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Why is everyone so negative?


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
October 17th, 2006, 05:26 AM
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Everyone who's found out I'm pregnant keeps going on and on about how I'm going to neeeeeed an epidural. Reading one or two books and they're very anti-natural, especially for first births ("because you have no idea what to expect"). I almost feel sheepish to admit I'm going to attempt a natural birth.

I figured the best place to come for reasurance that I'm not deluding myself is here!
I'm not naive, I know there's going to be pain, it's not going to be a cake walk, but I'm not going to resolve myself to a drugged up birth just because it's my first!

Ugh....sorry, just needed to vent a little.

Thanks ladies! And hello, since I am new here.
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  #2  
October 17th, 2006, 05:49 AM
momma6_2angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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What you do is inform them about how beneficial natural is compared to drugged up. Tell them why these meds are not safe. Tell them why you are choosing this route. You should imagine all the crap people gave me for wanting to do a homebirth!
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  #3  
October 17th, 2006, 06:26 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I completely agree with Azure, people are just sooo negative when it comes to your choices and your plans. Unless you do like they did and what the general public considers normal, then its not ok.

i just stop telling people what we've planned on, especially since we aren't preggo yet, but my fam knew i had been researching alot of it, so we had been talking about it more, and some people were awesome, and some weren't at all.

many of my friends, i'd say about 8 at this point scheduled sections and tell everyone its the ONLY way to go and will keep doing it that way.
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  #4  
October 17th, 2006, 07:59 AM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I totally hear you on that! When I would tell people I was going natural and doing hypnobirthing they practically laughed in my face! "Hypnobirthing is a bunch of crap", "it won't work", "you'll be begging for the epi...trust me", "don't be a hero," and I could go on forever. I just really had to stop telling people when they would ask and completely shut out everything they were saying. Everyone comes at you with their "horror stories" and virtually no one is supportive.

Sad thing is, it doesn't end there. When you do have your baby and have your natural birth you continue to get the comments--"You must have had one of those easy labors," "if you had a labor like mine you wouldn't have been able to do it," etc.

Next time around no one is getting any information out of me! From how I plan to give birth to what the baby's name will be. There's always a naysayer to rain on your parade.

Just know that women have been birthing babies naturally for centuries, your body was designed to do this, and you CAN do it! If you start having any doubts check out our birth stories subforum--we all did it!
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  #5  
October 17th, 2006, 09:00 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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keep on preaching jen!!
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  #6  
October 17th, 2006, 09:07 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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by the way, it makes you wanna say back "no but you would have had the birth i had, if you had less interventions..."
i mean i havent' had birth, but you know, the rest of you could say it!
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  #7  
October 17th, 2006, 09:22 AM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have run into the same thing. It's especially a downer when my own mom has told me a couple of times to just have the epi, and she even had 3 natural! I know she had some form of medication, but I think for her the insurance wouldn't cover an epidural, so since I have good insurance her idea is, why not?? I just don't like the idea of being drugged up and I am very much into natural medicine anyway.

I am curious though, if some women do have easier labor than others, or some naturally have a higher pain tolerance. I have also heard contraction pains described differently.. some describe it as like really intense intestinal cramping, and others like intense period cramps. I would like to know what all of your experiences were, for those who have already had children.
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  #8  
October 17th, 2006, 01:29 PM
abigailsilva's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I so feel you, it makes me nausous how hard society tries to scare women out of BIRTHING NATURALLY. With the exception of back labor, i.e an OP baby, the body works in the same way... From what I've read recently there are two muscles in the uterus that must work together to create productive contractions. If you are scared, or fighting it in any way, the muscles work against each other rather than with and actually CAUSE pain...i truly believe it's all about mindset. I refuse to use the words labor pains...I don't think I'm being punished for anything, and I think everything my body will do in february is natural and beautiful and wonderful....

So for all the nay sayers, i want to go RIDICULOUSLY "overdue" to freak em out, and then I want a ten pound baby! None of that, well, you must have had a small baby......
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  #9  
October 17th, 2006, 01:52 PM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
From what I've read recently there are two muscles in the uterus that must work together to create productive contractions. If you are scared, or fighting it in any way, the muscles work against each other rather than with and actually CAUSE pain...i truly believe it's all about mindset. I refuse to use the words labor pains...I don't think I'm being punished for anything, and I think everything my body will do in february is natural and beautiful and wonderful....[/b]
Yes!!!! That is absolutely true! With hypnobirthing, they don't even use the word "contraction," it's a "surge." I actually did a little test (with my BH and when I was in labor) to see if my focus and relaxation was realling making a difference and how it would feel if I fought against my body. All I can say is HUGE DIFFERENCE! When I was focused and relaxed and used my visualization my surges were very managable--it was uncomfortable but not painful (and this was during transition). When I tensed up, it HURT! Needless to say after tensing for one (for my little test) I had all the information I needed that the hypnobirthing was working and I did not do that again. Educate yourself, find a method you like and want to use, and don't listen to what everyone says. You CAN do it! My younger brother (my Mom's 3rd) was a facial presentation and she even did that completely naturally. I had an average sized baby (7lbs 5oz @ 37 weeks) but had I gone to term he would have been much bigger and that wouldn't have changed a thing. Call me nuts but I actually am looking forward to going further along and having a bigger baby next time (God willing).

ETA: I wanted to recommend a great natural birth book that my Mom gave to me--"Childbirth Without Fear" by Grantly Dick-Read. It's excellent!
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  #10  
October 17th, 2006, 04:46 PM
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YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Just remember, until a few years ago, ALL FIRST TIME MOMS HAD NATURAL CHILDBIRTH!!! I just went through it 2 months ago, and I think the key was totally trusting your body. Your body WILL know what to do. And in the tiny chance that something happens, that's what medical docs are for. They're not for the 95% of births that go right.

The book that made me so comfortable and happy and excited to have a natural birth was a Lamaze book whose title escapes me...it was recently published, not part of the old Lamaze philosophy... But the whole thing was so reassuring and completely about how your body was made to do this and that if you trusted yourself and allowed your instincts to take over, you'd be great.

The midwife and labor nurses at my hospital actually described my birth as beautiful and the OB on call (who wanted to give me pitocin because I was progressing at 1cm every 2 hours instead of 1 cm per hour!!!) was amazed at how calm I stayed. I trusted myself and my body, even though it took 20 hours and yes, those contractions hurt! What got me through was my mom (and two sisters and husband for support!) who kept reminding me that at the end was a baby! I wasn't just getting beat up for no reason!

You will need support though. For me I thought I'd just want my husband, then I wanted my mom, and then my 2 sisters were there and I just never wanted them to leave. If you're alone in the bed and your spouse isn't very supportive or helpful, it makes it easier to cave in to pressure from the docs. I'm normally a pretty private kind of person (I wasn't looking forward to all those pelvic exams from strangers!) but I wanted LOTS of people there to help me. And since the nurses didn't stay in the room, they just basically came in to adjust the stupid baby monitor (ugh, even at only 20 minutes of monitoring per hour) and check my dialation, I needed every one of my support people.

Do hypnobirth, do lamaze, just do a lot of reading if you want. Whatever feels right to you. Those people who are being negative to you are totally distanced from their bodies and don't realize how powerful and capable they are.

Have a great birth!!!
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  #11  
October 17th, 2006, 05:50 PM
crunchymama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
am curious though, if some women do have easier labor than others, or some naturally have a higher pain tolerance. I have also heard contraction pains described differently.. some describe it as like really intense intestinal cramping, and others like intense period cramps. I would like to know what all of your experiences were, for those who have already had children.[/b]
I do think that some people have harder labors than others and that some have ahigher pain threshold but I don't think that natural birthers have easier births and that is why they can "get away with it" as some would say.lol

I have had 3 natural births and one(my first) with a dose of stadol.
They were all completely different and honestly with my first I didn't need the stadol the nurse thought I needed it since i was just some young uneducated mother. (roll eyes here) My first's birth wasn't nearly as painful even before the stadol as my second. That was a really hard birth. The contractions were so bad and she hurt like heck coming out. My third and fourth births were much easier.
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  #12  
October 17th, 2006, 07:15 PM
Showbiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hate to do this, but I feel the need to remind you these words from LaLa:

Have a Plan A
Have a Plan B
Have a Plan C-section

I wanted to go au natural and ended up with - horror of horrors - a cesarian birth. I wasn't prepared to even THINK about a CS, and I'm still healing from what that (not being prepared) did to me mentally. Although I really want a natural VBAC next time, I will definitely keep it in the back of my mind (albeit in a tiny, tiny place) that there could be an eensy-weensy chance I'd end up with another CS.
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  #13  
October 17th, 2006, 07:51 PM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow, Im being quoted lol

i also had a really hard time with acceptance from others - and Im still fighting it. heck - see my latest thread lol. I STILL even have people telling me "oh wow - you had it easy - you had a quick labor". YEAH RIGHT. My labor with my first was so much easier, even though I had back labor with him too. This time - it was so intense b/c it was so fast, I could barely stay on top of my contractions. They started off back to back for the most part (well - they went from 40 mins apart to 2 mins apart - almost nohting in between).

Talk about tough. by the time I was convinced this was real labor, and not going to fizzle out - it was only 2 hours before she was born. Total labor about 4.5 hours. TOUGH STUFF! I never would have thought Id have been able to do it if Id have had a taste of just one contraction before hand. But - i never once begged for drugs, or to go to the hospital, or anything... even though EVERYONE else (family especially) said I would.

My greatest fear was something going wrong that would necessitate some sort of intervention I didnt want - be it a hospital transfer, drugs of any kind, etc. But - esp after that Birthing From Within class I took, I realized, yes... you do have to face those fears & the what ifs. I think knowing that Id be ok no matter what helped me, and in the end gave me a greater sense of accomplishment.

And yeah - people still tell me im crazy, I must have had it easy, blah blah blah. Screw em. And when they tell you youre brave (with that sarcastic tone & the "look")... just look them back in the eye and say - NO - YOURE the brave one for taking the risks that come with drugs. Im a wimp. lol.

I used that line many times when people would tell me how "brave" i was for doing it at home (interpretation: crazy, risking everything, etc). Id just say "well, youre a lot braver than I am for goign to that crazy hospital - that scares me more than any amount of labor pain".

((((hugs))))

Hang in there - youve got support here

Lala...
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  #14  
October 17th, 2006, 09:00 PM
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I understand your fears. I have had one other medicated birth and I so don't think I needed it! I feel like I was being pressured from all sides- except my Dh who told me he would support me no matter what. I stupidly had tons of family there and they were all wanting me to get an epi. So I did. I also got scared thinking it would be very painful. I hope I am not being naive this time around, but honestly, looking back, I remember how well I relaxed and focused before I got the epi. Yes, they hurt, but I feel like they didn't hurt that bad because I remember being told to focus on a focal point. When I did that, my mind shut off and I didn't think about it anymore. I am really hoping it is the same with this one. I plan to use a hypnobirthing CD to help me prepare. I feel like we all CAN do this and that birth can be so much better than what I had. Not to mention- I do NOT want to push on my back again!! Why would anyone ever do that unless they wanted to?? The worst way to push I think.
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  #15  
October 18th, 2006, 10:59 AM
abigailsilva's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ditto! I keep visualizing this homebirth and I don't even want to THINK about my bedroom as part of the plan, cause I feel like I would lay on my back there, and I WILL NOT DO THAT! I wish there were more shows that showed women doing something other than the stupid laying down pushing thing, so wonder they all look like they are working so hard, THE BABY IS GOING UPHILL!
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  #16  
October 18th, 2006, 02:03 PM
MrsPil's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ditto! I keep visualizing this homebirth and I don't even want to THINK about my bedroom as part of the plan, cause I feel like I would lay on my back there, and I WILL NOT DO THAT! I wish there were more shows that showed women doing something other than the stupid laying down pushing thing, so wonder they all look like they are working so hard, THE BABY IS GOING UPHILL![/b]
I like to visualize my birth in my bathroom... IT's a tiny little room but I can just imagine it all candle lit and a good bit of warm water in the tub... Perfect! I think I need to go spend some time visualizing that, maybe it'll help my head straighten out from todays OB visit. Thanks, CoveredInMommy, I needed that!

BTW I firmly believe that meditating on your expectations of birth and visualizing the birth you want is a great way to block out other people negativity.
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