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Other people's opinions on NCB


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
October 20th, 2010, 08:50 AM
FusionGirl's Avatar Formerly TTC#1inNC
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So I was talking with someone this morning on the bus about NCB. They had seen me reading The Husband Coached Childbirth and I told them I was planning a pain med free NCB. They said "Good luck with that" and not in the good way. They got off the bus at that point as we had got to their stop. I was sitting with them again today and said "so do you not think I can do NCB, is that why you made that comment the other day?" They said that they just feel that there is new technology out there nowadays and that women in childbirth should take full advantage of that. Then they compared women taking drugs during childbirth to me getting surgery on my back and having screws and rods there and how that is not natural.

It is just interesting to hear what other people think, and that according to this person that since there are drugs to take we should just take them. When I mentioned that it is not ok to take meds while pregnant but all of a sudden it is ok during birth they had no comment.

Have you had any interesting conversations like this about NCB?
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  #2  
October 20th, 2010, 08:53 AM
alicenwonderland's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i actually had someone tell me that vaginal deliveries "just weren't natural" LOL!! She thought women should never have anything come out their vaginas. She had 3 c-sections.
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  #3  
October 20th, 2010, 09:13 AM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alicenwonderland View Post
i actually had someone tell me that vaginal deliveries "just weren't natural" LOL!! She thought women should never have anything come out their vaginas. She had 3 c-sections.
Did no one ever explain to her where babies come from???

I generally don't say anything to anyone about natural child birth. I love it and it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut, but no one takes me seriously when I talk about it. Even though I have had 3 natural births and one home birth. They just view it as "my personal choice" and don't talk about it. I have found that I was SO excited to discuss my home birth and people don't even ask me. Normally people ask about delivery but this time... nada! Not sure if it's my third baby so the interest level has died anyway or if they heard or know I had a home birth so they just shut up.
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  #4  
October 20th, 2010, 09:13 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I really don't care what others think of NCB. I fully support women to birth their babies any way they want to, and I should get the same back, but if I don't it's not problem. I birth the way that is best for me.

I haven't had anyone in real life say anything negative, but I have online. I get "women are crazy if they don't take drugs", "why on earth would you WANT to feel the pain". And then people think I'm hoiler than thou because I didn't have pain medication or interventions. I dont' know why women who have NCBs get judged without even knowing them, I think they are jealous or something.

I had a homebirth with my second. Obviously that ment no pain meds, and I didn't have interventions either. It didn't hurt like people think. The pain wasn't the same kind of pain. It only lasted for about 2 hours, and I felt great afterwords. It's not like you're in pain for hours upon hours like they show in the movies. I had a hospital birth with an epidural, and that birth was far worse than my NCB. The recovery with my epidural was also horrible.
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  #5  
October 20th, 2010, 09:14 AM
horseradishmayo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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well, my mother-in-law had 4 natural births because that was the norm at the time, but she still thinks i'm crazy! her attitude is "if they had something to take the pain away i would have done it." but she is used to me being a weird hippie, so i know she expects it.
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  #6  
October 20th, 2010, 09:26 AM
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I've pretty much stopped talking to other people about NCB. I've had WAY too many frustrating conversations. I save that topic for JM, or if I have friends that I KNOW support NCB (only a few).
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  #7  
October 20th, 2010, 10:03 AM
pressedfairie's Avatar Super Mommy
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A few months ago, I had several people make snide comments about me choosing to go med-free. And yes, I did have someone say those exact same words: "Good luck with that" in a way that told me she thought I would cave and get the epi. But at my baby shower, I was surprised to find that more than half the women there who had kids had done it naturally! I never would have guessed. It was very empowering to hear their stories, and they offered me a lot of support and encouragement. So, I just block out the negative and feed on the positive.
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  #8  
October 20th, 2010, 12:05 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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I think others on here have made this point: the pain of labor has a purpose and goes away once the baby is born. That is not the same case as getting surgery without anesthesia.

I got the same remarks, mostly "you're crazy!" or "we'll see what happens when the time comes." The only person that really supported me was my mother. It's not that she thinks epidurals and interventions are bad, she just thinks that labor isn't that painful and that most women are overreacting by begging for drugs.

Once I had my NCB, I wanted to show the doubters that they were wrong. Instead, all they said was "Well, your labor was so fast you didn't even have a chance for an epidural." Clearly I wasn't getting any congratulatory remarks for what I considered a great achievement. I give up.
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  #9  
October 20th, 2010, 12:20 PM
Tiff802's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I want to talk about it with everyone because it makes me so excited. I feel like I'm busting at the seams to tell everyone I'm having a home birth, but I never bring it up and nobody ever asks so I don't ever get to talk about it, lol. Probably a good thing because I know people can be rude. When I was pregnant with Callum and people heard that I was going natural the worst comment to me was the one you brought up, "Good luck with that!" It annoyed me because I felt they were implying that it wouldn't happen and that I wasn't strong enough. Now that I've done it, I feel like I have more confidence and would be able to take those comments better, lol.
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  #10  
October 20th, 2010, 12:24 PM
*SamF*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't talk to people about it IRL anymore either, just not worth it.
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  #11  
October 20th, 2010, 04:42 PM
Corrupt's Avatar Happy Mama
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No one really pooh poohed my desire for ncb, my family and close friends were supportive.

A young girl from work asked if I was going to get the 'magic needle'. Just for badness I looked horrified and said absolutely not! I went on to explain some of the risks involved and that, after years of lower back problems, that needle terrified far more than a bit of pain. She seemed genuinely surprised that there were any risks at all. I also encouraged her to do some of her own reading on it.

After DS arrived my friend's brother disbelievingly asked if I had gone completely natural and when I said yes, asked if I had a vagina left (forgive him, he's one of three c sections and ncb is a foriegn concept in his family)

After 5 hours of transition and two hours of pushing, the thought of the magic needle still terrifies me
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  #12  
October 20th, 2010, 05:22 PM
Lucky Mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiff802 View Post
I want to talk about it with everyone because it makes me so excited. I feel like I'm busting at the seams to tell everyone I'm having a home birth, but I never bring it up and nobody ever asks so I don't ever get to talk about it, lol. Probably a good thing because I know people can be rude. When I was pregnant with Callum and people heard that I was going natural the worst comment to me was the one you brought up, "Good luck with that!" It annoyed me because I felt they were implying that it wouldn't happen and that I wasn't strong enough. Now that I've done it, I feel like I have more confidence and would be able to take those comments better, lol.
Yup! That's me, too. I usually won't bring it up, but if someone asks, I'll talk their ear off! When I told my first midwife last time around that I wanted a NCB, she basically scoffed at me and told me I had no idea what I was signing up for and not to hate myself when I "begged" for an epidural. Yeah. There is a reason I said first midwdife; we found another, NCB supportive midwife posthaste!

I think that a lot of people just don't understand childbirth in general and view it as something terrifying. I love sharing my experience with them because, although it was very painful, I LOVED it and can't wait to have a natural, home delivery this time around (which, yes, people think I'm crazy for ). In fact, I'm meeting with an old classmate tomorrow to tell her all about my NCB and home birth plans because she is due in December and is curious about why I chose/am choosing a NCB. I can't wait to dish with her tomorrow!
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  #13  
October 20th, 2010, 07:49 PM
HippyMomOf4's Avatar Hippy Mom Extraordinaire
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Although I didn't achieve a ncb with Thayden I still fully support ncb I almost had my second natural but got an epi at 9 cm which I kick myself for.everyday. my first was natural although I did get the epi it was put it very wrong never worked and I had it removed. Anyway I love talking about.ncb and I always brag about planning a homebirth! People.know I'm kinda hippy so I never get rude comments more so just questions about it all
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  #14  
October 20th, 2010, 07:56 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by corny7474 View Post
I think others on here have made this point: the pain of labor has a purpose and goes away once the baby is born. That is not the same case as getting surgery without anesthesia.

I got the same remarks, mostly "you're crazy!" or "we'll see what happens when the time comes." The only person that really supported me was my mother. It's not that she thinks epidurals and interventions are bad, she just thinks that labor isn't that painful and that most women are overreacting by begging for drugs.

Once I had my NCB, I wanted to show the doubters that they were wrong. Instead, all they said was "Well, your labor was so fast you didn't even have a chance for an epidural." Clearly I wasn't getting any congratulatory remarks for what I considered a great achievement. I give up.
I get this too!!!! Granted I do seem to have faster/easier labors than other women I talk to, but still!! If I was a normal woman in labor I would have gone to the hospital the evening prior when I FIRST thought I was in labor. But because I chose to labor at home all night and as a consequence barely made it to the hospital in time everyone's just like, "Oh, well you didn't have time to get the drugs." Umm, no. Grump!!!
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  #15  
October 21st, 2010, 03:49 AM
Calendula's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I had SO MANY people tell me that as soon as I felt what labor was like, I would change my mind.


Repeatedly had this exchange with a coworker:
"Still planning on skipping drugs?"
"Yes."
"Yeah, we'll see."
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  #16  
October 21st, 2010, 06:56 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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I never got any crap from anyone really. I find that really interesting. I think partially because people are a bit afraid of ticking me off? I don't know.

When I was pregnant with Vivian I did get a few comments about homebirth. My stepmom called me "brave" and my vet called me "courageous" (which struck me as odd because she is a holistic vet, but she was not into holistic health when she had her kids) and my inlaws were very concerned about safety.

After I had Vivian my midwife asked me to tell as many people as I could about home birth. I'm not going to run around doing that all the time, but I have become brave and I do bring it up when appropriate. I told me neighbors. I was the first woman in the past few decades to have one in this town, they didn't know how to do the birth certificate. Kind of funny. I told my hair dresser because she askedme where I had her. She was so freaked out. She said all slowly "so....you didn't get drugs?" I said no. and she said "didn't it .....hurt?" I laughed and said yeah, but I didn't have drugs with my first either, and she was born in a hospital. END OF SUBJECT. ha ha.

In general I say don't bring it up. Cause guess what...every single person you know and meet on the street could look you right in the eye and say "I know you can do it" but when the time comes, the strength has to come from within. 90% of people can't just have a natural birth the first time without prep and education. Rarely do you hear of women with no intention of going drug free who just pass them up because they didn't end up needing them. Talking about it can really beat you down with people's responses. I don't know why people feel the need to mock the desire to go drug free, but they do. I see it a LOT on here.
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  #17  
October 21st, 2010, 07:01 AM
Caelen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Calendula- I had people say the same to me.

I worked at a daycare as a pre-k teacher so I was exposed to sooo many moms and their opinions. I really only had one or two women tell me "Its really not that bad. Its a pain that doesn't last forever, even though it definitely is painful." One of the moms had had 3 NCB and while not by choice, she didn't discourage me. Her births went too fast to get anything. She simply told me to not rule anything out and see what I needed when the time came. I didn't think that was really bad advice. On the flip side, my boss.. that's right, my BOSS.. took it upon herself to tell me that it was stupid to not get the epidural because that's what its there for and I didn't need to be out of control, flipping off my husband and screaming at him. When she asked after the birth how I'd liked the epidural, I told her I didn't get one and did fine. She looked at me dumbfounded and said "Well that's just stupid that you didn't get one. All that pain for no reason." I later heard after giving my resignation that she'd also called me an idiot for not getting an epidural. All that over a childbirth that wasn't hers. lol

My plans for NCB were because I was afraid of the idea of feeling numb (I really don't like not being able to feel my legs/arms etc) plus its better for me and the baby. I'm also extremely phobic of needles. I can handle blood draws etc but just barely. I just get a lot of anxiety with needles involved. My husband fully supported me and ohh man was he the BEST labor coach I could have ever asked for. I think this time will be even better as long as I can avoid the pitocin.
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  #18  
October 21st, 2010, 07:27 AM
Isaeph's Avatar Jennifer the Momma
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With #1 I wanted to go natural. Besides dh I had NO support whatsoever. Not my OB, not friends at work, definitely not my mother. She thought it was completely idiotic that I'd not get an epidural. I think she took it personally that maybe I could go without when she couldn't. I failed that time. Dh and I just weren't prepared completely.

I had UC's with #2 and #3, so obviously ncb. People always just told me how brave I was, but no one was really supportive. My mother was definitely NOT happy. I do have some awesome friends though who were supportive. I don't really care what others think at this point about my choices, but I do like to educate people about how birth works...and drugs counteract how the natural process of birth works. It's pretty simple when you look at the science of it. And SOOOO much better for baby. I am going to start midwife school this coming spring, so I've got to get better at talking about it with others.
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  #19  
October 21st, 2010, 09:31 AM
FusionGirl's Avatar Formerly TTC#1inNC
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It really amazes me how unsupportive people are about NCB. I wonder if it has to do with their childbirths and that they got drugs so no one else must be able to to it without pain meds. Like other people have said even family isn't very supportive about it. I mean why wouldn't they be? You are trying to take extra special care of the LO. My DH is supportive and my friends husband is supportive (his mother died during a c-section and my friend (his wife) went into the hospital with congestive heart failure after hers).

I was talking to my mom about it more today, she has been telling me "well when your in labor and your in all that pain you may change your mind so just stay open to that" and I started telling her how within a few minutes of the mother getting pain meds it is in the babys system. She didn't know that happened. It's like people think that once you go into labor the baby isn't connected to you anymore. I know things can happen where NCB may not happen for me (with my spine fused I don't know what kind of extra pain that may cause, if any) and I am keeping an open mind.
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