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Frustration-- Needing to vent


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
April 5th, 2012, 03:39 PM
LaceyMay2630's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok I just need a moment to project my frustration so that I don't scream while I'm at work. I am currently working and obviously on the JM website reading some NCB stories. I am dead set on having my child naturally, no I haven't given birth before, but I already know that this is what I want to do and I am going to do it. Anyways, a bunch of co-workers started standing around me asking questions. Now trying to be optimistic about NCB, I told them that it was what I was wanting to do. They looked at me like I had an ax in my forehead. They couldn't believe that I wouldn't take drugs, "modern medicine is here to help you... More easier." "there is no way that you could do it." "once you get the pain of the first contraction, you're going to be begging for that epi." I am so furious. I tried to explain that your body is mean to do this, but they wouldn't have it. They just went on and on about how dumb I sounded and even took bets to see how long I could hold off on the epi. Grr. It's just so aggravating to hear all of the negative comments about NCB. Anyways, ha ha, this is my vent!

thank you to all those who've listened ha ha
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  #2  
April 6th, 2012, 04:16 AM
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I can understand your frustration, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of negativity. Where I live NCB is the norm, so I haven't encountered much opposition. However my own mother initially expressed some concern, which really hurt me - especially since SHE had 2/3 natural births!

Try your best to ignore the negativity. You can even use it as motivation! YOU know you can do it, YOU believe in yourself. Give birth the way you want to and prove them wrong! Not that it's about proving anything, but you might make them think twice about their stance on NCB.
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  #3  
April 6th, 2012, 07:51 AM
LaceyMay2630's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you! I am feeling a lot better now ha ha. I just took it as almost a challenge to prove everyone wrong. They just see me as being so small that I won't be able to do it without the epi. Little do they know how strong the human body actually is!
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  #4  
April 6th, 2012, 12:11 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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I see so many little ladies give birth naturally and easily! It seems like that the smaller clients that I have actually have the easiest natural deliveries! It blows my mind!

Sorry you're getting a lot of hate. I hate to say it, but it's just the beginning of one of many mommy wars. So many others love to make judgement and try to break down others. I have no idea why. In the large scheme of things we are all just trying to do our best at raising our children the best way we know how. My best advice is not to get into debates. Pretend to listen to folks every now an then, but when it comes down to it, I'd just ask them to respect you and support you in your journey to parenthood. If they don't have anything nice to say, then consider your office closed
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  #5  
April 6th, 2012, 02:54 PM
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Yep, I have experienced the same thing but from all my friends who all had either scheduled C-sections or at minimum a vaginal birth with an epidural. I think it's sad that women don't support eachother regardless of the type of birth they choose. I don't judge someone else for getting an epidural, why do they judge me for wanting to go drug-free.

It's just a sad example of how American women don't support eachother the way we should.
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  #6  
April 7th, 2012, 12:00 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You're going to get this even after you give birth. I heard all of those before I delivered Mason and people saying I couldn't do it. Then I did it and now people think I'm crazy wanting to do it again. My boyfriend keeps saying," congratulations, you did it! Now can we have the epidural like normal people next time?". He doesn't understand even though he was amazing during the birth. People mistake the pain during labor as horrific. Yes it's painful but it's also normal. At no point did I feel in danger or not in control of what was going on. Some people just don't get it and never will even if you have ten natural labors.
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  #7  
April 7th, 2012, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daneeleigh View Post
You're going to get this even after you give birth. I heard all of those before I delivered Mason and people saying I couldn't do it. Then I did it and now people think I'm crazy wanting to do it again. My boyfriend keeps saying," congratulations, you did it! Now can we have the epidural like normal people next time?". He doesn't understand even though he was amazing during the birth. People mistake the pain during labor as horrific. Yes it's painful but it's also normal. At no point did I feel in danger or not in control of what was going on. Some people just don't get it and never will even if you have ten natural labors.
I love hearing this! I've made my DH read some things here and in other places that talk about how much worse natural labor looks on the outside than it really is for the mother experiencing it. I know that he hates to see me in pain, but I want him to be prepared to support me and to understand the difference between that pain and "unnatural" pain.

Lacey you hang in there...you're not in the best spot on earth for natural childbirth (I grew up in Utah) but I bet you could find a good midwife or doula if you hunted. It's hard sometimes - my mom is an RN and she's completely freaked out about my not wanting to give birth in a hospital! - but just hang on to the fact that you're trying to do the absolute best thing for your baby and your self!

GL!
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  #8  
April 7th, 2012, 05:48 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh I totally get that frustration!!! I had a lot of people laugh at me when I was pregnant with my first.... I got a few really rude comments too. And yeah, it made me REALLY angry. But the best revenge is doing it anyways. I am possibly a horrible person, but I loved going back to those same people and saying, "Oh, actually it wasn't bad at all, no problems." Of course then that gets dismissed with the "well you are just one of those LUCKY people who has REALLY easy labors." Uh-huh, okay.

I really don't understand why people are so mean about it. That's what gets me. I have a lot of friends who don't do a natural birth themselves, but gave me props for it and wished me luck. And that's totally cool. But the downright mean, negative comments? What purpose could they possibly serve? I also got some snorts and eye-rolls about my plans to breastfeed, which kind of blew my mind. But again, I just did it.

And while people will continue to question the choices you make, I found that none were as downright rude and spiteful as they were about the natural birth. so try to just brush it off, ignore, don't engage them... they have no interest in listening.
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  #9  
April 9th, 2012, 07:43 AM
LaceyMay2630's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeckyBozeman View Post
It's hard sometimes - my mom is an RN and she's completely freaked out about my not wanting to give birth in a hospital! - but just hang on to the fact that you're trying to do the absolute best thing for your baby and your self!

GL!
My mom is also an RN and a clinic manager for IHC and she thinks I am absolutely crazy for wanting to do it naturally and for laboring as long as I can at home before I head to a birthing center. She is constantly telling me that the epi is there for a reason, and always tells me that "I'm not good with pain." so annoying that people just assume the amount of pain that I can tolerate, and when I tell them that I'm going to be doing the Hypnobabies, they really lose it! Ha ha!

Oh and when I tell people that this will be our first child, they just roll their eyes and tell me that the first one is always the hardest and to "just wait for that pain." I don't understand why people can be so judgmental about something they know so little of. And I won't even get started on the whole breastfeeding subject, that gets even more smirks from my co-workers
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  #10  
April 9th, 2012, 07:50 AM
LaceyMay2630's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeckyBozeman View Post
I love hearing this! I've made my DH read some things here and in other places that talk about how much worse natural labor looks on the outside than it really is for the mother experiencing it. I know that he hates to see me in pain, but I want him to be prepared to support me and to understand the difference between that pain and "unnatural" pain.

Lacey you hang in there...you're not in the best spot on earth for natural childbirth (I grew up in Utah) but I bet you could find a good midwife or doula if you hunted. It's hard sometimes - my mom is an RN and she's completely freaked out about my not wanting to give birth in a hospital! - but just hang on to the fact that you're trying to do the absolute best thing for your baby and your self!

GL!
My sister in law (love her!) is actually going to be my doula! I'm going to be using the midwife that she used for her last delivery as well so it will be a nice comfortable, familiar setting. Just the rolls will be switched with her and I ha ha!
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  #11  
April 9th, 2012, 08:34 AM
AltMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is too funny.. I literally just posted something very similar a few minutes ago before even reading your post.

It makes me SO ANGRY.
How dare anyone underestimate our abilites as women to do what our bodies are meant to do.
Just because they couldn't handle it doesn't mean we will go the same route.
Just let it roll off of your back. I know how hard that can be though. I'm having a lot of trouble with all of the terrible comments i've been getting. It's almost demeaning as a woman to have someone tell us we CAN'T do something. Especially with our own bodies and child.

Stay strong, you'll show them.
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  #12  
April 9th, 2012, 08:39 AM
LaceyMay2630's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Exactly! It's VERY demeaning to be told that we can't handle something that our bodies were designed to do! I'm back at work today and people keep coming up to me still asking if I'm going through with it, and I've just been ignoring them haha! It's so aggravating!
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  #13  
April 22nd, 2012, 12:18 AM
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Lurker jumping in here...

I'm only 163cm tall and am normally 53kg's before pregnancy (so pretty 'small')... plus I'm USELESS with any type of pain. But you know what... I had a very normal, very short, very easy natural childbirth with my first son. Your 'size' or tolerance to pain has NOTHING to do with how you handle labour and childbirth.

There is something about women giving birth, that makes others want to share their horror stories and/or try to scare the sh*t out of women who are expecting. I made a decision at the beginning of my son's pregnancy, that I would NOT listen to these stories or let anyone tell me I couldn't do it. If someone started to talk about it, I'd just smile and nod, then excuse myself from the conversation as quickly as possible. I also didn't share any of my labour plans with anyone.

I'm now 22 weeks along with my second son, and am very much looking forward to giving birth naturally again
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  #14  
April 24th, 2012, 12:28 PM
LaceyMay2630's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiwi View Post
Lurker jumping in here...

I'm only 163cm tall and am normally 53kg's before pregnancy (so pretty 'small')... plus I'm USELESS with any type of pain. But you know what... I had a very normal, very short, very easy natural childbirth with my first son. Your 'size' or tolerance to pain has NOTHING to do with how you handle labour and childbirth.

There is something about women giving birth, that makes others want to share their horror stories and/or try to scare the sh*t out of women who are expecting. I made a decision at the beginning of my son's pregnancy, that I would NOT listen to these stories or let anyone tell me I couldn't do it. If someone started to talk about it, I'd just smile and nod, then excuse myself from the conversation as quickly as possible. I also didn't share any of my labour plans with anyone.

I'm now 22 weeks along with my second son, and am very much looking forward to giving birth naturally again
Thank you SO much for sharing this. I decided LONG ago that I was going to have a NCB no matter what anyone says. The ladies at my work all try and tell me their horror stories to get me to change my mind, but, like you, I just nod and smile and then leave the conversation! Ha ha. I'm not planning on sharing much of my labor plans with anyone either. I'm planning on laboring at home for as long as I can, since we live 2 minutes down from the hospital, and once it's time to go in and deliver, then I will announce the birth. It's so nice that I have other ladies out there that I can vent to!
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  #15  
April 24th, 2012, 01:35 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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Along these same lines, I read an awesome article from Mamabirth last night about this subject. It hit close to home for me:

Mama Birth: Letting People Hate Birth
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  #16  
April 25th, 2012, 07:37 AM
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I had horror stories from the crap people said to me! I wanted to labor as long as possible at home and made the mistake of saying that to a friend of my husband. She said with your crazy plans your baby is going to die and we will send flowers! I was pissed. I also heard the you will have one contraction and change your mind about the epi. I also heard that I wouldn't get a ribbon or trophy or whatever. The same person that said I was going to kill my kid, said I'm still waiting to see your trophy. I remember laying there in transition (this is horrible to say) and thinking I can't give up now, then I am going to have to go back to the people that made fun of my plan and tell them that I failed. Take all the stupid comments and use them to your advantage, think how proud you will be when you can go back and say I DID IT! Even better you will be able to say I did it and it was AMAZING! Honestly, after my natural birth I can't imagine doing it any other way! Beyond the fact it was empowering amazing and the best thing I've ever done. I shutter to think what could have happened if I hadn't gone natural, I wasn't an effective pusher, I pushed an hour and 40 mins with meconium aspiration and heart decels. They let me push and get him out, think how easily they could have pushed me to the OR, and just done the C if I already had the epi in place. I am now hearing I bet you are getting the epi next time, and the answer is no! And I am even more sure of myself with the next one and I'm not even pregnant...yet!!
The anesthesiologist was more supportive than most people, my hospital made you at least meet them she walked in commended me and left, as she walked out I told her she seemed nice but I didn't want to see her again!
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  #17  
April 27th, 2012, 08:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~~Que~~ View Post
I see so many little ladies give birth naturally and easily! It seems like that the smaller clients that I have actually have the easiest natural deliveries! It blows my mind!
Oh I LOVE to see this! It just kind of reinforces me on my natural birth track, since I'm a smaller person.

But I'm sorry that you're getting so much opposition. So far since telling people I'm considering a switch, I've gotten nothing but support. It's kind of been shocking, because people I expected to judge/make some sort of rude comments have been supportive too. I haven't talked to a judgey girl at work though, so that conversation will be interesting! Just make sure to keep all of THEM out of your head, and keep all of your own positivity in. You'll do great!
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  #18  
April 27th, 2012, 11:20 AM
LaceyMay2630's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Originally Posted by ~~Que~~ View Post
Along these same lines, I read an awesome article from Mamabirth last night about this subject. It hit close to home for me:

Mama Birth: Letting People Hate Birth
Thank you SO much for posting this, it was very helpful and I think I might need to make some of my co-workers read it! thank you thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FLCharlotte View Post
I had horror stories from the crap people said to me! I wanted to labor as long as possible at home and made the mistake of saying that to a friend of my husband. She said with your crazy plans your baby is going to die and we will send flowers! I was pissed. I also heard the you will have one contraction and change your mind about the epi. I also heard that I wouldn't get a ribbon or trophy or whatever.
These are exact things that I've heard from some of the people at work and in my neighborhood. They constantly tell me that my baby will die if I decide to labor/give birth at home because a midwife is just a "hippie" that doesn't know what she's doing. I've also been called a cheap hippie because I don't want the drugs. I just don't get how people can be so hurtful!

Quote:
Originally Posted by see_jay_elle View Post
Oh I LOVE to see this! It just kind of reinforces me on my natural birth track, since I'm a smaller person.

But I'm sorry that you're getting so much opposition. So far since telling people I'm considering a switch, I've gotten nothing but support. It's kind of been shocking, because people I expected to judge/make some sort of rude comments have been supportive too. I haven't talked to a judgey girl at work though, so that conversation will be interesting! Just make sure to keep all of THEM out of your head, and keep all of your own positivity in. You'll do great!
I'm glad that I'm not the only one who had that concern ha ha! Being small can suck sometimes!
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  #19  
April 28th, 2012, 12:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaceyMay2630 View Post
Thank you SO much for sharing this. I decided LONG ago that I was going to have a NCB no matter what anyone says. The ladies at my work all try and tell me their horror stories to get me to change my mind, but, like you, I just nod and smile and then leave the conversation! Ha ha. I'm not planning on sharing much of my labor plans with anyone either. I'm planning on laboring at home for as long as I can, since we live 2 minutes down from the hospital, and once it's time to go in and deliver, then I will announce the birth. It's so nice that I have other ladies out there that I can vent to!
Glad I could help!
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  #20  
July 3rd, 2012, 06:56 AM
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I am in the same boat. Pregnant with my first and people keep trying to talk me out of it and it not going to happen but our problem is my in-laws. we have been trying to avoid the questions but they keep aksing who my dr. is and what hospital will i be going to ect and we not sure how to handl it cause we know it will cause a issue and a big fight. i am seeing a midwife that has a birth center. Any one else had issues with familya nd hwo did you handle it , just tell them or try to avoid it all together.
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