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No support from hubby


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
March 9th, 2009, 04:00 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Hi! I'm new to the forums. I am 29 weeks and have decided to go with NCB. My problem is that hubby does not support me at all and on top of that he is a Drill Sergeant in the Army and will not be able to attend the NCB classes with me.

When I told him that I wanted a NCB he looked at me like I was crazy and said to go with and epidural. He is completely non supportive and truly thinks that I am not going to be able to handle the pain.

We have been married for 8 years and never in that time frame has he not supported me in something I have wanted to do, so I'm not sure how to react. Any advice would be appreciated.
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  #2  
March 9th, 2009, 04:09 PM
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oh I am so sorry he is not being supportive. Have you aske dhim why he is acting that way? I would do it just to prove to him you can!
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  #3  
March 9th, 2009, 04:30 PM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Welcome! Sorry to hear your DH is not being supportive. I agree that you should talk to him about how serious this is to you and how much you need him backing. Other than that, I highly suggest you hire a doula. Especially with lack of support from your DH, you need someone there to coach and encourage you. And read as much as you can get your hands on. Reading other natural births will bolster your own confidence. And definitely stick around here. The ladies here are amazing and inspiring!
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  #4  
March 9th, 2009, 04:52 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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Wow. In the end, it is not his choice. You need to educate him! go rent "The Business of Being Born" and get the book "Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth" to educate him and you on the risks of epidurals and interventions. You have time to work on him. Also, looking into a doula to have for support can be invaluable.
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  #5  
March 9th, 2009, 04:52 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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Wow. In the end, it is not his choice. You need to educate him! go rent "The Business of Being Born" and get the book "Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth" to educate him and you on the risks of epidurals and interventions. You have time to work on him. Also, looking into a doula to have for support can be invaluable.
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  #6  
March 9th, 2009, 06:24 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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hi, welcome to our board! I'm, Cheryl co-host here. I agree with the PP, rent the movie and have him watch it with you, and read that book. The more educated you are, the better chance you have of helping him see.

Getting a doula is a great idea, mine was a godsend!
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  #7  
March 9th, 2009, 11:21 PM
*PurpleMidnight*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sorry he's not supportive. As the other ladies have said, try rent some videos and read some books to help educate him.
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  #8  
March 10th, 2009, 05:00 AM
Mom4Life_11's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awww! I am really sorry you have to deal with that. I'm also new here! We didn't plan one way or the other if we would have an epi or not. My son just came wayyy to fast so I had no choice. LOL Good luck with whatever you and DH choose.
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  #9  
March 10th, 2009, 07:03 AM
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Don't pay any attention to him :] he is a man afterall..and they are wusses!!!! My husband had the attitude of "Do what you want, but if I were you I'd go with the epidural" and also I faint really easily when I am overheated...so he told me I should do the epidural because of that. That frustrated me to no end!!!!!! I faint because I don't drink enough fluids....I gave birth in a hospital so I had fluids thru an IV...

So just let him talk, you just stay strong minded. All you need to get through a NCB is a strong mind anyway. Stick to your guns and you will have a NCB!
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  #10  
March 10th, 2009, 09:23 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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Welcome to the forum! I'm Cindy, mommy to Bryson, expecting our second in late May (I think we may be due around the same time!) and the other co-host here. I completely agree about having your hubby watch "The Business of Being Born" with you. Also, definitely read as much as you can. I recommend "Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin as well. Oh, and I agree about hiring a doula as well.

I hope you stick around. We are here to support you and I hope to get to know you better!
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  #11  
March 10th, 2009, 09:31 AM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Aww. That's too bad he's not supporting NCB right now. My SO laughed in my face the first time I told him I wanted to have a natural birth. He was like "Well why would you put yourself through all that pain if you don't have to?" After I started researching more, I kept telling him more facts about it, and now he's totally on board with it.

I got "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth," and it was a big help. SO actually ended up really enjoying that book, too, (he reads it everyday... but I totally wasn't expecting that to happen haha). I hope your hubby gets on board, but if he doesn't, a doula is a good way to go, so you know you have someone backing all of your decisions. I hope you stick around!
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  #12  
March 10th, 2009, 09:39 AM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
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I'm sorry he's being that way. Mine casually was talking about me having the baby with his brother, when I overheard something about an epi, and I was like "hell no, i'm not getting one". They both think I am crazy and will change my mind. I just don't think the risks are worth it!
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  #13  
March 10th, 2009, 09:42 AM
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I agree with telling him facts! I did that everytime I read something new about the epidural and towards the end my husband said he wasn't going to LET me get an epidural! Society makes everyone, especially men, think no epi is UNsafe...They just need to be educated about it, is all.
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  #14  
March 11th, 2009, 06:49 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Wow ladies! Thank you for all the responses. I will definitely check out the book and video. I know that ultimately he will support my decision, but it just stings that his initial reaction was that he doesn't think I can do it.

Cindy I am due on May 24th.
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  #15  
March 14th, 2009, 06:16 PM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry that he's not being supportive right now, I can't imagine getting through my daughter's NCB without my husband's support and encouragement. That being said, I bet a big part of it is that he just doesn't want you to suffer and think that if you go natural that you'll be in too much pain and he won't know what to do or how to react (men are big "fixers", ya know?). Anyway, make yourself very informed on the issue so you can educate him as much as possible. And ditto to the others about having him watch the movie, and you definitely can't go wrong with a doula!
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  #16  
March 14th, 2009, 06:16 PM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry that he's not being supportive right now, I can't imagine getting through my daughter's NCB without my husband's support and encouragement. That being said, I bet a big part of it is that he just doesn't want you to suffer and think that if you go natural that you'll be in too much pain and he won't know what to do or how to react (men are big "fixers", ya know?). Anyway, make yourself very informed on the issue so you can educate him as much as possible. And ditto to the others about having him watch the movie, and you definitely can't go wrong with a doula!
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  #17  
March 14th, 2009, 06:18 PM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry that he's not being supportive right now, I can't imagine getting through my daughter's NCB without my husband's support and encouragement. That being said, I bet a big part of it is that he just doesn't want you to suffer and think that if you go natural that you'll be in too much pain and he won't know what to do or how to react (men are big "fixers", ya know?). Anyway, make yourself very informed on the issue so you can educate him as much as possible. And ditto to the others about having him watch the movie, and you definitely can't go wrong with a doula!
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