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Anyone with closely spaced wee ones?


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  #1  
January 5th, 2013, 02:38 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Depending on when AF returns, we'll be trying to baby #2.
I'm breast feeding, so I don't know long it will take... But potentially if it arrives soon, and I get pregnant soon after.
I could have little ones close in age.

How is it having closely spaced babies? Especially when it came to pregnancy and delivery?

Hopefully number #2 can be a homebirth, which I would think make things easier with a little on already.
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Last edited by Dhartanya; January 5th, 2013 at 03:05 PM.
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  #2  
January 5th, 2013, 07:05 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
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I think it depends a lot on moms personality.. Some moms love it! Others (such as myself) find it very challenging. I'm a mega introvert, OCD and I like to plan; That all had to go out the window!

Mine are 18 months apart (So I conceived when DS1 was 8.5 months old, while exclusivity breastfeeding). I had always considered 18 months to be the perfect spacing. I wanted them close in age, but didn't consider/realize how much of a baby an 18 month old still really is! It was Hard! It didn't help that DS2 had really severe colic and "reflux" (related to sensitivities of foods I was eating. Once I figured that out, that part got better) and I had bad ppd that lasted a whole year. The sleep deprivation on top of caring for two needy babies was too much for this mama. I mean I did it and I survived, but it wasn't easy, and I wouldn't choose that again. In the future we plan to allow at least 18 months between pregnancies.

Parenting style also has it's role, imo. I think if you are okay with a more traditional parenting style (scheduled, sleep training, etc..) it might be easier. I'm very AP. I wanted to do extended breastfeeding, but my milk dried up when I was 5 months along (DS1 was 14 months, which would be considered "extended" to most, but I could tell he wasn't really ready to wean, and I had hoped to make it to 2years old) We co-sleep, and baby wear. Once DS2 came along it was harder to do those things with DS1, even though he was still little and wanted it. I am NOT saying that you can't AP with closely spaced littles, but it all needs to be considered before hand. Are you okay weaning early if your milk dries up right away?

And lastly, moms health needs to be considered. I know a lot of moms would scoff this notion, but pregnancy and breastfeeding take a lot out of you, and you needs time to rebuild your stores in between babies to keep from getting nutritionally depleted and causing adrenal fatigue. I think, even though I was eating a very healthy nutrient dense diet, my body needed more time to recover, and that may be part of what contributed to my ppd.

I'm really not trying to scare you, but these are things I hadn't considered. I just want moms to be aware of all the little details, and take care of their bodies. Obviously every one is different, and many moms never have these problems. But babies are a lot of work. there's no need to rush things. A few months can make a world of difference.

As for pregnancy and birth with DS2; I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy, and a home water birth. DS1 was there for the birth, and it all went great. so that part was relatively easy. except for my milk drying up.

Sorry to write a book!
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Last edited by GranolaMamaOf3; January 5th, 2013 at 07:08 PM.
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  #3  
January 5th, 2013, 07:29 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GranolaMama View Post
I think it depends a lot on moms personality.. Some moms love it! Others (such as myself) find it very challenging. I'm a mega introvert, OCD and I like to plan; That all had to go out the window!

Mine are 18 months apart (So I conceived when DS1 was 8.5 months old, while exclusivity breastfeeding). I had always considered 18 months to be the perfect spacing. I wanted them close in age, but didn't consider/realize how much of a baby an 18 month old still really is! It was Hard! It didn't help that DS2 had really severe colic and "reflux" (related to sensitivities of foods I was eating. Once I figured that out, that part got better) and I had bad ppd that lasted a whole year. The sleep deprivation on top of caring for two needy babies was too much for this mama. I mean I did it and I survived, but it wasn't easy, and I wouldn't choose that again. In the future we plan to allow at least 18 months between pregnancies.

Parenting style also has it's role, imo. I think if you are okay with a more traditional parenting style (scheduled, sleep training, etc..) it might be easier. I'm very AP. I wanted to do extended breastfeeding, but my milk dried up when I was 5 months along (DS1 was 14 months, which would be considered "extended" to most, but I could tell he wasn't really ready to wean, and I had hoped to make it to 2years old) We co-sleep, and baby wear. Once DS2 came along it was harder to do those things with DS1, even though he was still little and wanted it. I am NOT saying that you can't AP with closely spaced littles, but it all needs to be considered before hand. Are you okay weaning early if your milk dries up right away?

And lastly, moms health needs to be considered. I know a lot of moms would scoff this notion, but pregnancy and breastfeeding take a lot out of you, and you needs time to rebuild your stores in between babies to keep from getting nutritionally depleted and causing adrenal fatigue. I think, even though I was eating a very healthy nutrient dense diet, my body needed more time to recover, and that may be part of what contributed to my ppd.

I'm really not trying to scare you, but these are things I hadn't considered. I just want moms to be aware of all the little details, and take care of their bodies. Obviously every one is different, and many moms never have these problems. But babies are a lot of work. there's no need to rush things. A few months can make a world of difference.

As for pregnancy and birth with DS2; I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy, and a home water birth. DS1 was there for the birth, and it all went great. so that part was relatively easy. except for my milk drying up.

Sorry to write a book!
Thanks for the "book"!
Some moments I think I'm crazy for wanting another so soon!
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  #4  
January 5th, 2013, 07:31 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
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Not crazy. I had "baby fever" right away again Just try to enjoy the moment and soak it all up!
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  #5  
January 6th, 2013, 02:04 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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I think GranolaMama makes some great points. There are lots of things to consider when it comes to closely spaced siblings. I have them. And they were planned that way, but it doesn't come without sacrifices and even parenting issues.

I, personally, am a bit more laid back and don't have too many issues having them close in age. I actually love Babywearing both of of them (sometimes together, sometimes they take turns). I enjoy having two littles in my bed in the early morning hours (although we are bed-introducers, and both boys spend most of the night in their rooms). I think I am pretty good at rolling with the punches. Although I admit the lack of sleep has taken a toll on me. Neither of my children have slept through the night until well past a year, which means I have slept all night about 10 times in 3 years. For me, personally, that is where I struggle. It's tough to maintain gentle discipline, lots of patience, and energy when functioning off so little sleep. It's a pretty common thing for nursing kids )and AP kids in general (although I am more of a middling-AP parent than anything else). So if you know sleep is a huge issue for you, I would wait a bit in between. It's tough to balance who needs you in the middle of the night when you are a zombie yourself (those moments when one wants to nurse and one threw up from coughing are brutal...especially when both want/need MOM!)

But really, I think there are benefits to it as well and those are what appeal to me. I, obviously, thought it was worth the downfalls because my first two are 22 months apart and my second/third are going to be about 19 months apart. I enjoy the interaction, I love doing similar stages together, I think my body is actually coping rather well with three pregnancies so close together. I have been blessed with fairly easy pregnancies and relatively simple births. I am lucky that my body tolerates it all pretty well and I haven't had problems with nutrient deficiencies or health. But I know for some women, it is a real concern.

I totally agree that you don't realize how much of a "baby" an 18-month-old really is until you have one. It seems so "old" compared to a newborn. But in reality, they are so young. And if you remember that they still need lots of nurturing and babying themselves, it will help a lot. My aunt had boys 11 months (yes, 11 months) apart and always kicks herself for how hard she was on her older boy once her second came along. She said she remembers expecting him to suddenly be independent and he just wasnt (cause he was a baby himself). So it can be hard not to expect too much out of them at that age when you have a new one. But I think most kids are really more "baby" than not until almost age three. Just recently do I see my oldest as a "big boy." But I did make an effort to not make him "grow up" to be the big brother when his little brother came along. I guess my aunts warnings were taken to heart!

Either way, I am sure you will do fine. Moms have an amazing way of coping with almost anything
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  #6  
January 6th, 2013, 03:42 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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my first two were 14 months apart and my second two were 2 years apart. this one is 5 years after our youngest, and I already like this bigger spacing more Wish I'd spaced them all out by 3-4 years.
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  #7  
January 6th, 2013, 04:11 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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There is a 4.5 yr space between my first two, an 18 month space between my 2nd and 3rd, and a 24 month space between my 3rd and 4th. Honestly, the 18 month age gap has been my hardest. My third had colic and my second is just a difficult kid though- so their personalities play a big role. The 24 month age gap has been amazing. But my 3rd kid, after overcoming colic, is just easy and my 4th baby is such and easy baby. I'm kind of coasting right now. They are all very time consuming. Just meeting everyone's basic needs takes up most of my day. But they are all happy. And I am in love with each and every one of them!
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  #8  
January 6th, 2013, 04:20 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashj_1218 View Post
Although I admit the lack of sleep has taken a toll on me. Neither of my children have slept through the night until well past a year, which means I have slept all night about 10 times in 3 years. For me, personally, that is where I struggle. It's tough to maintain gentle discipline, lots of patience, and energy when functioning off so little sleep. It's a pretty common thing for nursing kids )and AP kids in general (although I am more of a middling-AP parent than anything else). So if you know sleep is a huge issue for you, I would wait a bit in between. It's tough to balance who needs you in the middle of the night when you are a zombie yourself (those moments when one wants to nurse and one threw up from coughing are brutal...especially when both want/need MOM!)

I totally agree that you don't realize how much of a "baby" an 18-month-old really is until you have one. It seems so "old" compared to a newborn. But in reality, they are so young. And if you remember that they still need lots of nurturing and babying themselves, it will help a lot. My aunt had boys 11 months (yes, 11 months) apart and always kicks herself for how hard she was on her older boy once her second came along. She said she remembers expecting him to suddenly be independent and he just wasnt (cause he was a baby himself). So it can be hard not to expect too much out of them at that age when you have a new one. But I think most kids are really more "baby" than not until almost age three. Just recently do I see my oldest as a "big boy." But I did make an effort to not make him "grow up" to be the big brother when his little brother came along. I guess my aunts warnings were taken to heart!
I love all of this! I was too tired last night to put into words what I was thinking but these are great points! Sleep is a need of mine, and I totally agree with the part about it being hard to maintain gentle discipline and patients when you're sleep deprived!
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  #9  
January 6th, 2013, 05:03 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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I agree with that so much too.
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  #10  
January 6th, 2013, 06:40 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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I so appreciate everyone's input!
Definetly gives me lots to think about.
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  #11  
January 6th, 2013, 09:01 PM
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My kids are 6 days shy of 21m apart and I loooooooooooove it. I wouldn't change the spacing for anything. I'd have liked 2&3 to be so close, but i can't seem to get pregnant. Hunter was a very difficult baby but I sometimes think Brylie being young made it easier because she never has had a second of jealousy. She's been very gentle and patient and loving since day 1 (she was with me my entire labor and his birth and I think that helped her alot. She did awesome for all of that too!)

But he cried a lot as a baby up until he got tubes in his ears, he still doesn't sttn, And he's 110% a boy but I would never give it up or change a moment of it. They are best friends, playmates, lovies (he calls her sissy lovie) and they fight sure but they can go from bickering to laughing hysterically in the same breath. It's been amazing and I'm really sad te next one will be more widely spaced!
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  #12  
January 7th, 2013, 03:43 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We go back and forward on this topic alot between my husband and I. I had to quit breast feeding at 7 months because of a medication so we don't have that issue to consider. But what I do consider is that I want to breast longer with the next one and because of that I'd like my first one to be a little bit older. I'm just trying to picture how you bfed one while chasing the other lol. Idk, I have extreme Type A personality so I know that I need a little spacing between mine. At least 24 months. We shall see.
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  #13  
January 7th, 2013, 10:21 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hunter will be 2 in may and still nurses. I didn't have any problems nursing with a 20m old. She liked to sit with us and cuddle or read. She also likes to "help" him nurse lol (she just puts her hand on the top of my boob). And when we were out if hunter needed to nurse she would just have a snack too
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  #14  
January 23rd, 2013, 07:02 AM
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Quote:
So if you know sleep is a huge issue for you, I would wait a bit in between. It's tough to balance who needs you in the middle of the night when you are a zombie yourself (those moments when one wants to nurse and one threw up from coughing are brutal...especially when both want/need MOM!)
This was always a big one for me when deciding on how to space our children. I had PPD since my first was born and still battle depression. Getting a decent amount of sleep really affects so much of my mood. Running on 4 hours of broken sleep just doesn't cut it for me. We ended up with a 2.25-2.5 year gap between all 3 of our girls and it has been really perfect for me.

I think bringing up sleep is a good point too, it's still so early that there is so many more sleep obstacles to come with your babe! My daughters all slept well between about 6 weeks-3 months and then hit the 3 month sleep regression, which lasted...at least a year, lol Between teething, and illnesses, it can be tough. It sounds like 2nd babies frequently had difficult personalities, which I experienced with my 2nd also. She has never been a good sleeper (part of the "challenge" of her) and she just turned 4 and is sometimes up twice a night, on a normal night. Between that and dealing with a teething 16 month old who is still up every 3-4 hours, it can be exhausting!
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  #15  
February 7th, 2013, 10:29 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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So AF made her appearance a few days ago (I had a feeling I ovulated a couple weeks ago).

So I get to figure out what to do (hubby is fine with anything... So he's of no help lol)

One minute I want to try NOW and then the next I'm doubting myself and wanna wait (all those what ifs).
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  #16  
February 8th, 2013, 08:10 AM
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Our closest are 10.5 months apart. When I went for my 6 week pp check up my doctor was like "do you know?......" So number 6 was born in May and number 7 the following March

I guess all of ours are pretty close. When number 10 is born, our oldest will be 12.

It works well for us and our older ones are such blessings.
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  #17  
February 8th, 2013, 01:53 PM
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Hi, I was 22 when I had my first and barely 24 with my second, I think that is pretty young. My girls are 15 months apart in age. There were some challenging days of course but I was very lucky that both my girls were very good. I would not have changed a thing! I am now expecting my 3rd and their with be almost a 5 year age difference. That is scary to me.
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  #18  
February 21st, 2013, 10:34 AM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Seeing as you guys have been very helpful, I thought I would update with my huge fear about becoming pregnant soon....

As I laid in bed the other night, it hit me... If I got pregnant .... Most likey my milk supply would tank and I may not be able to bf Rilynn.

I did a lot of googling and some moms found their supply disappeared as soon as a month after conceiving, while others it was about 4 to 8 months along. Some continued breastfeeding the entire time. While others couldn't.

If I knew "for sure" my supply would hang around for another 4 to 8 months I'd be ok with that.

And it's not so much that I may have to supplement (which I'd be ok with if my supply hung around till mid pregnancy when it changes to colostrum), its more if my supple completely goes away and I have to stop breastfeeding entirely. I'm lovin the breastfeeding bond I have with her.

Ideally, I'd want to breastfeed Rilynn till I gave birth (with some supplementing if needed) and then tandem nurse both babies.

Oh what to do?!
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  #19  
February 21st, 2013, 12:05 PM
BeamerMarie- Due Jan 2012
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We were thinking of waiting six months, but my docs insists a year is better. Nutrition while BF and being pregnant is hard, and a lot of women see their milk dry up. Also, your body needs time to recover fully from pregnancy. You still have hormones and relaxin and other imbalances for months after pregnancy. Up to you though...
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  #20  
February 21st, 2013, 01:48 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
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I think if you have any doubt it's better to wait a little longer. You will know when you are ready. Again, your baby is still SUCH a baby and will be at least a year or 2.
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