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I guess I was just in a cheeky mood because I thought this first appointment was priceless!
When we got there, the nurse, DH and I went into the room. She asked all the standard questions, even though I just filled out their standard form. She got worked up about my lack of records even though we told her our family doctor got the results and things were fine.
Her "Well that doesn't help us if we don't know that." We told her the other lady at the front desk was getting it from my family doctor. (She was still worked up about it.) She then asked me if my last period was Oct. 9th. I said that sounds about right. I told her I have a calendar at home but knew my due date was July 16.
Her "Well, sometimes we calculate it differently than just family doctors." (Yeah, cause it's an exact science! LOL!) DH interjected that he was positive it was Oct.9.
Her "you were trying?"
Me "Oh yeah. I have a calendar, I was temping.." ((cut off))
Her "Were you on fertility drugs?"
She asked me if I was taking Materna (Centrum prenatal brand.) I said no. Then she asked if I was taking another brand name I didn't recognize and said no.
Her "Are you taking any vitamins?"
Me "Of course."
Her "Well, do they have iron?"
Me "No. My iron levels are good."
((horrified look of terror on nurse))
Her "well, what are you taking?"
Me "Oh lots, Vit E, C, folic acid, Omega 3-6-9.."
Her "Well, your chart shows you're taking vitamins."
Me "That's because I am."
((look of disapproval))
Next she checks my blood pressure. Of course the first number is a little high.
Her "Looks like we have to monitor that."
Me "I'm sure it's just first meeting jitters."
((look of disapproval))
Her "Well, next time we have to a swab on your anus and vagina." I just shrugged my shoulders.
Next I meet my ob, one of a possible 12 I might get when I actually go into labour! LOL! He comes in, we shake hands, joke around a bit, tells me he is one of 12 doctors on a 24 hour shift rotation at the hospital. Idle chit chat about what my family doctor did or didn't include in my file.. Then asks me if I have any questions.
Me "Well, I have hired a doula. I was thinking I'd like a waterbirth. How do you and your team feel about it and do you think the hospital will allow it?"
Him "Well, I don't know why you would even want a water birth." He also wasn’t sure about me even bringing in a rented tub. Luckily he was beeped by someone else, came back and confirmed that wasn't an option because "the floor of the maternity ward can't handle the weight of the water."
Me "Well, I hope the take that into account when building the new maternity hospital the government is talking about."
((look of disapproval)) Him "It's just not a good idea because we can't see what is going on and if you have a shoulder birth, we have to get you out and it just makes it complicated."
((smiling and nodding from me))
Him "So you want to do this naturally?"
Me "That's what we are planning."
Him "Famous last words."
Me "Well, I hope for the techiques of hypnobirthing to work. I took a seminar and have been practicing every night."
Him "Well, if we can get an epi in, you have a way better chance of having a good c-section in case you have to have one. That drug doesn't go to the baby. But if you wait, we have gas you, that does go to the baby and puts you at a higher risk because you're asleep."
((smiling and nodding from me)) (I mean at this point I'm trying not to laugh.) Him "The only other option is a midwife." I told him that I checked into them but they aren't covered by health care. I said I spoke to my MLA about it too. He seemed to understand.
Him "First time deliveries are harder and you'll likely tear. We have to look at that and... It's just best to have you where we can see you in case we need to stitch you up."
((smiling and nodding from me)) I don't know what came over me but I had to say to him...
Me "Well, my mom's birth with me, and I was the first, was super easy but it probably had a lot to do with her being strapped down and pumped with drugs, right?" I couldn't help it. He was too busy reading my chart to acknowledge what I said in any way. Apparently he is going away so we meet in another three weeks, then weekly after that. He definitely just wanted to get to the next patient so I thanked him for his time.
Dh was really disappointed. He said that this is the most vulerable time for a woman and the OB just brushed me off. Dh said he couldn't believe it. We both agreed, why would a person even get into this industry if they really cared about the patient? Dh felt it was about the doctor's job, not a family bringing a child into the world. (I mean I have saying this for the last nine months.) It was awesome having DH there, educated and wanted to be informed. I was really thankful for him to see first hand why I disagree with the medical field's approach to this.
He measured my stomach, and listened to the heartbeat and never mentioned if things were normal or anything about it. Also both the nurse and the Dr. were absolutely adamant than I feel for 10 movements in 2 hours. There is no other way to tell if the baby is ok, they were very strong willed about that - we must do it now!!!
Oh my! I'm so glad that you will have your Doula and DH there for support and to be your advocate if needed. With my last baby I saw a practice of OBs, I think there were 6 or 7. There was one that just completely lacked any bedside manner and thankfully he wasn't the one who delivered my baby! I had never even met the Dr that delivered Evelyn, but she turned out to be amazing, literally just sat on the bed next to me, told me to push when I felt the urge and didn't even wear scrubs or anything. It was a fantastically relaxed experience. So, I hope that the other Dr's in the practice might be more in tune to your wishes and listen to you rather than brush you off!
My insurance doesn't cover midwives in network, but they do on an out of network basis and we figured out the cost and because she is half the cost of a hospital delivery after my deductable and co-insurance it was cheaper to use her!
Alison - Mom to: Augustus (2) Maximus (3) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (12) Christopher (14)
I'm getting sad about it the more I think about it. I feel like I'm being punished for learning about birthing. If I would just sit, shut up and do what they want when they want it, things would just smoother. I know that isn't right but right now I just feel like the whole world doesn't understand. Like all those naysayers are right. I know that's not right either but man why does this have to be this way? Why can't the baby and mom be part of this teamwork?
I'm getting sad about it the more I think about it. I feel like I'm being punished for learning about birthing. If I would just sit, shut up and do what they want when they want it, things would just smoother. I know that isn't right but right now I just feel like the whole world doesn't understand. Like all those naysayers are right. I know that's not right either but man why does this have to be this way? Why can't the baby and mom be part of this teamwork?[/b]
Oh Michelle, I absolutely 100% know how you feel This is how I felt the first time I met my backup OB when he talked to me like I knew nothing about birth. The one who told me birthplans were stupid....
I totally agree with you that they don't see it as a mom and baby, they just see it as a job. And who doesn't want to make shortcuts, more money, less time for their job? This is a total rip-off society that is controlled my greed & money
**hugs** just lock yourself in the bathroom...LOL!
Thanks so much! I feel lots better today and fired up! Here's what my doula said then what I said to her:
Welcome to the world of medical birth. We are going to be in sooo much trouble, that is if we can keep from laughing. Remind me to bring my computer to show you my pictures of birth in Calgary hospitals. It includes water birth which the Obs choose to ignore.
Also, I want to ask an anaesthetist if drug levels have been done on babies after their mothers have an epidural and if the level is dependent on length of time the epidural is in place.
Did I tell you I am spending the weekend in Vancouver, then will be home for the summer. Will call you next week. Hugs,[/b]
LOL! Well, I'm so glad I have you and DH who understand. I can just see the three of us making eye contact throughout the birth, nothing said but all of us knowing what we are thinking! Have a great time in Vancouver and thanks for the confidence Elaine. It really means the world to me. I can't imagine DH and I having to do this alone.[/b]
Stay home as long as possible!! That way they can't say oh you have been in labor too long, time to drug you and cut you. If your water breaks at home, don't tell them what time for sure. If you wait 8 hours to go to the hospital after your water has broken, tell them it has only been a couple at most. Make them keep their hands out of you. Also don't allow an IV-you don't need one for labor, they will tell you that you do, but you don't.
If you decide to labor or birth in the tub, do it. Have dh or your doula fill the bath tub and get in. Take a water thermometer with you and make sure it is a safe temp. They can't make you get out if you are already in there. This is your birth not theirs. Do what feels good to you. If you want to get out of bed, get out of bed. If you don't want the monitors on, take them off. If you want them to leave the room while you labor, tell them to leave.
Write up a birth plan. Post signs on your door and make them put some in your chart requesting that they do not ask you if you want pain meds. Make lots and lots of copies of these cause they will probably 'lose' them or misplace them over and over again. Also remember that they work for you, you do not work for them!!!! You are the one in charge!!!
You can and will have the birth you want!! It sounds like you have a great support team.
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I am a stay at home mom. We home school, cloth diaper, co-sleep, breastfeed and we don't vaccinate.</span>