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Does your partner support your choice?


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
August 3rd, 2006, 04:15 PM
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My husband would really rather I plan on a medicated birth, and get an epidural the minute we get through the hospital doors. He has a hard time seeing me in pain and feeling helpless, and considers it unecessary since there are drugs to prevent it. He doesn't get my wanting to do it drug-free, of course he wasn't in my body after the birth of our 2 epi babies waiting for the feeling to come back to my lower half, feeling out of it and sleepy. He just remembers me crying during our 1 natural birth and not being able to stop my pain. He doesn't get that it wasn't all that bad or I wouldn't want to do it again.
I'm curious about how the rest of your partners feel about your choice - are they completely supportive, or leaving it up to you, or fearful as mine is...?
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  #2  
August 3rd, 2006, 05:00 PM
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My DH was very supportive and proud of me for my decision. I know he would have supported me either way but I know he's glad that I didnt get an epi and have to worry about the possible side effects. He figures that its my body and me going through the experience so as long as I wasnt putting myself or the baby in danger he supported any of my decisions.
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  #3  
August 3rd, 2006, 07:53 PM
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my dh told me he would rather I have an unmedicated birth when I was preg with our first. It was because of his research that I began to look into natural birth. He wanted me to have my first at home and I was too chicken! So he is behind me 100%. He would also be the first to tell you taht if we or our midwife thought anything was amiss, that we should go to the hospital right away, and trusts my intuition about my body and the baby.
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  #4  
August 3rd, 2006, 08:35 PM
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My hubby was very supportive. His Mom used to be a midwife back in the hippie days
He would be supportive either way, but he is also a worry wart and wouldn't go for a home birth.
He joked that I did so well with my daughter that I had probably done it several times before
It's so great to have a supportive partner...
Good for you Picklesmama for sticking to your guns... it's gotta be a lot tougher for you! Even though I am sure he means well...
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  #5  
August 3rd, 2006, 08:42 PM
mom2daniel+ethan's Avatar Emma Jayne's Mom too!
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My DH is very supportive! (I am planning an unmedicated hospital birth (Bradley Method) so my only concern is that I will run into nurses who are less than supportive) We both agreed that having an unmedicated birth is the best for a healty baby and healthy mom!!
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  #6  
August 4th, 2006, 12:42 AM
chlodoll
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Ive talked about it with DH for future pregnancies and he isnt really down with it lol I think he is just nervous and scared for me since he saw how much pain I was in with Isaiah. I think he would also be scared that he wouldnt know what to do or be able to help me.
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  #7  
August 4th, 2006, 08:13 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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Jamie's completely supportive.
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  #8  
August 4th, 2006, 09:33 AM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Iniitaly my DH was NOT supportive lol. Now, he is. BUT - it took introducing him to it. Hes a "fix it" guy. LIke most men And he functions best off of #s and statistics.

His only experience with childbirth was his mom, sister, Sister in law & his sons mother. His mom - all medicated births. His sister - all medicated births. His SIL? all cesareans so obviously medicated. His son - induced, she got an epi ended up with a CSection.

He thought I was bonkers!

But - I showed him the studies, the statistics, videos of the differences in natural birthed babies & medicated babies, and it wasnt long before he was a NCB Advocate himself lol. I joke that Ive turned him into a MONSTER! He even ended up being opposed to U/S's esp the 4d one after looking at all the research lol.

Even though he was supportive, though, i knew hed have a tough time with dealing with me in labor - so we got the bradley books & were in the bradley class right now. Now - hes so passionate & adament about it that he really would prefer to see me go naturally - he knows its possible, lots of women do it just fine, and the baby has a better outcome. So - he now sees its his responsibility to help me through it for the sake of his daughter

If you knew how he was a year ago - youd be really surprised though

Lala...
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  #9  
August 4th, 2006, 11:15 AM
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my hubby was completly supportive.. he doesnt trust medicines or hospitals.

heck... he has had 2 tooth extractions without freezing.. so he is a tough non-medictated guy too!!
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  #10  
August 4th, 2006, 08:02 PM
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my husband is a lot like yours where he hates to see me in pain. I can understand where your DH is coming from, if there is a way to fix it and make it better they want to do it. By nature they are our protectors and can you imagine how helpless they may feel?! But that aside, Jeremy is totally supportive of whatever decision I make with this as long as it is in a hospital. I had some major complications with our son, and it freaked him out so a home birth with this one is out the window. He did say that depending on this one goes maybe we can try a home birth the next time around.

While he is really supportive, he is feeling a lil bit akward when we went to our Childbirth Collective class last nite. They teach you all about doulas and midwives and natural birth and so forth, its a once a month class. Well they taught some relaxing moves for when you are in the last stages of labor and one of the things was the artimas move (sp?) in yoga and the way that you make your sounds. She said to make your voice low and vibrate and to feel how that relaxes you. Then she had us do it and do our typical pain shreik that would normally come out when we stick ourselves or something and she told us to all feel what our vaginas felt like.....lol there were only about 4 men in the room....they were all kind of lost....he is all about getting a doula now bc of the active participation that he may have ot take a part in....lol he is more of a watcher than a doer.....cant fault him for it, he is honest......
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  #11  
August 4th, 2006, 09:01 PM
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My Dh is completely supportive.

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  #12  
August 6th, 2006, 12:27 AM
irishxrose
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When I told DF that for our next child I would go un-medicated he looked at me like I was crazy and then proceeded to tell me that I would chicken out. I've got some work to do with him...
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  #13  
August 6th, 2006, 04:19 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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DH is 100% behind me. I think what helped the most was having a doula with #1 - she was there to advocate for me and just support us both. She was awesome - she didn't just jump in and do things to reassure me, she guided DH so he could do it, and gave him suggestions so he could feel like he was helping me in some way. It's so hard for guys to not be able to "fix" the pain! She would say things like: "Ok, she's not liking to be touched right now...why not just stroke her hair gently so she knows you're here?" He did, and AHHHHHHH. It was so relaxing!

So for babies #2 and #3 he was more prepared, he remembered all the things he'd done before. With #3, we had a home water birth with a midwife. He was a little worried about the safety of it all, but I did my best to give him all the research I could find. He swallowed his fears because he knew it was my dream, and he knew how much I hated those hospital births...even though I made it med free. I hated having to fight with the staff over my preferences, I hated being poked and prodded all the time for no reason, and I mostly hated being told what to do and when to do it! I just wanted to pay attention to my body and go with that. So we stayed home and he couldn't believe the difference!!!! The birth was quiet and calm. My recovery was a whole new experiene - no swelling, no tears, hardly any bleeding. It was HEAVEN.

So with #4, cash is more of an issue. I was all set for a hospital birth, because our insurance covers that and tried to put my dreams of another home birth out of my head. He is the one who convinced me that we could find a way to stay home again. He was like, "No way are you going back there if you don't need to! You were so calm and relaxed at home, we are definitely doing that again! I've already started saving up...so stop about the money."

*sigh* I'm just so crazy about him.

Shawna
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  #14  
August 6th, 2006, 07:21 PM
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With my first, my then dbf was afraid for me, unable to understand why, worried for my health ( ) and completely left me to my own...

After the birth of our first, and the fact that the doc told me how no meds in my system gave our little gal - who had a hard start, the BEST start possible - my now-dh perked up and began taking notes.

With our second, he was well educated and a great supporter- knowing how much his support was appreciated and his welcome hands were needed during my first birth. He took pride in knowing he could give me comfort that no medical person could.

With the twins, he was my biggest advocate - standing up for me against the naysayers, rooting me on, keeping me focused and helping me work through a new set of uncertainties that we then had to face with multiples.

So now, he is my biggest fan, and my biggest advocate. I love him to death and he is as much a birth junkie and NCB advocate as I am... sometimes even moreso as he is not afraid to offend someone to tell the truth about medicinalized American childbirth practices.
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  #15  
August 8th, 2006, 11:17 AM
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My Dh has been acting supportive, but I don't know how he really feels. Often he tells me he is supportive, but that usually means "I will try and be there for you, even though it scares me to death." I think he doesn't know what he is going to do about helping me. When I told him I wanted to go natural he said that was fine, it was my decision, but I think he is really scared.
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  #16  
August 8th, 2006, 04:00 PM
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My DH wants me to do this the 'natural' way. We would get a midwife and have a home birth if we could afford it, but we cant so we have to use the hospital. It wasnt his idea, but when I told him that it is what I wanted to do, he is very happy that I want to give our newest baby the best start that I can, and that is with a natural birth with no yucky meds to make it sleepy and breastfeeding. I didnt have natural with dd, I had the epi last minute, but I did breastfeed for 10 mos.
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  #17  
August 8th, 2006, 04:24 PM
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My husband is supportive, but if someone's isn't then get a doula for sure!!! You won't always be in sorts to fend off the interventions and if hubby is always trying to get them you'll probably end up with them.
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  #18  
August 8th, 2006, 05:51 PM
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My husband is very supportive. But he's not the reading, researching type, so he just goes by what I tell him. I'm glad he trusts me so explicitly, but sometimes I wish he was more proactive (not complaining, though!)

We did not end up doing ANY type of birthing class before our first daughter's birth. I felt educated enough (in retrospect I now know how much I didn't know) but I know he felt very overwhelmed by the situation (seeing me in pain and not knowing what to do to help.) We are almost done with our Bradley classes now and although we're not as dedicated to practicing as we should be, we both feel infinitely more prepared. We will have a doula, but Gunnar doesn't feel put out-- he understands what she'll be there for and in what ways she will support HIM, too.

I'd highly recommend the Bradley classes as a great way to encourage a Dad into a coach's role. I think it appeals to their "fix-it" side. There's also a book called "The Birth Partner" that is about HOW to be just that. I can't imagine being in their shoes, really; especially if they're going into it without any "tools" for helping the woman they love and adore.
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  #19  
August 9th, 2006, 12:00 AM
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My husband was very supportive. For my 9 hrs of labour he was supporting me every step of the way. When I was in the bath tub, he was pouring water on my stomach. When I was walking around the house, he'd rub my back during contractions. When I was sitting on the toliet (completely increases the pressure!!!!), waiting for my last CM, he was on his knees infront of me hugging me while I nearly bit off his ear. lol

Needless to say, we are getting a birth pool next time.

My DH is great!
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