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  #1  
October 8th, 2010, 10:39 PM
horseradishmayo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i feel like everyone who is into NCB tells me that i need a doula, and at first i wanted one...but the more i think about it, the more i'm not sure if i really want or need one. when i was in labor with my daughter i didn't want anyone around besides my husband. i felt uncomfortable having people seeing me in pain, i felt weird breathing deeply and vocalizing through contractions in front of them (before the epi obvi.) i wanted everyone to go away and leave me alone. even when the nurses were trying to help me push by counting and stuff like that, i just wanted them to shut the hell up!
i know some of you didn't use a doula and had great experiences, i would love to hear them if you don't mind sharing.

ETA i don't want to diss anyone who is a doula, or who has used a doula....i think doulas are wonderful....this is just a personal thing.

ETA2 i just read the poll thread about whether or not people used a doula and read some stuff in there, but if anyone else has anything they'd like to add, i would love to hear it.
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Last edited by horseradishmayo; October 8th, 2010 at 10:45 PM.
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  #2  
October 9th, 2010, 05:44 AM
noworries
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I didn't use a doula for any of my births and i didn't feel like I ever needed one.
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  #3  
October 9th, 2010, 05:48 AM
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I did not have one for my 1st, I decided I would prefer to have one for my 2nd. That said I was able to have a successful natural childbirth with my first without one, and I do not think not having one diminished that experience at all.
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  #4  
October 9th, 2010, 07:53 AM
Angel.Eyes4351's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'll let you know hopefully in a couple of days. I don't have a doula... I'm not opposed to them, I actually think I would benefit from one, but just can't afford one.
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  #5  
October 9th, 2010, 08:22 AM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have had 3 NCB's and did not use a doula for any of them. With my first labor my mom was my coach. She was great! She had taken Bradley when she had me and my sister and was the person to really encourage me to try a NCB.

With my second, my DH was my coach and he was great as well! My mom was also there kind of as a back up I suppose but we didn't really need her. DH was wonderful on his own.

Third, my DH and my mom. Honestly at this point I almost wish my mom wasn't there. I had a home birth with a midwife and that was plenty. DH liked having my mom there but only because my labor was so stinkin' fast he had her calling his parents while he was calling the midwife getting her to hurry up! (it was 2 hours and 20 mins btw)

For me personally NCB wasn't a choice. I'm not sure if that is because it was how I was raised or I made the decision in my head and never looked back. But I know I could get through it no matter what and I had made it through 2 labors before I REALLY knew what a doula was.

I think if you are going to go sans doula then have your DH read up on some things to help relieve some pain. Simple things like applying pressure to your lower back if you have back labor or work on types of massage you like. I think you need to be on the same page as a couple and he needs to have some tricks up his sleeve.

Good luck!!
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  #6  
October 9th, 2010, 08:38 AM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Now I think about it a lil more, the other side of it is advocacy. Where are you giving birth? I think if you are having a hospital birth then it might be more important to have a doula or really be sure your DH knows what you want. But more importantly I think being informed about all your choices and side effects and in what situations you might allow certain things is critical! You can still do it without a doula if you choose, but read read read!

If you are going to a birth center or doing a home birth than that is a little less crucial.
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  #7  
October 9th, 2010, 08:45 AM
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I'm glad you think doulas are wonderful even if you don't feel you need one. I don't know if you need one or not,but I certainly did otherwise it would have been me and the nurses,and they were nice enough,but didn't give me what I needed in terms of emotional support and they only held my hand once or twice. If you have someone to fulfill all your needs without a doula then I guess you don't need one. I'm just so great full I had one.

If you can't afford one try and find a volunteer one or a student.
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  #8  
October 9th, 2010, 09:17 AM
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The nice thing about a doula is that they are paid to do what YOU want. My doula massaged my back, held my hand, helped me change positions, and get back and forth to the bathroom. When I hit transition I told her to back of and she did. I know I could have done without her but I'm glad I had her just to chat with when DH was sleeping, eating, showering, etc. I never expected to have an 18.5 hour labor so the entertainment factor was worth it.
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  #9  
October 9th, 2010, 12:07 PM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm the same way, Jac, I would rather have my space. Then again, I didn't end up with a natural birth and who knows if a doula would've helped.

I really, really would have to click with someone to want them in the room. I know a couple doulas locally and was offered free doula services from one (for helping her with her website), but do not regret not having one. I really felt like DH was my advocate and he with my nurses were great.

If DH hadn't been so on top of things, I probably would have gotten one. He was the one asking all the questions in the birth class and reading the books I brought home before I even had a chance .
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  #10  
October 9th, 2010, 02:55 PM
bostoncreampie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I didn't use a doula and am glad, I did fine without. The idea of having a non-friend there that I pay to act as my support person feels very uncomfortable to me. A close friend, maybe. I am private and wanted no one but my midwifes and husband there. During Sam's labor, I never felt like I needed anything. I did just fine. It was great.
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  #11  
October 9th, 2010, 05:12 PM
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i agree and disagree. My doula was great until transition. then i wasn't listening to anyone. I screamed at her to shut up and wanted her to come home. she apparently held my legs while i pushed, but i don't remember.

She was amazing while in active labor though. I really think i would have gotten the epidural if it weren't for her. She really helped me manage my back labor, and keep me moving.

At the time i hated her for not helping me with drugs, but i am so grateful now! Almost everyone in my DDC is complaining about spinal headaches, and are being hospitalized. I only have to nurse my tender bum, and deal with nursing issues. Can't imagine feeling like crap on top of that.
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  #12  
October 9th, 2010, 05:45 PM
Jannell's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I had one but affter was totally like oh I didn't really need her. All I wanted was my DH but she helped my DH a lot(he told me afterwards) which I didn't notice in labor! lol
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  #13  
October 9th, 2010, 07:09 PM
horseradishmayo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Monica, i wished you lived closer....you might be the only one i'd let in the room besides Steven or my mom.
Quote:
The idea of having a non-friend there that I pay to act as my support person feels very uncomfortable to me.
Kristen, that's pretty much how i feel.
i feel less weird for feeling that now that i know others feel that way.
thanks everyone for sharing your experiences with me!
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  #14  
October 9th, 2010, 08:06 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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No one can tell you what you need. I do think a doula for a hospital birth is a huge asset, or tool in your toolbox. My doula was amazing and I don't know how I would have managed without her. My nurse was very busy with her monitors and checklists and just not available for support. My doula knew to put pressure on my lower back, which was a lifesaver. Otherwise she was pretty quiet. She wasn't a stranger by any means, because we spent a lot of time from 18-40 weeks talking. We also took our classes with her so that helped too. I felt very comfortable with her.

I don't think a doula should advocate for their client. They can support and empower the parents, but should never get in the middle, if they do I tend to think that is over stepping bounds.

For Vivian's birth my friend ended up being at my house and she essentially was my doula. The way things ended up my midwife and her assistants were only here for a few hours, just because I didn't believe I was actually in labor. She was fantastic, and John again took a back seat. She ran my bath, pushed on my back, braided my hair for me and even found our middle name for us! She gave me sips of water and she knew when I was changing stages. Little things can mean a lot. Once my midwife and assistants arrived, she still played a big role. I'm pretty sure she was holding my hand when Vivian came out. It was cool because I was at her son's birth too.

these are just my experiences. I love having the feminine energy around me when I am giving birth so it was perfect for me. If you don't feel you need one, then trust your instincts.
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  #15  
October 9th, 2010, 09:51 PM
horseradishmayo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i think (i hope) Steven will be all the support i need. birthingnaturally.net has some great labor tools and techniques that i will have him read. he is more likely to read a web site than a book...unless i strategically place one in the bathroom and hide the one he is currently reading in there.
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  #16  
October 10th, 2010, 06:05 AM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by passthehay View Post
unless i strategically place one in the bathroom and hide the one he is currently reading in there.
That's what I did!
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  #17  
October 10th, 2010, 06:28 AM
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I didn't have one for Brylie's birth and all things considered it went incredibly well. I did have an amazing nurse and midwife and my husband advocating for me though, when things got scary.

We are using a doula this time, per Sam's request. we met a doula after Brylie's birth through a friend of a friend, and have built an amazing relationship with her so I am very comfortable with her being there. I also figure, doulas, midwives, OB's, L&D nurses; they've seen it all! my freak out is nothing new to them. (WIth Brylie's birth I was laying in bed crying begging for my mom..I felt like a hugee jacka-- after the fact, but I doubt I'm the first person to ever want their mom during transition, kwim?

anyway, that's just my perspective on the uncomfortable thing I'm pretty private and modest, but I'm guna try it. We regret not having one with Brylie, only because it was soooo long and so intense for so long, and soo unexpected. Sam told me in the hospital that he wanted one for bebe #2.
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  #18  
October 10th, 2010, 09:13 AM
bre4thewin's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If you dont want a Doula then dont get one! Easy as that. A lot of woman use Doula's that wan a natural hospital birth because they want/need for someone to speak for them while they are busy laboring and dont want to worry about unnecessary intervention, so they can just focus on labor. Dad is pretty caught up in the moment as well, but if you have informed and educated dad there is no reason he cant be your Doula!
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  #19  
October 10th, 2010, 11:00 AM
missmich
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i'm so glad i had my doula. in the end she was my voice of reason. the doc told me i needed a c-section and i was scared and didn't know what to do. i didn't want one and i was tired and in pain and though the doctors and nurses were great,at that moment i didn't like them. i couldn't make a choice but my doula calmly and quietly explained to me she thought it was time for the section and that even she was worried and told me that soon my son would be in my arms if i had the section. she told me how well i'd done and proud she was of me for going that far and being so strong. i needed that and it helped me make the right choice.

if a woman has all the support she needs from a person she's comfortable and safe with and who she knows will take good care of her then she probably doesn't need a doula for that.
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  #20  
October 10th, 2010, 02:51 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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my final thought is this- since you are in a hospital, a doula can be good in case they say they want to do something and you can't remember what that entails. For example, lots of women don't know that internal monitoring involves screws in baby's head, and even less men do. So make sure you are both familiar with interventions and the alternatives. Have Steven be very aware of the emotional stages of labor. Make a list beforehand of things he can do- push on your lower back, remind you to change positions if you are stalling, etc. If you do a birth plan he needs to be familiar with it and the reasons why you are declining things and choosing others.

check the subforum, Kellie made an interventions chart you can print out. I've got stuff on the stages of labor, etc.
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