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  #1  
January 27th, 2010, 08:47 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
Hello! I'm joining from the Stillbirth forum and the June 2010 DDC (Hi other June Mommies! Glad to see you here!).

My story (long, sorry!):

I had ds1 (my Jamie) in 2004...birth center water birth. He was due in July and we decided in February (took some convincing of dh though as pain meds during birth are the "norm" these days) of 2004 to have the baby in the birth center, unmedicated, in the water. We took a 6wk class + a breastfeeding class from a local group who provides doulas, photography, belly casting, classes, you name it they do it! It was somewhere in the realm of Bradley but didn't really have a label. We learned about the best positions for labor and WHY, we learned about deep breathing vs Lamaze breathing and WHY, we watched videos, sometimes had pseudo-therapy sessions lol as we were all first time parents and nervous. It was a blast! My labor was 24hrs start to finish. Was home the first 17hrs and checked into the birth center smiling and laughing at 5cm. 2 hrs later I was 7 and got in the tub, and at 5:30 pm got out to use the toilet and immediately needed to push because I changed positions. Baby was born at 6:05pm after only 5 pushes, as my contractions spaced out so much during that time. He was born in the water, in a dark room with only a flashlight for light. He came out and looked around quietly before letting out a little cry then continuing to take in the world around him. He is a nut but is so at peace with himself and comfortable and attached to us and I truly feel that the way he was born...into such a warm, loving, peaceful environment had something to do with that.

My 2nd child was conceived in July 2008 (edd 4/2/09) and at 20wks we discovered he had an omphalocele (some bowel in a small sac outside his abdomen) and a 2-vessel cord. We had to transfer care to a perinatologist who said "Oh you're one of THOSE" when they heard we had a waterbirth for ds1 lol. We had many ultrasounds to track his growth and were planning an unmedicated hospital birth as we had to deliver at a different hospital and a birthcenter and waterbirth were NOT an option wtih the omphalocele. Didn't even know if we'd get to hold him before he would be rushed to the NICU. We didn't take any classes this time. At 38wks my bp spiked and I was watched in the hospital for several hours and sent home despite my bp still being high. At 39 weeks we had a decent ultrasound but a crappy NST and again were sent home. Our hearts were broken 1 week later on 4/3/09 when we received confirmation that our baby, Joey, had passed away in utero. We decided we could not go home still pregnant and were induced with pitocin at 6pm that evening...i was already 3cm dialated. I felt some contractions but after many tearful family visitors (my parents stayed with us in the hospital, the nurses set up the room next to ours as our private family room and my aunts came to check on us) I was able to sleep through pitocin for 3hrs overnight. At 4a.m. my contractions had basically stopped, I was maxed out at 20. The nurse mixed a new bag of pitocin and the dr. broke my water at 5:30 a.m. at 5cm dialated. Started feeling contractions right away which I think was due more to the AROM than the pit. Got up and took a long shower from about 7:30-8:30. Got out and was standing/rocking/squatting and vocalizing during contractions after that trying to breathe baby down. At about 9:05 I called the nurse in to talk about pain meds because emotionally I was shot. Should have known I'd hit transition...I decided I didn't want what she offered me and she left. 5 mins later I was involuntarily pushing and dh ran for the nurse....and baby was born at 9:16 lol after only 1 push and the doctor only wearing 1 glove after sprinting into our room lol. Other than pit it was unmedicated. It was beautiful and memorable. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Everyone thought i was crazy for doing that without pain meds but I needed to feel everything to make that day and Joey real to me. Joey was so pure inside me, that even though things would not cross the placenta because his heart was not beating, I just didn't want to put anything into us and didn't want to cloud my mind with drugs.

So needless to say, #3 will also be unmedicated because if I can do a stillbirth without pain meds then i feel like anything else will be a breeze without the emotional crap. Because it is so close to my last birth, I'm not really looking forward to birth as I was with the first 2 lol...but I am getting more excited by the day. Giving birth, while feeling everything, is so empowering. I just love it. It is such a gift I can give to my babies to have their first hours of life outside not be clouded with drugs from my system. I am thinking of taking a refresher course this time just because there is so much I need to work through emotionally to prepare...but I don't feel that I need it to physically get through the birth. We are unsure if we will induce this time. THe peri we saw with Joey offered as early as 36wks, my regular ob offered 38wks and my midwife doesn't think we need to be induced and offered us the birth center again. Frankly, I'm glad we have plenty of options because I don't know what I'll be feeling those last weeks and if we will reach a point where I just CAN'T be pregnant anymore emotionally...I have a feeling that will be my due date since that is likely when Joey died.

Anyway...sorry this was so long. Dh and I are lovers of NCB, but also recognize the need to let the doctors be doctors if the situation calls for it...so we prefer NCB but are flexible if we need extra medical intervention.

I don't know how much I'll post because with a 5.5 yr old I don't get tons of time on the computer, but I will definitely be here more and more as my pregnancy progresses. Glad to have found you!
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Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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  #2  
January 27th, 2010, 09:18 PM
Tiff802's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 15,290
Oh wow! What a touching journey you've been through. It's nice to meet you! Thanks for sharing your story.
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Thank you for my beautiful siggy Vicki!

See my growing belly!

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  #3  
January 27th, 2010, 10:21 PM
3xCrazy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,915
hii, welcome fellow june DDC member
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  #4  
January 28th, 2010, 08:43 AM
noworries
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Posts: n/a
Glad to see you over here Kathryn.
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  #5  
January 28th, 2010, 10:41 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
Posts: 37,422
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Welcome to the board. I am so sorry for your loss and look forward to getting to know you through your new journey.
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  #6  
January 28th, 2010, 11:12 AM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,522
You're an amazing mother and strong woman Kathryn. Glad to have you among us. Congrats on #3!
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  #7  
January 28th, 2010, 01:55 PM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,232
Welcome. Thank you for sharing your journey with us - you are a very strong woman!
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Alison - Mom to: Emmeline (7/14), Augustus (2) Maximus (4) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (13) Christopher (14)

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  #8  
January 28th, 2010, 02:14 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 25,860
Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story
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  #9  
January 28th, 2010, 05:03 PM
niknok's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 1,841
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Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you've experienced such a tragic loss. Your two NCB's will definitely be an inspiration here.
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Come visit my blog!
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  #10  
January 28th, 2010, 06:48 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: south eastern Mass
Posts: 13,088
welcome! Thanks for joining us.
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  #11  
January 30th, 2010, 06:45 AM
~ Christine ~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 5,223
Welcome! I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

I think maybe a refresher course would be helpful in getting you back to the things you loved about the birth of your first.
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Forever missing our angel 8.31.07


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  #12  
January 30th, 2010, 07:35 AM
cheezpoofs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Buffalo, New York
Posts: 6,085
Hello and welcome! I am so sorry for the loss of your Joey.
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