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  #1  
January 22nd, 2010, 07:44 AM
Tiff802's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am having an extremely hard time right now being sympathetic to those that are being induced for no other reason than wanting the baby out and those that are convinced their babies are too big so they need a c-section, etc... A lot of my friends are having babies right now and I really can't help myself from making comments here and there about it. I am being as nice as I can be and I'm not disappointed in my friends as much as I am the doctors! You know!? I have to keep reminding myself that it's not MY birth experience so I need to calm down. But, these sort of things is why we have one of the highest infant mortality rates, you know!? One of my "friends" (she was a friend from college, we are not all that close now), had a c-section because the doc said her baby was getting too big yesterday and she is in NICU because she had fluid in her lungs and a slight heart murmur AND she was only 8 lbs. Thanks for letting me vent, I've been steaming for a couple of weeks now and I can't really talk to many people about it in fear of offending someone. How do you react to friends and family when you feel so strongly about something?
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  #2  
January 22nd, 2010, 09:08 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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I know, it's really tough. I guess just remind yourself that there isn't anything you can do about it. Try to avoid the conversations. You don't have to actually be supportive, but it's not a good idea to try to change anyone's mind, if they are at the end of their pregnancies it's not a good time. So many emotions and we all know how tough it is at the end. Just try to hang in there!
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  #3  
January 22nd, 2010, 09:44 AM
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Sorry, that is a tough one. I just try and ignore it. Usually they don't want to hear my two cents about starting pitocin, needing an epi, which will slow their labor, fetal distress, and an eventual c-section. Especially in a first time mama. I figure they might just like the drama and attention . This is not for everyone, just those requesting inductions.
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  #4  
January 22nd, 2010, 09:49 AM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It is hard. My rule of thumb is that unless they are asking for advice I don't comment except to say that I wish them a wonderful birth. If someone asks my opinion about the issue I will give it. Often I find that the people who want to talk about NCB are ones who have already gone through a bad induction/c-section and want to avoid it next time around. I try to remember what it was like when I was a first time Mom or planning my first NCB and it was hard to hear people be negative about my birth choices (home birth) so I try to be respectful. Now, that doesn't mean I won't express my opinion to other friends or are midwives/doulas/NCB Mamas but I try not to say anything to the Mom directly because I know she probably feels she is making the best decision for her and her baby.
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  #5  
January 22nd, 2010, 10:05 AM
frugality=reality
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I try to remember that just as much as I dislike people's comments on my birth choice and feel it's none of their business, that it's not my place to put my unsolicited advice out there to them... and that it's really none of my business...


It's hard... I feel lots of things that I just don't voice when people are making choices that make me go, " "

Last edited by frugality=reality; January 22nd, 2010 at 10:11 AM.
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  #6  
January 22nd, 2010, 12:25 PM
oriel13's Avatar Tishauna
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ohio
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Unless asked I try to stay out of it. Yes it may still bother me but it's not my birth. The one exception was when it was my SIL, but even then I talked to my brother just to ask if they had considered other options. I know how it rubs me when people make unsolicited comments about my parenting and birthing choices, so I don't want to be "that person" toward someone else.
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  #7  
January 22nd, 2010, 12:34 PM
PixieQueen's Avatar Hi-Tech Hippie
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I also try not to say anything. Occasionally if they keep going on about it, I will finally say something, but usually I can bite my tongue. The birth experience is something different to every woman, and some of them don't even really care about the birth, just the baby, so they could care less how they get here.And I agree about not being "that person" to someone else. Apparently I sounded like that to a girl in my PR though. I was saying how glad I was that I didn't get a c/s because of the breech. Any type of surgery scares me out of my mind, as I've never had any before. Plus for me personally, the birth experience is important. The next day in my PR there was a post talking about how she felt she had to "defend" her c/s. Um, really, if you are happy with your c/s, fine. It's not my business. For me personally, I don't want one.
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  #8  
January 22nd, 2010, 01:37 PM
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I have learned not to even bother talkingt o my family or friends about my plans for a NCB, so I wouldn't even want to be in on a conversation pertaining to induction or c/section...

My OB was pushing me for induction and/or c-section... I went with a MW that was pushing for induction... I ended up doing quite a few natural rememdies and ended up having DD 2 weeks early... I didn't let anyone know but the ladies here and DH on my plans for trying to bring on labor naturally but didn't think it would have worked that well to be two weeks early...

I have strong feelings towardsc/s and induction... I was being told at 35weeks that DD was 7lbs 3oz via u/s and when she was born at 38 weeks she was 7lbs 1oz and I reemmber the OB telling me that DD was going to be a 9 pounder or more...

I had also learned to keep my mouth shut and not even bother reading posts in my DDC about the ladies who were having c/s, inductions, or asking about how they can have their baby early naturally... I did the natural way because I was going to be induced either way and am happy I didn't have to have cervical ripening agents but just ended up with Pit... and because I had GD...
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  #9  
January 22nd, 2010, 03:13 PM
tygrss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I keep my comments to myself unless my opinion is solicited. Like someone else said, I don't want to be "that person" and some people just care about getting he baby here. How isn't important. That's their right.

I just come here and vent.
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  #10  
January 22nd, 2010, 03:51 PM
noworries
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I also just try to keep my comments to myself. It usually doesn't help and just makes me more steamed if I do comment so I just don't.
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  #11  
January 22nd, 2010, 05:28 PM
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I just try to bite my tongue unless I'm asked for advice. It's hard, because I so badly want to say something, but I just try to remember that it isn't a good idea.
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  #12  
January 22nd, 2010, 07:56 PM
Aeterna's Avatar Super Speshil
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I've come to the point where I'll challenge a point or matter if it really piques my interest or I don't even touch the subject. I used to debate childbirth matters a lot, but over the years I've become burned out. Most arenas where these issues are discussed are not set up for formal debate so most tend to get intimidated or offended by any and all opposition. A big huge cry fest. I'm not really warm and fuzzy and I don't sugarcoat anything so what I say tends to turn most people off.

Most of the time I just ignore what I read in mainstream groups.
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  #13  
January 22nd, 2010, 11:15 PM
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After I had my NCB I got on my soap box a lot because it surprised me to be on the other side and have so many friends having non-medical inductions and c/s. It drove me NUTS! Finally I really saw that it didn't make a difference in what they chose or how they thought and I don't give advice anymore unless it is asked for. If someone asks me about it, I will tell them, but I really try to be polite about their choices too. I have really come to the conclusion that they have the right to their birth choice, what bothers me is when their doctors are not educated enough to educate the moms into what is safe/not safe. If a mom really understood her risks they wouldn't do most of what is done now. But yeah it can still bother me inwardly. Like the friend I talked with tonight who got induced with her 1st and 2nd at 39 weeks because her contractions never dilate her. The typical: "Doctor says I'm broken and can't labor on my own" thing. I just nod now.
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  #14  
January 24th, 2010, 12:13 PM
bkro9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Agree with most, I don't say anything. I just know that a lot of people don't have all the information as to WHY these things are dangerous or uneccessary, and I also don't enjoy hearing their opinions on my choice of birth so I'll stay out of theirs.
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  #15  
January 27th, 2010, 10:42 AM
Earthy.Mama's Avatar .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiff802 View Post
I am having an extremely hard time right now being sympathetic to those that are being induced for no other reason than wanting the baby out and those that are convinced their babies are too big so they need a c-section, etc... A lot of my friends are having babies right now and I really can't help myself from making comments here and there about it. I am being as nice as I can be and I'm not disappointed in my friends as much as I am the doctors! You know!? I have to keep reminding myself that it's not MY birth experience so I need to calm down. But, these sort of things is why we have one of the highest infant mortality rates, you know!? One of my "friends" (she was a friend from college, we are not all that close now), had a c-section because the doc said her baby was getting too big yesterday and she is in NICU because she had fluid in her lungs and a slight heart murmur AND she was only 8 lbs. Thanks for letting me vent, I've been steaming for a couple of weeks now and I can't really talk to many people about it in fear of offending someone. How do you react to friends and family when you feel so strongly about something?
You don't. I felt like this throughout my pregnancy with dd1 up until I became pregnant with dd2. Then I just let things go. I don't care. The only thing you can change is YOU, and you're doing so right now by having knowledge on this subject.

The only time I offer my advice is if it's asked or if they say something in regards to something I'm going to do that is completely false.

It's hard... **hugs** you're not alone...
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  #16  
January 28th, 2010, 10:16 AM
Momof4Boyz's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This usually starts with a convo about our previous childbirths and I like to just throw it out there that I had two inductions and they suck and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. And then I like to tell people (probably more times then they want to hear lol) about how wonderful my NCB was and that I EASILY had a 10 1/2lb baby and I'm not huge! Of course then they take offense because they think that there 8lb baby HAS to be a c-section lol. Oh well!
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  #17  
January 28th, 2010, 12:34 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Location: North Carolina
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I'll definitely vent to others, but wouldn't dare make those comments to the person choosing induction or c-section. My sister was recently induced at 41 weeks. I was so annoyed because not only was she always measuring a week behind, but I just assumed her doctor wanted to have the delivery done before Christmas (she was induced on 12-23). I did express my concerns of a c-section to my sister, but I also told her that if she was comfortable with an induction then that was what was important. I hope she didn't take offense to that because I don't want to be the know it all, holier than thou person. My DH also had to remind me that my sister and I are very different. She is okay with just letting a doctor tell her what needs to happen, when I want to make my own informed decision.
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  #18  
January 28th, 2010, 07:18 PM
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I also don't say anything. We didn't appreciate any unsolicited advice re: our homebirth so I agree with the OPs that I didn't want to be "that person"

As a side note, I HATE hearing about C/S for 'big babies' LOL
I had a lovely homebirth where a 9lb 6oz baby girl made her way into the world just FINE TYVM LOL
1/2 the time the u/s isn't even right about the size... I know a few people who had sections for big babies and they ended up just snatching our happily growing 7.5lb babies. Why don't people just leave well enough alone? Uggh.
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  #19  
January 30th, 2010, 06:17 AM
~ Christine ~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I try really hard really hard not to say anything, especially when it involves a scheduled section. It's not my place and at that point, people have already made their decisions. I try not the be that person, but it does drive me crazy.
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