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  #1  
December 19th, 2010, 09:42 PM
Sk8ermaiden's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Anyone here remember my birth? We had a pregnancy scare this month, and the paralyzing fear I felt when I thought I was going to have to choose a provider and place of birth was awful. TERRIBLE. Ugh, ugh. Not looking forward to having to make those choices and deal with the terrible birth politics here.

Once I am pregnant, I swear I am going to be here every day for counseling. I am such a terrified mess!
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  #2  
December 20th, 2010, 06:11 AM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Are the providers in your area not VBAC friendly? Will you be doing a home birth again?
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #3  
December 20th, 2010, 07:47 AM
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I don't know anything about your previous birth.. but is your second going to be in a different area? If so, you might be surprised. My son's birth sucked, I had a mini panic attack having to go to a new doctor.. well, just having to go to a doctor again! I explained my reservations to him and so far so good. So it may not be quite what you're expecting. I hope you get a surprise when it comes to that anyway. I'd ask friends for recommendations, but they're all in the DFW area in Tx .
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  #4  
December 20th, 2010, 08:07 AM
Sk8ermaiden's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's the problem, I don't know. The doctors are not VBAC friendly. In an area with 5 million people and an abundance of OBs, we have about 3 who will do true VBACs (as opposed to Cinderella VBACs). There is one OB whose name is just getting around and word is that he is really amazing. There are a few problems. If I have to give birth in a hospital, there are only 2 I will do it at - St Lukes, and the new Maternity Center at Texas Children's, which is not yet built. This Dr. has privileges at St Lukes (and by default will have them at Tx Children's) but prefers to deliver his VBACs at St. Joes, which is very old and not much better than a county hospital in birthing or baby policies. I am not sure why he does this, as St. Lukes is fairly VBAC friendly? I am hoping if I decided to hospital birth he would let me do it at St Lukes.

But the other problem is I want a homebirth!! I LOVE my midwife, I love homebirth. I am still considered low risk and my husband is still open to the idea. I will get TONS of crap from my mom - who was actually reasonably supportive last time. My midwife is always VBAC friendly, but feels so much anguish/trauma/guilt over how my birth went, I think she would move a mountain to get me an HBAC.

There are two issues:
1) Money. We can pay for a homebirth, and we can pay for a hospital birth. With our insurance and deductible limits, we can honestly afford to pay for them both again if we HAD to. But being homebirth transfers last time, our daughter was put in the NICU for 5 days for no other reason than to punish us. For a family that does NOT carry debt, having to finance that $5,000 has caused us (especially my husband) a lot of stress. It pinches a tiny bit financially, but really it is the mental aspect. I do not want to be selfish and set our family up for more of the same in the case of a transfer.

2) Emotional trauma regarding transfer. We were borderline assaulted. We were lied to. My daughter's first 5 days were all but stolen from me, and I will never, ever get over or forgive that. I was not given effective pain medicine after my section and was in a lot of pain. Because we transferred to the closest hospital, their policies were archaic, their views were extremely anti-NCB, There was not one single person in the hospital who would even attempt to help us breastfeed. They tried to call CPS on uS. They did not ask permission for any of the things they did with my daughter. My poor husband devoted himself to taking care of me and lived in the hospital with us for 5 days, but who was taking care of him?

In an ideal world, in a vaccum, I want an HBAC. That is what I feel is best for me and the baby. But I am so terrified of transferring and being treated the same way, that part of me wants to give in and do the best I can within the hospital system. But the rest of me feels that doing this because I have been so bullied is letting the terrorists win (so to speak.) I also am starting to realize that if I transfer to any decent hospital, they will not do the NICU stunt, which was the big bad event.

If I have a doctor, I would hope we would be treated much better. The problem is no doctor is going to agree to back up the midwife (she has a few backups, but they do not deliver at the two hospitals I'd consider), so I would end up lying and doing all my prenatals twice, which is a huge pain.

Ugh.

Thanks Caelen, no, I am in the same area, and being in ICAN, we pretty know everything about everyone in regards to birth. The problem isn't finding a provider, but choosing one IYKWIM.
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  #5  
December 20th, 2010, 12:00 PM
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Oh wow, my heart goes out to you in regards to your past experience. Even with how hard my experience was on me, I can't imagine having to go through that.

I'm thinking in your case it might be good to talk to this doctor you mentioned well before you start to ttc. That way you know your options well before you're faced with making a decision. There are of course always going to be variables you cannot control, but you might feel more at ease knowing what this guy is all about, what hospitals he'd be at etc.

As hard as it is.. screw your mom. Frankly, she did not have to deal with the trauma you and your husband dealt with. You need to do what you feel is best for you and your little family. I don't say this to be mean, just saying that she is not the one going through it, though I'm sure she'd be worried about you.
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  #6  
December 20th, 2010, 12:09 PM
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I would go for your homebirth. I can't remember exactly why you transfered with your DD, but I really think your best bet is an HBAC. That being said, could you talk to the one doctor whom has been said to be amazingly supportive of VBAC, and get him as your backup? Maybe have a few appts with him and express your concerns in regards to the battery, NICU, etc. and use him as a crutch in a worst case scenario situation?
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #7  
December 20th, 2010, 02:09 PM
Sk8ermaiden's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The most complete version of my birth story is here.

It doesn't include all the terrible things they did and said to me. It was just getting too long.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caelen View Post
Oh wow, my heart goes out to you in regards to your past experience. Even with how hard my experience was on me, I can't imagine having to go through that.

I'm thinking in your case it might be good to talk to this doctor you mentioned well before you start to ttc. That way you know your options well before you're faced with making a decision. There are of course always going to be variables you cannot control, but you might feel more at ease knowing what this guy is all about, what hospitals he'd be at etc.

As hard as it is.. screw your mom. Frankly, she did not have to deal with the trauma you and your husband dealt with. You need to do what you feel is best for you and your little family. I don't say this to be mean, just saying that she is not the one going through it, though I'm sure she'd be worried about you.
I agree on mom. I am not going to let that change my decision, although I will have to endure all her passive aggressive comments. She did have to deal with the trauma though, which is why she has that opinion now. She was at my birth. She was supportive and wonderful. She helped take care of us after. But for her, seeing me in that kind of pain (even though it wasn't so bad to me on the inside) and then the transfer and the evil doctor and the c/section and battle with the NICU...she was right there with us in the thick of it and it left a very serious impression on her too. She actually referred to the OB as "the reason women have homebirths." She caught him outside the room and gave him a "talking to" that almost got her thrown out of the hospital. And my mom is a little old school teacher who does not make scenes! SO I respect her trauma there, and her opinions, even if I don't agree, you know?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicaChels View Post
I would go for your homebirth. I can't remember exactly why you transfered with your DD, but I really think your best bet is an HBAC. That being said, could you talk to the one doctor whom has been said to be amazingly supportive of VBAC, and get him as your backup? Maybe have a few appts with him and express your concerns in regards to the battery, NICU, etc. and use him as a crutch in a worst case scenario situation?
Elizabeth was deep transverse arrest with her chin flexed and I pushed for 6 hours at home (9 all told) with zero descent. I think that because the problem was basically malposition, I am a really good candidate for VBAC/HBAC. My midwife thinks so too.


I guess I should make an appointment with the doctor. I think if left to his own devices he would agree to be our transfer plan (especially since, being in the med center, we would not be transferring to him in an emergency, so no "homebirth trainwreck" would be showing up on his doorstep for him to take responsibility for, you know? But he has this terrible habit of running all his less mainstream decisions by his practice partners and they are not usually as receptive. I guess I am scared he will say no and I will be back at square one, but hey.
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  #8  
December 20th, 2010, 02:15 PM
Sk8ermaiden's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am just scared of history repeating itself. I am not scared of another cesarean if necessary. I am not (usually) scared that my body does not work, or of labor, or of rupture. I am scared of being separated from my next child like I was from my daughter. That just absolutely can not happen again. I think I would get PPD and die of heartbreak. The more I talk to people, the more they try to convince me that what happened to me just doesn't happen.

Friday my midwife put her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye and said, "Kellie, NO ONE transfers and gets treated like you did. It WILL NOT happen again." In 20 years of homebirth she said she's never had a client treated as poorly or as cruelly as me. It is just too easy to imagine that if we were that unlucky once, we can be that unlucky again.

Trauma. I haz it.
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  #9  
December 21st, 2010, 12:05 AM
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I just want to hug you. I an SO SO SO sorry. You did not deserve any of that. I want to hug you and punch every person in that hospital who treated you with disrespect. I had a homebirth - and then a NICU baby. My midwife was an amazing support - and I did have to stand up for myself some of the time - but for the most part people respected that my homebirth did not endanger my baby.
I'm sorry. (((hugs))) and I think you should go for an HBAC. I can't imagine birthing in a hospital after what you went through.
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  #10  
December 21st, 2010, 12:30 AM
Sk8ermaiden's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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When my husband asked the OB "Can I have a second with my wife to talk about this?" (Although I admit, his tone was terse.) The OB beligerently blustering "You do not come in here and tell me what to do!!!!" No one told you anything jerkwad. We did ask.

They took blood from the arm they put my IV in, so it came back essentially saying I was dead. Then I had to wait another hour and a half for new lab results. They refused to give me anything for pain all this time, even though I was begging.

The two nurses bickering in the OR about which suctioning tube they needed to use as my baby lay on the warmer. Seriously?

The nurse who walked into my recovery room and said (in a nasty tone), "You can't do that at home can you?" (c/s)

How since it took an hour for them to get to me whenever I paged them, my IV backed up with blood and after spending half an hour trying to somehow save it, told me she would have to start a new one. I said no, I was sufficiently hydrated thanks. They were also giving me antibiotics for GBS (seriously?!) and threatened me with not being able to see my daughter if I didn't continue. The nurse tried to get the evil OB to let me have oral antibiotics, and he screamed and yelled and berated me and made me sign AMAs and then after all that gave me the oral antibiotic.

Don't even get me started on the pain I was in and the way the super slow response time messed with my pain management. I think in my 9 hours of pushing with all my might, I pulled most of my stomach muscles. Just imagine that pain on top of c/sec pain and then them taking an hour every time you call them for meds. Plus I was walking back and forth to the NICU 12 + times a day and it was just wretched. But the fact that I was walking so much meant I was recovering SO WELL. No you *******, I'm walking because you stole my baby!!!

It is the WORST HOSPITAL ON EARTH.

And then there is the letter in my records, with a completely false version of events. It was a living nghtmare.

Yeah, I think I have decided on homebirth with my midwife, with an OB backup, either mine if he will do it, or hers if mine won't. I am pretty set on it now, but DH can still weigh in on it and change it. He seems OK with whatever I want as long as we have a backup doc, but he doesn't want to have to think about it yet, which I respect.
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  #11  
December 21st, 2010, 07:01 AM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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im glad you "talked out" your emotions. I just want to hug you..I cannot believe the way you were treated. it absolutely breaks my heart
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #12  
December 21st, 2010, 10:46 PM
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I have been a very rare poster but still lurk from time to time. I just read your story and it broke my heart. Seriously, I ache for the pain you went through and the trauma you experienced. No mama, no baby, no family should be treated like that. Big, big ((hugs)) to you, and all my best wishes for a peaceful and beautiful next birth.
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  #13  
December 22nd, 2010, 09:35 AM
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Could you go for your HBAC (which I'm sure you will ROCK at!). and IF you need a transfer play dumb and that you were on vacation and just went into labor, or some lie? (do you HAVE to tell them your a HB).
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  #14  
December 22nd, 2010, 02:16 PM
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Oh Kellie! I am so sorry to hear your angst, fear, and frustration!

You know, I am still in the vicinity! If you ever want to meet for coffee and let our kids run amok, let me know, I am a listening ear. I wrote a post awhile back on my blog about a deep transverse arrest I attended about 11 months ago that was a scare, but ended up being amazing and empowering for mom. This is meant to be an encouragement that you CAN have a beautiful HBAC if you choose.

There are also different home birth midwives in this area that I would recommend, or even laboring at home with a doula (doesn't have to be me - lol) if you chose a hospital birth.

I would really look into finding someone you can talk with about your cesarean and birth trauma you experienced. I don't know if I could really recommend the local ICANs because some meetings in this area are phenomenal while others border on hopelessness, and that's not what you need, mdear.

I am with the pp, screw your mama! You can have a beautiful HBAC. You can have it with a midwife, you can have it with just your hubby and you. You can have it with your kids present, and you could have it with a doula too... You could have it in a house, with a mouse, in a van, or on the couch (the last one didn't rhyme). You can have it here or there, in fact - I know you could have it anywhere. You STILL have choices, including a few gems of VBAC-friendly docs I know of in the area.

PM me or call me if you want to talk ever. Hang in there sweet mama, you will heal, you have allies, and you do have choices.
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  #15  
December 22nd, 2010, 02:16 PM
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Thank you riverfrog.

And Angela, that is definitely the plan, since I HOPE to have a Doctor to call "my doctor", you know? My midwife is the most Christian, ethical, integrity-ful person around, and if she won't agree to lie and be my doula she might have to not go! I don't know if she could lie but she would respect my wish to not have her there then.
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  #16  
December 22nd, 2010, 02:22 PM
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Thanks! I already have and love my midwife should I go that route. Actually I already have the doctor I would use if I went that route too. I am pretty hooked into the birth scene here.

I have been a part of ICAN since my daughter was born, and there is probably no better resource you can recommend to a c/s mom. I am not sure what you mean by "hopeless?" The meetings are a constant source of inspiration and support and I always leave in a better, more hopeful mood. The one the month that Dr. Reid and Dr. Johnson both quit doing VBACs...well that one might have been a little depressing for someone attending for the first time (no one was) but I left feeling better after that one than after any other one.

But yes on talking. My midwife and my Bradley teacher/doula friend + ICAN saved my life after. Things are just resurfacing because there was the possibility of pregnancy.

I have a feeling I will be relying heavily on all three again once actually pregnant. Every day a new counseling session...
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Last edited by Sk8ermaiden; December 22nd, 2010 at 02:30 PM.
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  #17  
December 22nd, 2010, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sk8ermaiden View Post
Thanks! I already have and love my midwife should I go that route. Actually I already have the doctor I would use if I went that route too. I am pretty hooked into the birth scene here.
Awesome!!

Quote:
I have been a part of ICAN since my daughter was born, and there is probably no better resource you can recommend to a c/s mom. I am not sure what you mean by "hopeless?" The meetings are a constant source of inspiration and support and I always leave in a better, more hopeful mood. The one the month that Dr. Reid and Dr. Johnson both quit doing VBACs...well that one might have been a little depressing for someone attending for the first time (no one was) but I left feeling better after that one than after any other one.
I went to one when I first moved here that was pretty depressing in Friendswood area and, after talking with a friend who attends regularly, she said that sometimes happens when the group feels 'funky' (not the fun type of funk, but, like, falling into a funk type of funky). I am happy to hear that that is not the norm.

Quote:
But yes on talking. My midwife and my Bradley teacher/doula friend + ICAN saved my life after. Things are just resurfacing because there was the possibility of pregnancy.
oh good good good!! Who is your teacher? I have women who sometimes ask me for Bradley recommendations and I want to have a referral source, not just 'check out the Bradley website'. Here's me praying for your quick healing.
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  #18  
December 22nd, 2010, 08:40 PM
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Friendswood? I am really curious about that. How long ago was this? To my understanding there is only one ICAN chapter in the whole greater Houston Galveston area and it meets inside or very near the loop. We were homeless for a while, but finally have a really great meeting space!

Her name is Dorin Jordan and she is in the Woodlands. It is a TOTAL hike, but gosh did I love her. Even being a total birth junkie ahead of time I learned a lot and really enjoyed it. My husband recommends her/Bradley to EVERYONE. Our best friends made the commute too and now they recommend her too. She also has had a hospital birth, home birth, and homebirth nonemergency transfer, so she bridges the birthplace divide.

I'm not sure I'll be done healing until after a VBAC! Although if I end up with another c/s, we are done with kids. I am pretty sure I get to go to the ICAN conference this year and I am so excited about it. I have heard it is so inspirational!
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  #19  
December 23rd, 2010, 09:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sk8ermaiden View Post
Friendswood? I am really curious about that. How long ago was this? To my understanding there is only one ICAN chapter in the whole greater Houston Galveston area and it meets inside or very near the loop. We were homeless for a while, but finally have a really great meeting space!
Aprilish.. I think... Gosh, time is blurring lately! Such a busy year!

Quote:
Her name is Dorin Jordan and she is in the Woodlands. It is a TOTAL hike, but gosh did I love her. Even being a total birth junkie ahead of time I learned a lot and really enjoyed it. My husband recommends her/Bradley to EVERYONE. Our best friends made the commute too and now they recommend her too. She also has had a hospital birth, home birth, and homebirth nonemergency transfer, so she bridges the birthplace divide.
Awesome, now I have a referral to give.

Quote:
I'm not sure I'll be done healing until after a VBAC!
Then you shall have it!!

Quote:
I am pretty sure I get to go to the ICAN conference this year and I am so excited about it. I have heard it is so inspirational!
Awesome!!! If you do, let me know, I would love to interview you for my blog. We could even do a 'real time' interview over the phone while you are at the conference.

I would love to meet up with you after the craziness of the holidays. Let me know!
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  #20  
December 23rd, 2010, 08:39 PM
Sk8ermaiden's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderfullymade View Post
Aprilish.. I think... Gosh, time is blurring lately! Such a busy year!
Were we still in the Stella Link library then? I also have to ask if you've had a cesarean? I think the perception of the support group can definitely be different if you are on the outside looking in.


We should definitely try after the holidays.

It looks like Henci Goer is going to be one of the speakers, which is super exciting. I don't know about interviewing. I am super bad at being on the spot.
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Last edited by Sk8ermaiden; December 24th, 2010 at 12:31 AM.
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