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I am a part of a local FB group, someone just posted that they are considering a NCB. The responses are killing me. I can't bring myself to respond at this point. Why in the world are so many women so competitive and what is with the negativity when someone considers a NCB.
"I did want to add that if you wind up choosing an epidural there is totally NO shame in that. "
"Only one of my friends have had a natural birth. She said she would never do it again."
"I second going in with an open mind- you honestly don't know how things are going to go down until you are there in the moment. You could be like my sister whose water broke at 37 weeks and the baby came so quickly she barely had time to go to the hospital. Or, you could be like me whose water broke at 38 weeks and then spent 21hours in labor, had to get ridiculous amounts of pitocian and spent 2hours pushing. Yes, ma'am, I got the epidural and in that situation, I would do it again even though beforehand, I really thought I was going to try and go natural. I didn't feel I had any problems with recovery except that I was pretty exhausted by the whole experience. Do what feels right in the moment and don't worry if things don't go according to your plan because the baby has plans of his/her own Congratulations!"
"Wow- kudos to you moms! The only thing on my birth plan was epidural!"
" I think its great to go without meds BUT I knew I might have a potentially 10 lb baby(she ended up being almost 9) so I knew that I wanted the drugs. Lol. I ended up being in labor for 3...yes 3 days and not progressing so I had to get dosed up with pitocin. Then I had an emergency c section. Ugh. I totally commend you ladies for doing it naturally though!"
I don't get it either. I really don't care how other women give birth, but I do find it sad when women feel like they have to bash anyone having a NCB (or really any type of birth) or throw in their bad experience to make it sound horrible, etc.
I don't understand it either. When a Mom tells me she's going to get an epidural I don't try to change her mind or tell her that's not a good idea. If someone asks for specific advice that's different, but I think we should support each other on this road to Motherhood.
It is really typical to hear people comparing birth stories and making "reasons" for why they chose a certain route or why their birth plans did not go according to plan. It stems from either A. being unhappy with how things went in their own labor or B. a desire to get someone else to chose the same path they took. At least in my experience. I actually find those comments to be kinda tame compared to some I have seen!! It always annoys me when I see NCB-bashing comments. Especially since no one ever makes negative comments for c-sections (at least I have never seen anything but supportive comments about that).
I figure, it is my body. I can do what I want with it. Just because someone else doesn't make the same choice, doesn't mean mine is any less valid. I feel the same about any EDUCATED decision someone else makes. I just don't like when people make choices based on assumptions and a lack of research. But that is why I tend to avoid getting into debates about NCB or any other topic I feel strongly about.
I honestly don't care if you chose to birth your child out your nose while hopped up on every med on the planet. I think it continues to bother me that people can say whatever comes to mind when NCB is mentioned. But if someone said "I am going for the epidural" I can't say "you realize that, that ups your chance of c-section you will likely receive pitocin, there is a chance you will not be able to feel to effectively push causing a longer push phase, you will be pumped full of fluid likely causing your baby to take on additional fluid, the epidural can lead to breastfeeding difficulties, not to mention the fact that you are over riding all the natural processes and as long as you are cool with those risks go for it! I would NEVER EVER say that though.
I really can't stand the "I think its great that you want a natural childbirth, but you should really have an open mind!"
I can appreciate what they are trying to say but at the same time its such an under cut to the woman's confidence by saying that!!!
That one really gets under my skin but I continue to baffled on how to respond. Of course, I had an open mind that I wouldn't do anything to put my child or myself in danger (that's why I had a NCB duh!)but I fought tooth and nail to get a natural birth. I get that you don't want to be disappointed if things don't go as planned, but in this day and age to get what you want you are going to have to fight for it, like anything in life. On the other hand if I had given myself an "out" I would have chickened out when I hit transition or when I realized I was going to have to push!
That drives me crazy. My first pregnancy I finally stopped mentioning anything about birth because people seem to take a STATEMENT as to what I am planning as an open invite for discussion, which it most certainly was not. If someone asks a question or asks for opinions, that's one thing. but when it is mentioned off-hand, if it comes up in conversation, then why the heck do people feel the need to qualify and "advise"? Especially people who actually haven't tried any type of natural childbirth. Apples to oranges, people.
I am now fully taking advantage of my position as "experienced childbirther" to put out positive stories and thoughts and encourage moms-to-be to look forward to whatever type of birth they want to have. I think there is so much doom and gloom stories about babies and birth. Breastfeeding? Well, you better have formula on hand because we all know how well breastfeeding works out. Birthing? Better keep an open mind about that epidural. Cloth diapers? We'll see how long that lasts when you really experience it. I mean, come on. No wonder pregnant moms are terrified about what's to come!
This is why only a few people irl know that I'm having a natural birth. I don't know why it's so taboo these days but women have been doing it this way a heck of a lot longer so why do they think I'm crazy for wanting it? Some people found out about my plans and their responses were so horrible you would have thought I told them I planned on beating my kid or something. It just doesn't make sense. I don't preach my preference, all I ask is for women to make informed decisions that work best for themselves.
I was at a baby shower last weekend and was talking with the mom and her friends and it came up that I wanted to do it naturally this time. The first question was "Why?" When i responded that it was how I felt birth was intended to be, the woman responds "Well why all of the advances in sciene to give up pain meds?" I simply said, "Well the scientists need something to do."
With my DD, I did not get to have my natural experience. I'm not bitter over having the epi, but I truly want to do everything in my power this time around to have my baby naturally.
I don't get it either. Some of the things people say just boggle my mind.
And to comment about science. I actually had a client, who had a homebirth, and I encapsulated her placenta, who was a Scientist The reason she said she was having a homebirth and consuming her placenta was because she was a Scientist.