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question regarding circ...


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  #1  
September 18th, 2010, 10:24 PM
horseradishmayo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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for those of you with intact sons, HOW did you convince your hubby to keep your son intact? (if they were against it)

i brought up circ'ing and my husband has this "i have a penis so it's up to me" attitude. i just want him to research and read the things i have read before he makes a decision. i think i can get him to read some info, but i'm afraid he's going to be REALLY stubborn about this.

just looking for some advice, TIA!!
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  #2  
September 18th, 2010, 10:34 PM
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I'll see if I can find some of the websites that finally convinced DH. One of the big ones for him was a site that explained (and showed pictures) of damage/scarring from circumcisions. There is a lot of great information out there on the benefits of leaving him intact
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  #3  
September 19th, 2010, 04:31 AM
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Just because he has a penis doesn't mean much, it's not his penis getting mutilated. And I say that as a mom of 2 circed sons. The procedure is really terrible. If you do it, please make sure your son is fully numbed. Steven can feel free to message me on Facebook with questions about our experience.
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  #4  
September 19th, 2010, 06:01 AM
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sam watched a movie by penn and teller about circumcision ... and then he started really researching circumcision and he is actually quite pissed that he is circ'd now. (Not pissed enough to use one of those things to make your foreskin go back, but he wishes he was intact)

The penn and teller movie is pretty good - and very brutally honest!
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  #5  
September 19th, 2010, 06:40 AM
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I didn't have to convince my DH, because he didn't care one way or another. But I was prepared just incase I did have to. There are a number of websites out there, and even videos that you can look at and show your DH. I have a DVD on circumcision because I'm a childbirth educator and I show it to my class, they can opt out to not see it though, I don't force that on them. It's unbiased and was made for both sides of the coin, you could ask your hopsital, birth center, or midwife if they have the video of that.
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  #6  
September 19th, 2010, 07:33 AM
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I didn't have to convince my husband about it because we watched the Penn and Teller: BS! episode about circumcision long before I got pregnant. That episode alone made both of us realize how harmful, unnecessary and unfair circumcision is and we are both very strong intactivists who often speak out against circumcision now. Penn and Teller lay it all out on the line in the BS episode and I hear that this is one particularly effective teaching tool for stubborn husbands, just because of the way Penn and Teller are and speak and the way they present the topic. There are so many articles and videos available online too: videos of the procedure being done, studies showing that circumcision has zero health benefits, articles from many sources listing why circumcision shouldn't be done, websites about the possible complications (both immediate and delayed). I'd probably start with the Penn and Teller episode (I'm a huge fan of them!) and if nothing else works, I hear that doctors will generally not perform the operation if one parent says that they do and will not consent to circumcision and will bring a lawsuit if the procedure is done, especially if that parent is the mother. Some people don't consider this issue a "hill to die on", but I do. It's about rights to his body and genital integrity for your son, not who else happens to have a penis besides him.


PS: Chelsea, I'm so glad Sam finally came around. I know that was a burden of worry for you before...
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  #7  
September 19th, 2010, 08:21 AM
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Luckily Dh isn't circed, so he convinced me. And I am glad. See if you can get him to look up the you tube video on plastibell circumcision. I watched it recently (still not sure why) but it about made me sick. I understand that it's a very personal decision and that everyone has the right to make it, but everyone should have to see what is being done to their son before making that choice.
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  #8  
September 19th, 2010, 08:23 AM
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Well, I went about it a different way, because I know my DH well....I basically told him that if he really felt that strongly about getting it done, HE could find a dr to do it (there are not many around here), HE could make the appointment, take the baby, AND change all his diapers, bandages whatever until it was healed. I basically said that I would have nothing to do with it and it was up to him alone to get it done. That killed that conversation right there...DS is intact!
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  #9  
September 19th, 2010, 08:29 AM
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Your not going to like my answer.... I told him prior to TTC that I wasn't going to even try to get pregnant until he agreed not to mutilate our children. He thought I was bluffing... Untill I changed the TTC date when I had baby fever BAD! I found something that he cared about that I really didn't (baptizing) so I agree to let our child get baptized to keep them intact. But if he would have pushed it I'm so against it I would have got a court order and left him, I'm not staying married to a man who would do that to a child. (again I'm in the extreme about this topic, I know that. its really something VERY important to me).
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  #10  
September 19th, 2010, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathode View Post
Well, I went about it a different way, because I know my DH well....I basically told him that if he really felt that strongly about getting it done, HE could find a dr to do it (there are not many around here), HE could make the appointment, take the baby, AND change all his diapers, bandages whatever until it was healed. I basically said that I would have nothing to do with it and it was up to him alone to get it done. That killed that conversation right there...DS is intact!
I love that! Flip it on them!

We had gone into the hospital thinking we were going to circ' our son. A nurse told us that our insurance didn't cover it in hospital so we would have to do it later at our doc's office. Long story short our indecision finally became a decision, not to circ'. There was no one close that we knew that did it and our ped gave us a lot of info regarding the risks of doing it as an outpatient and his reasons for not doing it anymore. So we just decided to not do it. DH's dad is intact because he was born in Holland and Europeans just don't really do it. DH never knew. So I get irritated when people say they did it because they don't want DS to be weird about looking different than daddy. Chances are they either aren't going to notice or see. While potty training our DS has seen DH's penis (trying to teach to aim hehe) but he hasn't said a word about it looking different. Outside of potty training when are they going to inspect eachother's junk?
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  #11  
September 19th, 2010, 10:03 AM
horseradishmayo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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crap my original post got eaten!!

anyway, thanks so much to everyone for your advice.

i think i am going to go in with the attitude that if he can read, and watch everything that i do regarding circ and still feels that strongly about it, then he can be in the room with the baby when he gets it done, and he can change all of his diapers until it's healed. i don't want to go in too defensive because i'm afraid it will back fire.
i just don't want him making this decision blindly....he NEEDS to do research.
he thinks intact penises are ugly which is so stupid...all penises are ugly!!
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  #12  
September 19th, 2010, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by passthehay View Post
crap my original post got eaten!!

anyway, thanks so much to everyone for your advice.

i think i am going to go in with the attitude that if he can read, and watch everything that i do regarding circ and still feels that strongly about it, then he can be in the room with the baby when he gets it done, and he can change all of his diapers until it's healed. i don't want to go in too defensive because i'm afraid it will back fire.
i just don't want him making this decision blindly....he NEEDS to do research.
he thinks intact penises are ugly which is so stupid...all penises are ugly!!
Haha!! True! You can go at it from the "He will be more sensitive, therefore have a better sex" angle. That might trigger some sort of manly thing.
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  #13  
September 19th, 2010, 10:27 AM
horseradishmayo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Originally Posted by BobittyBoo View Post
Haha!! True! You can go at it from the "He will be more sensitive, therefore have a better sex" angle. That might trigger some sort of manly thing.
that and the fact that, when they are hard they pretty much look the same...with a little more skin.
and i read all these testimonies from women who prefer intact men...it made me wish i had experienced it, since all of my ex-bf's are circ'd
but i won't let him see that stuff...i don't want to make him feel bad. hahahaha
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  #14  
September 19th, 2010, 10:42 AM
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Another one that got my DH is that it's possible for babies to die from circ complications. He feels that risk, while small, isn't worth it for something that's not medically necessary.
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  #15  
September 19th, 2010, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by passthehay View Post
crap my original post got eaten!!
he thinks intact penises are ugly which is so stupid...all penises are ugly!!
a newborn son's bloody, cut penis that was caused by your decision is hands down more uncomfortable for a father to look at than an intact penis that any future partners might have to encounter. seriously.

walter was circumsized in the hospital, i was distracted when it happened and it healed really well. there were no issues, and at the time i was a different person and didn't think twice about it.

with sam, i really didn't want to do it, but i fell in to the "i want him to look like me and his brother" story and regret it terribly. he had it done at the birth center, i made my husband be in the room with him. they didn't use anesthetics, and he had to watch sam strapped to the table laying in his blood, poop, and pee. he can't even talk about it. and i waited in the waiting room, listening to his out of control screaming for 10 minutes and couldn't do anything.

it's mutilation. i feel abusive that i let it happen. i'm ashamed. it's so easy to deny any of it when you don't have to see or hear it. but i agree, that if you educate him and make him see what will happen to a child he loves as much as sarah, i bet there will be no discussion anymore.
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Last edited by bostoncreampie; September 19th, 2010 at 10:51 AM.
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  #16  
September 19th, 2010, 11:11 AM
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I just told him that quite a few dr's are in the camp that babies can't feel pain and that they don't anesthetize the LO for it, also that Alberta Health doesn't cover it.
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  #17  
September 19th, 2010, 12:05 PM
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When I told him insurance didn't cover it that was all it took - which is funny because we paid out of pocket for our home birth! But, he's really glad we didn't circ our sons. My midwife recently posted this:

"The rate of circumcisions in the United States has dropped significantly in the last three years, from 56 percent in 2006 to 33 percent in 2009, according to a recent review of data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)."
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  #18  
September 19th, 2010, 05:28 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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that Penn & Teller is pretty good. Not sure if you have netflix, but if not I am sure youtube has it. good luck!
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  #19  
September 19th, 2010, 06:54 PM
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The Penn and Teller video had and effect on me, but DH is still adamant. I've been trying to look up the cost to see how he feels about that. I haven't been able to find a price for that though. I think it's under "cosmetic surgery" through our insurance and therefore not covered.
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  #20  
September 19th, 2010, 07:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by passthehay View Post
crap my original post got eaten!!

anyway, thanks so much to everyone for your advice.

i think i am going to go in with the attitude that if he can read, and watch everything that i do regarding circ and still feels that strongly about it, then he can be in the room with the baby when he gets it done, and he can change all of his diapers until it's healed. i don't want to go in too defensive because i'm afraid it will back fire.
i just don't want him making this decision blindly....he NEEDS to do research.
he thinks intact penises are ugly which is so stupid...all penises are ugly!!
Your husband sounds a LOT like my SO!! That is exactly what he said! He pulled all the anteater crap, the he will be the only white boy not circumcised, you name it he said it! End of the line I said that until he did ALL of the research I did, watched every video I did, found his own research that I would reciprocate watching, etc that there wasn't a chance Owen was being circumcised. Owen is intact. He wasn't willing to do the work or have the conversations so I was victorious for Owen. Annnnd what is even better is how many drs and people that know about him being intact have said how great it is right in front of Ryan.
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