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Frustrated by lack of confidence...


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  • 2 Post By BeckyBozeman
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  #1  
June 28th, 2012, 03:22 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,409
Hi there, I've been lurking on here for almost the last year. I had two miscarriages last year at 11 and 9 weeks and am now 17 weeks pregnant with what appears to be a keeper!

I've been reading in my DDC and in those surrounding and I can't help but notice the language that the women use. There's lots of saying that they want to go unmedicated, but that if they can't do it then that's fine. I'm hormonal and it's a little thing to key in on, but it seems like such a self defeating thing to say. Now I know that there are times when things get stalled or there are problems that make an epidural a good idea, just like there are times when a C-Section is necessary. But thinking that you can't do it? What happened for thousands of years before any kind of drugs in childbirth? It's not like there's going to be some time during labor when you can say "sorry, I changed my mind. Not gonna do this."

I guess I just needed to vent that a little... and it's easy for me to say I guess since I'm planning on delivering at a Birth Center not attached to a hospital so an epidural won't even be a possibility for me. I just think that we psyche ourselves out so much about the pain that we forget about everything else.
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  #2  
June 29th, 2012, 06:25 AM
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I said those same things last time.. and ended up with an epidural when I really didn't want to go that route. I do beleive that the language you use has a lot to do without how you mentally prepare. You can't say " I am going to try" You have to say "I AM". At least in my humble opnion. I still struggle with that. And I am sooooopro natural birth and I am very frustrated by a system that has normalized so many risky practices.

It is very frustrating to hear... it just makes you want to shake your head. We live in such a time that information and knowledge are free for the taking...
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  #3  
June 29th, 2012, 06:28 AM
LadyCoconut's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sensitive to that too. Same with when people say "I hope to breastfeed but will have bottles and formula just in case.". It's always the people with back up plans that don't follow through with what they originally say is important to them.

If you want a medicated birth and to formula feed, etc that's fine but own it. If you genuinely would rather do it another way then fight and plan to make that happen. Constantly having a mental out wont help.
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  #4  
June 29th, 2012, 08:49 AM
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I had a pain med free labor and can hear what you are saying but I know someone who said I will, I will, and became so rigid that when she didn't after almost a day of the physically exhausting labor process she considered herself a failure (to me she is just as strong and as much of a woman as anyone I know). I completely agree that language is powerful, in fact in the field of therapy there are entire theories based around the idea of altering the words we use in order to improve our overall mental health. However, I do think it is very important to remain open to potential possibilities and options during labor and to remember after the fact that no matter what you wanted or thought would result in the most favorable outcomes, you did exactly what was best for YOU and your baby in that very moment in time.
Namaste,
Melissa
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  #5  
June 29th, 2012, 02:49 PM
MissusF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know what you mean! I heard that a lot in my ddc too. I think a lot of women say that but don't do anything to plan. I had a natural birth and I didn't find it all that difficult or painful. BUT I took a hypnobabies course and studied/practiced my butt off. I think birth would have been much scarier and painful if I had just gone into it thinking "oh, I'll try it natural" and not researched other means of pain management.
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  #6  
June 30th, 2012, 08:30 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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I think a lot of it is conditioned to be honest. A lot of people never truly stop to think about the language they are using. They need to talk it out just as much as ladies who are 100% confident in their abilities to birth naturally need to, possibly more in fact. It can be upsetting if you're trying to avoid any negative talk yourself, though. Positive thinking and affirmations are absolutely key to a lot of things in my opinion, and I am trying to arm myself with spiritual techniques such as affirmation and use of crystals as well as Hypnobirthing techniques and a TENS machine.
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  #7  
June 30th, 2012, 12:21 PM
Dee
Join Date: Feb 2012
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I find this really frustrating, too. Or people who are really dismissive of it with FTMs, with their "Oh, you think you want it now, but just wait until the contractions really start, you'll be begging for the epi, ha ha ha."

Ha, ha nothing. It's a lot of work to deprogram yourself from all the messages you've been getting about childbirth your entire life, and I think that puts us at a cultural disadvantage (as opposed to other women who grow up in places where nonmedicalized birth is normal).

Also, congratulations on week 17. That must feel pretty amazing!
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  #8  
July 1st, 2012, 10:33 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d_tops View Post
Also, congratulations on week 17. That must feel pretty amazing!
It really does! Thanks! I was starting to wonder if I'd ever get to this point...

I get the idea that no one should feel like a failure if they've done their best and end up having to go a different route for the health of their baby or themselves. Things happen that we don't have any control over.... But I just wish that women grew up with more of a belief and understanding of what their bodies are capable of. I cringe every time I see a birth on TV or in a movie because I know now how unreal it is and how much the pain is played up over everything else.

And yeah, I'm one of those FTMs that gets the whole "just you wait" line all the time. Plus my mom is an RN and is slightly freaked by our not being at the hospital for delivery. But I'm lucky to be in a community and have a lot of friends that are big believers in making birth as natural and intervention free as possible, so I've gotten a lot of support and resources from them. And have a husband that is 100% behind the idea. I know that there's no reason right now for me to not have the birth I want.
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  #9  
July 1st, 2012, 11:52 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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A nurse tried giving me the "just you wait" line this time - my third birth. I think I barely repressed rolling my eyes. (It was just during a NST, so no one I would be dealing with later, so I didn't care what she thought.)

I do think positive thinking and preparation count for a lot! If you are expecting it to be a horrible experience that you're going to muscle through as best you can and you may need that epidural because of how bad it's going to be.... well you're going to be tense, and being tense during labor is BAD. It's unfortunately a self-fulfilling prophecy. But if you have practiced your meditation and relaxation and other coping techniques, if you view your contractions as waves to ride, if you let go of all those negative expectations, then it's much more likely to be a positive experience.

I understand the "just in case" - I gave birth in a hospital just in case (and actually needed the NICU this last time), but that was in case of emergency, not in case I needed an epidural or anything. I understand what people say when they tell you to remain flexible, but it still doesn't change the positive attitude you need going into it.
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  #10  
July 3rd, 2012, 02:22 PM
fairymommy's Avatar Veteran
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there is more talk of inductions and c-sections in my ddc than anything else! I don't recall a single conversation about natural child birth! That's why I peak around on this board every now and then, just to remind myself that it IS ok to let this little one come on her own!
I don't think enough women embrace the fact that our bodies are MADE to do this amazing feat. I am FTM, and at just over 38 weeks am so excited to meet my little one, but I want her to decide when it is time to enter this world. I am also really excited to experience every aspect of child birth, and gain a new understanding at how totally awesome my body is! I personally see it as such an empowering act that once all is said and done I will be so proud to have accomplished.
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  #11  
July 3rd, 2012, 04:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fairymommy View Post
there is more talk of inductions and c-sections in my ddc than anything else! I don't recall a single conversation about natural child birth! That's why I peak around on this board every now and then, just to remind myself that it IS ok to let this little one come on her own!
I don't think enough women embrace the fact that our bodies are MADE to do this amazing feat. I am FTM, and at just over 38 weeks am so excited to meet my little one, but I want her to decide when it is time to enter this world. I am also really excited to experience every aspect of child birth, and gain a new understanding at how totally awesome my body is! I personally see it as such an empowering act that once all is said and done I will be so proud to have accomplished.
This exactly!

I'm excited to experience labor and delivery and I want to feel all of it. I have some idea of what it will be like, having basically "labored" with contractions with both of my miscarriages, one for seven hours and one for forty-eight. So I'm not going into it completely blind about the pain it entails. But I also know that there's an amazing reward at the end (I even felt that way about dealing with my miscarriages naturally and letting my body do what it needed to do) and that with a live birth there will be hormones that will help a lot.
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  #12  
July 9th, 2012, 06:57 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missmc801 View Post
I had a pain med free labor and can hear what you are saying but I know someone who said I will, I will, and became so rigid that when she didn't after almost a day of the physically exhausting labor process she considered herself a failure (to me she is just as strong and as much of a woman as anyone I know). I completely agree that language is powerful, in fact in the field of therapy there are entire theories based around the idea of altering the words we use in order to improve our overall mental health. However, I do think it is very important to remain open to potential possibilities and options during labor and to remember after the fact that no matter what you wanted or thought would result in the most favorable outcomes, you did exactly what was best for YOU and your baby in that very moment in time.
Namaste,
Melissa
I totally get what you are saying here, but I think there is a big difference between saying, "I'm going to try, and if I can.." as if they believe they are defective, weak, incapable; They have no faith in their body! as opposed to saying "I believe I CAN do this, and I'm going to give it all I've got!". then after preparing themselves emotionally, mentally and physically for normal natural birth, if something does "go wrong", they are able to accept that they truly DID give it their all and they should be able to rest in that. Ya know what I mean?
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