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Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
June 16th, 2012, 09:16 AM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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How does it make you feel when people say, "The doctor/midwife won't let me..."?
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  #2  
June 16th, 2012, 12:12 PM
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Like smashing my head against a brick wall
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  #3  
June 16th, 2012, 08:03 PM
MissusF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I find myself getting really annoyed with people who won't educate themselves or advocate for themselves. It's almost gotten to the point that I don't like hearing about other people's pregnancies/births. I don't want to come across as a know it all or pushy so I try to just smile and nod when I hear about atrocious things their OBs are doing but it's sooo hard to bite my tongue sometimes.
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  #4  
June 17th, 2012, 07:57 AM
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Honestly, I feel very confused and sad. We live in 'the information age' - educating ourselves is so easy right now, and we have the knowledge, wisdom and experience of the past combined with the knowledge of the present. Women are so liberated and empowered in all spheres now too, yet, for some reason, I just don't understand, many allow themselves to be dictated by and subjected to 'whatever the doctor tells them'.
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  #5  
June 17th, 2012, 11:15 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have to take care to bite my tongue and not let my eyes roll back into my head. There is just something so frustrating about people who don't question. There are a lot of different areas too, not just birth... but "my doctor said it's okay" about starting solids way too early or turning a car seat too soon or whatever.
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  #6  
June 17th, 2012, 12:25 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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I think it says a lot about our culture. People love to have a scapegoat and love to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. People also love attention and love being the special exception. Some people use the system for their own selfish reasons, and the doctors let them do that, because "it's best for mom and baby."

And it says a lot about women and how they view themselves. Always so accepting of the idea that their body is dysfunctional or that something is wrong with them.

Why is it so hard to believe that your body is awesome and that you are able to do this?! Why don't you learn about your doctor before giving him/her so much authority in your life?! So many people say, "well, they are the expert." Well, do you even know what sort of expert you have hired? Don't you know there are different kinds of "experts." Don't you know that experts practice differently and choose different things in any given circumstance regularly? Don't you want to pick an expert that will be healthiest for YOU?!

*Sigh* It really does break my heart for these women. It makes me more and more passionate about the fact that we need to teach our daughters how to ask questions, what questions to ask, and to think positively about themselves. One in three women are not broken. Why do the stats reflect that?

Yeah... I'm pregnant and hormonal, and this of course is said regularly in every DDC when moms near their due dates.

"My doc won't let me..." is an excuse. It is not true. That is not even legal. I just want to scream, "Take responsibility for your wants/desires. Quit playing the victim. And quit blaming things on other people. Your and your child's wellbeing is YOUR responsibility first and no one else's."
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  #7  
June 17th, 2012, 01:59 PM
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It's also important to keep in mind that you hire your doctor. They work for you to provide a service. You or your insurance company pays them ridiculous amounts of money for that service so you certainly have the right to voice your opinion and call the shots.
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  #8  
June 18th, 2012, 08:45 AM
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ugh, yes.... it irks me to no end to hear that phrase. And it seems the "norm" is being part of that uneducated crowd People act like I am a little nutty or extreme, or trying to be the center of attention by being different. I vivdly remember a convo with some co-workers who had both had 2-3 kids and they were talking about how after birth the baby has to go to the nursery. I was kind of dumbfounded.... I said that they did not actually have to go and that mine would not being going to the nursery. They looked at me like I had 2 heads. I told them that you have complete control over what is done/where your baby is. That if you chose to keep LO with you, you had every right to (in most situations).
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  #9  
June 18th, 2012, 11:11 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My response....

Ugh, it's my favorite thing pregnant women say! And they ALL Fing say it!!!!! Idk why they think they're the exception to the rule, apparently everyone is these days. I do not know one person in real life who has not had an induced labor in the last several years. I try to educate my best friend now because she's completely oblivious but I already know what's going to happen. Her doctor is going to convince her of what she needs and she's just going to go with it, and not even caring or wanting to do the research. She'd rather stay oblivious. Yet she's the biggest Google queen and will research everything else....Huh???
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  #10  
June 18th, 2012, 02:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~~Que~~ View Post
"My doc won't let me..." is an excuse. It is not true. That is not even legal. I just want to scream, "Take responsibility for your wants/desires. Quit playing the victim. And quit blaming things on other people. Your and your child's wellbeing is YOUR responsibility first and no one else's."
YES! This is true for every part of our health care, but especially important now that it's not just your own body, but your child who is counting on you to make informed decisions. Sometimes medical intervention is necessary, but it is only appropriate with very informed consent.

We've recently been through some medical issues with a family member where doctors kept saying things like, "well, that's just how it is," and only after some research and advocacy on our part did we get them to make changes, and - shocker - our idea worked because we had the person's entire medical context in mind and not just immediate symptoms.

I'd much rather have a medical professional help me decide what to do with all the information available. I like that medicine is going in this direction, but it is ever so slow, and it won't work unless patients advocate for themselves.
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  #11  
June 18th, 2012, 04:52 PM
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I usually bite my tongue. On occasion, I have asked "why do they not want you to do blah blah" and I have told people that it's their choice ultimately and not their provider's.
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  #12  
June 18th, 2012, 06:36 PM
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I'm very lucky to live in a country where pregnancy and a natural labour are seen as normal, so don't hear this very often.
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  #13  
June 18th, 2012, 10:14 PM
Quantum_Leap's Avatar frequent flier
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~~Que~~ View Post
I think it says a lot about our culture. People love to have a scapegoat and love to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. People also love attention and love being the special exception. Some people use the system for their own selfish reasons, and the doctors let them do that, because "it's best for mom and baby."

And it says a lot about women and how they view themselves. Always so accepting of the idea that their body is dysfunctional or that something is wrong with them.

Why is it so hard to believe that your body is awesome and that you are able to do this?! Why don't you learn about your doctor before giving him/her so much authority in your life?! So many people say, "well, they are the expert." Well, do you even know what sort of expert you have hired? Don't you know there are different kinds of "experts." Don't you know that experts practice differently and choose different things in any given circumstance regularly? Don't you want to pick an expert that will be healthiest for YOU?!

*Sigh* It really does break my heart for these women. It makes me more and more passionate about the fact that we need to teach our daughters how to ask questions, what questions to ask, and to think positively about themselves. One in three women are not broken. Why do the stats reflect that?

Yeah... I'm pregnant and hormonal, and this of course is said regularly in every DDC when moms near their due dates.

"My doc won't let me..." is an excuse. It is not true. That is not even legal. I just want to scream, "Take responsibility for your wants/desires. Quit playing the victim. And quit blaming things on other people. Your and your child's wellbeing is YOUR responsibility first and no one else's."
This gives voice EXACTLY to what I was thinking but didn't know how to say. I think that most people WANT these types of issues to be the doctor's decision, because they don't want it to be their own fault if something goes wrong. They're frightened, and because they're frightened they want to outsource responsibility for their own decision-making. I get it. But I still hate it. We're blessed enough to live in an era when you get to make your own choices -- so make them! Own them. Don't throw that blessing away.
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  #14  
June 20th, 2012, 02:27 PM
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It makes me feel so defeated, as a women. I take it to a feminist level and I get so heated that women sound like they can't make their own decisions and stand up to professionals.
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  #15  
June 22nd, 2012, 07:14 PM
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I seriously think that people do more research before purchasing cars and TVs than they do about birth. I ask a pregnant friend about how many ultrsounds she was going to have, the answer of course was the 20 week anatomical well, unless I NEED one to check size, at the end. I bit my tongue and smiled!
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