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5 days now until the due date and I am starting to feel a tad anxious. I just remember very vividly some of the aspects of a natural labor and delivery(pitocin induction but no pain meds of any sort) that aren't so good. The contractions I handled wonderfully and were definitely a non-issue for me coping wise. However the transition and pushing stage I remember as very animalistic...very guttural. I want to cope and even handle those points of the delivery better and still don't feel fully prepared for them like I would like to be. There was this feeling I had of sort of being shredded(best word I can come up with)during the delivery and immediately after that I truly didn't like. Is that feeling normal?? I mean I felt elation while pushing and when she was born but that feeling is sort of the bad taste of the whole birth. Does that make sense?
Anyway I guess I am just asking for some good hurrahs and reassurance that these feelings could not even be present during his birth(?). I don't know...I just tend to think too much lol.
Well first of all, pushing *might* be much easier the second time around, so that is a possibility for you.
Secondly, I went through something very similar with Cadie. I have fibromyalgia and I had really terrible spasms in my lower back that overshadowed the uterine contractions by a mile. I felt like I lost my mind. I felt like I had no control over myself. I was so embarassed. A week after the birth my doula came for her followup visit and I told her how bad I felt about the birth and how I acted. She had tears in her eyes and set me straight. I will say the same things to you- what do you have to feel bad about? You got the best version of the birth you wanted without drugs despite having to overcome a big curveball thrown your way. Birth IS animalistic and anything you have to do to get through it is good and is nature in it's purest form. Don't beat yourself up for it. It is your strongest moment, so own it!!!
Thanks Katee and Cheryl! I don't even think I felt so bad about it at all. It is more I want to grasp that feeling and be ok with it. KWIM?? I am having a hard time putting into words what I am wanting to say. Like honestly I am not sure I would have even lost the control if it wasn't for my OB stretching the cervix unnecessarily so she could get out of there on her clock but that is a whole different story.
Any which way I just want to be able to calmly push and deliver my baby rather than have that shredding feeling of out of control.
And this will be my 3rd delivery btw...I delivered my birth daughter in 1998.
Jen, I am feeling very similar. My birth with the twins was drug induced (pit), but I also got an epi when I was at a 4. I never even remember feeling a painful contraction. All I remember from that is lots of tightness and tons of pressure. I kept thinking I was going to have BM on the table lol. and I was 18, so extreeeemely self conscious about myself and kept myself under complete control, even while pushing (when I could feel everything downstairs). Looking back, I may have made decisions I wouldn't have made now, but I was in control during that labor/delivery. With Reicher, I was good with the contrax, but once the doc broke my water (didn't ask, just did it), I went from a 6 to a 10 in an hour. The pain during that hour was insanely intense and I lost focus and control very quickly. I felt crazy almost and am a little surprised my body didn't stop laboring because I was definitely having that fight or flight feeling.
I guess I am posting this big long reply because I want you to know I totally understand. This time I want the control I had from the twins' birth and I want it still totally natural, like with Rei. I had such a better experience with Reicher, pain and all, because it was my way and I knew what I was doing and I remember everything and the hours after birth that I got to spend with my little guy can never ever be replaced. Very different from after the twins were born, I was so worn out I passed out around 7:15.... they were born just 45 minutes ealier. I spent zero time with them until the morning after.
I definitely want to be in control this time and I, too, am not sure I am as prepared as I'd like to be. I find solace in reading really empowering birth stories and take little trinkets from those stories to use myself when I finally go into labor. GL with your next L&D!!! I can't believe the baby boom on July ... I'm so jealous! lol
One thing that helped me get through each contraction (or shall I say back labor, as that was much worse then the contractions themselves) was that I kept saying out loud through them though quietly. "I can do this, just breath, one more closer to the end"
Thanks ladies! I seriously think I need to print this page off and take with me to the birth center! The support and encouragement is amazing!
Del4 I seriously think there are well under 20 left on the board and we are just past the half way mark of the month!! Seems insane that so many have been induced so soon! I do believe our births have similar setups and I hope we can achieve our goal with this one!
To elaborate on my point I think there is a real problem with us equating what we perceive as "control" while in labor. There is this pressure we put on ourselves to react a certain way- I did it too. I imagined this calm serene zen like atmosphere... I yelled and sobbed like there was no tomorrow. I really beat myself up over that. I am thankful for my doula for setting me straight.
I never felt in control for a single second...... but I had a spontanous, med free znd intervention free birth in a hospital!!! So in retrospect, I *was* - I shaped it as well as I could ahead of time, educated myself and prepared myself as much as I could and that is all one can really do. If we compare ourselves to someone with a epidural or our own births with an epidural, we set ourselves up for dissapointment. Natural birth requires digging deep and a lot of strength. Making sound, whatever that sound may be, is often part of it. Look at bodybuilders, tennis players, etc. Making sound helps them get that much stronger.
Sure, some women are very quiet when they are in labor...that is great, but again, we shouldn't compare ourselves to them. Every birth is different, it doesn't mean they are stronger or more successful. Maybe they had easier labors, you just don't know.
It was for everyone! It's an important discussion! I'm on my phone so I can't see everything I write at once or else it would have made a bit more sense. I left out a part of the first sentence. Grrrr.
I even read somewhere from a midwife that they WANT to hear that deep, primal sound during pushing, because it means you are doing it right. I agree, every labor is different, and some people may have easier labors or need to cope with the pain by being quiet. Other women have harder labors or need the noise to cope. I have also tried to come to terms with how I was during labor. I was in great control until I just wasn't, because it became that intense for me. I try not to beat myself up for that and remind myself that the circumstances were what they were, and I'm proud that even at that point I had the will power to continue for many hours with only a low dose of stadol.
Just keep on reminding yourself that every labor is different, that you've done this before, and also that the circumstances that led to those feelings will probably be different (no pit or stretching of the cervix). I really think that if you're able to labor on your own clock, things will be much smoother for you.