Needing encouragement

Jen71 · #1 July 29th, 2011, 02:42 PM

I'm starting to feel so reluctant about TTC. At age 40 it seems that it's going to be nearly impossible, statistically speaking. Then you add health concerns on top of it. I developed high blood pressure/ pre-eclamplsia with my second baby, and a whole host of physical aches and pains that were WAY more intense with my second at age 37-38 than my first at age 33-34. What's it going to be like at 40-41 if I can even get it to happen??? It's only my 3rd month of officially TTC after my m/c, and I'm already so dissappointed and questioning everything.

My co-worker is TTC at age 32, we were on the exact same cycle schedule, and she got her bfp this morning (2nd month trying) and I got af. I guess it has gotten me thinking. It's a good thing we didn't get a bfp at the same time for so many reasons, but it was still bitter sweet for me. I'm sure a part of it is that I'm still grieving my m/c and still having the "I should be pregnant right now" thoughts.

I just can't give up yet though, so I guess I just need understanding and encouragement. My DH is of no help, when I talk to him about it he looks at me like I'm crazy and reminds me that Madonna did it. (ugh)

thanks!

missy123 · #2 July 29th, 2011, 06:40 PM

There are a few different parts to your post. The first being your loss, the second being your age.

I am very sorry for your loss ((many hugs)). I had 4 losses so I understand the pain. Seeing your co-worker or even strangers pregnant at this point is so hard. It is a stab in the heart - like why them and not me? Why did I lose my baby and they are going on to have theirs? WHY? It is so hard. For over 2 years I had such a hard time even looking at a pregnant woman inside a store. There were many times I had to walk away to hide my tears. You want to be happy for your friend but it is so hard when you are dealing with your own pain and sadness. But do not feel guilty about it, it is a normal part of the grieving process.

Your age... I have 3 boys. I had them in my early 20's and while yes, this pregnancy is much harder and different on my body than 20 years ago it is worth every ache, pain, hurt, struggle as I am having the baby I desperately wanted. No one is to say that a new pregnancy for you would not be easier than your other. I am 42 and having no complications so far, were with my 19 year old I had partial placenta previa. Every pregnancy is different.

As far as the struggles with loss and lessened fertility we are here for you... The ultimate decision to keep trying is up to you. Ask yourself - Do you want another child?

BeckyM · #3 July 30th, 2011, 03:55 AM

(((Hugs))) Missy can always find those perfect words, and I can't add much except to offer hugs and say that we are all here for you sweetie. I've only been pg the 1 time at 35, so I don't have anything earlier or later to compare against as far as how the pg at different ages would be different. I did have the heartache of trying for months & months & months with no BFP. It was very hard at times to be happy for others while I sat on the sidelines. Even now at times it gets me down, and we're not even currently TTC. So here's huge (((((hugs)))))) from me to. Hang in there sweetie!!!!

latestartTTC · #4 July 31st, 2011, 08:38 PM

The others said it all very well. I can't add a lot of great advice, but just know you have a lot of support here. I hope it works out. Big hugs from me. I am very sorry for your loss and your stress over this decision.

Hannah

pepper73 · #5 August 1st, 2011, 04:42 AM

I totally agree with Missy & Becky. First of all, there are so many emotions that you have to face with just a miscarriage alone. When you add the age factor, it just seems to heighten them. I know exactly what you are going through with your friend who is pregnant and Missy is right...do not feel guilty for those feelings. They are totally normal and natural. Only you know what is right for you. I'm sorry your DH is less than understanding (although the Madonna comment was so out there, that I had to chuckle). It's so hard for men to really know what it is like. They definitely grieve when we have a loss, but it isn't the same. And there is no way for them to fully understand the inborn need we feel to have children. I think they see it as more of a want type thing. But, that is why we are here! We DO understand and are here for you!

*SamF* · #6 August 1st, 2011, 06:17 AM

Missy andBecky pretty much covered it.

I kno wit's hard, being older and TTC and even more frustrating when your older and TTCAL. I was 37 when we started TTC, I was hoping to pretty much be done with 2 kids by the time I was 40 (at least be giving birth when I was 40). But here I am at 40 and still TTC, with now hopes of giving birth when I'm 41.
I was feeling old, and worried about it, till I talked to my Dr. He's over 50 and he and his wife have been trying for 6 years with several m/c's for #2, finally at 45 she just gave birth to a perfect little boy. So I know it's possible.

pepper73 · #7 August 1st, 2011, 12:27 PM

Thanks for sharing the story of your doctor and his wife. It definitely does help ease the "I'm old!!" panic!

kayakr · #8 August 2nd, 2011, 06:59 AM

SamF -that is super encouraging about your Dr.

I love that and it makes me feel great.

Jen71 · #9 August 3rd, 2011, 03:41 PM

Thank you so much for your input and stories. (yay for the doctor story!!!!) It just helps so much to get it out, say it, know that you caring ladies are hearing it and get it.

I feel like I have to convince myself that I just don't care, just to be able to face each month, well, each day really. Maybe I just need to have faith that everything will work out as it should.