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Can a large group of natural birthers "ruin" a ddc?


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  #1  
November 18th, 2010, 06:50 AM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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So, My playroom is complaining about "lack of closeness." I have noticed this too. One thing I know about our playroom is that there are a large amount of natural birthers and attachment parents in comparison to my older sons playgroup. I've noticed that it sometimes causes a lot of conflict in the room and makes things pretty uncomfortable. Has anyone else seen this in their ddc's or playrooms?

I'm trying to decide if it's that, or that there is a larger group of BTDT moms who have a set established mindset about parenting- and so instead of giving parenting advice based on onions and hypothetical responses, people state their opinions as fact and that causes conflict. Maybe it's both? I have not idea but it's getting tiresome. I think I may just end up hanging around here and going to visit the attachment parenting boards.
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  #2  
November 18th, 2010, 07:58 AM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I hear what you are saying. I've only been in one DDC before, so that's my only experience. We had plenty of NCB'ers and they are some of the most "popular" girls in there. I know that we had plenty of discussions about different topics but they never turned ugly. We all just approached it as a learning experience or someone else opinion and we respected it. We have always made comments about our group being able to be civil when it comes to that stuff.

I though, had to check out of the PR at the end. I couldn't stand everyone talking inductions for BS reasons etc. (Most of us come in here and vent about it lol)

I think it depends on the personalities in the group. If you are able to discuss stuff without letting it get personal than great but if it winds up in a heated debate every time then it would create a divide between the ladies of a DDC.

Okay I just re read what you wrote and you are talking about a PR. I would think that after all is said and done you should be able to be close... unless the damage was already done.
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  #3  
November 18th, 2010, 08:06 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yeah, my group (same as BobbityBoo's) has a large number of natural birthers/cloth diaperers/breastfeeders, but for some reason the group has always been very polite about it. Yes, I too stopped reading at the end of the pregnancy because it was frustrating. But I think some groups are better at harmony than others. I've seen some that are just full of very strong, unforgiving, judgemental personalites. and it just doesn't go well. Some groups don't do well with having people who have had prior losses... but ours welcomed us all and I never feel bad talking about Devin.

So I think that in your group it's probably a combination of things.
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  #4  
November 18th, 2010, 08:09 AM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I hear what you're saying, too. I think it might just be the group, though. My DDC has a ton of natural and some home birthing moms and it's really hopping. We've had a couple discussions turn ugly, but I think that just happens every once in awhile.

We're still working on a closeness in our playroom that Levi is a part of (so it's been a long time). It's amazing, because it was literally five ladies ruining the whole vibe in there. Once they left, things changed completely. It could be something like that. For a long time, we didn't really even know who was stirring the pot, but it made it hard to say anything.

I do notice that BTDT moms tend not to post as much as new moms, too.
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  #5  
November 18th, 2010, 08:21 AM
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My ddc there are way more non AP and natural birthers, and anytime a "controversial" subject comes up there is always tension...and im always in the middel...oopps! It wasnt like this with my daughters PR but i think there were more FTM and this new DDC is more BTDT moms....
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  #6  
November 18th, 2010, 08:28 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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My PR is very traditional and there were very few topics about NCB, AP, not CIO, etc. There was recently a discussion about circumcision and it was very TRADITIONAL in responses. I think most of the AP/NCB moms left or lurk. Our PR has moved to FB though so it is totally different.
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  #7  
November 18th, 2010, 09:34 AM
alicenwonderland's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i find that the ncb ladies were not very active in my ddc. They would pop in and say they were pregnant, then months later come back to say they had their babies. I had a hard time getting close with anyone... not sure the reason.
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  #8  
November 18th, 2010, 10:12 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, if that's true I guess I'm ruining our PR along with you.

I think I've been pretty good about not saying anything when someone mentions letting her baby CIO, despite that fact that it makes me feel sick, and I barely said anything when I read about moms starting their babies on solids at 3 months. Still, I wonder if I'm being referred to when they talk about people making insensitive comments. I was almost banned from our DDC over a discussion on NCB several months ago.
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  #9  
November 18th, 2010, 11:14 AM
NavyWifey's Avatar Super Mommy
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Let's flip this: "Can a large group of traditional parents "ruin" a DDC?"

No.

The only thing that can "ruin" it are the people who don't give courtesy to the POV other people may have. Catty childish women can ruin a DDC, no matter WHAT they believe in. I hate the idea that NCBers are somehow poisonous or something.

We're scapegoats, even when the majority of NCBers I've seen are very gentle with expressing their opinions. I've seen WAY more "I can't believe you co-sleep/cloth diaper/baby wear/birth without epidural, you're just a paranoid hippie" than I've seen "You're ruining your child forever with your adherence to the norms." NCB/AP mommies tend to say, "This is how I feel and why, but you go ahead and do what's right for you." Most mainstream parents say, "I have no idea why you're being a crazy weirdo, but I'm going to gain up on you for it."

Majority rule, baby. Gotta love it.
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  #10  
November 18th, 2010, 02:58 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NavyWifey View Post
Pft.

Let's flip this: "Can a large group of traditional parents "ruin" a DDC?"

No.

The only thing that can "ruin" it are the people who don't give courtesy to the POV other people may have. Catty childish women can ruin a DDC, no matter WHAT they believe in. I hate the idea that NCBers are somehow poisonous or something.

We're scapegoats, even when the majority of NCBers I've seen are very gentle with expressing their opinions. I've seen WAY more "I can't believe you co-sleep/cloth diaper/baby wear/birth without epidural, you're just a paranoid hippie" than I've seen "You're ruining your child forever with your adherence to the norms." NCB/AP mommies tend to say, "This is how I feel and why, but you go ahead and do what's right for you." Most mainstream parents say, "I have no idea why you're being a crazy weirdo, but I'm going to gain up on you for it."

Majority rule, baby. Gotta love it.
This is what I needed to "hear" I think. It helped give me a bit more perspective. I think they are confusing my "judgmental" comments with their own conviction.
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  #11  
November 18th, 2010, 04:01 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~~Que~~ View Post
This is what I needed to "hear" I think. It helped give me a bit more perspective. I think they are confusing my "judgmental" comments with their own conviction.
Do you think they meant you when they talked about judgmental comments? I honestly think you post info in a very benign way (and not just because I agree with your posts ).
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  #12  
November 18th, 2010, 04:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR View Post
Well, if that's true I guess I'm ruining our PR along with you.

I think I've been pretty good about not saying anything when someone mentions letting her baby CIO, despite that fact that it makes me feel sick, and I barely said anything when I read about moms starting their babies on solids at 3 months. Still, I wonder if I'm being referred to when they talk about people making insensitive comments. I was almost banned from our DDC over a discussion on NCB several months ago.
lol this is me! i can't help but say something about CIO or amything that I don't agree with and I've been accused of being a liar and fearmonger when I posted a kink about circ. once. i know they are referring to me often when they talk about people saying insensitive things.
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  #13  
November 18th, 2010, 04:42 PM
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Ok... Apparently I'm either missing a lot in our PR or I have a thick skin, but I really haven't seen anything that I thought was overly inflamatory either way. Maybe its because I fall more in the middle w/ my parenting philosophies, not super-AP but not completely traditional either. Our co-host's post really made me go "huh?".

Mariah - almost banned? Seriously?! Now I'm going to be nosey.. can you link me to that thread? LOL You don't have to, but I'm really curious as to what I missed.
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  #14  
November 18th, 2010, 05:21 PM
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I'm with lunar and boppity too. Our board has only gotten nasty once or twice - and it seems to be when someone who doesn't usually post insults one of our regulars. I started a thread that got shut down about that LOL. There was a discussion/ debate about circ - then one person came and insulted another - and people on both sides got mad at her for making it personal.
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  #15  
November 18th, 2010, 05:24 PM
Lucky Mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I second NavyWifey's comment 100%. I think sometimes you just have personalities that clash in a DDC or PR.

In the DDC I'm in now (with NavyWifey, btw ) seems to be able to avoid drama pretty well. Even on topics that normally become very heated (i.e. circumcision, breastfeeding, etc.), we usually don't have a lot of bickering or general mean-ness. The DDC I was in (on another site) with my last pregnancy was nothing but drama all the time, no matter what the topic was. I didn't stay long.
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  #16  
November 18th, 2010, 06:13 PM
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My son's board has been nearly ripped to shreds because of differing view points on many occasions. We have some very strong personalities and beliefs there and it seemed like some couldn't keep in mind that we are all able to deliver and parent the way we see fit. Slowly, people that left with the both sided bashing are returning. I think it is a shame that some people have to be so judgemental.
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  #17  
November 18th, 2010, 06:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaEliz View Post
Ok... Apparently I'm either missing a lot in our PR or I have a thick skin, but I really haven't seen anything that I thought was overly inflamatory either way. Maybe its because I fall more in the middle w/ my parenting philosophies, not super-AP but not completely traditional either. Our co-host's post really made me go "huh?".

Mariah - almost banned? Seriously?! Now I'm going to be nosey.. can you link me to that thread? LOL You don't have to, but I'm really curious as to what I missed.
Ditto this for me too! I sort of felt clueless about any drama or disrespect that might have occurred. I'm also sort of in the middle, I think, but I generally like and respect everyone in our PR whether or not I agree with them. If I see a post that seems like it might be something I wouldn't agree with or be interested in debating I tend to just skip over it, but I usually don't mind reading other people's opinions or suggestions.

I think I understand the feeling that there's a "lack of closeness" in our group but I kind of think it has more to do with the fact that we're not a very active group than with the amount of traditional versus NCB/AP type moms.
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  #18  
November 18th, 2010, 06:44 PM
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Originally Posted by bre4thewin View Post
My ddc there are way more non AP and natural birthers, and anytime a "controversial" subject comes up there is always tension...and im always in the middel...oopps! It wasnt like this with my daughters PR but i think there were more FTM and this new DDC is more BTDT moms....
Yep. Same. Mine was way more mainstream and there was no shortage of tension.
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  #19  
November 19th, 2010, 07:55 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Originally Posted by AmandaEliz View Post

Mariah - almost banned? Seriously?! Now I'm going to be nosey.. can you link me to that thread? LOL You don't have to, but I'm really curious as to what I missed.

I don't remember enough details to find it, but the thread was something about scheduled inductions and c-sections, probably around May or early June. Someone said she was going to be induced at 38 weeks because it would be too difficult for her to care for her two older children at 39+ weeks pregnant. I just said that being induced increases your chances for a c/s and how would she be able to care of the older kids plus a newborn after a c/s? Then everyone took it to mean I said they couldn't take care of their kids effectively after a c/s, and one of the hosts (who happened to be having a scheduled c/s) PMed me with a warning. Holly got one too for saying something similar.
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  #20  
November 19th, 2010, 08:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeterna View Post
Yep. Same. Mine was way more mainstream and there was no shortage of tension.

Im in the PR with ya, i agree when we were all preggo and right after the everyone had their babies it was a little crazy everyone didn't get along or bashed others for their views.....its gotten a lot better over time we hardly ever have any fighting now its pretty smooth go. My DDC im in not though is bad, there is always someone starting a debate and people fighting back and forth about their views. I almost don't want to post there anymore, im doing a homebirth and ive already gotten some rude comments about that lol I just brush it off but it sure does get annoying
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