Log In Sign Up

Friend vent


Forum: Natural Childbirth

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Natural Childbirth LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
June 24th, 2009, 12:26 PM
rachna's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 26,485
I need to vent. I hate stupid people

I have a friend who is 18 weeks pregnant. She had a c-section with her first because of "failure to progress." She is miss "I dont believe in vbacs and want to plan when the baby comes anyways." Her husband is an ER doctor and of course they know everything about medicine because of it.

So she is due 4 days before thanksgiving/ Her doctors office wont schedule a c-section before 39 weeks unless medically necessary, which personally I think is good and a step in the right direction. Well she is freaking because she might end up with a Thankgiving Bris. Which, yes would suck, but in the grand scheme of things who cares. (Their families do not live in town and dont get along so she doesnt think it would be a good get together)

So she thinks that becuase she measured 3 days ahead and the baby is measuring big her dr will agree to move the section to 38 weeks because "her dr will understand her situation" So she is telling me all this, and I just looked at her and said that I think having a fully baked and healthy baby should be her first priority . And her response was well her first was 2 weeks early, so this one probably would be too.

I just dont get people! If you were that concerned about a thankgiving bris you shouldnt have TTC to be due in November! (they were TTC). I cannot stand when people act like they can just plan these things, and have babies at their convenience.

Last edited by rachna; June 24th, 2009 at 12:28 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
June 24th, 2009, 12:48 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,159
ehhh. Remind her that if she has the baby at 38 weeks and the pediatrician doesn't clear the baby for the bris right away she could als oend up with a turkey day bris then too, so nothing completely protects her.
__________________
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

Reply With Quote
  #3  
June 24th, 2009, 12:51 PM
.adi.
Guest
Posts: n/a
This is the classic "oh that won't happen to me" thing. people never think that their baby will have problems whent hey come out, specially since they're "full term". I really hope her dr's keep in mind the BABY'S health rather than what day it is! That's a ridiculous reason to want to havea baby at 38 weeks!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
June 24th, 2009, 05:01 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 20,687
Did she go into labor on her own the first time? If so that means that the baby got a lot of the 'get ready to breath' hormones. By doing a c-section before labor starts, baby may not be ready.
__________________

When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7
Sail Back to Me
Reply With Quote
  #5  
June 24th, 2009, 08:40 PM
^RaineDrop^'s Avatar Summer Raine is 1 YR OLD!
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Federal Way, WA
Posts: 3,390
Send a message via AIM to ^RaineDrop^ Send a message via MSN to ^RaineDrop^ Send a message via Yahoo to ^RaineDrop^
I don't know if it's worse to hear people run their mouths when they're ignorant or when they know better and do things anyway... meh... I just avoid the 'friends' that I have that are like that.
__________________


MY HOME WATER BIRTH WAS AMAZING

www.momentsbyheather.com
Reply With Quote
  #6  
June 24th, 2009, 08:45 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: south eastern Mass
Posts: 13,088
*sigh*
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #7  
June 24th, 2009, 11:23 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: I'm a husker girl :)
Posts: 16,335
wow...poor baby
__________________

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
Reply With Quote
  #8  
June 24th, 2009, 11:55 PM
ninja_mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Oahu
Posts: 7,228
some people's priorities are really messed up.
__________________

Oct '11 June '12
Reply With Quote
  #9  
June 25th, 2009, 06:17 AM
Foyerhawk's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: St Petersburg, FL
Posts: 116
Send a message via AIM to Foyerhawk Send a message via MSN to Foyerhawk Send a message via Yahoo to Foyerhawk
Wow. I don't know which part upsets me more- the C section at 38 weeks or the fact this baby will be subject to the Bris.

I didn't expect to see that!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #10  
June 25th, 2009, 08:20 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 5,109
Send a message via MSN to Snow Mami
I am not a fan of scheduled c-sections unless there is extreme risk to the mother or baby. A family member of mine has 4 children, all c-sections. Her 3rd was schedule at 39 weeks (well at what they thought was 39 weeks) the same day I gave birth to my daughter (at exactly 39 weeks). My daughter was 100% ready and had zero health problems. Her son, while physically the same size as V, had breathing problems and had to stay in the hospital for a week.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #11  
June 25th, 2009, 08:38 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,159
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foyerhawk View Post
Wow. I don't know which part upsets me more- the C section at 38 weeks or the fact this baby will be subject to the Bris.

I didn't expect to see that!
My baby, if it is a boy- will also be "subjected" to a bris. Everything possible is done to ensure the comfort of the baby durring and after, and it is an extremely important religious ritual. Without it the baby will not have been welcomed into the covenent of Israel and the Jewish people.

I have struggled and cried countless times in making this decision. I do feel that a circ for no reason is a horrible thing, and it comes down to my belief that there is no better reason to do something then that G-d commanded it. I have questioned the practice time and again, and I know that although it will be hard for me (and of course baby too) I will have my child given a bris.

I'm sure I've lost some (or all) respect from some mamas hear by speaking up and saying this, but I stand by my convictions and beliefs that it is the right thing for my child and my family. It truely seems contrary to every other decision I and my husband will be making for our baby, but in reality it does fit in with all of the gentle parenting and AP ideals that we hold. We plan to raise a kind, compassionate, gentle and G-d knowing jewish child, and that includes a bris melah ceremony.
__________________
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

Reply With Quote
  #12  
June 25th, 2009, 09:55 AM
Foyerhawk's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: St Petersburg, FL
Posts: 116
Send a message via AIM to Foyerhawk Send a message via MSN to Foyerhawk Send a message via Yahoo to Foyerhawk
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just feel strongly about this topic, but I also can see you have struggled with your choice and it wasn't made without love and much thought.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #13  
June 25th, 2009, 10:08 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,159
You didn't upset me purposly I know. It's a hot topic, and a sensitive one for both of us. I'm just willing to believe that this mama had as much of a struggle with it as I did. Maybe not, but how can we know...... I have spoken to so many jewish mamas who have such a hard time with the bris covenent, so it is easy for me to see it that way.

I do talk to clients about circumcision, and am passionate about educating them so they don't circ for no good reason, and I certainly understand and appreciate all the valid arguements against. I've had a few choose not to circ after some education.

Sorry for de-railing the thread! Still a poor reason to plan a cesarean before 39w!
__________________
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

Reply With Quote
  #14  
June 25th, 2009, 10:33 AM
Foyerhawk's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: St Petersburg, FL
Posts: 116
Send a message via AIM to Foyerhawk Send a message via MSN to Foyerhawk Send a message via Yahoo to Foyerhawk
Absolutely! I cannot imagine the struggle since I'm not religious. That said, I do get how important and special ones spiritual beliefs are. I really am unfair to judge anyone in such a situation where a choice like this has to be made, since I haven't ever had to live through it. It's food for thought for me, and that's always a good thing.

And, I totally agree about the C section- allow the baby to be born when he is ready, and perform the ceremony when it is best for baby, regardless of beliefs on the matter.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #15  
June 25th, 2009, 10:46 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 6,494
I just struggled with the same thing Randi. My friend scheduled her c section earlier cause she didnt want to go into labor and have to endure labor and then have a c section anyways. Whatever.

When will women stop putting their own discomfort over their childs health??? But of course they dont see it that way because an unhealthy baby will never happen to them....
__________________

Momma to Brynn 10/2/2002 (midwife at hospital)
Emme 5/26/2008 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
and Surprise Baby #4 due 11/13/2011
Reply With Quote
  #16  
June 25th, 2009, 12:22 PM
rachna's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 26,485
Quote:
Originally Posted by NutMeg76 View Post
Did she go into labor on her own the first time? If so that means that the baby got a lot of the 'get ready to breath' hormones. By doing a c-section before labor starts, baby may not be ready.

With her first her water broke, but she did not have contractions until they gave her pitocin.

Quote:

I have struggled and cried countless times in making this decision. I do feel that a circ for no reason is a horrible thing, and it comes down to my belief that there is no better reason to do something then that G-d commanded it. I have questioned the practice time and again, and I know that although it will be hard for me (and of course baby too) I will have my child given a bris.

Thank you for this response, my husband and I had the same struggle with our sons, and made the decision that this is what G-d commanded and that is why we did it. If we were not Jewish we would not have had them circed. Every Jewish mother I know has this struggle, I discussed it at length, and continue to, with our Mohel, who understands and is supportive and sensitive to the issue.

But you are also right in that a Mohel will NOT preform it unless the pediatrician has cleared it, and unless when he examines the baby he believes the baby to be ready.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snow Mami View Post
I am not a fan of scheduled c-sections unless there is extreme risk to the mother or baby. A family member of mine has 4 children, all c-sections. Her 3rd was schedule at 39 weeks (well at what they thought was 39 weeks) the same day I gave birth to my daughter (at exactly 39 weeks). My daughter was 100% ready and had zero health problems. Her son, while physically the same size as V, had breathing problems and had to stay in the hospital for a week.

Agreed! My younger son was born at 39 weeks 2 days, 100% natural and unmedicated. He was probably actually earlier becuase of conflicting due dates. He was 100% healthy, latched on to me moments after birth, and had ZERO problems, even though he was tiny. (I make tiny babies!) Babies should come when they are ready, not when it is convenient for the mother.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
June 25th, 2009, 01:35 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,159
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foyerhawk View Post
Absolutely! I cannot imagine the struggle since I'm not religious. That said, I do get how important and special ones spiritual beliefs are. I really am unfair to judge anyone in such a situation where a choice like this has to be made, since I haven't ever had to live through it. It's food for thought for me, and that's always a good thing.

And, I totally agree about the C section- allow the baby to be born when he is ready, and perform the ceremony when it is best for baby, regardless of beliefs on the matter.
I think Jewish mamas think more about it on the whole then most traditional method parents (for whom it is practically a given). I think that is b/c it is such a big thing, and you are there for it. Wheres in the hospital the parents can sort of look the other way and not think about it. Also most have attended multiple brit melah, so it weights on their minds!

We're all always learning new perspectives, I'm happy to share this one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rachna View Post
Thank you for this response, my husband and I had the same struggle with our sons, and made the decision that this is what G-d commanded and that is why we did it. If we were not Jewish we would not have had them circed. Every Jewish mother I know has this struggle, I discussed it at length, and continue to, with our Mohel, who understands and is supportive and sensitive to the issue.
Yes, it is so hard! The trials we all face as parents, and as jews. Luckily both have blessings in abundance to reward us!
__________________
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

Reply With Quote
  #18  
June 25th, 2009, 02:26 PM
mommabirdof4
Guest
Posts: n/a
I believe I am a 100% AP momma but my son is circ'd.....I do not think that makes me less of an AP momma.....

I think that would be like saying someone who couldn't Breastfeed....which I wasn't able to BF my son...isn't an AP momma just for that fact.

Also I do think it is rediculious to have a C-section just because...the health of your Child should be #1. Heck I am soooo done with being pregnant but I am only 37 weeks...this baby should bake as long as she needs. Of course I maybe whispering in her ear to please come out sooner rather then later for your poor miseriables mothers sake but I don't think she will listen.

Of course it is the same with scheduling inductions just for convenience sake....they end in C-sections so often and who knows if the baby is ready or not. One such example just happened in my DDC....I would never risk major surgery for myself and any complications it could cause for my child.

Last edited by mommabirdof4; June 25th, 2009 at 02:31 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
June 25th, 2009, 02:29 PM
tygrss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,090
Sigh. Unfortunately, your friend isn't doing anything out of the ordinary now days (so many people want the baby without the discomfort or inconvenience of pregnancy and childbirth.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #20  
June 25th, 2009, 05:01 PM
Del4's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Cali, baby!
Posts: 543
As much as I don't agree with it, it's not surprising. Which is really sad. I wish more parents would go back to believing the child should come first over their own wants/needs. I think many moms have allowed themselves to believe that inductions and c-sections are perfectly safe, even when they know that's not true. There are plenty of moms who are ignorant on the subject and just believe their docs, but I also think there are many who just choose to turn a blind eye with the excuse that the doctor said it was okay even though they know better.

I'm actually kind of thankful the friends I have are done having children lol!
__________________
*~*Candice*~*









Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:27 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0