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Vent about my mother


Forum: Natural Childbirth

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  #1  
March 3rd, 2008, 02:11 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,777
I have only posted once because I am so early in my pregnancy and feel like lurking is more beneficial to me, but I really need to vent so I hope nobody minds. I was talking to my mom this weekend about my choice to use a midwife and te reasons behind it. Her advice? "Just take the drugs" I told her I didn't want to for many reasons, before I could even say what they are, she told me that she didn't have any negative side effects and neither did I, so she thinks I will be fine. She made me feel like an idiot for wanting to go natural. THEN, she proceeded to tell my that with my younger brother she had to go natural, and it wasn't that bad because you forget about the pain pretty quick. WTH?!?!? Arg! I thought she would be supportive, but I guess I was wrong. My dad also thinks it's nuts, but I am giving him a pass to be ignorant because my mom is the only person he has seen in labor, so he has a pretty crummy example AND he is male, so he just doesn't understand. Thank goodness DH is 200% supportive. I don't know about the IL's, but they don't matter as much to me. I think they will be supportive just because we think it is best and they respect that.
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  #3  
March 3rd, 2008, 07:48 PM
PixieQueen's Avatar Hi-Tech Hippie
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Richland, WA
Posts: 6,038
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Just smile and nod, then go ahead with the birth you want. I have a pin that says "Only positive stories please. My baby is listening." Maybe that is the best stance to take. In the end her beautiful grandbaby will be here and do you think she will care how? Nope! Good luck!
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  #4  
March 4th, 2008, 07:53 AM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 11,576
Our mothers generation had very different views, and my advice is 1) stick to your guns - this is your baby, you are the mother, she has mtohered her children 2) be prepared for this NOT to be the last battle like this, most mother/daughters have it lol.

Anythign that you do differently than her - she will likely take personal. If you dnot believe in having drugs, shell take it as an attack on her choices.. If you decide to BF and she failed at it or simply didnt do it (most of our mothers didnt, something like less than 10%), she will feel like you look down on her choices or that youre saying her choice wasnt good enough, your decision is better, etc. EVEN If youre not sayng that - most mothers, particularly our OWN mothers, feel like youre attacking them. Motherhood is one thing women take very personally.

So - you may also want to say to her that you arent criticizing her choice, but this is what you need to do FOR you. And that youd like her support. And telll her, if she cant be supportive, and non critical, then youd rather just not discuss it b/c its a vulnerable time for you as a first time mom. BUt that if she can be supportive, youd really like her support.

Ive got 2 kids, and even though my mother had 3 natural CBs - she still wasnt supportive - always critical. And when I decided on a homebirth with my second she went so far as to say "How DARE YOU be so selfish and put MY grandchilds life at RISK!".

Lala...
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  #5  
March 4th, 2008, 09:25 AM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: south eastern Mass
Posts: 13,088
ugh, it sucks that you have to go through this, and so early too. LaLa is right, it probably does seem like it's a direct hit at what she did, but just gently remind her that it isn't about her at all, it is about you and your baby.

I highly suggest getting a Doula if you can afford one. I don't know how much they run in your area. Mine was a godsend. I needed her even more than I thought I would, it was worth every penny.

My whole family is so proud of me for doing it natural, when all is said and done they will be too. You just have to be educated and stick to your guns. Personally I have a vibe about me that prevents people from giving me their crappy advice, I suggest trying to develop that as well. It's easier that way! heehee
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  #6  
March 4th, 2008, 09:57 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NH
Posts: 10,622
That really stinks that your parents aren't being supportive. Lucky for you it's not their decision. I totally know what you are going through. My mom supported my decision to go naturally but was so annoying and pushy on other things. She kept telling me to drink castor oil to get labor going, told me my 3 day old was spoiled, said I shouldn't let him sleep at all during the day because he would sleep better at night, and tried to convince me to get my membranes stripped even though I didn't want it. I agree that our parents come from a different generation but they really need to respect our wishes just like I'm sure they wanted their parents to respect theirs. *HUGS*
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  #7  
March 4th, 2008, 10:07 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,777
Thanks ladies, I'm so glad that people understand! I know my mom is just trying to be helpful, but it gets to be so aggravating sometimes. And the hormones definitely aren't helping.
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  #8  
March 4th, 2008, 09:56 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 136
oh i no how u feel when i told my mum i was having a home birth she said my 'god you'll never forgive your self if somthing happens' 'u cant do it theres no drugs' bla bla when i told her a few days ago bub was breech and we were having a home birth any way my gosh i felt like killing her the stuff she was saying id be hear all day telling you. but any way you no you can do it and if she isn't going to be supportive dont include her unless she realy interested and supportive. good luck i get it alot from other people but it hurts more when its from you own mother.
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