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I know that for a lot of people, that sounds silly. "Afraid of medicine? But it HELPS you!" Well, not always. I was drugged by my ex boyfriend ("It's Tylenol, for your headache." Well, no... it was Tylenol with codeine. And I would pass out from it.) and from that point on, I've been paranoid about taking any sort of pills. I have no idea what he might have done to me when I wasn't conscious, and I have a horrible fear of pain medication AND narcotics. The fear of narcotics is pretty logical: I pass out! The fear of pain medication is totally emotional: Pain meds = being drugged by scary ex.
So, when I had a horrible upper respiratory infection, fever, and pneumonia, it took some convincing on my doctor's part to get me to take antibiotics. Once he had me agreeing that this was a legitimate life or death situation, I filled my RX for Cipro.
I had lots of weird side effects. I wasn't myself... I would sit and stare at the carpet, rocking back and forth. It took now-DH shouting at me for me to look up and get back to reality. I was paranoid... I asked him for a tissue, and he stood up. I immediately, jumped away from him and started screaming and crying, because I thought he was trying to kill me. No... he was just going to get me a box of tissues. I was crazed and paranoid. I would sit at the computer and stare at the screen saver while now-DH was at work, and I wouldn't get up to eat. I wouldn't get up to go to the bathroom. I would just... sit. He'd have to help me stand up while approaching me like a wild animal who might bite him and guide me to the bathroom so I'd remember to use it. I could barely move because my bladder would be so full, but I hadn't felt the need to urinate all day. Thankfully I never had an accident, but it was awful for him to have to watch me like that, and remembering the things I did SCARES me.
So I don't like medicine. I only take acetaminophen when DH makes me. It doesn't work for me, and the only reason I take it is because it makes him feel better. I trust him not to drug me and take advantage of me, otherwise I wouldn't take anything at all. It's not like pain meds ever even worked for me in the first place.
So the idea of someone having an open port to drug me without my consent (IV) terrifies me. Sure, they're SUPPOSED to get consent, but I'm sure many NCB moms have read about or heard (or experienced!) stories where someone comes in and puts things into the IV bag while they're busy in Labor Land. No thanks.
Then, I started doing more and more reading. I don't want surgery. Anesthesia scares me. Epidurals TERRIFY me. I'd honestly rather be knocked out totally than have an epidural. I have had family members die, lose limbs, or have their quality of life destroyed by medical mistakes and malpractice. If I can do ANYTHING to decrease my chance of needing a Vaginal Bypass Surgery, I'm doing it.
And, of course, I'd rather my baby be as absolutely healthy as possible, and NCB seems to be the way to go. I had a miscarriage once, and I will do anything in my power to give Persephone the best start she could ever hope to have in this life. I will not contribute to any disadvantages for my dearly-loved and dearly-wanted daughter. I will not be the reason she is in the NICU, and I will not be the reason she has ANY problems. I'm her MOMMA. I'm supposed to be her SOLUTION.
Good question. I have a ton of reasons for wanting to go natural now but I'm not sure why I first started thinking about it. I think after watching my friends have babies for so many years and hearing all of their birth stories, doing it med free just seemed like the way to go. My biggest worry during pregnancy was about bonding with baby after, and post partum depression issues. When I started researching natural childbirth and read that it could help with the bonding process I was totally sold. Since then, absolutely everything I've read and watched has reinforced that decision.
I've done labor and delivery with an epidural, having spent most of the time semi-reclined. After a long labor that required pitocin and an episiotomy, and after reading some comments from other mommies on JM (not on the NCB board), I decided to actually look into NCB this time.
The more I researched, the more I learned about how, while modern obstetrics are beneficial in certain situations, they often cause the problems they are meant to prevent, leading to more interventions that would have been unnecessary. So while I'm trying to keep an open mind and realize that things may happen that I don't plan on, I'm going to try to do this naturally.
I can't rememebr exactly what pushed me to NCB, but a big part was the feeling of not being in control, if I had an epi/spinal or if I had any other drugs given to me. I felt like I'd feel high/drunk or helpless rather then feeling in control of the situation.