Log In Sign Up

Unsupportive People


Forum: Natural Childbirth

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Natural Childbirth LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
February 29th, 2008, 08:20 AM
*JustDani&B*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,185
Send a message via AIM to *JustDani&B*
I'm not very far along; right at the end of my first trimester. However, I've already been thinking about labor and delivery. I have very set ideas about how I want to go about having my baby, but every time I talk to my support system (dad doesn't have an opinion and says do whatever I feel is right), it feels like i hit a brick wall of opposition. I know that there are instances in which medical intervention (inducing, c-section) are necessary and I'm open to that if one of those instances stand in my way. I would like, though, to have a vaginal delivery using only mild pain medication if I feel the need... and let my labor start when it wants to. I have several friends and an parentlike older adult that are important voices in my life, that have had both scheduled c-sections and scheduled inductions. I'm opposed to this for my own delivery, but sometimes I feel they act as if they "know what's better" because they have been through it already (I have not) and when the time comes, I won't care how it's done as long as the baby is out of me. I disagree but am not entirely sure how to handle these overwhelming opions without hurting anyone's feelings. Any suggestions?
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #2  
February 29th, 2008, 09:06 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NH
Posts: 10,622
I think a lot of us have run into people like this who automatically assume that you're being idealistic and that you will never go through with having a natural birth. When I was pregnant nearly everyone I told I was having an unmedicated birth told me that I would change my mind when the contractions began. I even had several people whose only words of advice were "get the epidural as soon as possible". I usually just told them I was going naturally and waited for them to try to talk me out of it, which almost always happened. Then I would smile and tell them that unless something completely went wrong I was certain of my decision and knew I could do it. I realized this was a personal choice for all moms but I was very annoyed at how much people seemed to WANT me to take drugs. It was almost as if it would make them feel better about their decision to take the epidural or other drugs. If I were you I would tell them that you know it's a personal decision every woman has to make but that you have made up your mind and truly believe you can do it naturally. Hopefully this will back them off you a little bit.

*HUGS* I know how frustrating it can be.
__________________

Huge thanks to Jaidynsmum for the beautiful sig!




Reply With Quote
  #3  
February 29th, 2008, 09:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,052
that sounds like every single person i have encountered. well except for one girl at work who also does natural childbirth, that was SO refreshing to hear soem actual encouragement! well besides dh, he is awesome. but most of the time i get "you'll never make it" or "get the epidural" or even "i think its stupid to not get an epidural". argh. sometimes i feel like i am swimming upstream.
__________________
<div align="center">




</div>
Reply With Quote
  #4  
February 29th, 2008, 11:10 AM
*JustDani&B*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,185
Send a message via AIM to *JustDani&B*
Quote:
that sounds like every single person i have encountered. well except for one girl at work who also does natural childbirth, that was SO refreshing to hear soem actual encouragement! well besides dh, he is awesome. but most of the time i get "you'll never make it" or "get the epidural" or even "i think its stupid to not get an epidural". argh. sometimes i feel like i am swimming upstream.[/b]

You both hit the nail on the head. That is exactly how I feel when I tell people. It's gotten to the point where I'm almost ashamed and scared to talk to anyone about it due to the backlash. My main concern with epidural is the lack of movement. I'll be honest, I'm a bit of a control freak. Especially about my body... I refuse to take most medications that change my mentality or physical body unless absolutely necessary. I hate feeling so different form my everyday norm. I'm sorry, but having a doctor shove a catheder in me because I can't walk to the bathroom bothers me. I'm tired of being nagged because of it. I also want to be able to move around and switch postions etc. In my minds eye, when you commit to and take medications, you become a medical patient instead of just a laboring woman. Women have been giving birth for a VERY long time without the use of medications... if they are not necessary, why use them? Just my thoughts. I'm glad the whole breastfeeding thing has become more popular the last few years; I've caught nothing but praise on the decision to breastfeed. I know that used to be kinda taboo.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #5  
February 29th, 2008, 01:43 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SW FL
Posts: 8,785
You can do it! I was going natural with my first but due to being 42 weeks and low fluid, I had to be induced. I dealt with it. I was in induced hell for 3 days unmedicated, I was determined to prove that it can be done even with pitocin (let me tell you pictocin is horrible, so try to avoid it as long as not medically needed). Unfortunately, my baby became way to stress and I was knocked out for an emergency c/s. Even tho I had a c/s, I am so proud of myself for getting all the way to 10 cms, for laboring for over 72 hours without meds. I heard every comment under the sun when I was preggo with #1. I ignored everyone negative and focused on the positive. I was determined with #2 to be all natural VBAC. It wound up being another c/s for reasons beyond anybody's control. Yes, things do happen, but don't dwell on them. Altho, I have to say, please educate yourself on everything (inductions, c/s, GD etc) because I did not, so I had NO IDEA what to expect with an induction and a c/s.

Focus on you and your baby and bringing your baby into this world. Yes, things happen and you might have to have an induction and/ or c/s but if you are educated on procedures and your rights, you can know much more than the average mother does.

I am totally for natural birth and support moms 100% because that is what is best for baby. I have to have c/s, I am so bummed about them, but for my baby's to get here alive and well, that is what I will have to sacrifice to have them here. Stay strong and ignore negative comments! GL!
__________________
Leann <3 Hector
My trio: Alyssa 7, Tristan 4.75, Gavin 1.5

I am a mixture of all that and a bag of chips... IJS



Rest In Peace Jennifer <3



Reply With Quote
  #6  
March 1st, 2008, 04:22 AM
*JustDani&B*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,185
Send a message via AIM to *JustDani&B*
Thanks for the words of advice and encouragement eyeryone. I'm sure the negativity will continue to bother me but all I can do is ignore it and keep my positive attitude. I'm sorry to hear about your CSs Leann. But it's nice hearing you be so accepting of the fact that it was necessary for you. And way to go on reaching 10 cm!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #7  
March 1st, 2008, 06:11 AM
1shortmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 31,538
Send a message via AIM to 1shortmomma Send a message via MSN to 1shortmomma Send a message via Yahoo to 1shortmomma
I pop in and lurk here from time to time.
I have given birth 4 times. 3 were natural, 1 I got Stadol. I MUCH MUCH MUCH prefered going natural.
My 3 natural deliveries the labor was short. I won't say the pain wasn't there but the thing to focus on is that it is temporary. Think of each contraction individually. If you focus on how much father you have to go then you will freak yourself out and feel the need for meds.
With my now 2 year old I gave in to the constant pressure of the nursing staff and got a dose of Stadol. Almost immediately after being given the Stadol I was too tired to keep my eyes open. I ended up falling asleep until it wore off. When I woke up I found out that my contractions had completely stopped. I was 7cm and the hosp said I couldn't leave at 7cm dilated. So after waiting several more hours for the contractions to start back up I allowed the Dr to break my water and start Pitocin. I had been at the hosp almost 24 hours and this point and was ready for the baby to come. I did not want to sit there for who knows how long with my labor stalled. The nurses kept trying to talk me in to getting more pain meds or an epi and I refused. I felt that the Stadol is what caused my labor to stall out. I didn't give in. The pitocin mad the contractions bad (I agree with the above poster that said to avoid it if possible). However, I did not give in to the epi or more pain meds.
My first 2 pregnancies I did not intend to do it naturally. Just happened because they were premature babies and it was too late to do anything by the time they decided my labor would not stop.
My last 2 pregnancies everyone told me I would never be able to go natural and that I was crazy for trying and that I was too small to give birth naturally (I'm 4'9 and about 90lbs before my last preg). I just had the attitude that "I'll show them".
Best of luck to you. If you are determined it is possible! Don't let people talk you in to something you don't want. I am completely against inducing or doing a c-section just for convenience and planning purposes. I know that sometimes it is medically needed for the baby (high bp, low fluid, etc) and in those cases I see the point but not just so the mother is less miserable. Good luck!
__________________
~ Renee ~


Reply With Quote
  #8  
March 1st, 2008, 07:59 AM
Shades of Grey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 10,759
I have some trouble being supported in this decision too. My husband is great and will be a wonderful support while in the hospital talking to the dr and nurses. Im also kind of a control freak... = ) and dont like the idea of being stuck on my back in the bed unable to help move him into position and help labor progress. That is my main reason for choosing to go natural. Most of my family says you wont care once you are there. (No, Im pretty sure I would always care) Most people look at me like im insane when I say I don't want the epidural and tell me what a difference it makes. I always feel like I have to defend my position.

Im only days away now from delivering my first child and its gotten pretty hard and scary to keep all those comments out of my mind and remain confident. I find myself coming to JM looking for reassurance! Im nervous and a little scared, but I know that this is the right choice for me. Its the only way to be able to participate the way I want to in my childs birth.

I can do it, so can you!
__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for my awesome siggy!


I am peace, full of unconditional love. I am confident and in tune with the Divine, receptive to guidance.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
March 1st, 2008, 08:47 AM
*JustDani&B*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,185
Send a message via AIM to *JustDani&B*
Quote:
I have some trouble being supported in this decision too. My husband is great and will be a wonderful support while in the hospital talking to the dr and nurses. Im also kind of a control freak... = ) and dont like the idea of being stuck on my back in the bed unable to help move him into position and help labor progress. That is my main reason for choosing to go natural. Most of my family says you wont care once you are there. (No, Im pretty sure I would always care) Most people look at me like im insane when I say I don't want the epidural and tell me what a difference it makes. I always feel like I have to defend my position.

Im only days away now from delivering my first child and its gotten pretty hard and scary to keep all those comments out of my mind and remain confident. I find myself coming to JM looking for reassurance! Im nervous and a little scared, but I know that this is the right choice for me. Its the only way to be able to participate the way I want to in my childs birth.

I can do it, so can you![/b]


Congratulations, Ashleigh! And good luck. I'm so glad you have at least one supportive person there for you (DH.) It's a very uncomfortable position to be put in by the people you care about but it nice to be able to come to a place like this and get support from other people that understand exactly where you are coming from. Good luck with your delivery and I hope you come back and share your story; I'd love to hear!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #10  
March 1st, 2008, 10:57 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NH
Posts: 10,622
I know it's not always easy but try to ignore those people Ashleigh. You are an amazing, strong woman who has made a beautiful decision to birth your child naturally. You are so right that you can do it. YOU CAN DO IT. Pain is temporary and when you hold your alert, gorgeous baby that first time you'll know exactly why you did it and know without a doubt that you made the right decision. I am soooooo excited for you! You are going to do great!
__________________

Huge thanks to Jaidynsmum for the beautiful sig!




Reply With Quote
  #11  
March 2nd, 2008, 05:19 PM
Shades of Grey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 10,759
Thank you! It really does make a difference to be able to come to JM and know that you arent the only one and other people know how you feel. And to boost your confidence! I need it, I cant believe its so close!
__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for my awesome siggy!


I am peace, full of unconditional love. I am confident and in tune with the Divine, receptive to guidance.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
March 2nd, 2008, 07:11 PM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Offutt AFB, NE
Posts: 19,799
Send a message via AIM to frgsonmysox Send a message via MSN to frgsonmysox Send a message via Yahoo to frgsonmysox
I get the same thing. From everyone, but my husband. No one can understand why I would "purposely subject myself to pain"... it gets rather old, but it's a great motivator. I HAVE to succeed just to shut them up, lol.
__________________
~Beth~ Wife to my Airman Chris, and mommy to: Anthony Nathaniel (8/31/04), Anastasia Fae (8/01/06), Baby C (lost on 10/12/07), David Cillian (7/31/08), Charles George (4/29/10), and Alan Christopher (2/22/12)





My BLOG - A Day In The Life of a Freg (it's a little bit of everything!)
Reply With Quote
  #13  
March 5th, 2008, 10:50 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: VA
Posts: 3,621
I had that type of response from many people with my first pregnancy. It was very frustrating and actually angered me until I just learned to let it go. What really got me is when MEN would scoff at my decision to go natural. My DH was and is of course very supportive. Most people really just thought I was crazy and I wouldn't be able to do it. I was so glad when I could come back after having Owen and prove them all wrong! I'll be going natural again this time and this time if anyone says anything I'll be able to shut them up with the fact that I've already done it once.
__________________

Thank you leecat for an AWESOME siggy!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
March 5th, 2008, 12:58 PM
Girl_interrupted
Guest
Posts: n/a
When I talked about having 100% natural birth with my first, I just ignored the naysayers. Occasionally, I'd say something about women giving birth without drugs for many thousands of years... and I was no different than them or that I wanted my baby to be awake to breastfeed and not put into a sleep with the drugs that cross the placenta. I'd leave it at that. My baby, my body, my birth.

Good luck.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
March 6th, 2008, 03:49 AM
Lotsakids's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,391
~*Big Hugs*~ hun Not having support is the pits

I am such a stubborn thing that I don't think that any of my family would be game to challenge my way of doing things (anymore ) That said my SIL bless her is a natural birther too, & my other SIL whom is also one of my closest friends has looked into natural birth too. So they are very supportive. My sister had a pit induced labour & had pethidine only. Her labour was really really hard She was made to stay on the bed & not move & although she asked to get onto her hands & knees to deliver, because of the continuous fetal monitoring, she was told that it was too hard to unattach & re-attach everything. So she was made to push in the lithiotomy position, & ended up with a nasty vertical tear Her delivery still makes me feel sad

The older generation is kinda split

I told my Mother that I am birthing this child at home under the kitchen table (I wouldn't really, it's to unsanitary under my kitchen table with 4 children!!,) & she barely blinked. Actually she took me seriously & asked if I would mind getting someone like my sisters MIL, (she's an ambo,) to be there *just in case*. KNOCK ME OVER WITH A FEATHER! I actually said it for the reaction I was waiting for the tyrade, but honestly these days I think that she just knows how strong willed I am (& how much I will go ON & ON about WHY I am doing it THIS way,) that she just lets me go without a word

I live in an area where natural birthing is still a very normal way of life. The local hospital is very rural & does not offer epidural. (They have spinal for emergencies & for sections.)
__________________


Mama to -
DD15, DD14, DD12, DS10, DS5, DD2

Evelyn Isobel is here! Born - 2nd November 2013
Reply With Quote
  #16  
March 6th, 2008, 12:07 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SW FL
Posts: 8,785
Quote:
I live in an area where natural birthing is still a very normal way of life. The local hospital is very rural & does not offer epidural. (They have spinal for emergencies & for sections.)[/b]
That is awesome! Every hospital should be like that. I hate that so many people rely on a epi. I would give anything to have my babies naturally, but my body goes into labor way to late and I already had one stillborn, not gonna risk that again. People just don't understand what kind of drugs are put into the baby. I have been under general both c/s and they had the baby out before any kind of drug could make her drowsy, that is one of the reasons I am glad I had general instead of the spinal.
__________________
Leann <3 Hector
My trio: Alyssa 7, Tristan 4.75, Gavin 1.5

I am a mixture of all that and a bag of chips... IJS



Rest In Peace Jennifer <3



Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:11 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0