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Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
February 2nd, 2010, 06:24 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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Although I want to be really supportive of my friend's choices when it comes to their births, I'm finding it hard not to grimace when someone tells me they aren't planning a NCB. I was recently with a friend of mine who I thought was somewhat aiming for a NCB but she told me her only real hope is to keep the baby out of NICU. I understand that fear but it made it obvious to me that she wasn't seroius about going natural.

I know it's her choice and I would never tell her she is wrong for choosing a different way than me but I still had a hard time controlling the emotions on my face.

How do you ladies handle it?
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  #2  
February 2nd, 2010, 07:10 AM
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I try not to talk to people about thier birth choices while they are pregnant, unless it's someone that is really close to me. I always have a hard time not picking apart someone's birth afterwords, though. A friend of mine just had a baby earlier this month and ended up in a c-section. She gave me a rundown of her birth story (water broke, they immediately started an induction, eventually baby's heartrate dipped, she changed position and she ended up with a c-section). Of course in my mind, I'm thinking "They didn't need to induce her, that probably led to her problems handling contractions, and if she would have been able to move around, she could have tried to get the baby in a better position to avoid a c-section" but I know it's best to just keep my mouth shut and say "Congrats" instead. It just makes me sad to see other woman go through so much with thier births when they don't have to.
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  #3  
February 2nd, 2010, 07:48 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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is that your friend that I met at Bryson's birthday?

I usually assume they will get an epi, or don't ask. With my best friend who had her first in October, I was shocked to hear she didn't get it! I never asked. We only got to see each other once in her pregnancy (she lives in Colorado) and I didn't want to mention anything over the phone.

What is her plan for keeping baby out of the NICU? Just curious.
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  #4  
February 2nd, 2010, 08:45 AM
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Yes, the same one. She was having a ton of cintrax at 32 weeks that they had to stop. She's nearly 36 weeks now and seeing midwives so they won't stop labor if it starts. I think the almost early labor scared her and now her most important thing is to have a healthy baby. It's just hard not to point out that the best way to achieve that is to go as naturally as possible.
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  #5  
February 2nd, 2010, 09:14 AM
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The only thing that really bothers me is inductions and c-sections for bogus medical reasons. If someone doesn't care, then it doesn't bother me, but then I start to wonder.. what if they do care? Should I say something in case they do? But what if they don't and I offend them?

I sent the spinning babies website to two friends that are pregnant and that's all I'm going to do unless asked.
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  #6  
February 2nd, 2010, 10:01 AM
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I have a hard time when people say "I'm going to try natural, but if it doesn't work out then I'm not gonna feel bad about it!"

Why would you even try then? If you are gonna try shouldn't that mean you know the extra risks and complications that can occur with inductions or eip's??

Oh I always like when people start talking about child birth and start talking crap about women who have natural births. Like "Why try to be a hero?" I just smile and nod. That happened once when DH was there and he actually stopped the women and told her that I had both of our kids naturally with no drugs! haha That shut them up!
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  #7  
February 2nd, 2010, 10:25 AM
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I just try not to discuss it anymore. Almost all my friends that have had c-sections had it for the same reason (water broke so they rushed to the hospital, Pit was started, didn't dilate fast enough for the OB and they had a c-section). Quite a few of them were only in labor for about 12-14 hours total and were at 7cm at least when the OB said the baby was too "big". None of them had babies over 8lbs. I'm pretty sure that the sections could have been avoided in most of their cases, but they made the choice that they were comfortable with.

What does bother me is when someone complains about their c-section/birth choice to me and how they wish they could have had an NCB like me. And if I ask why they had the epi or c-section it's for reasons like "oh I was a day overdue so OB induced me and then they thought baby would be too big, etc"
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  #8  
February 2nd, 2010, 10:55 AM
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nak........

i have learned to stay out of other people's birth plans....

the ignorant remarks i got from my plan for a ncb i decided not to try and convince anyone to have one... although they will never understand that everyone should at least attempt an ncb instead of going for meds/epi/section right off the bat...

yes i was on Pit and then got an epi... i had the epi for under 2hrs then it was shut off roughly 2hrs prior to pushing, but i can tell you i felt everything and all the pain was worth it made the experience so much more amazing...

i tried with giving info on ncb to a couple friends but got laughed at or ignored... its their loss not mine and their baby not mine.... i am still having guilt issues for getting the epi but am coming to amends with knowing my daughter wasnt exposed to the epi for long....
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  #9  
February 2nd, 2010, 12:37 PM
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I have a hard time hiding my reaction too. The thing that annoys me the most is "I am having a medically necessary induction on Thursday" (Say it's a Monday when this is said)...I don't think it's an emergency unless they do it THEN, like mine. Like they drew my blood and within an hour I was admitted, hooked up to Mag and started on cytotec (I know I know)....Then I always hear "well you got induced" .... for a totally different reason.
My friend is due in a month and has been flat out lied to by her OBGYN this entire pregnancy. First of all, they don't have tubs in any of the rooms (I toured the hospital she is delivering at when I was pregnant out of curiosity because they have an almost 70% c/s rate)... but her OBGYN is telling her she can have a water birth but she can't bring her own tub or anything ....she just doesn't get it. Now her OBGYN is telling her she might just need a scheduled c/s because teh baby is getting too big at "approximately 6lb" (at 36w) that is an ultrasound guess....she is always asking me for advice and info on NCb and I can't even talk to her about it anymore because I get so upset with the crap her doctor is telling her. Her doc also said epidurals prevent post partum pain. He isn't telling her about any of the risks associated with any of these interventions, and said once she hits 38w if she wants to induce she can. I was planning on going to her birth, but I told her I won't be able to now. I can't support that kind of situation. Her doc also said if she induces, she might have to do it at Methodist (over an hour away) because they're connected to Children's hospital since our hosital doesnt have a NICU..and she thinks that's her doctors way of keeping her and the baby safe! (He has rights at Methodist, and works there 2x a week for scheduled c/s because of the NICU)
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  #10  
February 2nd, 2010, 12:50 PM
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I'm going through the same thing. My brother and SIL are expecting their first and it is sooo hard to bite my tongue when they mention their plans for delivery. They are attending a birthing class and my brother told my mom that they plan to just trust their OB and whatever he recommends they will go along with. He also asked my mom why would I choose to have NCB when there are so many safe ways to not experience pain during childbirth. Is he kidding!? My mom didn't even know what to say! They just don't get it. SIL is due on 3/9 and will 36 weeks around 2/16 or something like that...she is convinced she will be having the baby right around the middle of Feb because she is full term. My mom tried telling them that you want the baby to keep cooking and that most women actually go passed their due date with their first....but of course they don't buy it. It should be interesting to hear how the birth goes. I really hope she doesn't end up needing a c-section. I know she doesn't want one...but with some of the decisions they are making, they are just setting it up.
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  #11  
February 2nd, 2010, 01:59 PM
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I guess it doesn't really bother me unless it's an elective c/s or an induction for some made up reason. I may mention the risks for one or the other, just as an FYI, but in the end it's their birth, not mine. I think it also depends on their attitude towards birth. For a lot of women, it's merely a means to an end. They don't really care about the experience, they just want the baby. If that's the case, I don't waste my breath. I care about my friends, but I just can't spend that much energy worrying about something I can't change. My SIL doesn't want an epidural, so she has asked me to be there to help her, but she's going to be in a hospital, and one I'm not familiar with, so I'm not sure how obnoxious they are going to be. For her it's worth investing in the energy!
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  #12  
February 2nd, 2010, 03:25 PM
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I used to be really rabid about NCB when I first came here 2.5 years ago. But I started examining what I really care about, and it's that 1. woman educate themselves, and 2. they stay connected to this most momentous moment of birth, staying connected to their baby, their partner, their body.

Yes we all know there are obvious increases in chances for things to go wrong when you welcome in drugs, inductions, fetal monitoring, etc. But sometimes those increased chances are so low they are worth it for the mom if she causes other problems with the birth by her not being able to stay calm or present because of the pain (or her anxiety causes the pain more likely). As long as she's educated to some degree, I don't really have a problem with her choice. It's not what I would do, but then again I'll probably do a lot of things with my children that others won't get or agree with and I sure as hell don't want to hear them preaching to me.

If you know someone isn't fortified in their decision to have NCB, perhaps ask what situations would make her go against her initial wish for NCB. I'd bet it's mostly fear and then perhaps you can address how she can deal with those fears, both now and in labor. And maybe suggest ways she can still stay connected to the experience and to her baby if she ends up getting an epi.
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  #13  
February 2nd, 2010, 04:00 PM
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I try not to say anything unless I am directly asked for my opinion. I know there are a lot of people who don't agree with our decision to birth at home but I am very grateful that nobody has said anything negative to me about it and I try to show others the same respect. I think that NCB is like any other decision in life, you can have the same set of facts and people will interpret them in different ways and come to their own decisions.

It does make me sad to hear when women lose faith in their own bodies because of things their care provider has said "Your baby is to big" or "You'll never go into labor on your own", etc. It just makes me more thankful for having such a supportive midwife!
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  #14  
February 2nd, 2010, 05:17 PM
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It also doesn't bother me as much when it's somebody's choice, when they say, "well, I know I can't take the pain so I'm definitely getting the epidural." Fine. I respect that, even though I know it's not true, LOL! But, what bothers me is when someone gets an unwanted outcome, like a c-section after getting unnecessarily induced, pitocin, epidural, etc. and they can't understand what happened, or their reasoning is that their body just didn't do it's job. "Thank goodness for the doctor's saving my little baby's life!" I really don't know how to react to that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOtherMichelle View Post
The only thing that really bothers me is inductions and c-sections for bogus medical reasons. If someone doesn't care, then it doesn't bother me, but then I start to wonder.. what if they do care? Should I say something in case they do? But what if they don't and I offend them?
I totally have those same thoughts, LOL! I just don't feel like people are as informed as they need to be and I know I wasn't informed with my first. I put all my faith in my OB and was really taught a lesson the hard way. You know, my husband and I kept saying, "Well, he's the professional so he must know what he's doing." I really wish someone would have had more faith in me and I would have been exposed to the information that is all around me today. I really don't know how to fully explain it, I am tired of feeling guilty for my first birthing experience, feeling like I should have researched more when I feel like most of the blame should go to the doctor's that like to pull the wool over our eyes and make us feel that we can't birth a baby without them and their "high technology"! So, all of that to say, what if that someone was like me? Like you, I don't want to miss the moment to change their experience, and possibly their life, for the better, but I fear offending someone. Sorry, getting off my soapbox.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alison79 View Post
It does make me sad to hear when women lose faith in their own bodies because of things their care provider has said "Your baby is to big" or "You'll never go into labor on your own", etc. It just makes me more thankful for having such a supportive midwife!
Ditto! Ditto! Ditto!
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  #15  
February 2nd, 2010, 07:39 PM
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You have to keep in mind that it is lack of true information that is causing these women not to question and not to ask the hard questions that tell you that maybe NCB is a better choice when everybody you know has an epi. I have had 3 c/s because I didn't educate myself. The last I thought I didn't have a choice anymore. I came across some information that told me different. Then I started to educate myself and my family and very few of them support me.
All any of us can do is to let all of the ladies around us know that not only can it be done it should be! Sometimes is needs to be women like me that have had the interventions and the resulting c/s because I was stupid to stand up and tell them what can happen to them, How it will feel when nothing goes according to our beautiful pain free "birth plan". You have to tell them and then you have to let them make there own mistakes.
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  #16  
February 3rd, 2010, 07:52 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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At this point, I don't say anything about their plans. I tend to agree with Shauna- I'm more concerned that the women around me haven't educated themselves about their options and what outcomes are possible depending on the choices they make. I consider myself very lucky with my first birth. I put all of my trust in my OB, had a relatively short labor for a first timer, got the epidural and just a few hours later had Lily. No pitocin, vacuum, or threat of c-section needed. Not everyone is that lucky though. My sister had an induction with her second because she didn't care to learn about her options, and she was tired of being pregnant. That really frustrates me, but that was what she was happy doing. You can't always change people like that.
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  #17  
February 3rd, 2010, 03:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by corny7474 View Post
My sister had an induction with her second because she didn't care to learn about her options, and she was tired of being pregnant.
Okay, so this one would get me going. Last time I checked, we didn't have children because they are convenient. And ask any woman if she'd die for her children and you'd get a "yes" without hesitation. So you'd give your life for your children, but you can't be pregnant for 2 more weeks? Really?
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  #18  
February 3rd, 2010, 07:28 PM
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Quote:
I totally have those same thoughts, LOL! I just don't feel like people are as informed as they need to be and I know I wasn't informed with my first. I put all my faith in my OB and was really taught a lesson the hard way. You know, my husband and I kept saying, "Well, he's the professional so he must know what he's doing." I really wish someone would have had more faith in me and I would have been exposed to the information that is all around me today. I really don't know how to fully explain it, I am tired of feeling guilty for my first birthing experience, feeling like I should have researched more when I feel like most of the blame should go to the doctor's that like to pull the wool over our eyes and make us feel that we can't birth a baby without them and their "high technology"! So, all of that to say, what if that someone was like me? Like you, I don't want to miss the moment to change their experience, and possibly their life, for the better, but I fear offending someone. Sorry, getting off my soapbox.
Exactly, many women say they don't care, but then again they have never known anything different. After having Anna, there is no way I could choose to have an induction or c-section for any reason other than it being medically necessary. Most women who get epidurals or choose inductions have never had the opportunity to have a NCB so they have no idea what they could be missing. With my first DD, I didn't really care either. It wasn't until AFTER her birth that I realized how important the birth experience was to me.

In our society today, it's totally normal for a woman to have a c-section or induction. We don't even look at it as being anything out of the ordinary because that is just "how it's done" in many people's eyes. We are taught that we should trust out OB (or midwife) and in many cases, they flat out lie to thier patients or mislead them. It just really bothers me that so many women will never know what could have been. Even if they say they are "fine" with the way things turned out, in reality, they had absolutely no control over the outcome of thier birth, even though they could have.
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  #19  
February 3rd, 2010, 10:29 PM
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I agree with a lot of what has been said. I also don't say much of anything anymore unless someone is close to me and I know won't be offended by my opinions. I have also realized that I am very much for women being in control of their birth experience and for women having CHOICES in birth. If they choose the epidural that is their choice and I respect it. I want the right to choose to NOT have the epi. But in saying that, I too wish that women were better educated on risks and even things like pain management. That doctors in this country didn't do things for their own convenience- not that all of them do- and that THEY were truly educated on what birth can REALLY be like. And there really are women who do feel it is a means to an end. But for me, the birth experience is so very important.

I do think if only those women really understood, they might choose differently. I didn't get it with my first either. I do now. And it took hearing powerful stories from women on the other side that made me examine my fear of childbirth. I have the biggest problem as well with the unnecessary interventions. Inductions and c-sections for reasons that are not warranted. My sister was induced a month before I had my first NCB, because she wanted a tax break and 'she doesn't go into labor on her own'- ahem at 39 weeks how would she ever know this?? She is very lucky that she has never had any other complications because of her inductions. Or my friend who has never had children and the doctors who tell her 'you will have to have c-sections because you have a small pelvis'. I nicely tried to tell her, no one knows that until you are actually IN labor. I wish I could save women from horrible experiences that aren't necessary, but I can't. So unless asked I don't say anything or I try to say it super nonchalant and then drop it.
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