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Feeling like a bad mommy


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
September 13th, 2010, 03:57 PM
MaggieLizer's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Loo-uh-vull, KY
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Wish we still had an intact care board here, so I could post this there.

The pedi Vincent saw today retracted him a little bit. It happened so fast and I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. I had been so nervous about his shots today and none of the other doctors he has seen in my presence have retracted him so I just wasn't really thinking about it.

Then I got to thinking how my MIL (who said I should have circ'd him) has diapered and bathed him before without me there and I'm sure she doesn't know not to so I don't know if she has or not either. And he was seen by other pedi's in the hospital after birth and I wasn't there then either. I just hadn't thought much about it. I feel so bad now.

What do you say to a doctor who thinks they have to do that? I don't know if he has been retracted before and if he has I don't know how many times. I know he's okay and I can't do anything about it, I just don't want anyone to do it again. Also, does anyone have any good links about intact care that I could share with friends and family who might be caring for him?
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  #2  
September 13th, 2010, 05:02 PM
marmeeof5's Avatar Host of Green Mommies
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Location: sunny Florida!
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You're right to try to inform those who share in his care in the future, but don't beat yourself up over the past!
You love him and things happen that we don't always see coming or can control. He will be okay! A bad Mommy wouldn't be informed, wouldn't care and wouldn't worry! You're a great Mommy!!! hugs!
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  #3  
September 13th, 2010, 05:28 PM
alicenwonderland's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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huh, thats odd. Even basic care books now say to wait to retract until he is able to do it himself.
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  #4  
September 13th, 2010, 05:44 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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Location: south eastern Mass
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I don't know a thing about this, sorry. but hugs! not a bad mommy!!
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  #5  
September 13th, 2010, 05:51 PM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You are not a bad mommy!! I dont have any links right this second but I know there are some in my PR. For now care is just wash like any other apendage. Our DS is turning 3 soon and we havent had to do anything other than wash it gentley in the bath.
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  #6  
September 13th, 2010, 07:01 PM
~TreeGrl~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Both my boys are intact and I actually said point-blank to our doctor after something similar happened to me at my ds first appt. that I didn't want him to retract him EVER. He hasn't tried since, and it was a non-issue with our second. If I felt that there was an issue of him not listening to me, I went as far as printing something like this.
Intact Care Agreement

As far as care you have to do nothing. I wash them just as I would wash any body part--honestly I hardly touch them there at all. My oldest is almost 5 and hasn't retracted yet on his own.
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  #7  
September 13th, 2010, 07:23 PM
wonderfullymade's Avatar Doula & MW Apprentice
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I had a near as well.. at church a woman was in the middle of changing him (nursery) and I saw her reach for a new wipe. As she went for his penis, she said she was curious why I chose to leave him intact because they were harder to clean. I knew she meant to retract and I put up the 'stop hand' and yelled STOP!

Once I had everyone's attention (without meaning to) I explained that it was understandable that many people think an intact penis has to be retracted to clean but that they came out with more recent research.. blah blah blah... I didn't want her to think I was pointing the finger at her.. but she was an older woman who knew old information.

She apologized after not speaking to me for a good few weeks, then asked me to teach the other nursery workers the research I knew about so that no other boys would be retracted.

You are NOT a bad mommy... I still can't believe i yelled at this dear older woman and honestly don't know if I would again if it happened so quick. It happens fast, and, oftentimes, we are hit up side the head with it and a little shocked into silence... or we might fall on the other end of the spectrum and have a knee-jerk reaction and yell at senior citizens... either way, it is a fine line... you did SOOO good to keep him whole, you are NOT a bad mommy!
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  #8  
September 14th, 2010, 06:56 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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maybe you should find a new pedi? At least talk to him/her and see what the response is. You shouldn't have to educate a pediatrician on intact care!
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  #9  
September 14th, 2010, 07:15 AM
noworries
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My pedi gave me a print out of how to care for an intact penis and on there it specifically says not to retract it until it retracts on its own. I copied that and gave it to my mom and mil. And now I'll be giving it to the church daycare when he is old enough to go in there.
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  #10  
September 14th, 2010, 08:27 AM
MaggieLizer's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I e-mailed my MIL with a link with some info about it and will make sure I talk to anyone else about it before they take care of him. I think I will print out an Intact Care Agreement to take to his next appointment.

Cheryl, we started out with a family practitioner and he never retracted him, but we just switched to a group pedi office with 4 doctors and I hope to see all of them at least once to figure out who we are most comfortable with. We saw one of them two weeks ago and he didn't retract either so I guess I had let my guard down when we saw the second one yesterday. Ugh. I will definitely bring it up first thing next time we are there and we probably won't be seeing that doctor again. Except for this incident I have been pleased with the care he has gotten at this practice, which is good because since we receive state Medicaid for him we don't have too many options.
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  #11  
September 14th, 2010, 09:50 AM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OK, now maybe I should be worried. Since we decided to not circ our son I have always just known to not retract it until it did so on it's own. I had no idea that is "new" info and people might be still be under the impression it needs to be retracted. I know our pedi didn't and wouldn't retract him as he was the one who encouraged us to not circ him. He didn't really spend any time with anyone who didn't know when he was a baby or not potty trained, so I guess its a non-issue, but geez I should ahve been more aware!
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