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Please help me defend my feelings on this...


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
November 1st, 2009, 03:44 PM
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So today was another day out with my mom and aunt and it turned out to be yet another outting that flopped or went over like a fart in church...

They started asking me about my birthing/laboring and what was going on with the baby and I gave them the up to date on that I was having NSTs, AFIs, growth u/s, and weekly appointments. Then asked me about the induction and I told them I am refusing it until 40 weeks... (my MW won't let me go past 40 weeks but will let me go up to 40weeks, while the OB wants me induced at 39 weeks)

I told them that I have done my research and background on inductions/c-sections/NCB and much more... My aunt told me needless to say that I should "shut" my mouth and do what the Dr says because they know more and better then I do since it's my first pregnancy and I didn't go to med school... (I am a paramedic so I have medical background)...

She also started lecturing me on how my ignorance at not listening to my OB is going to lead to the demise of my child... I at this point was holding back tears because no matter HOW MUCH information I present to her or knowledge on induction, c-section, and NCB she thinks I should listen to the OB...

I am not against induction, or c/sections but there is a time and place for them and if I NEED to have one then yes I will, especially if I or my child are in danger but I want to suceed for an attempt at a NCB instead of jumping right into induction and c/section...

I am so upset right now that I can't think straight, but am I wrong for refusing an induction at 39 week, now I have gestational diabetes BUT my sugars have been fine, my NSTs, AFI, and growth u/s have all come back "perfect." So why should I go for an induction at 39 weeks when my MW is fine with me going to 40weeks but no further.... am I being irresponsible or out of line on this???

I want to do what is best for my child, and I believe in starting with not being induced a week early, then proceeding to natural induction-prep things, and then onto the artificial induction and so on... My family has very little faith in my ability and knowledge on the whole pregnancy and being a mother but I know I am doing what is best for my child and starting out in the right order...

Am I wrong here?
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  #2  
November 1st, 2009, 04:21 PM
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Of course not! Some OBs would probably tell you that you could go to 40+ weeks and some would say you needed to be induced at 37 weeks. Thats the problem with modern medicine and why so many people get second opinions. The baby could be fine at 39, 40, or even 41 weeks. There is no way to know. Just listen to your body and make sure they keep monitoring her. Which it seems like they are doing very well.

Trying to have a baby that has baked as long as possible is not irresponsible! Everyone I know wants to argue with me too. But at the end of the day its our baby and our decision and we wouldnt do anything that we didnt think was absolute best. If something happened or things changed for the worst during your pregnancy you would have an induction/csection/or give your left kidney to make sure your baby was ok.

So dont worry about what other people are saying. You have to listen to what you feel is best. Im trying to make some decisions right now and all I can do is what I think is best for my baby. I already love him more than life itself and will make every decision in his best interest. Just like you are!!
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  #3  
November 1st, 2009, 06:42 PM
Gobaby1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Some people just don't get it. I have stopped discussing my plans with pretty much everyone. I don't mind defending my point of view but to be honest, I'm over it. People just keep letting their opinions flow (as if I was looking for it in the first place). I'm sorry you are feeling this way but you said it best, if you or the baby are in distress you will be induced, c-section etc... as I'm sure most all of us would do.
Hopefully they'll get it, but if they don't... don't let it be your problem because its theirs. My mother nursed me and she went the whole time with my grandmother telling her I was starving to death. It was just a different time. My mother kept saying, "I know what's best for my baby"! (and I was her first) Good luck!
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  #4  
November 1st, 2009, 07:04 PM
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If your OB really truely believed your baby needed to come before 40 weeks he would tell you. I wanted to skip something my doctor felt was necessary and he told me in no uncertian terms he felt I was making a mistake and risking my baby. I don't think your OB would just accept you refusing an induction without attempting to council you on the reasons he felt you needed it.

Not to mention at 39 weeks vs before 40 weeks is pretty much the same thing and it all comes down to how you count the days and when you consider the cut off for one week to the other. Your MW and OB maybe thinking of inducing at virtually the same point in your pregnancy or a very different point depending on how they are each counting the time and when the MW considers over 40 weeks (40w+0day vs 40w+7days) vs when your OB considers at 39 weeks (38w+7days vs 39w+7days)
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  #5  
November 2nd, 2009, 05:06 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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I have really low tolerance for stuff like that and I know no one in my life would say stuff like that to me, because I don't leave myself open to it. I know lots of women that have been on this board have had similar conversations. It's none of your aunt's business for one....it can get a bit murkier if it's your parents, but still, you are being true to yourself and they have to respect that.

I suggest just not giving out any more details. If they ask just say something firm but polite, I don't want to stress myself out by talking about this with you, I need to stay stress free for my baby. You can stand up for yourself without causing a riot, but you can do that too if you want to!!!

your body, your birth, not theirs!
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  #6  
November 2nd, 2009, 05:45 AM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Your not making a mistake to trust yourself! Yes of course your OB is looking at this as a medical procedure. That is what they do. You have controlled you blood sugar taken the best care of yourself and have already been a good mom. So why stop now?
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  #7  
November 2nd, 2009, 05:54 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You should point blank refuse to discuss it. They are acting irrational, stupid and toxic, and you don't need to be having all the stress hormones from their poor and uneducated reaction coursing through your veins, and also effecting your baby.
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  #8  
November 2nd, 2009, 07:13 AM
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I agree, I would refuse to discuss it, which is what I did when I was pregnant. There were too many people who knew NOTHING about labor and childbirth besides what they were told by an OB or heard on TV, and they wanted to argue with me about my decisions. Since you already know your aunt's views on this, I would just refuse to see her until after the birth. There's no reason to even put yourself in a situation where she is going to stress you out and try to intimidate you into thinking the way she does.
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  #9  
November 2nd, 2009, 10:26 AM
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You cannot change ignorant minds. I would just lie. "So I talked to my OB and he said he doesn't want to induce me until after 40 weeks"
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  #10  
November 2nd, 2009, 12:26 PM
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Thanks ladies...

I plan on not even talking with my aunt or mom the rest of my pregnancy...

I know that is harsh but I have tried numerous times to get things smoothed out but nothing works and it just stresses me out more...

The way my aunt and mom are they are very selfish and pretty much act like I am a surrogate mother to this child and its for them!!! During the whole pregnancy they have cast aside my DH and try to take his spot but I refuse to let it happen and it ticks them off...

But needless to say I am cutting them out completely for the rest of the pregnancy... if they call me I will be polite and bypass whatever baby or pregnancy related subject they bring up, but I don't plan on calling either one of them....
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  #11  
November 2nd, 2009, 02:50 PM
*SamF*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think the strategy you came up with is perfect. Just don't discuss it with them anymore at all!
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  #12  
November 2nd, 2009, 05:11 PM
wonderfullymade's Avatar Doula & MW Apprentice
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MedicBaby21 View Post
Thanks ladies...

I plan on not even talking with my aunt or mom the rest of my pregnancy...

I know that is harsh but I have tried numerous times to get things smoothed out but nothing works and it just stresses me out more...

The way my aunt and mom are they are very selfish and pretty much act like I am a surrogate mother to this child and its for them!!! During the whole pregnancy they have cast aside my DH and try to take his spot but I refuse to let it happen and it ticks them off...

But needless to say I am cutting them out completely for the rest of the pregnancy... if they call me I will be polite and bypass whatever baby or pregnancy related subject they bring up, but I don't plan on calling either one of them....
Hey girl! First off, yay Michiganders! Second off, you are perfectly right and fine. They come from a different generation - where a doctor is held as a god. They can do no wrong, they went to medical school. I worked with a couple that finally asked me to do 'an extra' prenatal where they invited her mom and his mom. They sat the three of us down and said 'talk'.

I explained how doctors spend 6-8 years learning about how to MANAGE birth and learning about all the risks... I explained how birth is natural and normal until proven otherwise, but, unfortunately, not to doctors and NOT BECAUSE ITS NOT NATURAL AND NORMAL but because they have had 6-8 years of indoctrination of all that can go wrong.

I then explained how it was mom and dads job to worry about all that can go right and my job to watch unbiased from the sides and advocate...

At this point, mom and dad jumped in and said "we want you both to be in the birthing room and we want you both to be involved in these last months. If you CANNOT SUPPORT US, then you cannot be there. That is your only choice. Say something nice or nothing at all".

1 mom chose to stay and 1 mom chose to leave.

You are doing nothing wrong.
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  #13  
November 3rd, 2009, 12:25 PM
E1izabeth's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I totally agree with your strategy to limit contact with your mom and aunt. They have crossed the line so many times with you during this pregnancy. If you don't put your foot down now this type of thing will just continue after the baby arrives.
You have made the best decision you can for you and your child and you shouldn't have to listen to nonsense from your family or anyone else.
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  #14  
November 3rd, 2009, 02:01 PM
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This sounds very crude but....

It is very liberating to not talk with family...

Is that wrong?
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  #15  
November 3rd, 2009, 02:03 PM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MedicBaby21 View Post
This sounds very crude but....

It is very liberating to not talk with family...

Is that wrong?
Only if it's crude to keep your sanity! I may be in your shoes with my next pregnancy. Goodness knows I was in it the first time around. I can totally relate and it just plain sucks.
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  #16  
November 4th, 2009, 11:32 AM
stlgirl's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry your mom and aunt are so unsupportive. I think it is TOTALLY reasonable for you to wait until 40 weeks! You could possibly try having a heart-to-heart about how it makes you feel when they doubt your judgment, but then again they both sound pretty opinionated and stuck in their ways, so maybe it is best to just cut them off, as you've done. I love my mom to death and we can talk about a lot of things when it comes to this pregnancy, but giving birth is not one of them, because she is very much an 'establishment' kind of girl who thinks you should just go to the hospital and do what you're told.
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  #17  
November 6th, 2009, 06:31 AM
wonderfullymade's Avatar Doula & MW Apprentice
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MedicBaby21 View Post
This sounds very crude but....

It is very liberating to not talk with family...

Is that wrong?
I love my family too... from a distance.
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  #18  
November 6th, 2009, 08:56 AM
Niamh ૐ's Avatar Green Mama Goddess
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaMama View Post
You should point blank refuse to discuss it. They are acting irrational, stupid and toxic, and you don't need to be having all the stress hormones from their poor and uneducated reaction coursing through your veins, and also effecting your baby.


I had a friend go off on me on my facebook saying that I was being disrespectful to the medical community (of which she is a part of) because I won't just nod my head, say "doctor knows best", and accept any and all interventions offered to me. I just ended up deleting the entire conversation... and now am kind of afraid to even mention NCB on my facebook.

I'm sorry you're having so many issues with people.
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  #19  
November 7th, 2009, 10:04 PM
Hollybear's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gobaby1 View Post
Some people just don't get it. I have stopped discussing my plans with pretty much everyone. I don't mind defending my point of view but to be honest, I'm over it. People just keep letting their opinions flow (as if I was looking for it in the first place). I'm sorry you are feeling this way but you said it best, if you or the baby are in distress you will be induced, c-section etc... as I'm sure most all of us would do.
Hopefully they'll get it, but if they don't... don't let it be your problem because its theirs. My mother nursed me and she went the whole time with my grandmother telling her I was starving to death. It was just a different time. My mother kept saying, "I know what's best for my baby"! (and I was her first) Good luck!
Yeah this. I talked with my best friend today about natural delivery and she was like, "What?" LOL
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