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my husband still doesn't get it!!


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
May 2nd, 2007, 07:35 AM
sprouthead's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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so this morning i was being wasteful. i was in my living room and i had left the tv in my bedroom on. well my husband walks out of the bedroom and "A Baby Story" was on and he's like "This is the one you should actually be watching" and proceeds to tell me that they were just saying that the woman on the show was "the only one to actually show emotion during her delivery" and it was a natural birth and she was in there screaming. and i was like "why do you want me to see that?" and he's like "because that's a natural childbirth and you should see how it is."

dh and i, i feel, have been over this soo many times!! he was initially against the idea of a natural childbirth because he was convinced that i wouldn't be able to handle the pain. so then we watched videos of women in medicated vs. natural childbirths and i've talked about how it's fear that creates pain and we've talked about strategies to use to help alleviate the pain, but then it's like one thing will confirm his initial thoughts and now he's back to square one! and it frustrates me because i don't like feeling like we're not on the same page, but i also feel like he's discrediting the research that i'm doing on natural childbirth when one thing that he sees on tv nulls everything we've talked about!

has anyone else had a hard time getting there significant others to support them with a natural childbirth?

and i can't afford a doula- even the ones in training around here cost more than i can afford.
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  #2  
May 2nd, 2007, 08:20 AM
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I feel the same way except we're in different positions. I, as the father, am the one pushing for natural childbirth and my gf is the one who thinks I'm just talking about "hippie" stuff.

I recommended EPO to ripen her cervix and she immediately rejected it and told me it was BS. Then when I got upset with her and told her that she would end up with an epidural in her back and be on her way to C-section with her attitude, she got upset at me.

It's really difficult to get people on board with you when you believe in something.
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  #3  
May 2nd, 2007, 08:21 AM
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i've been pretty lucky, my dh has become very supportive. at the begining tho, he was pretty much like are you crazy! if you don't take the drugs i'm going to! but that again was pretty early on. i think i did so much research and talked to him about it so much that he really started to understand why i want to do things that way i am. (the way WE will) i tried very hard to get him to understand that he will be as much a part of my being able to do it with out drugs as anything. i needed him to support me.
give your dh some time, and remind him that you are doing it for your baby.
oh and one of things i found out thru talking was that it wasn't as much that dh thought that i couldn't handle the pain, as much as he was afraid that he couldn't handle me BEING in pain!
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  #4  
May 2nd, 2007, 07:33 PM
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I had the same troubles & a lot of it was b/c my DH had a son from a previous relationship - medically managed birth, everything that could go wrong went wrong (induced, pitocin made high BP & low heart rate, ended up in a cesarean for failure to progerss & for fetal distress, infection from the cesarean, 10 day hospital stay, you name it).

We did Bradley classes & reading the bradley book really helped him esp with the pictures & the videos they have in their classes.

Lala...
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  #5  
May 2nd, 2007, 08:38 PM
*PurpleMidnight*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was lucky and dh supported my decision with questions or arguments. I told him Im not putting anything unnatural in mine or the babys body and that its been done for hundreds of years without pain med
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  #6  
May 2nd, 2007, 09:36 PM
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My Dh wasn't on board at first either. He had seen my first medicated birth and figured that is how it was supposed to be. He kept wondering how I planned to do this and what he was supposed to do when I was in pain- he is wonderful, but SUCKS at massaging! I finally told him that whether he believed I could do it or not, he needed to support me. The ONE thing he could do to support me was to just encourage me. He was like "When you start screaming for drugs, what do you want me to do?" I told him to not listen to it, but to tell me I was almost there, since I would most likely be in transition if I was begging for something. My labor was only about a 2 hour transition so I never did ask for drugs. But every moan or noise I made he continued to tell me how great I was doing, etc.

It might help your Dh to know that you MIGHT scream, you MIGHT hit that stage where you are asking for drugs. Everyone is different. I didn't think I would scream, but as soon as the baby was getting ready to crown I SCREAMED and shocked myself! I never thought I would do that. So he needs to know that that may happen, but isn't necessarily a bad thing. That the bast thing he can do it just encourage you no matter what. And if you ask for drugs, that he is to tell you that you are ALMOST there. Good luck on your birth!
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  #7  
May 3rd, 2007, 08:25 AM
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Thanks everyone. I wrote a birth plan in which i wrote things like "no induction/ introduction of medical procedures unless medically necessary" and had dh read it. he was like "well, what if you change your mind? then wont the drs be like "well, you wrote only if medically necessary" and i was thinking "they're not going to hesitate to perform a standard medical procedure just because of what i wrote in my birth plan" but i explained to him that given all of the stress that this little guy has had in his life already, i think it's important not to introduce anything that may make him less alert or require any more medical intervention than necessary, because i really feel that he's going to need skin to skin contact and to be breastfed as soon as possible once he's born (he has a chance of coming early) and i don't want to do anything that may make that less of a possibility. he seemed to understand that. i just worry that i'm going to go on, thinking we're on the same page again, and then in the hospital he's going to start siding with the drs again (if it comes down to that, which it may not).
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  #8  
May 3rd, 2007, 11:30 PM
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I hope he comes around! I am lucky. My DH is just like "Whatever you want". I do wonder how he will handle me being in pain and he can't fix it, but I figure by the time I get to that point we will almost be done. I have asked my mom to be there as much to let him take a break if he needs it as to be my support person. I got the 'Husband-Coached Childbirth' book from the library and I am going to make him read it, so hopefully that will help some.
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  #9  
May 4th, 2007, 09:45 AM
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I'm having a midwife-assisted homebirth, and it took a bit of convincing for my dh to be completely supportive.

My labour experience with our daughter was a fiasco. I was induced, (which automatically terrified me, because I'd never heard anything but horror stories)...made to feel like a helpless idiot by a witch of a nurse (beyond witch...I should have written a letter of complaint about her), and then completely drugged up on demerol & entonox. I was so stoned, I had no ability to cope with the pain of contractions, was not allowed to change my position because of the fetal monitor (flat on my back for 5+ hours), and ended up having a wicked anxiety attack. I had begun to hyperventilate, and the nurse actually YELLED at me. "Slow down your breathing!!" Yeah...because I was doing that on purpose.

Anyway, dh felt strongly that my distress would have been worse if I did NOT have pain meds. I've convinced him that, in my own environment, my anxiety level would be far less. We have both also attended two homebirths (our neices), and now that he understands the quality and efficiency of midwifery care, he's changed his tune almost completely. I'm adamant about the fact that the demerol & entonox completely killed any ability I would have had to cope, and the awful, awful drunk feeling that lasted for hours after my daughter was born is a memory I wish I didn't have. The pain is going to be there whether I have drugs in my system or not, so I'm keeping them out this time.
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  #10  
May 4th, 2007, 06:12 PM
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My BF says he'll support me, but he still makes those stupid comments about how I won't be able to handle it..

We'll just have to show them, won't we!
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  #11  
May 4th, 2007, 07:06 PM
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Tell him every time you have a contraction you are going to grab his bits and sqeeze really hard until your contraction is over. See who cracks first. I can bet he'd be on the floor crying before you are halfway done! (J/K!)
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  #12  
May 4th, 2007, 09:20 PM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Actually, my DH is the opposite. He wanted me to try natural childbirth from day one. He was totally against me getting an epidural. I was mad at first, but once I saw I could do it naturally (well, as natural as you can be with an induced labor), I knew that I would never want a medicated birth.

I'm sorry your DH is being so rough on you and trying to "scare" you. I think NCB is a wonderful birth option, and I'm glad that you've chosen it. In the end, it's totally up to you how your birth will go... not up to DH. Just keep that in mind. While he's there to support you, it's all about you focusing and getting the most you can out of your own childbirth experience.
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  #13  
May 5th, 2007, 06:15 AM
MrsPil's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Tell him every time you have a contraction you are going to grab his bits and sqeeze really hard until your contraction is over. See who cracks first. I can bet he'd be on the floor crying before you are halfway done! (J/K!) [/b]
Hehhehehehe, that's ##### hysterical! And frankly a great way to make guys understand. To bad it can't be implemented!
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  #14  
May 5th, 2007, 07:06 PM
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I'm adamant about the fact that the demerol & entonox completely killed any ability I would have had to cope, and the awful, awful drunk feeling that lasted for hours after my daughter was born is a memory I wish I didn't have.[/b]
I had pethidine with my first & she ended up being rushed off to the NICU because she had complications associated with the pethidine.
I was offered a wheelchair down to the NICU (different floor,) but I refused & walked MYSELF there with no nurse or mid, & due to the pethidine that was still in my system, I was like a drunken staggering mess.
Not nice just after you've had a baby, & certainly not nice when you need a clear mind because your baby's been taken to the NICU.
That said hubby never left babies side. As they were taking bubs away I ordered that he go with them & stay with her no matter what & he did.
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