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  #1  
February 16th, 2012, 11:45 AM
STL_Beth's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Can I just say it irritates me how NCB is like a double standard in most DDC? There are all these girls who glamourize C-sections and early inductions. We start stickies with dates for everyone is scheduling early. Or we talk about how funny it is that we HAVE to have our epidurals, etc. But then the second I mention anything slightly about NCB, I get attacked!!!

I seriously think that most of the time, the people who "attack" me are just jealous or something or have had past experiences that make them deep down inside regret what they are doing but they feel they have no other options?? I don't really know. It just really irritates me and I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that here or at home. And they should be glad my hubby doesn't post here, he would be all over them (I'm the nicer one of the two of us).
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  #2  
February 16th, 2012, 11:59 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That sucks. My DDCs have in general been pretty supportive, even if most of them plan on going a different route (and that's okay!). But I guess I'm lucky I've never had anyone on JM make nasty remarks about my NCBs. (Offline, however, is another issue...)
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  #3  
February 16th, 2012, 01:01 PM
STL_Beth's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's good. Mine is about the opposite. Most people IRL are very supportive of us and our decisions even if there's aren't completely different. But for some reason in DDCs, maybe because they are full of pregnant hormonal women, it's like wanting to have a NCB is the equivalent of proclaiming you are this freak and open to attack.

You guys can go read what I said in my April 12 DDC, but honestly I don't think what I said was all that bad. People just go up in defense so quickly.
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  #4  
February 16th, 2012, 01:55 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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There are so many people in parenting forums who are so anti-NCB it is just bizzare. And if you have a NCB then you are automatically anti-everything that doesn't deal with NCB and you're trying to prove a point or whatever it is they think.
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  #5  
February 16th, 2012, 07:31 PM
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I honestly don't understand why so many pregnant women are so eager for epidurals. It makes me wonder if they have done much research at all.
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  #6  
February 16th, 2012, 08:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lunarmagic View Post
That sucks. My DDCs have in general been pretty supportive, even if most of them plan on going a different route (and that's okay!). But I guess I'm lucky I've never had anyone on JM make nasty remarks about my NCBs. (Offline, however, is another issue...)
We're in the same DDC and I agree with this. I never had an issue with Vi or Lily's DDC/PR either with the NCB issue. There are some who probably think it's insane to have a NCB, but they've never said anything really negative about it.
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  #7  
February 17th, 2012, 12:18 AM
jillmarie's Avatar Veteran
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I left my DDC for most of my pregnancy for just that. They got so nasty towards me. It was so lame.
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  #8  
February 17th, 2012, 05:47 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Beth, I know a few women in your DDC from my sept 2008 PR, and one in particular has already referenced me as "pushing a VBAC down her throat."

I really didn't care how she had her baby, and in every instance of me talking VBAC it related to me and how *I* would do just about anything to have one.

My ddc is pretty new yet, and everyone is still in the worry stage, so we haven't really talked much about birth and such yet, it will be interesting to see how it goes. But so far I am getting the feeling, even from the c-section mamma's that they will be supportive of whatever choices we make.

I hope that my want for a NCB won't be attacked, but we shall see...

oh, as for big babies - I pretty much agree with you!

I was very niave when I had my first, and my doctor told me based on a 36w u/s that Adam was going to be 9-10 pounds, and she decided to induce based on big baby syndrome.

Turns out, he was just very tall. All 7 pounds 3 ounces of him, but nearly 22 inches long. And because of being mislead by someone I was supposed to trust, I now have to prepare myself for a fight to get my VBAC's.
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  #9  
February 17th, 2012, 06:07 AM
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I needed popcorn for that thread (yeah, I am nosy and had to go read it).

It got heated super-quick.

I am lucky, my DDC was wonderful about NCB. I think we had a pretty high ratio of mom's aiming for a NCB and a fair amount who, even though they were not planning one, were very supportive of it and/or would have wanted one if the circumstances were different. I guess I did not realize how lucky I was.

I never had to defend my choices or deal with negativity surrounding some actual facts about childbirth. But I do feel for you in having to deal with it. As strongly as you believe in something, there will always be a person who believes strongly in the opposite. And being on the same thread makes for some fireworks.
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  #10  
February 17th, 2012, 09:07 AM
STL_Beth's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think what irritates me the most is the fact that NCB should be the norm, at the very least wanting a vaginal birth should be the norm and the fact that there are some ladies out there who have to have a repeat c/s or induced, or whatever other interventions they need, those are the exceptions. I don't necessarily look down on them for their decisions and what reasons they have that lead them to their choices, but they shouldn't be out there preaching that having a c/s is the best thing in the world...since they are the exception.

I also have to say that I was never as "vocal" about NCB in my first DDC since I hadn't even had one yet, but I certainly don't remember as much negativity about it either. I think it really just depends on your DDC. And there are definitely people in mine who may not choose to have NCB (and that's fine) but they totally support me and my reasons for one, which is all I really ask for in a DDC. But to have certain women who are just so "high and mighty" and think anyone talking about a NCB should be banished or something...that's just ridiculous.
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  #11  
February 18th, 2012, 08:03 AM
Dee
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That stinks that your DDC is a contentious place for you. I did not read that particular thread, but I've seen some similar things since I started looking up pregnancy information online.

I am surprised, especially on a parenting forum, that there is such resistance to the idea that maybe you'd want to have your baby the same way women all over the world have theirs.

Some of the comments that non-NCB moms make sound a lot like when an omnivore meets a vegetarian, they get defensive about their meat eating, "Oh, I was a vegetarian for a while in college, but then I finally had a good steak and I never went back" or, "I eat chicken but I almost never eat red meat," or even sillier, "But how do you get your protein?" when the vegetarian never said anything about the omnivore's eating habits. It's upsetting that we struggle to have a civil discussion about our personal choices, and we seem to default into judging each other about them... it's especially upsetting in a place that's designed to be informative and supportive.


Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Sapphires View Post
My ddc is pretty new yet, and everyone is still in the worry stage, so we haven't really talked much about birth and such yet, it will be interesting to see how it goes. But so far I am getting the feeling, even from the c-section mamma's that they will be supportive of whatever choices we make.
We're in the same DDC, and I agree, so far it hasn't really come up, but it seems like a pretty laid back supportive group. Of course, all we're discussing so far are symptoms and worries and family things... so we'll see. Don't worry Ami, I'll have your back if the epi wars come to pass!
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Last edited by d_tops; February 18th, 2012 at 03:08 PM.
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  #12  
February 19th, 2012, 06:38 PM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Mine has never said anything negative fortunately but I see decisions made by the women all the time that makes me go. They listen to their doctors and never question their decisions. Omg lol! Some end up with a scheduled csection, it's their first baby, all because their doctors says their baby is too big and shell never be able to deliver it. And then the baby ends up being 6 pounds. How do they not see the red flags beforehand??? But my DDC is all flowers and butterflies and everyone loves each other that you can't say anything that would be deemed negative. Ive said very little once and still ended up getting a post closed so now I just sit back and watch. I give no advice even though my advice is to just do your homework.
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  #13  
February 20th, 2012, 05:55 AM
STL_Beth's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's my general advice most of the time. I never try to tell anyone that NCB is for everyone because honestly if they don't want it, then it's not worth my effort and time. I just want people to be educated. I'm not saying all drs are bad and hopefully you have chosen a doctor (if you are going the OB route) that thinks in line with you so if something needs to be done quickly, you know what he or she is recommending is good advice, but I also always question what he says. In the end, it's my body and my baby and while he's the doctor, I get the final decision.
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  #14  
February 20th, 2012, 06:43 AM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daneeleigh View Post
Mine has never said anything negative fortunately but I see decisions made by the women all the time that makes me go. They listen to their doctors and never question their decisions. Omg lol! Some end up with a scheduled csection, it's their first baby, all because their doctors says their baby is too big and shell never be able to deliver it. And then the baby ends up being 6 pounds. How do they not see the red flags beforehand??? But my DDC is all flowers and butterflies and everyone loves each other that you can't say anything that would be deemed negative. Ive said very little once and still ended up getting a post closed so now I just sit back and watch. I give no advice even though my advice is to just do your homework.
So glad I'm not the only one that feels this way My standard response is "Wishing you a wonderful birth" because anything else comes across as "negative". I am shocked by how many elective inductions/c-sections our group has had. Obviously their baby/their birth but the number of Mom who have gone into labor on their own seems very, very small
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  #15  
February 20th, 2012, 03:55 PM
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This is one of the reasons I am so thankful for the NCB board. My DDC in my last pregnancy was not very friendly to natural childbirth ladies. Lots of arguments. So, when they failed me and I needed support, I came here. And you ladies are always amazing.
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  #16  
February 20th, 2012, 11:53 PM
KiwiMommy's Avatar Ashlynn's Mama
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lurking but although my DDC is really good with not starting wars over decisions, I do have to say that sometimes I get worried when they discuss inductions.
But at the same time, I remember when my daughter was still in-utero and they told me she was going to be huge and would not fit through my pelvis. My Dr. pushed a c-section or induction and scared the living poo out of me. Thankfully I went into labor the day before my next appointment..where I was going to ask for the induction. Doctors know how to scare a mother into having a baby before they are due (or even overdue)
Granted Ashlynn did cause a lot of problems because of her size, I still don't want to consider an induction or c-section this go-around unless he is really, truly measuring very large. So far, he isn't.
I know a girl who was told to expect a big baby because her first was 8lbs and a few ounces. So she scheduled a c-section around 38 or 39 weeks and delivered a baby that was a whopping 6lbs and a few ounces.. But the doctors told her she'd never have a baby naturally, so she didn't think twice. Then she told me I should get one for this baby because Ashlynn almost killed me.."It's so easy when it's planned"...it's also serious surgery that I personally don't feel is necessary to deliver my children.

Most of what women decide from are because they listen to the doctor (after all, you're raised being told the Dr knows all. I was anyways) and don't think to question anything.
If you know better, you do better. I usually offer my opinion, watered down if need be, and where I got any info if I feel it's a good idea. The key is to make them curious enough to go research themselves
I avoid heated topics if I can. So so so glad that my DDC has been good so far. The Feb PR was really good as well. I lucked out I guess? I'd say come join us but you're much farther ahead in pregnancy Sorry you have to deal with drama llamas.
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  #17  
February 21st, 2012, 06:08 AM
STL_Beth's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Our Feb PR was pretty good. I don't remember too many heated debates, although sometimes I wish the topics had been brought up more, it would have forced me to think about natural birth even more then.
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  #18  
February 22nd, 2012, 08:24 AM
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It has been a while since I was in a DDC, but I remember one thing distinctly (on a different site with my first). All of the women seemed to be in a contest of sorts to see who would deliver first. Coincidentally, my birth was first because my water broke almost 4 weeks early. I remember all the moms being very excited about being induced, etc. I totally understand being excited to see your baby. That is natural. What bothered me was that one of the women in the group went to almost 42 weeks, and she had chosen to just let nature take it's course. Some of the other women were fussing at her for putting her child at risk, asking how she could do this to her child, etc. It was just mean. None of these women new anything about NCB (obviously), but they took it upon themselves to "coach" this woman as to what she should do. If anyone tried to defend her they were promptly shot down. That just really bothered me.

I know what you mean about people being threatened by NCB. With my second I just learned to bite my tongue about NCB within my DDC.
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  #19  
February 22nd, 2012, 10:42 AM
STL_Beth's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoriLou35 View Post
It has been a while since I was in a DDC, but I remember one thing distinctly (on a different site with my first). All of the women seemed to be in a contest of sorts to see who would deliver first. Coincidentally, my birth was first because my water broke almost 4 weeks early. I remember all the moms being very excited about being induced, etc. I totally understand being excited to see your baby. That is natural. What bothered me was that one of the women in the group went to almost 42 weeks, and she had chosen to just let nature take it's course. Some of the other women were fussing at her for putting her child at risk, asking how she could do this to her child, etc. It was just mean. None of these women new anything about NCB (obviously), but they took it upon themselves to "coach" this woman as to what she should do. If anyone tried to defend her they were promptly shot down. That just really bothered me.

I know what you mean about people being threatened by NCB. With my second I just learned to bite my tongue about NCB within my DDC.
That is definitely stupid considering there are a ton of ladies who induce early, some just for pure convenience....they aren't putting their babies at risk??? But yet, no one ever says anything about that.
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  #20  
February 22nd, 2012, 12:58 PM
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Yeah, it seems rare to find a ddc where everyone just keeps it civil. I generally take a lot of crap because I do choose to go naturally and let my body go into labor on it's own - even if that's 42 weeks and 5 days AND don't run for a c-section because my babies are 10+ pounders.
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