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  #21  
July 8th, 2013, 06:06 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have had ten babies. Out of those ten I had two csections. One was completely unnecessary, with my 4th, but they threw the "dead baby" card at me and I caved.

Later, with #7, I woke up at 38w 5d bleeding heavily. He was a planned homebirth, but I knew what was happening (placental abruption). I was calm, called the mw, and we went to the hospital.

I have some real issues with hospitals and with my first section I was sick, vomiting for 24 hours afterwards, so I begged the mw to let me just have him in the car in the er parking lot. Of course that wasn't a real option and we ended up with an emergency csection.

Afterwards the OB laughed at me and said "well you'll never have another vaginal birth, let alone a HOME birth!!" because it was a second section. I wanted to choke her. She was so nasty!!!!

Well, I did go on to have more vaginal births, and gasp, HOME births!!! My #8 was 11lbs 8 oz born at HOME!!! I had 2 more vaginal, natural hospital births after that too!!

It just goes to show there are a lot of people, doctors included, who are nasty about natural child birth.
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  #22  
July 8th, 2013, 01:29 PM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I just have to say that the way I read the original post.. (I didnt read replies) It seemed intended to comfort the mother by saying she considers what she had to be a natural child birth even with interventions... So maybe take some comfort in that... that even though things went wrong and things had to happen to get your baby out, it can still be viewed as a natural child birth... I dunno
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  #23  
July 9th, 2013, 02:35 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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Oh my. What a mess. Some people don't understand that natural childbirth isn't always about the pain or "feeling" birth. Most women who have epidurals "feel" the births of their children. Natural childbirth is about allowing your body to do what it is a normal physiological process without intervention. I have had two natural births and two vaginal births with medical assistance. My inductions, with meds due to pre-e, and my epidurals were not natural because my body did not introduce those things on it's own. But I am not ashamed of my interventions, and I am thankful to the medical assistance I received because I needed it. What many women don't understand is that every birth is not a medical emergency. Birth is actually very rarely a medical emergency. But saying that you had a natural birth just to be able to say it when you didn't is a lie. Some people care too much about fitting in with a certain crowd. Some people do judge others. Moms are the worst and we are so critical of each other, it's disgusting. Own up to the birth you had. Make choices that you are confident in. Do not live your life apologetically. And support your friends in the choices that they make even if they are different from yours.
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  #24  
July 9th, 2013, 06:39 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~~Que~~ View Post
Oh my. What a mess. Some people don't understand that natural childbirth isn't always about the pain or "feeling" birth. Most women who have epidurals "feel" the births of their children. Natural childbirth is about allowing your body to do what it is a normal physiological process without intervention. I have had two natural births and two vaginal births with medical assistance. My inductions, with meds due to pre-e, and my epidurals were not natural because my body did not introduce those things on it's own. But I am not ashamed of my interventions, and I am thankful to the medical assistance I received because I needed it. What many women don't understand is that every birth is not a medical emergency. Birth is actually very rarely a medical emergency. But saying that you had a natural birth just to be able to say it when you didn't is a lie. Some people care too much about fitting in with a certain crowd. Some people do judge others. Moms are the worst and we are so critical of each other, it's disgusting. Own up to the birth you had. Make choices that you are confident in. Do not live your life apologetically. And support your friends in the choices that they make even if they are different from yours.
Hear Hear! I had something similar written up but felt like I was way too hormonally charged when I wrote it, so I deleted it Well put!
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  #25  
July 18th, 2013, 10:46 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I personally don't care what anyone else thinks of my birth. It's about me, no one else. In glad medical care was available when I needed it, but I am heartbroken by my birth experience. I simply could not call anything I went through natural. Even being in the hospital was upsetting for me. I had a beautiful birth center birth with my youngest son and wanted that one more time and that was taken from me because of my health. I am still upset about it. I cannot redeem the experience because this was our last baby. I am happy my baby and I are healthy and safe but that is separate from my birth experience an nothing will change that.

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  #26  
July 18th, 2013, 11:47 AM
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I have read through bits and pieces of both threads. I am sorry it got so ugly.

I have had 12 homebirths - one awful hospital birth.

I have heard the "I didn't want to focus to be the pain and not my baby" a million and one times. I will never get that one. Mom and baby are doing it TOGETHER - right? At least so I have thought, 12 times over.
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  #27  
July 19th, 2013, 11:58 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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This thread is a couple of weeks old now, but I wanted to let you ladies know that your frustrations about some of the comments made in that thread were very validating for me. I read through that thread when it was posted (we were road tripping and I was killing some time creeping in other DDCs - ours can be slow some days ) and was really hurt by the same comments referenced here.

I'm a stb FTM. I am a huge believer in NCB and am planning to go that route. I've been reading books, watching documentaries and otherwise educating myself about birth for a couple of years, since before my dh and I were even ready to start ttc. I truly believe that it's the best path for me. It can be really hurtful when people make comments about being glad that you failed, or that imply that you're stupid or crazy or a snob if you choose that route. I'm planning to a NCB because I believe that I can and because I believe it's the best choice *for me*. I've had to abstain from talking much about my birth preferences in some circles (not my DDC thankfully - they're fantastic ) because I don't want to deal with the eye rolling or the scoffing or the sarcastic, defensive comments from other people - and it makes me really sad that ANYONE has to feel that way about their personal birth choices.
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  #28  
July 20th, 2013, 12:05 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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^^This is going to sound awful...but it's kinda fun after you have already had a NCB. Because people's negativity becomes almost validating of your abilities. Them "Oh wait til you feel those contractions...you'll cave" You: "oh, I've done it, I love it and powered through them" Them: Oh, why would you want to feel that pain?" You: "Oh, the feeling of euphoria right afterward is so worth it, all those endorphins rushing in. It's unreal." Etc. I think it's hardest for FTMs, they get so much negativity and assumptions because they "haven't done it." But it's like saying I can't have an opinion on car ownership simply because I've always leased. Stooopid! Lol. It's all so sad, the opinions of others on your own desires.
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  #29  
July 21st, 2013, 03:37 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OT: ashj, your kids are GORGEOUS!

My experience when talking about birth has been that people want to make me feel ridiculous for having had a natural childbirth with my youngest son and preferring that. But if you explain WHY you are glad you did it, they get defensive and think you are judging them. But you aren't. They are judging you, and you are just sharing why you made the choice (since they are expressing they don't "get it'). It doesn't mean you think their birth choice was wrong. But some how they makje the NCBing mama feel like SHE'S the judgmental one. Saying why *I* choose NCB is NOT saying people who choose otherwise are wrong. Yet the ppl who act like that's what you are saying are the ppl who outright tell you you are crazy for your choice... (I guess they are just projecting when they say YOU are the snob...)
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  #30  
July 21st, 2013, 04:33 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alittlelost View Post
My experience when talking about birth has been that people want to make me feel ridiculous for having had a natural childbirth with my youngest son and preferring that. But if you explain WHY you are glad you did it, they get defensive and think you are judging them. But you aren't. They are judging you, and you are just sharing why you made the choice (since they are expressing they don't "get it'). It doesn't mean you think their birth choice was wrong. But some how they makje the NCBing mama feel like SHE'S the judgmental one. Saying why *I* choose NCB is NOT saying people who choose otherwise are wrong. Yet the ppl who act like that's what you are saying are the ppl who outright tell you you are crazy for your choice... (I guess they are just projecting when they say YOU are the snob...)

That's exactly it. It pops up in other areas too (I've also gotten it for expressing a desire to EBF and cloth diaper) but birth is definitely the most emotionally charged one. If someone else had/plans to have an epidural (or uses sposies or feeds their baby with formula), it really doesn't matter to me or affect my view of that person as a woman or a mother. I don't think mamas who don't choose NCB are "less than" or that their births aren't as legitimate or that I'm superior in some way because I am choosing NCB (assuming all continues to go well, of course). We all make the best choices we can for our own realities and preferences. It's not a competition.
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