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  #1  
August 2nd, 2009, 10:08 AM
JT_Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am sure this had probably been discussed a million times on this board, but I need to vent. Whenever someone asks about my delivery plans and I tell them I want a natural, drug free, childbirth, I always get the same reaction: why would you want to do that when you can get pain relief. One friend, who has no kids, is convinced that drugs are GOOD for the baby because it has to hurt them and traumatize them to be born. Another (who had 3 c-sections) is one of the "you don't get a medal for doing it w/o drugs" type of person. It is usually the people that know nothing about childbirth that tell me I am crazy of say something about how big my baby will be and that I might want to reconsider.

Luckily, my sister did almost natural - they gave her an IV pain med, which made her sick so she had them stop it with her first- and was completely med and intervention free with her second. So, she is supportive, but more along the lines of - don't be a sissy like so and so and get an epidural. And, the father is supportive, although I think he thinks I am crazy.... but he is the one who will be in the delivery room, so he is the one who counts the most.

Anyway, just wanted to vent about people and their stupid opinions. Maybe I should just lie and say, yeah, I am getting induced at 38 weeks because I will be sick of being pregnant, getting an epi as soon as possible, really hope they cut me so the baby comes out easier, and, if I get REALLY lucky, I can have a C-section, because that is by far the easiest option! LOL!
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  #2  
August 2nd, 2009, 10:48 AM
tygrss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I usually don't even talk to people about my plans. People in everyday life always have the idiotic things to say about not getting a medal and the people at work talk about how unsafe any birth outside of the hospital is, how eating during labor is unsafe or about how epidurals never cause any problems, etc, etc. Of course, it's all unfounded and they have never even looked at any data.
It's not my job to convince anyone else of what I already know.
Don't even give them an "in."
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  #3  
August 2nd, 2009, 12:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TC_MD View Post
Maybe I should just lie and say, yeah, I am getting induced at 38 weeks because I will be sick of being pregnant, getting an epi as soon as possible, really hope they cut me so the baby comes out easier, and, if I get REALLY lucky, I can have a C-section, because that is by far the easiest option! LOL!
They would probably be happy with that answer! Thats the sad part...

Anyways I agree I dont really tell people what Im going to do. I did at first with Emme and then after I heard all those comments so many times I decided I was in the minority and just kept my mouth shut. Plus I find the harder I push the harder people push back so I know Im not going to convince anyone that a NCB is better.
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  #4  
August 2nd, 2009, 12:36 PM
JT_Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You guys are right. I don't know why I even bother telling them, I am just going to start saying that I will see how it goes at the hospital, and not give them an opportunity to offer their opinion.
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  #5  
August 2nd, 2009, 01:32 PM
grace4me's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am right there with you. I am due this Wednesday and at church this morning, people kept asking when I am going to "have this baby". I would tell them my dd is Wednesday but it could happen up to 2 weeks after that. I was amazed at how many people asked if I was having a C-section or being induced. Just assuming. One MAN (I kidd you not) said "my wife labored naturally for 22 hours and then had to have a C. Forget doing the natural thing". I am going to start telling people my due date is the 10th or something
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  #6  
August 2nd, 2009, 01:42 PM
Sk8ermaiden's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I labored naturally 18 hours (6 pushing) and had to have a section, and I would never, ever sign up for one. Natural labor is SO much easier!
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  #7  
August 2nd, 2009, 01:43 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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I don't remember too many neg comments but I also didn't talk about it much. With our next we are going to be home, I can only imagine what people will say. We may keep that on the downlow for the most part.

It does feel good to be supported but really if you think about it it doesn't make you any stronger...the strength has to come from inside. Listen to your sister and just block everyone else out. You could even just reply to peoples questions with a simple statement like "I plan to go with the flow" and smile.

People ask because they want you to have the birth they did so they feel good about it. It's messed up!
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  #8  
August 2nd, 2009, 02:03 PM
Del4's Avatar Super Mommy
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Yeah, people are dumb lol.

I'm 41 weeks today and people keep saying "so when are they going to induce you?" Ummmmm.... THEY have no say! lol It's up to me, tyvm and I'll go as long as this baby needs to (or, of course, if something were wrong I would weigh my options and do the very best thing for myself and baby).

Ignore them and like others have said, you don't have to tell anyone anything.
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  #9  
August 2nd, 2009, 02:14 PM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It's very frustrating, I agree. Based on how it was with my daughter, next time I am pregnant I'm probably going to lie about my due date and delivery plans, because
1. I will probably go "late" again and don't want to get phone calls
2. I will be attempting a vbac *gasp*
3. I may attempt an hbac *oh dear god!!*

Normally I would hate to lie to "conform" but the thing is, people are sooo opinionated about it, and won't listen to reason, so it just puts me under unnecessasry stress.
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  #10  
August 2nd, 2009, 03:11 PM
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It's absolutely the MOST annnoying thing EVER when people push thier own birth "preference" on a pregnant woman, especially when its thier first. I had a co-worker that never looked at me when I was preggo without telling me to get the epi BEFORE it even started hurting.Hang in there and keep venting. Find a good one liner.

My line was (and is this time too) " I am going to do what is best for my baby and natural childbirth is the best." I don't care what peolple say after that, they have thier opinion I have mine. Of course I would/will do a C-section if there is no other option but planning one???? CRAZY
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  #11  
August 2nd, 2009, 04:26 PM
grace4me's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My mom had me and my sister at home with a midwife. My mom knew that according to her cycles, I should be born late January sometime. She told everyone, including her mother-in-law that her due date was Feb 14th! HA! I came on January 30th and people thought I was "early"! My mom is sooo wise! Why didn't I do that?
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  #12  
August 2nd, 2009, 05:55 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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that is a really good idea. may use that one!
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  #13  
August 3rd, 2009, 09:08 AM
Devan'sMama's Avatar ♥Devan's Mama♥
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Because of comments like the ones that you received, I just simply stopped telling people about my birthing plans. It's sad that I had to censor myself but I just got sick and tired of all of the inappropriate or rude comments that I would receive regarding a NCB. I didn't realize that my birth was everyone else's concern to start with!! I come here for the support that I need and it's been great so far I also have very supportive midwives as well that help.

I actually have a comment that I received at work last week that I thought I'd add... One of the girls here a while back had asked me about my birthing plans and before I had started censoring myself, I had told her about my plans for a NCB. She laughed at me and told me that the people who plan for NCBs, and who are against epidurals, are the ones that always end up with c-sections. So, I stopped talking about NCBs in general, to anyone. Well, last week, my baby turned breech and I told my work because I had to take off some time to go visit my midwives more often and for my chiropractic appointments, etc. Well, apparently she got wind of the fact that my baby had turned breech and she came up to me and told me "See what I said about not planning for an epidural??? Now you're going to have a c-section." Seriously! I couldn't believe she said that. I seriously didn't think someone could be so incredibly rude. It was as if she was telling me "I told you so." Whose place was it for her to say something so rude?

Anyway, it's just sad how concerned other people are with YOUR birth. Try not to let it get to you, would be my only advice. Sorry that you're dealing with this too.
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  #14  
August 3rd, 2009, 11:11 AM
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Yeah I have only told very few people that I was going the NCB route and beyond that I don't care to tell anyone and explain. I don't want to hear rude comments or have to explain myself, I know why I want it and DH is super supportive so that's good enough for me. My sister is an anethisiologist and thinks I am crazy for not going with the epi, but I figured that would be her reaction and bounced right off me. Once I have delivered if they ask I can share but by then it will be to late to lecture me, hehe!
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  #15  
August 4th, 2009, 07:21 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel so fortunate that no one I know has said any of those types of things to me! GRRR! I'd be so mad!

Have you thought about getting a doula? Sounds like you could really use more IRL support!
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  #16  
August 4th, 2009, 09:02 AM
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Wow I don’t get many negative comments other than “Your crazy”. In my and DH family there is a lot of support for NCB. They aren’t against pain relief either they are just happy to let the mother decide what is best. As for the coworker who says all women who don’t want epis end up with csections? *** so before there were epis did all women have csections? And what before there were csections? Did they all just DIE?
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  #17  
August 4th, 2009, 09:08 AM
CohensMommy's Avatar Super Mommy
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Wowweee!! Where on earth do people get off thinking its ok to talk like that? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Didn't we all learn that way back in kindergarten? I haven't had many comments thankfully. Midwives are becoming more common here in Canada, and I think that's why. My mother in law never forgets to mention though that there's "nothing wrong with an epidural if you need one" nothing? Really, absolutely nothing? I beg to differ!
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  #18  
August 4th, 2009, 10:22 AM
JT_Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaMama View Post
I feel so fortunate that no one I know has said any of those types of things to me! GRRR! I'd be so mad!

Have you thought about getting a doula? Sounds like you could really use more IRL support!

Yes, I signed up for one through the John's Hopkins Birth Companion program. It is thru their nursing program and the participants have to attend one birth to get their doula "certification" or whatever the credentials are. I cant afford one otherwise, they charge between $500-$750 here. I am single, and have to take some unpaid time of for maternity leave, so this just isn't possible right now.
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  #19  
August 4th, 2009, 01:46 PM
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I have found that it's easier not to go there if I don't have to.

The funny thing is that I've found that usually when people ask if I plan to have my child "Natural" a simple "Yes" works to avoid further conversation because what they are really mean is "Vaginal".

And it's not until we get further in the conversation that they realize I mean "Med Free" then I get the "Why not stick your hand in a garbage disposal and turn that sucker ON!" look.
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  #20  
August 4th, 2009, 02:06 PM
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My SIL ended up making a comment to me when she found out I wanted and am doing a NCB....

She told me that I will never feel more intense pain then when I start having contractions and that I am weak and will break down and get meds or an epi... I snapped at her saying "what would you know about pain and contractions, you had a schedule c-section and never had labor!?!!!?"

I refuse to talk to my SIL anymore because no matter what I do she has something negative to say.. she had the balls to ask me if my pregnancy was planned or an oops...

I personally can careless what others think about me wanting a NCB... after starting to read Childbirth by Ina Mae I can tell you I have never wanted a NCB more then ever it is a very good book to get you pumped up for going au natural...
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