping, if that happens your midwife will have you buy a fish net and she will scoop it away. You don't sit and stew in it!

anyway, does being named Patience make you any more patient?
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  #14  
January 13th, 2009, 09:21 AM
sillyp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
anyway, does being named Patience make you any more patient?[/b]

NO!
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  #15  
January 13th, 2009, 09:46 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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^^what I said above didn't make much sense. What I mean is your midwife will have you buy a little fishnet, and if it happens she will use it to scoop the poop right away.

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  #16  
January 14th, 2009, 12:40 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
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I don't blame you for getting annoyed! I don't understand how people can ask such dumb questions...what ever happened to common sense, and why are WE the weird ones?!
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  #17  
January 14th, 2009, 05:09 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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ugh, what I said still didn't make sense cause I was thinking you were home birthing. They won't make you buy your own net at a birthing center!
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