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Hi, my name is Shauna and my DH & I are currently TTC. I’m an obsessive researcher and began researching the kind of birth I want about 6 months ago, before we began trying. I was amazed at what I didn’t know. And not just because I wasn’t pregnant yet, but because it’s information I never heard from pregnant family members or friends, either because it is not readily handy for most women or really, that many women don’t search it out.
I had always been interested in water labor, which once I learned more about it turned me on to wanting a full on water birth. DH was supportive with that since he saw a waterbirth on TV over 10 years ago & decided then that it made perfect sense to birth in that fashion. Of course, waterbirth means med-free birth. When he realized that DH thought I was crazy for choosing to deal with the pain when I could easily have an epidural like everyone else, but he was continually supportive. However, he wouldn’t really read anything I gave him (web links or books I purchased like Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth) or information I obtained from a local midwife. As you know, choosing this option is a lonely one when all of your peers are getting epidurals at 3cm (with or without pain!). I was getting upset foreseeing that in talking with others about our choices he would just be rolling his eyes, like “yes, that’s my crazy wife, but I’m supportive”. I didn’t want him to just be supportive, I wanted him to believe in the choices we would make. I want him to be a full partner in learning Bradley and Hypnobabies pain management methods.
Then over the past 3 months we’ve had 4 friends give birth. All of the sudden he is making comments and I see that what I’ve been saying has been creeping in. We’ve talked a lot about the dangers of induction and pitocin, and how those often can lead to the baby’s distress and in turn a c-section.
Then last night we watched The Business of Being Born. He stopped the video many times throughout to ask me questions. It really meant a lot that he was so inquisitive. I was also touched that despite it being difficult for him to watch actual births, it ended up bringing him to tears 3 times because (as he told me) for the first time he could really fully picture us having our child. It was no longer just a desire, he could visualize the process. He was particularly interested in the fact in the movie that a chimp will abandon a baby who is taken out via c-section. He appreciated the natural love cocktail that natural birthing provides in ocytocin and other hormones, and told me that even for that reason alone he believed in a med-free birth because he would not want to deny me creating the strongest bond possible with our children at birth.
I swear I fell more in love with that man last night. He is still scared of the homebirth option, but since we plan to waterbirth he knows without a doubt we will not be in a hospital. Perhaps when we finally get pregnant, meet with some midwives, tour the 1 small free-standing birthing center we have here, he may be more open to homebirthing. He did say that the homebirths in the movie seemed so much more peaceful than the hospital ones. He’s already shown me that although he needs time to adjust to new ideas, when presented with the information he can wholeheartedly accept it.
In fact, after watching the movie he spoke with his mother who is an LVN and was very passionate about all he has learned about the birth process. I couldn’t be more proud and excited to have a child with this wonderful man.
Anyway, I’ve learned a lot from you ladies, as I have been lurking here since last summer. I’m happy to finally join you and look forward to doing so even more when I get pregnant.
Welcome Shauna!!! I'm so glad you have decided to join us! Your husband sounds like an amazing man. I think it's wonderful that he finally gets it and is being so supportive. It truly is a blessing to be married to someone who understands you. I can't wait to get to know you more and hope to hear that you are pregnant soon!
Welcome! Since I have had my daughter I am kind of bad about posting, but I love it when people get the birth they want! My DH was very "whatever you want" about the whole thing until we actually had Tanith. Now he is such an advocate! Anytime anyone even mentions babies and birth he is telling them how awesome the midwives were, and how great the waterbirth was. You'd think it was him that gave birth! Isn't it awesome when the daddy is the daddy and not the just a bystander? I hope you guys get a BFP soon!
Thanks Shauna! What PixieQueen said reminds me of how my DH was and is. My DH was pretty supportive the whole time during my pregnancy but now that Bryson is here he is even more supportive. He tells all of his pregnant friends and their husbands how dangerous it is to induce and warns them against other dangers that he has learned about. He is so filled with concern for them and their little ones. It's really sweet.
how wonderful!!! My husband has a medical degree and suggested I get a planned C section when we got pregnant. Long story short is he now wants us to do home water birth next time. He is so proud that I did it naturally, and that I breastfeed. It is possible!!!
Thanks gals. I do feel pretty lucky. As I said in the Cloth Diapering Board, I'm not even pregnant yet and am already turning into a mother I never expected I would be. Epis were always praised among my family & friends, yet I'm wanting a med-free waterbirth with a midwife. My own mother only nursed my sister and I for 4-6 weeks, yet I plan to nurse for at least 1 year. My parents were the CIO kind, yet I find that many things AP makes sense to my heart, like baby wearing, co-sleeping in the early months (especially for breastfeeding purposes), and cloth diapering. I'm so shocked already at the mother I'm turning into that it is even more of a happy surprise that my DH is right on the same page with me.
In fact, last week I received a cloth diaper (BG 3.0 OS) that I am giving to a friend who is interested in CDing and wanted to know about all I've been researching. When I showed my DH the diaper, how is works, how it's one size and will likely last throughout a childs diapering couple of years....he told me "Why wouldn't we CD?! It's better for the environment, will save us money in the long run, plus it's easy and looks cuter too!" Boy, was I a happy girl!
We've waited a long time in our lives to have children. Both our mother's had us at 18 and we both expected to have families in our younger years (we were with other people then). And yet here we are DH almost 38 and me almost 34 just planning our first. But it's amazing when things comes together as they should. I'm confident that we will be much better parents now than we could have been before, big thanks in part to my obsessive researching abilities! :-) Thankfully DH appreciates that crazy side of me.
Thanks again for the warm welcome! I look forward to getting to know you ladies better and definitely taking advantage of your NCB wisdom as we progress.
My DH was the same! He is 41 now (was just shy of it when Tanith was born) and thought he'd be done by now, not getting started! I am only 26, so I'm all for more! He's not too sure of anything past 2........