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I was stumbling across the internet and I found this little "parody" I thought you might enjoy it!
Hello, I am your friendly neighborhood dentist. I have come upon an amazing discovery! I have developed a formula to estimate the "due date" of baby teeth! No longer must we rely on the happenstance of nature to decide when your baby teeth will fall out. My new system can estimate tooth due dates to the very day of tooth loss! There is a two week window on each side of the tooth date, of course, since everyone is different.
Why, you ask? Well, since most people's baby teeth come out in an average length of time, it must be bad that some people hang onto theirs for so much longer! There are probably grave complications, like a higher incidence of braces and cavities (even though we haven't really done any studies... but we're dentists, we're qualified to guess!). There is a social stigma, too. By the time you get much past your tooth date, you're really ready for your teeth to come out.
I have also designed a system of interventions to protect us from retaining our baby teeth for too long. If a tooth goes overdue, we will prescribe a home routine of "self-tooth wiggling", along with a natural mixture of sugar and high acid foods, to encourage the tooth to come out "on it's own". If that doesn't work, you can come into the office, and we will hit it, one time, with a hammer. That usually gets things started, but if the tooth maintains its position in your mouth, we will grab it with a special tooth pulling instrument and gently rend it from your jaw. In rare cases, if all the above interventions don't work out, we will have to put you to sleep and surgically remove the tooth in a simple and harmless procedure that causes severe harm to so few patients that we really don't need to go into that at all.