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Do you ladies find it odd that people have no problem asking pregnant women very personal questions during pregnancy? Especially about your birth? What sort of questions make you uncomfortable?
Lately, I have no idea why this bothers me so much, but people have been asking me what room I am planning on giving birth in at my house. For some reason, that irks me just as much as if someone asked me what room the baby was conceived in. It gives me shivers every time someone asks. It's mostly the women in my family too. I know they are just curious and really interested to know how a home birth works because it's very foreign to them. But I mean, what are they expecting me to say, "Um, the kitchen?" Only God knows really. I have the birth pool set up in my room, I have a nice sized bed in my room, my room is private from the rest of the house, and it has it's own bathroom. Yes, I'll be in my sanctuary of a room... somewhere in there.
Anyhow... what sort of questions bother you? I know some people are completely weirded out by the concept of natural childbirth and it always brings up some interesting questions...
Previously known as ~~Que~~
Student Midwife, Doula, Placenta Specialist, and Lactation Counselor
I loved talking about my pregnancy so most questions didn't bother me at all. I didn't tell many people about my home birth/birth plans so I didn't get that many questions or comments about NCB. I did have someone ask how it was possible for them to give me an epidural at my house. Because, ya know, it's impossible to have a baby without one lol. Those types of questions made me more than tick me off. I did have a few people make comments about how I was a naive first time mom and I would cave once I felt labor pain.
I'm not showing yet, but if anyone comes and is going for the belly, I'm going to step backwards and hope they get the message.
Yes, that sounds rude, but it's also rude to go and touch someone's stomach. Seeing a pregnant woman is NOT a reason to lose your manners.
My mother has asked me, every time we've talked, if I know the gender lol. I keep telling her it's too early, wait until end of July/beginning of August.
Also, I'm using a midwife, and everyone who finds that out asks if I'm having a homebirth. I'm not, but one of these days I'm going to say "Actually, I was going to do it on the front lawn. We'll have a neighborhood barbecue or something."
I don't mind people asking questions about homebirth, as I've had 1 already and planning another one. I'm very open and I know people are curious. But I do mind questions like "well what if you need to use a "real" Doctor"... Then I see one at the hospital. "What if something is wrong with the baby"... Then I go to the hospital and have baby checked out, etc. I mean it's all the negative ones. I like the ones that ask me if I'm going to have a waterbirth or who will be there, etc. Even if they're snarky, it's much better than the negative side of birth.
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
I had no problems when people asked actual genuine questions. My biggest pet peeve was when people would say, "you do know it's going to hurt right?" Nah, had no Fing idea. I kept it a secret from most that I was having a natural birth cause I hated hearing all the doubts. Now that I've done it, I can shove all those comments back into their face next time.
I am so annoyed with how public pregnancy is, how everyone feels the need to inquire about it. I see it with friends and it's usually just well wishes, but even then, I don't inquire about your medical conditions, you know? I suppose it's just people being friendly, but I'm very insular when going about my daily activities, and not looking forward to being obviously pregnant, a condition that invites so many comments.
My biggest pet peeve is when people inquire about the birth and then when I let them know I had the first two with no pain meds and plan to do the same with the third, they immediately go "You're nuts!!" or something along those lines. Yes, sorry, I am crazy for not wanting a needle shoved into my spine & all the risks that are associated with that. I must be nuts for wanting to be able to move freely during labor & choosing to educate myself on the risks & benefits to both myself & my unborn child... Wow, they should admit me, clearly I'm insane.
In just the same, I don't go preaching to anyone that they shouldn't get an epidural or other medications. It's their body, their baby, and their choice. So I feel like in reverse, they shouldn't be judging me for choosing to endure labor naturally simply because they don't want to or can't.
I guess I am the opposite. I had no issue people asking me the sex and a name, I didn't feel like it was nosey or rude I felt like they were interested. Just as I would ask someone those questions. I was obviously pregnant and they were making conversation. I would hate society to get to a point that people wouldn't ask those questions for fear of offending someone. Plus, I was excited about my baby and pregnancy so I loved sharing. And this is coming from someone who couldn't answer the name/gender question. We didn't find out sex and we didn't share possible names.
As for the negativity about the actual birth that did bother me, I got so tired of hearing the "just wait until the first contraction and you will get an epidural" or "you don't know what you are getting into" or "you realize the baby's/your health is the most important. Yes, because by not taking drugs with questionable side effects and an epidural with a long list of risks I am putting our lives at risk Because I have taken this whole birth thing very lightly know that epidurals are the only safe way to have a baby.....whatever.
I would like to believe my next pregnancy will be easier with one natural birth under my belt, but people are stupid and I am sure I will continue to be shocked by their stupidity.
I don't mind people asking questions about the pregnancy, they're usually not rude. But I did get mad when after explaining to the the Nurse Practitioner that I wanted an unmedicated birth she said, "Yeah but once you get that epidural you'll wonder how you ever lived without it." Um, no. I've done it both ways. The epidural can go straight to hell. I get that with a lot of women. "Oh you say you don't want meds now..." Usually when I explain that I've already had one unmedicated birth they shut up. It just irritates me. If I'm talking to a FTM the last thing I'm going to say to her if she expressed a desire to go without pain meds is oh honey you can't do it, just give up now.
I don't mind questions so much, I like talking about the pregnancy. I guess where I run into irritation is if the subject turns to birthing methods. I don't like when people treat me like I am some hippy, crazy, just trying to stir things up kinda person because I am educated about risks and the facts about labor and delivery.
I avoid talking about NCB if I know the audience is going to be negative or silly about it.
I am only 4 months, but everyone knows. The only questions I've had so far is if I plan to breastfeed. It was work related because we moved to a new office building and can't put up blinds (Lease rules so all windows look uniform from outside the building). As I am planning, I was offered the only office without a window. Crappy to miss out on a window, but we have first floor offices facing a parking lot, so a window would have meant pumping in a closet or bathroom.
No one is asking me anything personal. Maybe I have respectful people in my life??