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Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
November 18th, 2010, 08:18 AM
NavyWifey's Avatar Super Mommy
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I'm allowed to have one person. Normally, that would be DH, but since he'll be ON A BOAT (with his flippy floppies) I won't get to have him.

I can't think of anyone I'm 100% comfortable with other than DH. No, not even my mother. ESPECIALLY not my mother. I know it's crazy, but I just don't want any risk that she'll see the 2 tattoos of mine that she doesn't know about. I don't need to be arguing about ink during labor, and I don't need someone who will play "doctor knows best" with me while I'm trying for NCB. She's a former member of the medical establishment, and my natural leanings are mind boggling to her. The thing is, I want her to be able to be there, for her mental health's sake. She is infertile, and has been looking forward to my birth since I got pregnant. I feel like it will heal a lot of her bitterness to see her granddaughter come into the world, and I really want to be able to give that to her... I'm the only person who has this power to heal my mom.

If I ask my sister to be the attendant, I know I'll at least feel safe... but I don't think she quite understands anything about childbirth. Yeah, she's got three kids... but all of them were c-sections, and she's not very tree-hugging. I wouldn't have someone who would know that it's her job to protect me when I'm saying I don't want the doctor doing something. When push comes to shove, I'm worried that she'll be too medical-friendly. Not to mention the drama of picking her over my mother.

If I hire a doula (which I desperately want) I'd love to have her with me the whole time, family be ******. A doula is a professional birth assistant! That's the whole point! I'd have someone who could help me and who would understand my goals, fears, and pure selfish WANTS... and who would be able to help me with that. I don't know if I can do this without the entire universe exploding, though. I don't even know if it's the best idea. I know I wouldn't choose a doula over my husband, but I can see myself choosing the right doula over my family. My one concern is that if I need her to really back me up, she might not be able to. I don't want her to have to worry about overstepping her bounds for me or something. I've read so many stories from a doula's POV where it says something like, "The mother wanted me to help, and I couldn't, because then I'd be kicked out and not allowed to attend births there anymore."

There is one friend I kinda want there, and it's a bit funny... she's not a medical student, at least, not with physical medicine. We've barely seen each other in the past 10 years. But I feel like she could be my doula. She's child-free at the moment, but she's just as research-oriented as I am. She has read everything I have. We've spoken extensively about the kind of birth I want. She'd be willing to advocate for me from a position of understanding NCB. I'm tempted to ask her if she'd attend the birth and we could just tell my parents and stuff that she's a professional doula.

I want DH there. He understands what I want. He's read the articles I've read. He knows that I'm not some uneducated moron just trying to be a hippie for the hell of it... he knows the issues I have with medicine, doctors, and hospitals. But I can't have him there, so I need to figure out who should be there for the important part.

Anyone have any advice?
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  #2  
November 18th, 2010, 08:56 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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Doula!!!!!!!
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  #3  
November 18th, 2010, 09:04 AM
NavyWifey's Avatar Super Mommy
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Heh, I knew I'd get some validation if I posted here. Hahaha. If I'm going to succeed with having NCB, I need someone who won't give a **** if I'm in pain, haha.
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  #4  
November 18th, 2010, 09:10 AM
momma2011's Avatar Shannon
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Doula. I would say friend but you need more than an advocate, you need someone who will rub your back and give you physical support as well as mental. If the friend can do that then I'd say friend.
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  #5  
November 18th, 2010, 09:30 AM
alicenwonderland's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i had my dh there, but if i had to pick betwwen other family and a doula... definately doula!
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  #6  
November 18th, 2010, 09:49 AM
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Absolutely get a Doula!!! This is where the importance of meeting with several will help you find someone that you are 100% comfortable with and that you feel can be there to provide every aspect of support you need. You will "connect" with someone. It took me talking to 4 and meeting with 2, but when I met with the Doula I ended up choosing, I felt an instant connection to her. You'll find the right person, and you'll know it.
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  #7  
November 18th, 2010, 10:52 AM
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I would say get a doula. It sounds like you might have a difficult delivery if you chose your family, but they can be in the waiting room if they want
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  #8  
November 18th, 2010, 11:09 AM
NavyWifey's Avatar Super Mommy
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I was in the waiting room at this hospital when my SIL gave birth last year, and it was awesome. Huge comfy couches, a Starbucks, we were right near the cafeteria... And everyone was able to keep their phones charged, thanks to generous outlets, lol.

I've been in many hospital waiting rooms in my time, and this one is downright NICE.
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  #9  
November 18th, 2010, 01:09 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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My doula helped me during my 26 hours of labor and my DH slept in the bed at the birth center
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  #10  
November 18th, 2010, 01:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mgm78 View Post
My doula helped me during my 26 hours of labor and my DH slept in the bed at the birth center
I can TOTALLY see this happening to me!
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  #11  
November 18th, 2010, 06:09 PM
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I agree - doula. Or if your friend is willing to learn a bunch of doula stuff than her.
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  #12  
November 19th, 2010, 08:27 AM
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I would go for the doula, are your giving birth in a Naval Hospital? If so thats weird they are only allowing one person, i've given birth at 2 different naval hospitals and i was allowed 3-4 people in my room, i didn't have that many but it was an option. The only place i was allowed 2 was my hometown hospital where i had my daughter when my husband was gone
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  #13  
November 19th, 2010, 09:35 AM
NavyWifey's Avatar Super Mommy
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Nope, no Naval hospital for me anymore. Since I'm going back home for Christmas and the birth, I'll be going to a local university hospital. I won't be close enough to any military medical facilities, thank GOODNESS!
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  #14  
November 19th, 2010, 10:27 AM
Caelen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This is just my opinion, but think of yourself only during this. If a doula is what you need in the absence of your Dh, do it!
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  #15  
November 19th, 2010, 10:32 AM
NavyWifey's Avatar Super Mommy
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I'm so glad that other people are giving me the advice that I would give if I were reading this post. I wanted to make sure I wasn't somehow interpreting my situation incorrectly, so I figured I would ask. Thank you all SO VERY MUCH for giving me the confidence to make the choices I need to make for my baby girl.
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  #16  
November 19th, 2010, 10:37 AM
Caelen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You go girl!

I think you'll find that people really won't take offense to it like you think they will. My MIL acted the whole time like she was going to be there and I eventually said that no, only DH would be there with me. Turns out her entire interpretation of "being there" meant being in the waiting room. My other MIL was a different story and kept offering to be right there in the thick of things up until the very end. When we called and told them I was in labor she asked if she should start driving and maybe she could make it in time to be in the room. Dh told her no. lol I don't think she was offended though.

Hopefully no one takes offense to your decision. Sometimes people think that family is all the support you need, when in reality family can hamper things sometimes.
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