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I feel so deflated


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
June 21st, 2009, 05:38 PM
~ Christine ~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ever since my NCB, I've been so excited every time someone that I know IRL plans for a NCB - and EVERY ONE of them has ended in a section.

Most of them were hoping for a VBAC, but one girl, it's her first child. She's been planning on a NCB from the beginning and doing everything she could to prepare for it.... and her baby girl is breach. She's 39.5 weeks and her fluid is too low for a version (AFI of 5) She's just devistated to be going in for her section tomorrow. I wish I knew the words to console her, but I don't really think there are any. When she tells people she's having a section, everyone says, oh, well, that's better - that way you know when she's coming, etc..... and each time she gets more and more deflated. I hate that for her. We spent 2.5 hours a few weeks ago talking about the NCB she wanted and now she's got no chance.

I just hate that all these women WANT a NCB and can't get it.
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  #2  
June 21st, 2009, 05:52 PM
Martina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
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part of my planning of NCB is to know about OB that will deliver breech baby. (Iknow sometimes even that isnt possible, but it gives you more chances of NCB knowing about one ahead of time)

I know it sucks when you plan NCB and you dont get it (OK I dont know this from my experience but worry about it this time around too). I just dont like medical system in America! NOPE!
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  #3  
June 21st, 2009, 06:59 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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I am sure she won't, but she could refuse the section tomorrow and try to work hard on getting baby to turn naturally. Versions are a last resort and not the only thing to try.

It is so frustrating, I know. 2 of my best girlfriends are pregnant right now. I have a history of being over protective with one of them and I am scared to even ask her what her birth plans are. years ago she said she wanted a planned section when she had kids, because she was so scared of birth. I am sure she won't plan one, but I dunno....*sigh*
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  #4  
June 21st, 2009, 07:12 PM
The Purple Butterfly's Avatar Stacey
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Location: Atlanta, GA
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I ditto Martina..... making sure that your dr will deliver if the baby is breech is part of the whole NCB. My OB does and also does VBAMCs (thank God).... I think I would have kept looking if he didn't.
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  #5  
June 21st, 2009, 07:44 PM
liveandlove0725's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My girlfriend is breech right now too but her doctor is letting her go into labor and at around 4 cms they plan to schedule he section for later that day if the baby hasn't turned. I thought that was cool as a lot of babies turn in labor. That's always an option!?

I'm sorry to hear this....I'm also worried about this happening to me.
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  #6  
June 22nd, 2009, 05:34 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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My baby turned in labor, but turned from head's down to transverse. After 26 hours of laboring at the birth center I had to have a c-section. It sucked and I know how your friend feels. Is she footling breech or transverse? I know it is late for her, but she can try to find an OB who will attempt a breech delivery. Having a c-section sucked beyond belief and i do not know why some people think it is the easy way out? heck no.
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  #7  
June 22nd, 2009, 05:46 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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Or she can hightail it to the Farm in TN!!!

Or apparently soon Canada!!
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  #8  
June 22nd, 2009, 06:04 AM
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Cheryl!

I agree, she could wait it out and see if she turns before she goes into labor. It's just a small bit of hope, but it could happen!
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  #9  
June 22nd, 2009, 06:05 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wish it was possible to find a CP to do a planned breech birth, but in many locations it isn't possible. There isn't one doctor within hours of me that will do them. And it is illegal for midwives.

I hope she is able to heal from this some, it is so hard to be defeated before you even get the chance to try. Sending my thoughts to that mama.
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  #10  
June 22nd, 2009, 12:29 PM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know how you feel Christine. My heart aches everytime a mama doesn't get her natural birth she planned on. But it doesn't have anything to do with how the baby came into the world, it's the emotional damage the mama is left with. All you can do is encourage her to do all she can to hold on to the NCB. In the end if a section is still needed or there is no other option, she can hold on to at least a little bit of peace from knowing she did all she could.
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  #11  
June 23rd, 2009, 06:56 AM
~ Christine ~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks ladies.... Shauna - that's exactly it - not because I really care for them how the baby is born, but because I know how unhappy she was about having the section. I think it also really bothers me because I know I would be DEVISTATED if it were me. And there was not much she could do about it....it's not like she was induced and things went wrong.... I can't imagine ever agreeing to a section just for a breach baby... but I don't know what my options would be since we're with the same OB group. Her doctor is one of the two that was at my birth - and he was perfectly supportive of my NCB.

If it happened to me, I just don't know what I would do.... because I know I would have a very hard time emotionally recovering from it. I guess it's just bothering me more the closer we get to TTC again.
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  #12  
June 23rd, 2009, 07:12 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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It happened to me, and I survived. I was devastated during the heat of the moment, but have been ok with what happened. The support I got from people here, IRL, and the midwives really made it ok. I am sad that after 26 hours of labor I did not get to experience the actual birthing of a baby, nor did i get to lay with my daughter on my chest, cord not cut. But in the grand scheme of life, those are small things and once the baby is here, the focus has shifted. I am still upset to a point, but that is normal. Having major surgery is NOT fun.

If your friend exhausts all options, then just be there to support her and let her know it is ok and that it is ok to be upset and disappointed. She will need extra help after the surgery too, I was in great pain and could barely move for quite some time. It was more than a week that DH had to put me in bed and get me out of bed.

Just focus on the positives to keep her positive (baby is here!!!).

ETA: once she was born, I was ADAMANT about having her with me 24/7. I had her in recovery, before she was washed, and breastfed her. Once I was transferred to my room and she was bathed, she barely left my side. I would not let them take her except for necessary reasons (like to see the pediatrician and hearing tests) and made sure she came right back. If she was not back in the time frame they told me, i rang a nurse to find out why. I felt that since I missed out on the actual childbirth part, i was going to do my darnest to make sure i had as much post birth bonding as possible and breastfed from minute 1.
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Last edited by mgm78; June 23rd, 2009 at 07:14 AM.
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  #13  
June 23rd, 2009, 09:17 AM
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(((hugs))) to your friend, that is sad. I would feel the same way even if I didn't want a NCB, I would still be so upset not to go vaginally. I was nervous about this myself a few weeks ago as we were still footling breech at 35 1/2 weeks, but she flipped so all is good. My midwife can't legally deliver a breech either, they just can't. Though she has. There were 2 different births I saw in her books (she has boks of all the babies born at the BC) anyways, 2 were breach, BUT they had to call the paramedics, and they were there for both births and could not get her to the hospital fast enough kinda thing. Now heck maybe they couldn't get there was an "accident" I don't know
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  #14  
June 23rd, 2009, 10:58 AM
rachna's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is soooo hard, I had a friend like that who wanted a VBAC so badly, her dr was against them and as much as she pushed, he didnt want it, so she went to a different dr, and he agreed, then she went a week past her due date and finally just scheduled a C-section, the baby was breech. She cried about her decision to me for over an hour, because she wanted natural childbirth so badly. I agree with the others about looking into other options, but sometimes you cant have the birth you want, and thats okay, a healthy baby is what really matters of course
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  #15  
June 23rd, 2009, 11:17 AM
Foyerhawk's Avatar Veteran
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I would have been totally hysterical, since I am so afraid of IVs and such, I could never have coped with a C section without some kind of mental health intervention. I got very lucky I didn't need any medical anything.

I feel bad for your friend- that really sucks. I think I'd wait it out if it would have been me, and see if my baby would turn.
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  #16  
June 23rd, 2009, 07:18 PM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It happened to me, and it sucks, but you survive. Emotionally I don't think I'll ever completely get over it completely, but time heals.

Just let her know that she has an open invitation to talk to you about it and express her feelings. That's what I would want. And don't remind her that "all that matters is a healthy baby" It doesn't help it just makes you feel worse.
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