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Will you or did you hire a doula?


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  #1  
March 7th, 2010, 07:06 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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Do you plan on hiring a doula? What are you reasons for doing so? If you have already had a doula present for a birth, how did you like it? Will you hire one again?
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  #2  
March 7th, 2010, 07:13 AM
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I have not had a doula in previous births. However, 2 weeks before Kya was born I had strong feelings that I needed one. I think I posted about it here or mentioned it in chat about how I felt the people I had arranged to be there weren't quite right. I wish I had listened to that instinct because I think labor would have been easier/more comfortable if I'd had a doula. In my head I expected my labors to go like the first two where I didn't want touching/talking or really any interaction. But I did want and crave all that with Kya's birth. I relished the moments my MW could come over and touch/talk/soothe me and I really wish I had someone there who could have done it the whole time.
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  #3  
March 7th, 2010, 08:28 AM
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I did not have one with Brylie and I really wanted one, but I didn't want to hurt Sam's feelings so I never said anything. I asked in passing how he felt about doulas because one of the girls in our Bradley class hired one and he said he felt like they replaced the father's spot

after Brylies birth we WILL be having a doula next time and Sam is 100000% a-okay with that!!!
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  #4  
March 7th, 2010, 09:38 AM
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I didn't have one with Lily. My best friend had taken the Bradley classes with me though and she pretty much acted as one. She'll be here (hopefully) for the new baby's birth as well.
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  #5  
March 7th, 2010, 10:03 AM
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My plans are to have my friend Valmarie act as my doula. She lives about 1.5 hours from me though so I'd love other women here to fill the room with lots of feminine energy. I've wanted Val to be my doula since I met her 2-3 yrs ago (she's an old friend of DHs) but I'd never asked her. She was in town this weekend (took yoga with me) so I told her my desire & she said she would love to.

Val actually delivered a baby just 3 wks ago. She was acting as doula for a friend who didn't get to the hospital in time so she delivered her baby while she was standing in the bathroom. Val dreamed of being a midwife when she was young & now she's fulfilled that in a way. She now teaches yoga and was in town to get education as a prenatal yoga instructor. I couldn't ask for a better doula.
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  #6  
March 7th, 2010, 10:52 AM
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I didn't have one with Noelle... I don't regret not having one...

Depending on how I feel next pregnancy I may look into hiring one if not will use a close friend... I didn't get the support I wanted/needed from DH... I honestly labored and birthed on my own with DH just watching... men
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  #7  
March 7th, 2010, 12:05 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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I did have one and loved having her with me. Would I have one in the future? I have no idea. If I have another child, it would be a VBAC and it would all depend on where that birth would be as my birth center does not do VBACs
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  #8  
March 7th, 2010, 12:25 PM
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We didn't hire a doula because of the cost and just in general not having done the research. Towards the middle/end of my pregnancy I started regretting it and looked into it a bit but didn't see any doula websites in my area where I felt like I'd be a good match for them with my intending to do hypnobabies. At the very end of my pregnancy though I wasn't stressing over it. And I think hiring one would have been a waste of money for me because my DH was a great support, and to be honest I didn't speak or open my eyes pretty much the entire time, and I didn;t want to be touched... so I think I would have banished the doula to the corner of my room with my husband.
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  #9  
March 7th, 2010, 01:01 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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we did hire one with Cadie and she was a life saver. With my horrible back spasms she was the one who knew to put pressure on my lower back the entire time. The nurse was very busy with her monitors and checklists. I don't know if I would have made it without her.

This time we are having a homebirth so we will not be having a doula- our midwife will be coming with 2 assistants/students who I already know (they are at every appointment) so I think that will be enough people. Plus we will most likely be paying for the whole birth ourselves so we don't need an added expense.
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  #10  
March 7th, 2010, 01:23 PM
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I didn't with Ethan, but am this time. DH is great, but he's even more high-strung than I am, so I think she'll be wonderful keeping both of us calm. Honestly, I felt like I gave-up control with Ethan's birth & don't want to do that again. I think having someone there who's not having the contractions will help.
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  #11  
March 7th, 2010, 01:48 PM
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I don't understand how a doula would help me any more than my DH. I'm having him read a book about being my birth partner and how he can support me. It has instructions with pictures on how to rub my sacrum. I'm telling him in advance that he's got to be my advocate when it comes to refusing all meds (I don't even want to be asked, I want communication to go through him), and he's got to be in charge of making sure my music gets played, the lighting is dimmed, etc. I don't want any strangers around or anyone but him. So, even if a doula was free, I can't imagine that I'd want one there. Am I missing out on anything extra that a doula can contribute?
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  #12  
March 7th, 2010, 02:34 PM
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We didn't have one with Brayden and I really wish I had listened to my gut and hired one. I looked into hiring one but the cost was an issue, plus I let DH and my family talk me out of it. Bad idea. Turns out that DH did not respond well under the pressure when I was in labor and it would have been nice to have someone there just as continuous support for me.

This time I have already hired someone even though we're having a homebirth. My midwife and her back-up will be there of course but I like the idea of having someone who is there as soon as I need her, for nothing else than to help me through the whole experience. Especially because I can anticipate DH's anxiety and this time I won't have expectations that he's not able to meet. It helps that she's had 4 homebirths of her own (7 kids total) and I think she will bring a wealth of knowledge to the birth.
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  #13  
March 7th, 2010, 02:35 PM
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We are planning to have a doula here, the same one that attended Eleanor's birth but she is due one week after me and I tend to go late so I know there is a good possibility that she may be in labor or have a baby before I have mine I loved having her here though, it was amazing. I also had a close friend and her family here to watch the kids along with my midwife and her assistant. My DH is very hands on and an amazing support but having a Doula there who knows so much about birth and just being an extra set of hands with the kids was perfect.
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  #14  
March 7th, 2010, 02:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TTCFirstinOR View Post
I don't understand how a doula would help me any more than my DH. I'm having him read a book about being my birth partner and how he can support me. It has instructions with pictures on how to rub my sacrum. I'm telling him in advance that he's got to be my advocate when it comes to refusing all meds (I don't even want to be asked, I want communication to go through him), and he's got to be in charge of making sure my music gets played, the lighting is dimmed, etc. I don't want any strangers around or anyone but him. So, even if a doula was free, I can't imagine that I'd want one there. Am I missing out on anything extra that a doula can contribute?
Honestly I had some similar thoughts in my first pregnancy. I thought DH and the nurses would be there to help me and I let the people around me convince me that I didn't need a doula. However DH was not able to respond to me in labor in ways that I really needed. He was stressed by the long birth and how helpless he felt when he saw me in pain, not to mention when the staff kept saying they needed to do this or that and I didn't want it - they can be very powerful in convincing a husband that a procedure is vital for the safety of his wife and child, that's a pretty tough spot to be in when you as the mother don't agree. Not to mention that nothing DH did was helping and we both felt overwhelmed. Then once I finally threw in the towel and got the epi and he was free to go eat, take a nap, or whatever, I got upset because I was still so uncomfortable and couldn't sleep or eat (and really just needed someone to keep me company) that I ended up being pretty mad at him (rational or not, that's how I felt). So I guess I typed all that to say that putting all of those responsibilities on partners may lead to some unwanted feelings if he isn't able to do/be everything you need or even when he needs to take a break to keep himself together. That's all something to consider while deciding if you may want someone else available to you. However you guys could also be an awesome team and not have any issues at all, it's not like it hasn't been done before!
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  #15  
March 7th, 2010, 05:26 PM
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Because of the way I typically labor (very internal and unable to express my needs/wants) my DH doesn't know what to do for me. He gets very awkward during labor and unsure of himself. Really, no one has EVER really known how to help me during labor except my last MW but she was busy with other things and wasn't able to "help" as much as I would have liked.
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  #16  
March 7th, 2010, 08:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TTCFirstinOR View Post
I don't understand how a doula would help me any more than my DH. I'm having him read a book about being my birth partner and how he can support me. It has instructions with pictures on how to rub my sacrum. I'm telling him in advance that he's got to be my advocate when it comes to refusing all meds (I don't even want to be asked, I want communication to go through him), and he's got to be in charge of making sure my music gets played, the lighting is dimmed, etc. I don't want any strangers around or anyone but him. So, even if a doula was free, I can't imagine that I'd want one there. Am I missing out on anything extra that a doula can contribute?

Those are the exact reasons we didn't hire a doula - and honestly I think it would've been so wonderful to have someone not emotionally attached helping me kwim? Like, when I was in so much pain I was chewing on towels to keep from asking for an epidural, it KILLED my husband to see me like that. He did everything and more for me, but it was emotionally exhausting for him. My nurse really REALLY stepped up and basically became my doula. My husband is more obsessed with me not having an epidural than I am, and he can knock out any position in the book and tell you what it helps with - but when they get so stressed out, exhausted, etc. sometimes they forget everything they know. thats just my opinion on the subject
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  #17  
March 7th, 2010, 10:05 PM
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I thought my husband would be enough in the delivery room and even kind of put aside the thought of having a doula---I felt like it was a "waste" of money. Then after TALKING to one, and then another (who I absolutely LOVE) I couldn't be more excited! Our doula is actually the one who does the hypnobabies classes out here so I'm glad I will have her helping me focus with that. She also does something with oils, my midwife said a lot of the nurses in the hospital always talk about how nice the room smells when she's attending a birth!
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  #18  
March 8th, 2010, 02:14 AM
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We aren't hiring one, and to be completely honest I don't think I ever will if we have more kids.
I am not a fan of people being all touchy feely, telling me to breathe and relax and stay calm.
DH says if we had a doula I would end up punching them out
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  #19  
March 8th, 2010, 10:11 AM
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My Midwife and her assistant are both Doulas. So technically we have a Doula.
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  #20  
March 8th, 2010, 11:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JennTheMomma View Post
My Midwife and her assistant are both Doulas. So technically we have a Doula.
That's how it was for my last birth too. But it ended up that my MW was too busy doing prep work and such and didn't have as much time to devote to ME. And the Assistant didn't get there until after Kya was born.
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Last edited by Kelllilee; March 8th, 2010 at 11:13 AM.
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