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Mostly a vent...doctor ALREADY pushing induction :( LONG


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
August 30th, 2011, 07:50 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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Let me start out by saying I have never been 100% happy with the doctor I ended up with. However, my choices were highly limited, given I needed someone high-risk and I wanted him/her to be at the same practice where I could have a midwife for my care as well. There was only one option, given there is only one midwife practice within an hour of my house (thankfully the doctor practices alongside her).

But I went yesterday for my 35 week appt and non-stress test. They are doing the tests because of my having a blood clotting disorder and being on blood thinners. I had four losses before we got this little guy. I am fine with the extra precautions they are taking (aka: more sonograms to watch blood flow, blood tests to monitor blood levels, etc). However, I have made it ABUNDANTLY clear from step one that I want a natural birth and will not accept an induction or c-section for reasons that are minor or non-life threatening. At first, the doc was all...oh, that is fine, the midwifes are totally on board (they are), we can work all that out toward the end of pregnancy.

NOW...his tune has suddenly changed. Yesterday I actually felt attacked for my choices. And to make matters worse, even DH is questioning why I am pushing for a NCB now The doc was talking about the meds and said "We usually take someone off them a day before we induce or do a c-section." I said that would be fine, except I am planning a NCB (he knows this) and we won't know when the baby is coming exactly. He got all snitty with me and was like "Well, then when do YOU think you should go off them?" As though I have been medical school.

He then said "Maybe a week before your last delivery will be good." Then I had to remind him that I had my son at 36 weeks and that would mean stopping the meds NOW. I mentioned that I could always just take them until I thought I was in labor and then either not take that day's dose or not take the next one scheduled. I realize that my labor *might* not be 24 hours long, but it seems lots of people have births less than 24 hours after the meds (some research suggests that bleeding risks are greatly diminished if it has been more then 12 hours since the last dose) and had no bleeding issues. Since an epi is not even on my radar, I don't see what that aspect should even be brought into play (you can not have an epi or spinal within 24 hours of the last dose of medicine, period). But he was greatly offended that I was not agreeing to an induction. He said we would have to "talk about the risks" next week and he hoped I could "put my baby's needs ahead of my emotional ones."

I just feel it is RUDE. And unnecessary. If he was NOT going to be okay with me letting my body do things on it's own, then why did he say that he was fine with it in the beginning? I would have preferred to know he was not okay with NCB from the beginning. Thankfully, my next appt is with the midwife and she is so much more reasonable and, frankly, smarter than the doctor. I will ask a bunch of questions and see what she has to say. Even though she is not trained for "high risk" deliveries (this is not technically high-risk), she will at least help me delve into the important matters.

I am just frustrated. Not to mention, the doc wants to induce at 38 weeks. Not even 39 or 40. His "time line" for this "protocol" is 38 weeks. I do know my conception date (and have blood tests to prove it), but what if the baby is not ready by then? Or what if my body is not and I end up with a c-section (which is prolly most likely anyway, as I am sure the monitors they will want on me will pick up something he doesn't like). I kinda feel I am fighting my way up a hill now. With DH switching teams, I am left with just my doula...who is great. But I need doctor/midwife/spousal support too. And suddenly I am "the bad guy" because I want to do NCB and there are risks.

Sorry for the longness of this. If you are still reading...you deserve a medal!! Sorry to whine about it. I am just irritated
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  #2  
August 30th, 2011, 07:56 AM
noworries
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Oh my goodness, the moment he told me to "put my baby's need ahead of my emotional ones" I would have went off on him.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I hope your hubby gets back on board with you.
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  #3  
August 30th, 2011, 10:53 AM
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So incredibly rude! I really hope your doula and midwife can support you. What are your dh's concerns? Is he just going with the "what doctor says is best" approach because he's nervous?
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  #4  
August 30th, 2011, 01:09 PM
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That was very rude of him! I hate when people think we want NCB for "OUR NEEDS", it's not about our needs, it's about what's best for our body and our babies! They just don't get it!

Anyway, I hope your appt with the midwife goes much better!
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  #5  
August 30th, 2011, 02:27 PM
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Wow um I would not have been so nice to that dr!!! He just wants it easy for him. He wants to know your last dose and have it all neat and tidy in a chart....um last I checked each person is different and he can just jump off a cliff.
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  #6  
August 30th, 2011, 05:34 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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I am glad I am not overreacting...because I was really insulted when he said the line about putting the baby's needs before my emotional ones. I felt like he was attacking me personally and saying that I was selfish for wanting this for myself and my son. When I know it is not true at all. I want this because I know it is so much better for both of us.

DH is what you might call "wishy washy" about all this birth/childrearing stuff. He mostly lets me call the shots when it comes to our kids (meaning he was fine with CDing, ERF, NCB, cosleeping, breastfeeding when I told him of the benefits/negatives and why I was choosing that method). He is not a push-over or anything, he just does not have strong opinions when it comes to that kind if thing. So I think he is reacting out of fear. He knows the doctor would prefer to induce, he knows there is a *slight* risk of my bleeding and it causing issues, he knows that risk could be eliminated if we had the meds scheduled...so in his mind, it is better to just induce. He is discounting all the negatives of the induction in the first place, especially the big one for me, the c-section that might result at the end. Not to mention that I have to do the painful part of labor, as I would prolly try without an epi to avoid those complications on top of the ones we would already add. KWIM? He will support my decision ultimately, but it was so much nicer when he was on my side. Now I feel like he is no longer behind me 100% and that doubt is not cool.

I did talk to a friend today and she helped put things in perspective. She saw the same team of docs/midwives for the last two months of her last pregnancy (she did most of the pregnancy in France, where she lived). She had to see the doc because of her history in France and was co-treated by the midwife as well. She said that the doc was even pushing induction on her starting early. That he seems to be induction happy and she would question if it had anything to do with the clotting issue at all. She said he asked her at EVERY appt from 36 weeks onward when she wanted to schedule her induction. Which is NOT okay in my book...but it makes me feel a little like maybe I am not dealing with something so abnormal. So I will be having a LONG appt with my midwife next week and I hope to feel more confident after that point.

Thanks for your support ladies. I know I don't talk a whole lot on this board, but it really is a support and I have learned so much I did not know in the past months of being here
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  #7  
August 30th, 2011, 06:06 PM
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Which medication are you taking? Some providers have you switch to a different anti-coagulant when you are close to labor that is less likely to cause problems during delivery. Have you asked about that as an option?
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  #8  
August 30th, 2011, 11:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noworries View Post
Oh my goodness, the moment he told me to "put my baby's need ahead of my emotional ones" I would have went off on him.
Yeah, that comment seriously belongs on "My OB Said What!?" I was when I read it. How crazy and insulting, not to mention misogynist. Are your needs somehow unimportant? Aren't you are person, or are you just a vessel from which a baby needs to eventually be removed? Crazy how OB's tend to just write off the mom as a non-entity. The goal is a healthy family, not just a healthy baby.

Anyway, I really feel for you. Your DH sounds just like mine. He defers to my judgment about most child-rearing stuff, but at the end of the day he prefers not to think about childbirth if he doesn't have to. His attitude was pretty much "Of course you can have a natural childbirth, as long as I don't have to do anything." (Don't get me wrong, he's a fantastic husband, it's just that childbirth is not really his 'thing.') It's hard when something is so incredibly important to you and the others around you act like it's no big deal. I hope that with the support of your midwife and doula, you'll be able to stand your ground with this OB and have the birth you want. Things will turn out in the end!
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  #9  
August 31st, 2011, 12:44 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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is there any way you can chat with the MW on the phone and just get some answers and a better ear to talk to? Your DR sounds like an ***, but you knew that already. Interesting to hear your friend's take on her experience with him as well. You chose a NCB because it is BEST for BABY, argh.
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  #10  
August 31st, 2011, 10:25 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap View Post
Yeah, that comment seriously belongs on "My OB Said What!?" I was when I read it. How crazy and insulting, not to mention misogynist. Are your needs somehow unimportant? Aren't you are person, or are you just a vessel from which a baby needs to eventually be removed? Crazy how OB's tend to just write off the mom as a non-entity. The goal is a healthy family, not just a healthy baby.

Anyway, I really feel for you. Your DH sounds just like mine. He defers to my judgment about most child-rearing stuff, but at the end of the day he prefers not to think about childbirth if he doesn't have to. His attitude was pretty much "Of course you can have a natural childbirth, as long as I don't have to do anything." (Don't get me wrong, he's a fantastic husband, it's just that childbirth is not really his 'thing.') It's hard when something is so incredibly important to you and the others around you act like it's no big deal. I hope that with the support of your midwife and doula, you'll be able to stand your ground with this OB and have the birth you want. Things will turn out in the end!
Ditto this entire post!! You are definitely not wrong, selfish, anything that he is saying. Yes, ideally you would have a full 24 hours off the meds. However, you get the final say with this. Stick to your guns if that is what the midwife says is right!
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  #11  
September 1st, 2011, 06:32 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
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I wish I had advice...I just wanted to offer my support though. It's awful that your doctor has suddenly changed his tune. How do doctors expect you to trust them when they pull something like that? It's quite deceitful of him to act as if he was going to support your choices then suddenly change his tune once you get closer to delivery.

*hugs*

I hope things turn around and you get the birth you want!
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