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"You'll feel different once the pain starts"


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
August 16th, 2012, 04:41 PM
Pinkapple's Avatar Veteran
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I've never had something so insensitive and rude said to me before this.

I'm pregnant with my first child, and very much committed to a natural hospital birth without intervention from an epidural, etc. Most of my friends and family are very supportive of this, but I has one friend tell me that I'll feel different once the pain starts.

To me that is so incredibly rude to assume! I'm very committed to my decision. I want to experience the pain of birth, of course I know it's going to hurt...it's BIRTH!

I don't know, I'm literally shaking with rage over this. It's probably just my hormones but it really is rude. How do you other natural ladies deal with comments like this?
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  #2  
August 16th, 2012, 05:07 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My first pregnancy it really bothered me, because I was still unsure how it would all go and what it would feel like. I was committed, but I needed to keep lots of positive thoughts and energy around me. The second and third times I just rolled my eyes at people. hard to convince a second-timer that it's going to be horrible when you've already been through it and it wasn't that bad at all, heh. There's no convincing others though. Best you can do is just let it go and not talk to that person about it again... until after it's over and you can say, "Yep, I did it, no problem." I loved that part.
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  #3  
August 16th, 2012, 05:13 PM
MissusF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is one of the main reasons I stopped telling people about my birth plans while I was pregnant. I got tired of all the eye rolls and comments. I will say I find pleasure in rubbing it in certain people's faces now that I've had a successful NCB. I will be much more vocal during my next pregnancy since I've already done it once.
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  #4  
August 16th, 2012, 05:41 PM
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Thank you ladies! I suppose the best thing to do would be to wait until I'm done with childbirth...I know it will be much more fulfilling to tell everybody about it then. Since it's my first time I feel more like people are trying to discourage me...which, good luck with that, when I have something in my head I always stick to it
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  #5  
August 16th, 2012, 10:40 PM
MissusF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yes, wait until you're done and then rub it in their face . I can't wait to talk about my NCB birth plans when I'm pregnant with #2. When people start that crap I can tell them it's not my first rodeo. I imagine that will shut them up pretty fast
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  #6  
August 16th, 2012, 11:49 PM
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Don't listen to them. It's that simple. I made a decision at the start of my first pregnancy that I wouldn't listen to horror stories, and I never did. When people say negative comments, just smile and nod, but don't let any of it go in. After you have the baby, you can rub it in their faces, haha!

Make sure you surround yourself with positive people who are willing to do everything to support your decisions during pregnancy and labour (SO, Midwife, Doulas for example) and you are going to be awesome
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  #7  
August 17th, 2012, 06:52 AM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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I'm one of the many who did not discuss my birth plans with anyone. I planned on NCB starting with my second, but when it came down to it, I was induced at 42 weeks, I was having kidney problems, I was passing 4 kidney stones while in labor, and I was also pre-eclamptic. I opted for an epidural instead of mag in that birth to bring my bp down. I was glad I didn't tell folks I was hoping for natural that time. My next pregancies were much healthier and it was awesome to tell folks how easy and do-able my ncb's were.
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  #8  
August 17th, 2012, 09:58 AM
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I never had that problem with family or friends. But when I went into hospital to have Daniel, several midwives and nurses made comments like this. Ultimately, I was induced, and ended up sticking it out for about 8 hours with no pain meds with strong contractions coming 3-5 minutes apart, but then caved to an epidural. We have already sent our birth plan to the hospital asking that pain and pain medication NOT be spoken about when we go in to have the baby. And Shaun is ready to jump on it if they try.
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  #9  
August 17th, 2012, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Valkyrie View Post
I never had that problem with family or friends. But when I went into hospital to have Daniel, several midwives and nurses made comments like this. Ultimately, I was induced, and ended up sticking it out for about 8 hours with no pain meds with strong contractions coming 3-5 minutes apart, but then caved to an epidural. We have already sent our birth plan to the hospital asking that pain and pain medication NOT be spoken about when we go in to have the baby. And Shaun is ready to jump on it if they try.
That sounds like a great idea! I still haven't decided on the hospital I want to birth at, but sending/showing them a copy of my birth plan seems like a great idea.
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  #10  
August 17th, 2012, 03:36 PM
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My first I had an Epi and when people made the comments I told them I wasn't going to waste the money on an Epi for such a short period of time since I expected my labor to be just as quick. After dd2 was born people said, "oh man I guess it's a good thing you didn't want an Epi!" since she was born 30 minutes after we arrived. Yup..good thing! And it felt wonderful...! It was intense, but not painful.
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  #11  
August 17th, 2012, 03:41 PM
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I used it as motivation to have a NCB and then I made sure to let them know later that I did do it without drugs. With my 2nd and 3rd births no one made any comments at all about having a NCB, although I did get some stuff about having a home birth with my 2nd.
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  #12  
August 20th, 2012, 07:12 PM
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I hate when people say thigns like that. It's not helpful at all. Everyone is so different. I've had so many clients say that it wasn't painful at all (without medicaitons) and others, who even took meds, say it was. My unmedicated birth was not painful.
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  #13  
August 21st, 2012, 09:56 AM
Dee
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Ugh. I hate this.

The other night I was with a small group of women who got to talking about childbirth and epis and how you'd be crazy not to get one even if the baby had already crowned - get the epi! I look a little pregnant (and was the only one not drinking wine) but hadn't told them yet, and I just kept my mouth shut because I knew it would go down this road.

Talking about childbirth with people who I know have birthed naturally has put me much more at ease that no matter how painful I may find it, it's truly amazing and completely worth it. And people who are epi-committed, I try to talk more about how much fun their kids are and focus on the other great parenting ideas I can learn from them. (Er, some of them.)

I hope you can find a truly supportive hospital and get the birth you're looking for!
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  #14  
August 21st, 2012, 01:18 PM
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It probably won't be the first time this is told to you. I only told a few people and that was enough. Once I started getting negative responses I stopped telling altogether. Now when I tell people I did it they just get baffled and say that I'm nuts..... HuH? I'm sorry I choose to not get unnecessary medications and needles shoved into me, wow, I must be a psycho!
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  #15  
August 22nd, 2012, 06:24 AM
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I had a registrar at the hospital arguing with me about the epidural at my appt on Monday. He was asking me what I had against it (what, apart from the fact that I've tried it before and wasn't impressed by what it did weighed up against the risks to baby? ) and trying to say it's hard to achieve an induced birth without it (oh really? like I've not been induced before and don't know this! ). I don't get why people push these things like they're the best thing since sliced bread. Offer the option, sure, but people shouldn't be pushed or bullied into it if they don't want it.
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  #16  
August 22nd, 2012, 06:59 AM
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This is why I haven't told too many people my birthing plan. My OB is great with the idea, and so is DH, but other than that I don't really talk about it. I do have a surprising ally, which is my mother in law. Back in the day her OB thought that an epidural would hasten labor by helping her to relax. This of course caused her to be stuck in bed and her labor stalled and she said it was well over 24 hours by the time she delivered. When she delivered my sister in law she refused to have an epidural, and her labor was about 5 hours because she was able to move around. So she's been encouraging me to go natural and giving DH some tips to help me
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  #17  
August 24th, 2012, 08:18 AM
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I learned to nicely tell people that if they weren't going to be supportive, to keep their mouths shut.
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