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Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
October 5th, 2006, 10:35 AM
*:Onei*Chan:*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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In my most recent Bradley Method Class, we discussed and watched a video about having children at your birth. I wanted to hear some thoughts or experiences about having your children attend your births... at home, birth center or at the hospital. For me, even though Isobelle will only be 18-19 months old, I know I want her to be there. I want her to know a little bit about how we got this new baby, not just bring it home and expect her to understand why we have him. I know that some say it is traumatic for a child to see a woman giving birth, but isnt it traumatic for them to just completely not understand where it came from or how it got here, or why it is getting part of his/her attention? Just my thoughts, now I wanna hear yours!
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  #2  
October 5th, 2006, 01:03 PM
wonderfullymade's Avatar Doula & MW Apprentice
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My 6 year old and 3 year old will be attending this birth. There is no way I would do it any other way. If I only had my twins (2 years old) I would have them there... but there is no way I can relax with my 4 drama queens present. lol!

I believe that labor and childbirth is part of life and we are doing our children, especially girls, a disservice by sheltering them from this event. Childbirth used to be a women-of-the-family affair and it was known as a rite of passage, a means of bonding, a time of celebration, and a time of learning. We have taken that out of our culture and it is no surprise to me then that our children, we, our mothers, even most of our grandmothers have a skewed view of sexuality and our bodies.

My dd is SO excited to be there and cut the cord, my 3 year old dd is so excited to 'kiss liddow Sanders'. To me, I am giving them a gift. The gift of witnessing life and the knowledge of their body - positive sex education.
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  #3  
October 5th, 2006, 01:45 PM
abigailsilva's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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well, I don't think birth done right is traumatic at all, yeah, mom hooked up to wires and monitors and needles writhing in pain, not cool. In my case we will be at home and my DD will be almost four, I will have someone there to keep her occupied, she will be free to come to me when she wants to, but not if she doesn't want to. she has also watched homebirth movies with me and DH. SHe LOVED them, it was so funny.
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  #4  
October 5th, 2006, 01:57 PM
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Well be having my son, who is 7, at the birth - during labor hell be in/out as he wants, and then hell be there for the birth & will cut the cord.

So - no previous experiences except a LOT of people I know have had their kids there, and Ive yet to hear anyone say they regret it

Lala...
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  #5  
October 6th, 2006, 03:44 AM
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I don't want my boys there,I don't think they will handle seeing me in pain too well but I know they are very likely to see me give birth as I am likely to give birth VERY quickly and it will take a while for the babysitter to get here.Im also having a homebirth.
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  #6  
October 6th, 2006, 09:38 AM
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Not having kids I can't say anything for sure, but what better way to help your children understand that childbirth should be awe inspiring and not feared? I think if kids want to be there and you will be okay with them there it ought to be that way. How better to teach our daughters what they are capable of and our sons how to support their future partners?
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  #7  
October 6th, 2006, 03:32 PM
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I think it is ok at a certain age. I was 3 when my parents had me in and out of the room for my sister's birth. They said I was scared/worried (mom was going natural). Then I was 6 1/2 at the birth of my brother. And I remember being really scared, because "mommy's face kept turning blue"-pushing(also natural). Then I was 10 at my other brother's birth, and I thought it was awesome! I have seen 2 other births after these, and enjoyed them also.
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  #8  
October 7th, 2006, 08:55 AM
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While I agree that having your child at the birth can be a great experience for you (and them), you have to also think about how well your 18-19 month old child will understand what is going on. Will she understand why you are in pain or why you can't hold her or why she can't sit next to you all the time? We were going to have our daughter (who is 12) at my birth and the midwife brought up that the more people (including children) that you have at the birth, the longer it can take. She said that on average, you add an extra hour to labor per additional person there. Hopefully you have another family member that can watch out for her in case the going gets rough.
I realize you've probably already considered this. Just my thoughts. I hope you and your family have a great experience. =)
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  #9  
October 7th, 2006, 12:45 PM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was also going to add that she may be too young at that age, and it might be more upsetting for her to see you in pain if she doesn't understand what is going on. I would say you know her best and if you think she can understand what is happening a little, it might be okay. But if she really doesn't know what is going on I think it will be more distressing, and may stress you out to see her upset.
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  #10  
October 7th, 2006, 04:48 PM
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I do not intend on having my daughter in the room while I labor. I do however want her there for the actual moment of birth. My DH will be in the room while I labor and my MIL will be out in the lobby or where ever and they will be invited in when the baby begins to crown.
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  #11  
October 10th, 2006, 04:21 AM
Katherine Sarah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think its great all you ladies are having natural home births, i really respect you all for your approach and view of childbirth :-)

When it comes to having children view the birth, for me personally i would only feel comfortable if my child was at a certain age where they understand what is going on, the process (to a certain degree, i dont expect a 7 year old to understand all fine details), the thought of having my child scared and worried about me during such an amazing time i think its unnecessary and so once they reach an age where they understand whats going on and what will happen and when i think they are strong enough to manage such an emotional time, then i would be more than happy to have my child present.
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  #13  
October 11th, 2006, 08:15 PM
abigailsilva's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Without many exceptions, children will percieve normalcy as whatever you say it is, if you act like birth is a natural beautiful thing, that is to be enjoyed and celebrated, I don't think your child will think different. Remember, they've never watched those terrible birth shows on Discovery Health LOL! I don't think my child will worry about me being in pain, because i don't think of contractions as pain and don't use that word, if I clench up and grit my teeth during labor, my child might see that and think pain, but, i won't do that, because that will make it hurt worse and negatively effect my labor. I will just relax and breathe, I do however believe that a lot hinges on the setting. For instance, at my house where my birth will take place, if DD isn't comfortable or just doesn't feel like watching, she doesn't have to, she can go play with her toys or watch a movie or play with the babysitter who will be there with her.

Sorry I rambled a bit, DD will be almost four in feb when the baby is born at home and I guess I am still working out a lot of my reasons and choices in my head....
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  #14  
October 12th, 2006, 07:16 PM
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Don't know if you are interested, but I just posted our birthstory and it talks about our experience with our children (all at some point and the two eldest for the entire time) at our most recent birth.
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  #15  
October 13th, 2006, 06:37 AM
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I dont know what my plan is yet. I have two DD's, one is 15 years old and the other is 15 months right now will be 19 months when I give birth. As I dont live close to any of my family, it will take about an hour for someone to get to the hospital if they can come at all, I may have no choice in who is in the room. I would like for DD1 to be there but dont think she could handle it. If she can come and watch the baby, in and out of the room as she chooses, that would be good. If she wants to sit in the room while I labor thats fine. If she wants to sit in the waiting room thats fine too. I think in the end I will leave it up to her but I know I do at least want her at the hospital no matter what room she picks. I would really like her in the room when the baby is born though. She has no desire to have children of her own, says she will adopt, so part of me is afraid this could put her off even more LOL. Especially if its anything like it was when I gave birth to her. I want DH with me at all times of course. As for other family members I would like my Mom and MIL to be there in and out during the labor but when its delivery time I want just my husband and possibly dd1 if she wants. For me its a personal private intimate time and I dont want a roomfull of people there. I want my Mom to be there to see the baby immediatley after he/she is born as she has never experienced that. Even when having her own kids, lol. Back when she had us they just knocked the mom out! Imagine that?? Going into the hospital in labor and being put to sleep then waking up to be handed a baby? INSANE.
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  #16  
October 13th, 2006, 07:15 AM
abigailsilva's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I understand the feelling! HTe way birth has been done for most of this century IS insane! I just finished a project on it actually, it really makes me hate doctors, but does help me to be more patientm when people act like I'm insane for wanting a natural in my home birth. Doctors have everyone thinking birth is such a scary dangerous thing, when, if educated, it is so beautiful and perfect.
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  #17  
October 15th, 2006, 07:49 AM
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We had our four children there when Maddie was born. They also watched me labor some too (when Cody wasn't down here on the computer, lol). When I was in labor with Joshua, Paige was almost 5 and I explained to her then what mommies belly was doing and why. None of the kids have ever been scared. They are little nurturers and will try to help mommy feel better (minus Cody at this age). I was told afterwards by Elijah that he didn't know the baby was going to come out of my peepee, lol!! I should have probably told them that ahead of time!

Cody thought it was gross.

Paige and Elijah thought it was cool and neat.

Joshua just got mad at me!


Birth is such a natural thing and I think it is ridiculous to treat it like some kind of illness you have to be hospitalized for. I want the kids to grow up knowing that this is normal.
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