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Natural childbirth is how I want to go but I am finding it hard to find the right support that is needed.
For one, I am giving birth at a hospital and I know hospitals are famous for rushing things, and trying to give u meds you dont want, shushing patients and the list can go on, so i am kinda scared of the hospital atm.There are only a few doulas in my area and they cost alot of money, which we do not have, this was an unplanned pregnancy, so money is tight. My bf is supportive, BUT hes not the type of guy that wants to sit down and read for hours, look at labor pics and practice breathing exersizes for hrs on end. We are planning to go to whatever classes the hospital has to offer, but like someone else said on the board, they will probley just try to teach me on how to be a good patient (and try to talk me out of ncb).
Anyone have any suggestions on how I can try to get the bf involved without making him feel like he is trying to major in ob/gyn lol.
My bf just worries me all around, he says he is excited, and he wants to go to all u/s (and no i dont beg him to go at all.. lol), BUT he kinda ignores the fact that I am pregnant when we are at home, he has only touched my belly about 10 times, and when he felt the baby kick it didnt even faze him ....what should i think of that? most people sound like their partners cant stay away from the bump, mine seems unfazed by it all!
anyways thanks for lisnening/reading my rant, i know a bit long lol but id love any and all advice you ladies can throw my way!
It's way past my bedtime, so I'll warn you this may wind up really long and rambling! lol
As far as him not showing his emotions... He's probably terrified! Nate and I weren't trying to get pg, so this was a surprise for us as well, although we knew it might be possible, and we both knew we wanted kids in the near future. Even so... It took him a while to get used to it, and as excited and happy he is now, I can tell he's still scared about everything.
Maybe he's just not sure what to think of it all? How far along are you, anyway? Nate didn't used to play with my "bump" too much, but once he was able to feel Spud move around in there - he's poking my belly every night to get Spud to kick him. lol At first he was weirded out, but he's since gotten used to it. I'd say sit down with him, he's probably really nervous about things, and doesn't want to scare you or freak you out by expressing his concerns and fears.
As far as the hospital... I wish I could offer better advice. *sigh* Here, I pretty much had two choices. One was Maine Med. It's a GREAT hospital, very advanced, etc. BUT, you're not a patient there - you're a number. My other option was Mercy. They are set up as a birthing center inside a hospital. They are very family centered, and are very open to "alternative" methods of pain relief, etc. They have birthing balls, tubs, birthing tubs, have an "all in one" room setup, etc etc. They're also really supportive of breastfeeding, which makes me really happy! Needless to say, I chose Mercy.
Perhaps you could look into what options you have for birthing centers in your area? The one I'll be going to is almost an hour away, but, it's worth it!
We are unsure of my due date, it has changed twice!! We didnt find out we where pregnant until about 3mo. along and atm I am about 5mo along.. I know he has alot on his mind so i know he is stressed, he grew up without a father so i think that could be on his mind as well, I try to talk a lil to him but hes not into talking to much about his emotions. sometimes i wonder if he feels comfortable touching my stomach so i dunno what to do lol, if i put his hand there i dont want him to feel pressured if he is not ready, but i also dont want him to be dying to touch his baby but feeling like its not his place and ya i did tell him my belly is as much mine as it is his so hopefully he got the point. He is out of town for the night, but i think this weekend i will make it a point to talk to him about every thing that has been on my mind, he works so much i hate to put any more stress on him that i dont have to.
He will probably get more comfortable the longer you are visibly pregnant, if that eases your mind
I would get some of your favorite childbirth books, ones that you want him to read bits out of, and put them in the bathroom and take his magazines away The things you want him to read, put bookmarks in, and maybe he will read them on his own that way.
I have a husband who likes to be educated about this stuff, and while he did not read any of my birth books, he listened when I talked about all the things I was reading, and we were able to talk about what we thought about what I was reading.
I strongly urge you to NOT take the hospital class, but to invest in Bradley method classes with him. It educates him and makes him your birth PARTNER, and your birth is much more about the two of you having a baby than you having a baby and him freaking out. He learns what relaxes you, he learns what to do if the baby comes too fast and he has to deliver (ask my DH, happened to him on baby #3!). They are one class a week for 12 weeks, and that's my best recommendation to make sure he understands why meds are not a good thing if you cna avoid them, about why a C/S is a bad thing unless it is very medically necesary, etc.
I agreee with EmoMom, don't bother with the hospital classes they are a waste of time and money. If you can't afford the Bradley classes just get thebooks and read read read! If your BF doesn't want to read them just make sure he is aware f what you want during labor. You want him to be able to advocate for you. My husband never touched a book for any of our pregnancies but he knew what I wanted and needed druing labor. Try and find a good natural birth midwife. They are getting harder and harder to find. Ask around talk to a bradley instructor And even state insurance pays for homebirth in some states so call midwifes and birthing centers. If there are CNM's that do homebirths in your state medicaid or your state insurance may cover it.