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How am I going to do this?!


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  #1  
April 13th, 2009, 09:08 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NH
Posts: 10,622
I normally have a very, very calm, sweet child who rarely throws tantrums and even when he does it isn't bad because we have learned how to handle them easily. Every baby has a bad day every now and then but nothing has freaked me out more than the last week. Wednesday B and I left for NC. All was normal until we got to the airport. Then all of a sudden it was like he flipped a switch. He threw 3 huge tantrums in the airport before we even loaded the plane. He threw yogurt, and nearly every other snack I offered him to no avail. Then we got on the plane and he immediately starts crying at the top of his lungs and is flailing all about. The kind of tantrum that you can't possibly control because every limb is going in every direction. Everyone on the plane was staring at us and it was just so embarrassing. Within 2 minutes of take-off he was asleep so I hoped that would help his mood. He was much better for the rest of the flight once he woke up (it was only a 2 hour flight anyway) but the mood swings just kept coming from then on on out. He woke up a billion times Wednesday night and I finally brought him to bed with me out of my own exhaustion and surprisingly he slept the rest of the night. Every night after that I had to sleep in the recliner because I couldn't be in the same room with him.

He has a cold and his eye teeth are coming in so I know that has a great deal to do with it but it was nonstop. At one point on Friday he was flipping out and I was about to lose it. My mom took him in another room and put him on her bed and patted his butt and he fell asleep for like 3 hours. He improved a bit after that but of course threw a few more tantrums on the plane yesterday on the way home. I'm never flying like that again by myself!!

Then the minute he saw DH he was ecstatic and never threw a single fit all day yesterday. He slept well last night and I was thinking it was over. Nope. I went out to Kohls and Target this morning and when I put him in the cart at Target he started screaming and kicking and flailing all about again. I was mortified but nothing I did made him happy so I ignored him. Everyone was staring at us and I just got more and more annoyed. He kicked off a shoe and it took me forever to find it. Eventually a lady told me she found it and put it on a shelf for me. All the while my child is bawling in the cart and trying to pull things off the shelves and throw them all on the floor.

How the HECK am I going to do this with two? What was I thinking? I feel like curling up in a ball and crying my eyes out. I'm terrified. What am I doing wrong? I know he probably doesn't feel well but why was he so great for most of the day yesterday and now that I'm all along with him again it's like I'm the worst mother ever?
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  #2  
April 13th, 2009, 09:15 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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(((((hugs))))))))

Um, you are not the worst mother. I promise you that. Otherwise, I have no advice. Could he be having some ear pain or anything else related to the cold or teeth that may be exacerbating his moods?
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  #3  
April 13th, 2009, 09:23 AM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You are definitely NOT the worst mother ever! We all have our bad days, including our LO's. It sounds like it may be a mix of the cold, teething, and traveling that really did him in. And then I'm sure his schedule got a little messed up with the traveling and that probably didn't help. I would guess that once he settles back into his normal routine at home and his teeth stop bothering him, he'll go back to his normal self. Also remember, he's at the age where he's learning and absorbing so much stuff, and that can be overwhelming for their little brains. If you haven't already, grab a copy of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, it has a lot of great advice on ways to help him communicate what's wrong and for you to communication with him in a toddler appropriate manner.
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  #4  
April 13th, 2009, 09:23 AM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You are definitely NOT the worst mother ever! We all have our bad days, including our LO's. It sounds like it may be a mix of the cold, teething, and traveling that really did him in. And then I'm sure his schedule got a little messed up with the traveling and that probably didn't help. I would guess that once he settles back into his normal routine at home and his teeth stop bothering him, he'll go back to his normal self. Also remember, he's at the age where he's learning and absorbing so much stuff, and that can be overwhelming for their little brains. If you haven't already, grab a copy of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, it has a lot of great advice on ways to help him communicate what's wrong and for you to communication with him in a toddler appropriate manner.
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  #5  
April 13th, 2009, 09:24 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can't remember how old he is, but this all soudns like perfectly normal behavior for a child who is 1) not feeling well/teething and 2) not in their normal environemnt/routine.

Kids test us, especially the ones they love the most. Be consistent and don't give into him and it will get better. I use active ignoral a lot, which is just let them do their fussy crying thing and don't pay attention to them until they calm down and can use more appropriate behavior, it usually works well. My now 3 year old spent a LOT of time belly down on the living room floor when she was about 2. We would let her cry and flail all she wanted, and when she was quiet and ready she could come and be in the same room with us. She is now a much better adjusted child and all we have to do is tell her she will have to go to the other room, as she walks away she dries her face, turns around with a smile and talks in her 'big girl voice'.
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  #6  
April 13th, 2009, 10:36 AM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh Honey, you are an amazing mother! B's just in pain and cranky, was out of his element, and perhaps he's even sensing the impending changes with the new baby (at the elemental level he can for his age) and maybe that's why he was different with J.

You totally can do this! Most women don't think they can do NCB but we know we can. All mothers are scared of the changes brought on by a subsequent child. It's all about the fears of the unknown and questioning whether you are up for the challenge. BUT YOU ARE! You will find a way, all in your family will find a way. It just happens.

I've heard the Happiest Baby on the Block is a great book (I have it in my Amazon que for one day). Maybe there will be suggestions in there that can work with B. Otherwise, try to remember, it's just a stage/phase and it will pass. Like all of the other phases before this. You have always gotten through it, you always will.

Love you!!!! Call me if you need me.
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  #7  
April 13th, 2009, 11:09 AM
~ Ada ~'s Avatar Zen
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What immediately came to my mind was that he may not be feeling well,
and throwing the tantrum was his way of telling you how he was feeling.
I am sure you will do fine with another LO, you have realistic expectations
of your child so far, so I am sure that will see you through the joy of another child
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  #8  
April 13th, 2009, 11:33 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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awwww, I hope this passes soon. It really sounds like he's just feeling cruddy, and with traveling he doesn't know how to handle it all.
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  #9  
April 13th, 2009, 11:42 AM
momofemnry's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It will be OK. You are not a bad mother and you will be able to do this. I understand feeling overwhelmed. The day I went into labor with #2 I was running everywhere getting x rays cause dd broke her finger. It all worked out and 2 days before i went into labor with #3, #2 was diagnosed with a double ear infection and was miserable. Even after he was feeling better iy takes a week to get him back to routine with out tantrums then I through the new baby in and and mommy not home for 2 days we are just starting to get him back to normal but we are getting through this too. It will be fine and everyone inyour family will be fine too. GL
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  #10  
April 13th, 2009, 12:21 PM
PixieQueen's Avatar Hi-Tech Hippie
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to the other ladies! Big hugs Cindy!
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  #11  
April 13th, 2009, 03:50 PM
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That phase is so hard, but I promise you it will pass. I remember Abby going through the same thing around that age. I think it's a mix between teething, testing boundaries and just the age. A second child will be an adjustment, no matter what age, so expect it to take at least a month or two to really get back into a routine. You'll do great though, you are a great mom!
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  #12  
April 13th, 2009, 07:45 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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Location: south eastern Mass
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you can do it honey! You just *will*. I'm the last person to give much advice as I fear having 2 kids, as you know, this has been on my mind so much lately. I have the happiest toddler on the block book and John and I watched the DVD last week, it's silly but it makes sense. He says that the "terrible twos" is actually the whole second year of life, not 2-3 as people think. There are some pretty good tips in there, we are trying some of it now.

love you
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  #13  
April 13th, 2009, 10:06 PM
Momof4Boyz's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I understand how you feel soo much right now! My boys have been sooo sick lately and cranky and miserable. I also have the pleasure of a 7 1/2 yr old too so I've got a sick/cranky toddler and a sick/cranky/back-talking bratty gradeschooler who thinks he should have to do nothing other than play and get new toys on demand. Then there is the HUSBAND which I won't even go there. But lately, I've been having a breakdown everyday because I just don't see how I can do it with three of them. I keep telling myself it'll get better and I'm sure it will. When you're dealing with sick kids, being mega-pregnant, it's probably just getting the best of you and once everyone is feeling better, not-pregnant then life will start to go back together! ((HUGS)) Hang in there!
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